Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Self-control, actually, is something I excel at the same way Kuro-puu a blade and so, while the two men faced off, the air thick with tension, I stuffed all my fear into the back of my mind and tried to think.

I wasn't sure what was going on. Kuro-tan rushing into a fight wasn't exactly a strange thing, but this didn't seem like a mere exercise and the way that Ash…Yasha-ou had waited until we arrived at camp where the soldiers surrounded us, pressed us into a ring of men before drawing a blade… After all, he was the lord of every man here and I could taste their loyalty to him, the need, not to be commanded, but to show their love for their lord even if it meant drawing blood – someone elses' or, if need be, their own.

There was something I was missing.

Kuro-tan moved first, a swipe of the blade, but in an exact counter-move, like the sway of a flower to the breath of the wind, Yasha-ou pulled back, his sword flashed. By this time Kuro-puu was grinning, but his grin was more real than my own. My magic waited, waited beneath my thoughts and the reigns of my self-control as I watched the fight progress. Kuro-rin was sweating, but Yasha-ou was barely flushed. The men around us made no sound and so the sounds of the fighting were deafening and I wondered, baffled, at the soldier's watching expressions: calm, detached, academic…

And then, like that, the fight was over.

Yasha-ou had parried Kuro-tan's blade, pulled close as the other had retreated. Their faces were inches apart and possessed such opposing elements as seemed to strike a beautiful balance: a face of grinning battle-fever and a face of gentle repose. Then, as Yasha-ou's blade had pulled back for the final blow, Kuro-pin had ducked, and in a move perhaps inspired by our young Shaoran, he kicked the king's legs from under him.

Kuro-sama waited until the king had risen, then bowed.

And the king, to him, bowed in return.

I think I understood then what this was. I watched Kuro-sama approach. The other soldiers bowed to him, and more tellingly, he bowed in return. As his back was to the fire, I could not see his face clearly. Instead I turned to the king only to see him watching me.

Waiting for me.

It made perfect sense: for a country at war, in need of fresh soldiers, even strangers met at the side of the road would be given a chance. Of course, there would need to be some sort of test…

And how else to gauge a skill than to face the most powerful one in camp?

Kuro-rin was saying something to me. Perhaps it was more to catch my attention than to communicate, for when I had finally turned to him, he grunted and grabbed my hand. His hand was hot from holding the sword which he now pressed into my palm.

I stared at him and he turned his back to me, settled down beside the (other) soldiers.

He waited.

I stared at the sword in my hand. It hung there like a ridiculous thing, useless, heavy. I didn't know how to use a sword and even if I did…

I closed my eyes, then, saw in my mind's eye Celes, now empty, now lifeless, the snows pure and white falling all around, but in the castle, the man with the black, gentle eyes…

This isn't Celes, I said to myself, but my control was faltering. This is a mere soldier's exam. Show them a few macho moves – I'm sure I've learned something from Kuro-sama I could use (he is considerably macho-if not the most macho man in all worlds), get into the army, find a place for now, safety for now, until the children and Mokona could be found…

That's all this is, a wait between what really matters…

And…

My breath came faster, the stupid blade weighed my hand down.

And, even so, one day this will happen in Celes, it is inevitable. Think of this as practice. If I could at least raise a blade to him, perhaps, when the time comes I will not hesitate. I will do as I promised, I will…

"Fai?"

It was the king's voice, coming as my resolve struggled to harden, as my control became a porous, bleeding thing…

The king, the god, the man who was and wasn't, stood with his gentle face illuminated by firelight, by moonlight and he waited for me. All around us, the air was warm. The moon was almost full.

This is not Celes, I thought brightly.

I made no promises to this world, to this man and so I had nothing to practice, nothing to prove and I could relish that fact, not prepare for the end of a dream not yet ended.

I felt myself smile-and there was no control to the smile. It was real. I stepped forward as Yasha-ou raised his sword, and almost laughed at the gasps that sounded all around as I dropped mine.

As it clattered to the ground I knelt before the king, took the hand of his that gripped his sword and kissed, not the blade, but the soft, cool back of a human hand. When I peered up, Yasha's surprised look melted into a smile that took my breath and won my loyalty more than a blade ever could.

And as the king took my hand in his for the second time, as he helped me to my feet, and bowed his head to me, I realized that perhaps, in as simple thing as a kiss, I had won his approval, and perhaps along with it, whether or not I had intended, a piece of his heart….

To Be Continued…