Baby Its Cold Outside
Part three
The Great Emperor Jerry Springer
Carrying a bowl of popcorn, Kayura and Rowen headed into the living room, where Kento thoughtfully arranged the sitting area to occupy the nine guests. The salon was done in warm colors-cranberry walls and mahogany crown molding adorned the space. Richly grained cherry woodwork was used throughout; including the built-in bookcase which held Mia's treasured manuscripts and encased a 52" television. The house was inviting and ornate with the spirit of an old war library. You could smell the lingering scent of cherry tobacco from Mia's deceased grandfather's pipe. Kale and Sekhmet sunk into the café au lait sofa, kicking their feet up on the large leather ottoman. Opposite of the oversized sofa was another pair of matching tapestry chairs and a small oriental side table, a dim Tiffany lap sat upon it. A lavishly French style loveseat with walnut trimmings sat across from the chairs. Large pillows were scattered on the shaggy carpet in Moroccan style surrounding the ottoman should anyone decide to take the floor instead.
The room was immediately filled with company; Kento and Rowen sprawled onto the floor, Kayura settled on the loveseat alongside Dais. Cye and Ryo helped Sage to one of the chairs. Sage quickly caught a pillow that Rowen threw at him. He nodded thankfully as Ryo grabbed it and positioned it under Sage's injured foot. When everyone settled in comfortably Cye headed toward the kitchen where Mia was presumably making hot cocoa.
After Cye left, an awkward silence plagued the room. It was extremely uncomfortable. Not a sound. Not even the crickets were chirping. No birds. No arguing warlords. No bickering samurais. Not even a demanding war-lady. Every thing was silent and still. The only indication that there were living beings was the sound of breathing and shifting of eyes.
"Tap..Tap..Tap…" Kento drummed his fidgety fingers against the legs of the ottoman. "Tap…Tap…Tap…"
The sound of a forced cough added to the irritating tapping.
"Tap…Tap…Tap…"
Another cough erupted through the room.
"Tap…Tap..Tap…"
Someone began whistling.
"Tap….Tap…Tap…"
The whistling continued to a Jingle Bells beat.
Kale raised an irritable eyebrow at the racket, "Cease the maddening rumpus or pay the consequence!" His voice was solid and hard, he promised should the noise continue he would make good on the threat.
"Don't get your panties all in a bunch." Kento grumbled, "You'll give yourself a wedgey." Kento stopped his complaints as soon as he felt an overwhelming hatred pointed at him. "Just kidding… he-he…you know…joking." There was no need to look behind him and clarify the glare; he could feel Kale's abhorrence. Letting out a restless sigh he stretched his arm and picked up a slender black object from the ottoman. What we need is some diversion.
Upon seeing Kento reach for an instrument Dais immediately rose halfway out of the loveseat as he took a defense position, ready to attack should the young man pull any tricks.
"What is that Hardrock? A weapon? What trickery?"
"What the-…" Frozen his mouth dropped open and closed with snap. "Dude, it's a remote control-for the television. You know," he waved it in the air "to watch T.V.?"
Dais glared at Kento ever wary and distrustful. Sekhmet and Kale guarded the magic devise Kento had called a "remote control" carefully. The warlords have only been to the mortal world a few times and most of the information that was brought to their knowledge was by word of mouth or books. The Dynasty was a world of its own and although it was prosperous their technology was nothing compared to the mortal realm. They based their culture on traditions of the federal era. But this odd name threw them off; did some magical creature control it? Was this beast called Remote?
Embarrassed, Kayura slumped into her seat and covered her face with her hands; Damnit, of all the things I neglected to say about the modern world it would have been the stupidest and weakest gadget! The ancient ones weren't kidding when they said you could take a warlord out of the Dynasty but you can't take the Dynasty out of the warlord. Curse the dead! Damn you! I bet they're laughing their asses off at me? I can't take this; the responsibility is killing me! It's not my fault so why punish me! It's-it's…it's his entire fault! Yes, it's because of him…Stupid Kaosu! Oh, Anubis too! Damn them both! Anubis and Kaosu, when I see you in the afterlife, I have one piece of advise; RUN! You're hides are mine! Damn you, curse you! If there was a bright side to the situation, it was the Warlod's reaction was far less embarrassing then it was with the automated, perfumed, musical flushing toilets found in Tokyo city. That's the Japanese in a nut shell; taking worthless gadgets and making them sparkle with "cute/Kawaii" attitude.
"Kento," Sage interrupted firmly with his hand held out, "Give me the remote." Kento did as requested but moved cautiously for Dais did not take his unnerving eyes off him. Sage lifted his brows as if he found the whole situation amusing. "Gentlemen, if you will be so kind as to divert your attention to the screen, that's the big box like thingy." Sage couldn't stop a small teasing smile from forming on his lips, "I shall show you the magic in this devise and what it can create." He pointed the black object at the very large square looking box that was in the bookcase.
The warlords saw the 'box like thing' flash and a picture surfaced on the screen. Two women locked in what appeared to be mortal combat had just fallen on the floor and almost into the audience. The audience was chanting. Listening closely the warlords realized it was a man's name. "JERRY, JERRY, JERRY, JERRY!" the miniature people continued to chant. This man must have been some great Emperor for his name to be chanted as such. The warlords were quite interested in this Emperor named Jerry Springer. Such respect this man received, indeed he was a mighty warrior if they ever saw one. Not even Talpa himself earned such praise.
Kale watched and once again found himself amazed by the modern world's technology. Perhaps Lady Mia had trapped the spirits of miniature people within the large box and they appeared at the command of this "remote control". Kale slowing turned to gaze at the leader of the Ronin's, Wildfire. Surely this was torture to the innocent lives in that box.
Ryo caught Kale's accusing stare and became more uncomfortable by the minute as his dismay grew, "Why are you staring at me?" he snapped, "I didn't do anything man, so back off!" he pointed to Rowen who was laughing at the whole scene. "Glare at Rowen, no ones been picking on him!"
Rowen gasped at Ryo. Did his friend just attempt to shift the burden onto his shoulders? Oh, no he didn't! Shit…the warlords are looking at me! "Hey, you double back stabber!" Rowen shouted angrily at Ryo, "Try that again and I'll teach you drivers Ed… the Rowen way…" he moved his eyebrows up and down, "Hint, hint."
The warlords seemed bewildered at Rowen's statement but it must have had some affect on Ryo. The young man appeared as though he swallowed some sort of concoction; the poisonous kind.What the warlods didn't know was not only was Rowen's road rage unbearable, but his backseat driving was worse. His backseat driving skills were cultured from his short visit to New York; like a good student he learned quickly.
"What sort of magic does your woman process Wildfire? I thought Lady Mia had no powers and here I see she's able to trap the souls of innocent lives within her screen and make them appear for her whenever someone uses that device…re-mote… con-trol." He studied the screen thoughtfully; Smart little wench she is, I will give her that.
Upon hearing Kale identify Mia as Ryo's woman Sage turned his reproachful eyes at the warlord. Why was it that everyone assumed that the leader always got the female? What a ridiculous notion. He swallowed hard and clenched the remote control in his hand; General Kale was not as wise as he considered himself to be and if the man presumed Mia belonged to anyone he was full of shit. After all, Sage was far prettier than Ryo.
Ryo stared at Kale for a minute before he rubbed the back of his neck and chuckled, "Geeze, thanks General Kale. But as flattered as I am, let's get one thing clear; Mia isn't mine."
"Is that so? Then I'm happy to hear so." That is, if it was possible for Kale to be happy. Sage retained his unemotional expression, but there was a distinct hardening in his eyes. Kale's response did not put him at ease nor did the wicked twinkle he saw in the older man's eyes.
Mia and Cye returned from the kitchen a short time later and started handing out the mugs of steamy cocoa with melted marshmallows floating on top. Mia snatched a mug, sipped quickly and took a seat in the matching chair opposite of Sage. Sage could hardly restrain himself when he notice Mia's nose was coated with melted marshmallow. But he didn't say a word about it. Cye settled between Kale and Sekhmet. There were only so many places he could choose from. He did not mind the arrangement though; he was actually starting to warm up to Sekhmet. The youngest warlord was not as distant as he had thought and interestingly, he was an extremely bright man. Cye found out that he was a Wiccan, a master in the arts of healing by using natural herbs and remedies.
Dais eyed the brew. Odd, it looks like a toad potion, he took a careful sip of his own cocoa and stretched the tip of his tongue way out, trying to reach the sticky ring of white substance. He licked his lips. Impressive, this brew is delicious. "Lady Mia, I commend you. Wonderful brew." He saluted his mug to her and took another gratifying sip.
Mia had to stifle a smile behind her hand. Dias was not aware of the marshmallow on his upper lip. "I am pleased you like it so." She shook her head, "Kayura, would you hand him a napkin; it's by the table that is next to you." She pointed to his upper lip, "Dais, you eh-," she laughed softly, "some marshmallow on your upper lip." She demonstrated by rubbing hers and noted the white stuff had been on her nose. Embarrassed, she accepted a napkin thrown at her by Kayura.
Kayura shoved another napkin at Dais, which he grabbed. "Well, at least we know how Dais looks with a mustache," she smiled wryly and purred. "Dais, be a doll and don't stop shaving." He made a noise that sounded rather close to a snort.
"Very good Mia! You're the best! Mmmmmmmmmmm…" Kento slurped the cocoa down and rubbed his stomach, "You have to tell me what instant mix you used."
"It isn't instant," Mia looked aghast. A woman of her wealth would never scope so low as to use instant mix; actually, she'd use the stuff, just never admit it. She had to be tactful. "I made it from scratch. You are drinking the real Koji, with milk, cocoa, and sugar-the works."
Kale leaned forward and inspected the cocoa, "A woman who can make such a wonderful thing from scratch," he raised his eyelids and looked directly at Mia, "is a woman of great attributes."
"Pleeaaaseeee…" Kayura drawled as she rolled her eyes. She didn't like the playful tone Kale directed at Mia. Kale was not good-nature, it was beyond his character. Kayura shot Sage a fleeting glance. Apparently she wasn't the only who noticed the secrete meaning behind Kale's words. Sage's dignity kept him from commenting but his expression showed his spite.
"Did you see that?" Sekhmet interrupted, as he jumped up on the couch and pointed, "Great gods! Look! That fat brunette wench pulled down the bald woman's sweater and her mammary glands popped out. Very large ones, too. I notice there's some sort of technical censorship this magic box has devised a blurry portion on the screen to cover the exposed areas. This mortal culture is very squeamish, apparently," he observed, "about flabby breast."
"It's improper to show body parts on access cable," Mia told him sternly, looking around the room trying to locate the remote control. The Jerry Springer Show was the last thing she wanted to be watching at that moment. She had a movie to show. She refused for Jerry to corrupt the minds of the warlords and turn them into perverts; as his show usually does to its viewers.
Sekhmet and Kento began chanting with the miniature people in the box; "Jerry, Jerry, Jerry, Jerry, JERRY, JERRY, JERRY, JERRY!"
Kento glanced back at Sekhmet and said quickly; "You know it man! Jerry is the king of all American talk shows! He's like a professional shrink, only better."
Sekhmet looked away briefly from the television screen where the brunette guest, still without her upper clothing but appropriately blotted out in that area by the T.V censors, was attacking Jerry Springer with a studio folding chair. "Yes, Yes, I noticed." He said and raised his hands. He couldn't believe it! The women who had brought their problems to Jerry Springer had fallen on their helpless boyfriend and they were now tearing him apart.
"Well you see," Kento explained enthusiastically, "Those fat ugly chicks are there to discuss to Jerry what a loser their boyfriend is. Their dead-beat boyfriend was two timing them. Wait till they bring out his stepmother, he's two timing her with her first cousin."
Mia stood up and moved in front of the television much to the warlords and Kento's dissatisfaction. "Please don't watch this. Those people are monumental embarrassments."
"I am aware of that." Dais shifted to the left on the loveseat so he could see around her. "Actually they're Ka-Kani demons; I spotted one of them; the boyfriend and so was the bald wench. A good-for-nothing lot, Ka-Kani demons are a bunch of riffraff who fill up the outskirts of the Dynasty world and apparently some have escaped and moved to the mortal realm, operating under the delusion they're passing."
"This one," Dais pointed at an audience member who was making crude hand gestures to the fat brunette. "the one who is mouthing off, she's a Ka-Kani too. The brunette is actually pure blood-like you, but she's hanging out with a bad lot. Ka-Kani demons are bad through and through, and they don't respond to rehabilitation."
Rowen sat straight up. For a long moment he couldn't speak. "You're kidding, aren't you?" he managed. "Did I understand what you just said? Are you trying to say Jerry's guests are demons-from the Dynasty? Ka-Kanis?" he stumbled on the pronunciation.
"Can't get rid of them either," Dais leaned back and folded his hands in a comfortable gesture. "They're like fleas-they're everywhere. Breed like damn rabbits too."
"Dude, that makes so much sense!" Kento nodded perfunctorily and turned back to the show. He wondered how many demons were hiding on earth passing themselves off as humans. Kento intended to see Maury Povich and find out. Tilting his head he peered at Rowen, wondering if he could bea Ka-Kani demon? Not likely. Dais said Ka-Kani demons were a lazy bunch, not overachievers who needed road-rage management. "I bet my middle school sensei was a Ka-Kani. Evil witch, I knew it all along!"
Author notes: Thank you for the reviews! Sorry it took my awhile to update. Next chapter will be; "Chevy Chase for inspiration" (chapter four). Then we have the evil snowman building, maybe a snow fight, ice-skating the gaudy decorations galore and finally our mistletoe scene. Just who will be under that mistletoe? Or should I; how many will be under that mistletoe. evil crackle I just love the idea of Mia and Kayura being friends; just think of the hell they could inflict on the guys. Oh, isn't Sekhmet cute! I always thought he would make a good wiccan… And after watching Jerry I wouldn't be surprise if we see him on the show. He'll probably start whacking off all the Ka-Kani demons. (In fact; that might be a good idea) I love you all. Keep cranking up the reviews and I'll be submissive to you forever!
Okay, to clear one thing: Confused why the warlords were shocked to see TV? Well…I stated in the beginning that they had a wide knowledge of the modern world, but there were some things that slipped by. (I doubt they knew what a remote control was. Any information they learned 'was' of sufficient importance…remote controls are not important.) Granted the Dynasty was a magical place, but far as I could tell; the culture was based on the federal era. Flying boats, yes they had that; but I didn't see cars. I didn't see television and I know for a fact I didn't see Jerry Springer. Plus, the story wouldn't have been as funny if they were techno-literate.
"But the warlords saw TV in the beginning of the show!" As far as I know; mirrors are not considered a form of television. The mirror scene which Talpa showed the warlords (Mia grabbing soft drinks from the fridge) was technically not a "television". It was a two way mirror which permitted the warlords to look into the modern world, the events which were taking place at that very moment. Not a cable show where folks chanted Jerry or beat the crap out of each other. Wonder if they got Girl's Gone Wild on that two-way mirror.
Official information "concerning why Sekhmet is the youngest & why Kale is more distant"
-Sekhmet/Naaza (real name is Yamanouchi, Naotoki)He was born Oct 9, 1551. Sekhmet is the youngest warlord. (Anubis and Sekhmet were actually born the same year, but Anubis was 5 months older.) Sekhmet is the baby! (That remark is going to land my on Sekhmet's X-list) Dais 1549 is the oldest, Kale 1550 is the middle child.
-Kale/Anubisu (real name Sasaki, Kujuurou) I'm not sure if this is fact, but I like the idea. It deals with Kale's scar: He once defied the head of the Date family and was given a slash across his cheek by the samurai. Kale angered him more and was given a second slash. This created his scar. Because of the events that took place Kale has a deep hatred toward all heads of the Date family. Supposedly this led him to Talpa, he joined in hopes of revenge. I point this out because it will explain the tension between Sage and Kale. Fact or fiction … I have no clue, but it sounds believable.
Reviews
Fuma: I'm glad you think I kept the guys in character because I happen to think they're a tad off. When I heard your response you gave me hope that I didn't mess up the story. (yet)
Winter Peacecraft-Yuy: Thanks WPY, I am thrilled that you are happy with the outline of Baby Its Cold Outside. throws eight bags of pixies sticks
Svelte Rose: Best time to read is in the wee hours of the mourning! I'm so glad you like the way I portrayed Mia, especially coming from a talented author such as yourself.
Crazy Cookie: Whiteblaze and Ryo's relationship is a bit odd. I wish Blaze could talk telepathically. Then maybe I wouldknow what he really thinks of the Ronins. (eh, maybe that isn't such a great idea…hehe)
The Desert Fox: Thank you for the complement. And I hope your favorite couple (Ryo and Mia) lives forever. (I'm not the biggest fan of them but…ah-what the hell…) Mia & Ryo forever!
Max: Our Aim timing sucks girl! We need a system, an arrangement that is uncomplicated for even us to follow.
C.G: I'm glad you think Baby Its Cold Outside is funny, at least someone thinks I'm capable of a little humor. glares at dull family j/k (just incase one of my family members reads my work, which they do. "I was only teasing.")
I.W.D: Wow, to have you review puts a big smile on my face! Thanks for the complement!
Tenku Greywords: Your review made me laugh out loud. In fact, I'm laughing while I'm writing this. Gee, what to say…THANKS hahahahhahahhaaha…
Maryd: As far as Yuile goes, uh- well, I thought about him and am still deciding. He won't exactly be 10 years old anymore, more like 15 years old. I have to think about it; maybe Whiteblaze will eat him for Christmas dinner or something. … Thanks for the idea…how about I have Yuile as a problematic teenager who is into Goth fandom:makeup, nit stockings, armyboots and all? I like that!
Dark Child of Earth: Yes! Another clever lady knows that Kale is too hot to boot! You my dear are wise beyond your years to realize this. -.-
Lady Dragon Heart: I just love your name…hehe, had to let you know that. Anyway, Chevy Chase is one of my favorite Christmas movies. It holds a special place in my heart. It's scary, but my family, including me, is like the Chevy Chase family anytime we go on vacation. (We never had a normal vacation. I don't know the meaning. hehe)You know the little rodent scene in the Christmas one? We had the same thing happen to us during a Christmas dinner. Only grandmother screamed so loud the poor rodent had a freakin heart-attack in the den and died. Don't get me started on the Christmas lights…if you drive buy around the Christmas season we're the one house that looks like its on fire. (Lights galore. My dad is very competitive with Christmas lights)
Inyasha luver: Ah, so I see I even have managed to grab an Inuyasha fan. I am so pleased. I love Sesshy/Fluffy! I'm glad you have found a Christmas fic you like. Those Mary-Sues can be overpowering in the RW section. Yaoi doesn't bother me, I have a few favorite stories that are yaoi but they're not in the RW section. I normally like yaoi with stories that identified the characters in the show as being bisexual or homosexual. I just don't buy it for RW, authors make them into females. Wildfireflame is awesome though, she has a talent. Seiji and Nasuti is my favorite couple, I'm crazy for them. I also support Rowen/Mia and Kale/Mia. (But Sage is so much better..hehe) I don't care for Ryo, but I have a few fics that I love that have him and Mia paired. Sage is the most respected warrior. I love him because he seems to be able to lose his temper with Mia easily. He's cool headed but when it comes to women, he's a lost cause. "Hehe"