The Impossible Dream

by Tenkku

Dystopian AU-Full Summary Inside: Shouto is an alpha City Guard that helps a struggling omega named Izuku and his sick child. But Shouto's job is to take omegas away for breeding in the Great City. He doesn't. Izuku accidentally leads Shouto to the rebel hideout and Izuku becomes an omega servant in Shouto's family home. Shouto desires Izuku but must keep a dark secret from him.

3. Dark Secrets

***Warnings: Ghosts, death, murder

'I wish that we could stay

In all our yesterdays'

-All Our Yesterdays, Blackmore's Night

Chapter 3: Echoes of Despair

The temperature in the rooms begins to drop as Shoji watches a dark aura of purple and red dance around Tokoyami's clenched form. Shoji's seen this before, the summoning of Dark Shadow. Once the red and purple fade into black, Dark Shadow is released. The chandelier sways violently, its chain creaking with the strain of the invisible force. Shoji jumps to his feet when the fire suddenly bursts into intense heat within the hearth. Some flames reach out towards them. Shoji places his form in front of Tokoyami and spreads his arms to shield the other from the fire.

Along the far wall, Tokoyami's shadow starts to ripple. Shoji senses the familiar presence of Dark Shadow in the room. Tokoyami's shadow grows taller inch-by-inch at a rapid pace. Dark Shadow glides along the wall, black claws out and silent beak stretched wide as he flies towards the fire. Before the flames can reach Shoji and Tokoyami, Dark Shadow engulfs the light, instantly snuffing it.

'Is it gone?' Shoji wonders, checking the walls for signs of Dark Shadow. Behind him, something hits the floor. He sees that it is Tokoyami and he rushes to the man's side, lifting him from the floor. The room returns to normal, and the chandelier has stopped moving. It's as if nothing happened. He cradles Tokoyami in his arms. "Tokoyami? Can you hear me?"

Tokoyami murmurs, shifting a bit in Shoji's embrace and then snuggling into him.

Shoji smiles behind his mask. He lifts Tokoyami and carries the other back to the bedroom. Shoji stops in front of Tokoyami's door, then makes the bold decision to put Tokoyami in his room instead. After placing Tokoyami on his bed, he steps out to ask one of the servants to tell Todoroki where they are, and that Todoroki should come and see them. Shoji goes back into the room and closes the door softly. He checks on Tokoyami, seeing that the Avian is asleep. Summoning Dark Shadow takes a lot of energy. He sits on the bed beside Tokoyami and strokes the black feathers. Still soft. Tokoyami must sense his touch and leans into his hand. Shoji makes a bold move again, moving his hand to Tokoyami's beak and lightly massage underneath. It has the desired effect, and Tokoyami tilts his head back. Shoji pulls his hand away when crimson eyes begin to flutter.

"Shoji?"

"It's me. How do you feel?"

Tokoyami sits up on the bed, holding the front of his head. "Exhausted, but otherwise alright. Did Dark Shadow stop the flame?"

"Yes. Everything stopped and returned to normal after Dark Shadow swallowed the flame. I have Master Todoroki coming to see us."

"This isn't my room," Tokoyami says, looking around. "I need to make that talisman," When he tries to get up, Shoji stops him with one large hand to his chest.

"Please don't overexert yourself," Shoji says.

"But there is no time," Tokoyami counters. "Let me up, Shoji."

Shoji steps back to allow Tokoyami to get up. Tokoyami straightens out his clothing and clears his throat, gathering himself together. "I'll be in my room," He says.

"Then I'll bring Master Todoroki to you,"

"No, not until I finish the talisman," Tokoyami says. "It takes complete concentration, and I prefer to be alone when I do this. Thank you for helping me earlier. Now, if you'll excuse me," Tokoyami leaves Shoji's room and goes to his own, closing and locking the door behind him.

Tokoyami rests his head against the wood of the door, trying to get his breath to return to normal. Shoji remembers that particular spot on him that gets him excited. Shoji's touch under his beak woke him up with a snapshot of their time together. It was of the first time he told Shoji what he likes, and the touch can be his downfall if he is not careful. One time, when Shoji did that after an intimate moment, he let out a chirp. He was thoroughly embarrassed, but Shoji thought differently and would often try to get him to make the chirp again. Tokoyami his pride as a man, and if Shoji pushed too hard back then, he would revert to his primitive Avian heritage and peck at Shoji. Sometimes he would let the chirp slip out…if he was feeling generous.

Shoji awakened further emotions that Tokoyami thought were well buried. His feelings for the mutant male, but he doesn't want to get hurt again. 'I should have never taken this case.'

Pushing thoughts of Shoji from his mind, Tokoyami prepared the physical items needed to make the talisman. Weaving together a special blend of reeds, Tokoyami concentrates on calling forth the spirits of light to place their power within the talisman. He rubs rosemary oil on the star-shaped item, says a few more words, and the talisman is ready.

'That toy will not protect him for long,' Dark Shadow echoes in his head.

'It is the best I can do right now,' Tokoyami replies.

'You're distracted. That talisman is not strong enough to protect against the likes of that beast.'

"Reveal yourself to me, Dark Shadow!" Tokoyami watches as his shadow ripples and grows into that of Dark Shadow. Dark Shadow, with his glowing yellow eyes, floats over to levitate before Tokoyami. "Tell me about the Dark Spirit. What did you see?"

'He is not an ancient spirit, nor is he a demon,' Dark Shadow swirls himself around Tokoyami. 'He is just like the one you seek; the lover of Shouto Todoroki.'

"Izuku?" Tokoyami eyes follow Dark Shadow around the room. "What do you know? Please, tell me what you know, Dark Shadow."

'Tonight, when the house is asleep, and the beast's kept at bay, I will wander the halls with you. I can show you a glimpse of Izuku's last day.'

Tokoyami gives Dark Shadow his best, hardest sneer. "You love to keep information from me, don't you? You know that it bothers me when you do so!"

'I have all the time in the world! Why have all the fun at once? Eternity is a long, long time.' Dark Shadow quickly fades away when there is a knock at Tokoyami's door.

Tokoyami fixes his feathers and vest to sit perfectly poised in his chair. "Come in," the door opens, and Todoroki enters with Shoji behind. Tokoyami stands from the chair in greeting. "Good afternoon, Master Todoroki. How was your time in the garden?"

"Peaceful, though another storm is on the way," Todoroki says. "Izuku never liked thunderstorms. They made him jumpy."

"Tokoyami finds them calming,"

Tokoyami looks at Shoji. "Thank you, Shoji. I can answer for myself."

"Sorry," Shoji folds all his arms behind his back.

Todoroki points at the talisman. "What is that you have? Is that the talisman? Shoji said you had it ready for me."

"Yes, it's a talisman of protection, as I've promised. It has the power of the light spirits within it. The light will banish the dark."

Todoroki reaches out to take the talisman, looking it over with curiosity. "Hm. Interesting. If this does work, won't it keep Izuku away?"

"No. Izuku is a spirit of light, not darkness. That talisman will keep the Dark Spirit away, for a little while. At least you can get some much-needed rest."

Todoroki smiles at the talisman as he holds it up to the afternoon sun coming through the window. "Rest? I barely know the meaning of that word anymore," he chuckles. "If Izuku's dead body does not haunt me, I'm assaulted by the Dark Spirit. When I'm awake…I'm still dreaming," Todoroki uses his other hand to rub at his aching eyes. "It saddens me to see you two," He says. "Both of you have the chance to be with each other again…" he lowers his hand, looking at Tokoyami's shocked expression. "But I have no one. The one I love is dead and gone,"

"No, not gone," Tokoyami says, his voice almost a whisper. "He is still here…he's protecting you from harm."

"It's not the same. You have a second chance. I don't."

Shoji clears his throat and puts a hand on Todoroki's shoulder. "Master, I think you're a little overwhelmed right now. Why don't you go to the parlor and I'll have tea brought for you."

Todoroki looks up at Shoji with tired, exhausted eyes and says, "Don't be a fool, Shoji. If you can wield three swords and fire three guns in the midst of battle at the same time, you can make up with Tokoyami."

"I've apologized already," Shoji says.

"You like to tell Master Todoroki a lot, don't you?" Tokoyami crosses his arms, wondering just how much of their past relationship Todoroki knows.

Todoroki appears amused, though his smile lacks the true emotion. "Shoji said communication with the living is difficult for you. That's how I was before I met Izuku. At first, it was Shoji and me; we barely needed words to speak to each other. We could interact through silent looks and simple gestures. But when Izuku came along, he helped me to open up, and I began to make friends. After the war, it wasn't just my victories and honors that won me a spot in the political realm. It was my new ability to communicate with the public on a friendly level. That is how I rose to such popularity in the political realm. I believe Shoji did the same with you, Tokoyami. He says he did."

"Forgive my rudeness; I'm not here to discuss my personal life or background with you, Master Todoroki."

"No, you're not," Todoroki agrees, staring at the protection talisman. "But you still have the chance to have what I had with Izuku. It's a shame to waste it on pride and stubbornness."

Shoji and Tokoyami exchange glances, holding the others' stares for a long moment.

Todoroki passes by Shoji to go to the door to leave, but his hand lingers on the knob. "Don't waste your chance; you never know when your whole life may change…and it can happen in an instant." Without another word, Todoroki leaves the two in the room and goes to the parlor.

Shoji and Tokoyami stand in total, awkward silence; their heads turned from the other in opposite directions.

Shoji did not need to hear Todoroki's little speech about 'not knowing what you have until it's gone.' He knows he made a mistake by leaving Tokoyami; not for going to war, but for not returning to Tokoyami. Shoji had battled with his emotions back then, wondering if he should see Tokoyami, or try to move on. His conclusion came from a defeatist's view; Tokoyami probably finished university already, has found someone on the same intellectual level, and has forgotten all about him. Maybe it was his fear of rejection or possibly seeing Tokoyami with someone else that kept Shoji away. Although, Spiritualists aren't often sought after by others for romantic relations. Most people are terrified or wary of a Spiritualist. It never bothered Shoji; not even when he accompanied Tokoyami to other's favorite spot- the cemetery.

'This is where you come to relax?' Shoji asks, holding the lantern up to the tall iron gate.

'You said you would not judge me,'

Shoji holds the umbrella higher above them. The rain is gentle, and it normally wouldn't bother him, but Tokoyami doesn't like to get his top hat wet, so Shoji uses the umbrella. 'Perhaps if we chose a different night?' he chuckles.

Tokoyami opens the left gate. It squeaks with age and rust. 'I find the rain peaceful, as does the spirits.'

Shoji follows in behind him, one hand holding the lantern, the other the umbrella, and the rest under his cloak. 'This place looks forgotten,' he notices the graves standing in crooked rows with faded writing and overgrown greenery. Some are cracked or broken. Others remain intact or sank into the earth with time.

'It is forgotten,' Tokoyami answers, resting a hand atop a grave, his fingers caressing the moss. 'This cemetery is old, and has been here long before the city grew with industry.'

Shoji lowers the lantern to the same grave Tokoyami is standing by to try and read the words. 'I cannot read what they say,'

'This is the grave a young girl who died from an illness,' Tokoyami says, 'I know because she has told me.'

Shoji takes a step back. 'Oh.'

'Fear not. She is not present this night,'

'I'm not afraid of the ghosts. Well, perhaps a bit unnerved, but not afraid.'

Tokoyami moves on, and Shoji follows behind him. 'Can you see them right now?' Shoji asks.

'Not all of them,'

'Can you tell me what you see?'

Tokoyami glances over his shoulder at Shoji. 'Why do you want to know?'

Shoji looks around at the ancient graves. 'I feel as if I should know some of their stories. You mentioned ghosts want to be remembered, and if these ghosts are long forgotten,' he looks to his lover. 'I would like to hear their stories. They speak to you because you listen to them. I want to listen, too.'

'That is very noble of you. Very well,' Tokoyami points to a grave with a small broken cross on the top. 'There is a young woman weeping there. It is her grave. She left the world too soon, leaving behind a grieving family and a husband. She wonders why they don't come to visit her,'

'That is very sad. But if she told you this, didn't you explain to her that they are long dead?'

Tokoyami nods. 'I have, but there is something you must know about the spirits that remain linked to this world, Shoji. Every day, she relives her death. The only comfort is her family and husband visiting her. But when that suddenly stopped, she still experiences that loop, yet without the family to visit her. So, even though I have told her why the cycle resets at sunrise and she forgets. I would have to tell her every night.'

'That's terrible,' Shoji says. 'How can she move on, though? What's holding her here?'

'She loves her husband and family,' Tokoyami say. 'She didn't want to leave them, and still, to this day, does not want to leave. She still believes they will come and visit her.'

'And you can't tell her to move on?'

Tokoyami shakes his head. 'No. I do not have that kind of power, and if the spirit does not wish to move on, it cannot be made to,' Tokoyami reaches into Shoji's cloak to take one of the large hands in his own. 'Do you still wish to hear more stories like this one?'

'Yes. As morbid as it is, it's also fascinating,'

'Then let us continue,' Tokoyami guides Shoji around the cemetery. 'Over there is an elderly man who cannot find his wife. I can only assume she is buried elsewhere or died without a burial. He waits for her and does not know he is dead. This little grave here is a toddler's, no more than two years old' Tokoyami places the palm of his hand on the stone baby shoes. 'Tonight he is silent, but sometimes I can hear him crying.'

'Death shouldn't happen to children,' Shoji says. 'How do you handle this so calmly?'

'I'm used to it,' Tokoyami says. 'I've seen things from the other side since I was a child. Dark Shadow has always been a part of me, and he explained it all to me. Death is unfortunate, but it is part of life. You can't have one without the other. There is no light without darkness. There cannot be good without evil.' There cannot be life without death.'

Shoji holds the lantern to Tokoyami's face. 'What happens when you die? Will you be a ghost, too?'

Tokoyami smiles at him. 'I will choose to remain in the Spirit World and help those like me.'

'Hm. That means I'll have to say in the Spirit World, too.'

Tokoyami's red eyes widened to saucers. 'Shoji, you do not know of what you speak. To live in the Spirit World is to live for eternity. There is no rest. You need to move on to the afterlife and be in peace.'

'What if I want to be with you for eternity?'

Tokoyami, still shocked, let's out a scoff of bewilderment. 'Eternity is a long time,'

'I know,'

'Don't speak of such things!' Tokoyami grits his teeth then pecks at Shoji's arm. 'I never want to hear you talk about it! Ever!' He pecks Shoji's other hand for good measure.

'Ouch!' Shoji lets out a laugh. 'I love when you get angry! Your feathers poof out when they are ruffled!'

'Silence you over-built obelisk!'

Shoji claps two free hands. 'An appropriate insult for where we are,'

Tokoyami stalks away from him, black cloak dramatically flapping as he did. Shoji follows him with the umbrella and lantern.

'Shoji, do you see that big tree over there?'

'You mean the black tree with a wide bottom and bare, twisted branches? The only one here?'

'Lose the sarcasm.'

'I see it. But what of it?'

'That's the old hanging tree,' Tokoyami points to it. 'That is where they would hang criminals and witches. The condemned were not allowed burial inside this place, but their unmarked graves lay beyond the iron fence. Many of them still hang from the tree's branches. Others gather around its base. If this tree could talk, I can only imagine the stories it would have to share,' Tokoyami places his hand on the surface of the tree. 'Trees are made to give life; they bear fruit and leaves. They give us ingredients to make medicines to help people. They were not meant to take life away.'

'Tokoyami, a hundred or so years ago, someone like you would have been hanged from this tree. I know that bothers you, and maybe you shouldn't think about it.'

Tokoyami's hand clenches against the bark. 'So many innocent lives were wasted due to superstition and ignorance,'

Shoji wraps an arm around Tokoyami's small waist and pulls his lover away from the tree. 'Perhaps we should go,' While he loved to hear Tokoyami express emotions, he's heard the 'world is prejudice and ignorant' speech over fifty times. Maybe more. He did not expect Tokoyami to pull the mask down and kiss him.

Kissing each other is easy due to Shoji's elongated mouth and Tokoyami's wide beak. Neither of them has lips, so touch and tongues are all they can use while kissing. Tokoyami's bird tongue is smaller than his long mutant one. The very first time they kissed, Shoji teased his lover by asking if he might accidentally regurgitate while kissing. Shoji received the tip of Tokoyami's beak piercing the tender flesh of his tongue.

'Don't ever speak of death or dying,' Tokoyami says when he breaks the kiss. 'I don't want to think about you passing on.'

'Alright. I won't speak of it. I'll honor your request.'

"Shoji?"

"Yeah?"

"What were you thinking about? You had that vacant look on your face when you're deep in thought."

"Hm. I was thinking about my first visit to the cemetery with you. Do you remember it?"

"Of course I do," Tokoyami distinctly remembers Shoji talking about dying, and then they returned to Shoji's home for a wild night of passion (which ended with Tokoyami sitting on a pillow and walking with his cane for actual assistance in balance rather than style the next day.) "Why do you bring it up?"

"After what Master Todoroki said…I think I realize now why you were so angry the day we split up. It wasn't just the war. You feared I would lose my life in the war, and instead of crying, you chose to be angry. If you were angry, then it might have been easier to forget me. I have not thought about that night in the cemetery until now. I truly did not consider your feelings that day. If I had remembered that night in the cemetery…maybe I wouldn't have left."

Tokoyami shakes his head. "No. You still would have gone to war. It was your morals and belief in changing the world that had you joining the army. Perhaps you could have let me know you returned because, each day, I thought about you and wondered if you were lying dead in a field somewhere."

"It was selfish of me to ignore your feelings,"

Tokoyami turns away from Shoji to go to the window, refusing to look at the man.

"To be honest, death in battle didn't occur to me. I just assumed I would live. And I survived."

"Hm. To not be affected like most soldiers are after a war, you must not have seen many battles." Tokoyami says.

"I fought in enough," Shoji answers. "I have nightmares about it sometimes, but I get over it." He walks over to stand behind Tokoyami. "I think it's time to put all that behind us and…try again." He suggests.

"Shoji…I don't think I'm ready to try again," Tokoyami still can't face him. "You've just come back into my life…I need some time to think things over. Please honor my wish."

Shoji steps away from the smaller man. "I will honor it," he says. "I…guess I'll leave now. Give you some time to yourself." He walks to the door.

"Shoji?"

Shoji's hand pauses at the doorknob. Did Tokoyami want him to stay? "Yes?"

"Come back tonight, at midnight," Tokoyami says.

"Why midnight?"

"Dark Shadow is taking me to the other side. He has something to show me about Izuku's last day, and I need someone to help me wake up if things become too…treacherous."

"I will be here at midnight, not a second before or after," Shoji opens the door, looks back, but Tokoyami is still gazing out the window. "See you then."

Tokoyami lifts a hand. "Until midnight."

Midnight

The clock in his room strikes twelve, and its chimes echo in the dark room. Tokoyami has the curtains open to watch the thunderstorm raging outside, the blue light illuminating the room. Black. Light. Black. Light.

The door opens at the last chime. Tokoyami turns from the bed and looks towards the door to see Shoji with a single candle. Shoji has been with him in the past for these other-world journeys. Tokoyami didn't have to say a word. Shoji places the candle on the nightstand, pulls up a chair, and sits beside the bed. Tokoyami finds it is more comfortable, and safer, to be laying down when he crosses to the other side.

Shoji blows the candle out. The thunder rumbles and flashes outside.

"I'm here," Is all Shoji says. Shoji knows it takes a few minutes for Tokoyami to concentrate while calling Dark Shadow and passing through the veil to go beyond this world. He hasn't seen Tokoyami do it in a long time, and it is just as unsettling now as it was then. When Tokoyami's pupils widen to cover the crimson with pure black, Shoji shudders at the sight. Still unnerving. There is nothing he can do now but sit and wait for Tokoyami to wake up. 'Be safe.'

Tokoyami opens his eyes and finds himself in the stable amongst cows and horses. He thought Dark Shadow would have him in the house. Everything is black and white, like a film strip. He looks for Dark Shadow. Tokoyami calls out to the creature, but he has no voice. Dark Shadow does not have enough power in this situation to allow for speech, which will make solving the mystery of Izuku's last day on earth harder. He will have to infer based on whatever Dark Shadow shows him.

'You're here,' Dark Shadow appears beside him. 'Just in time.'

'Why are we in the stables?'

'You will see,' Dark Shadow points a clawed finger at the stable door. 'Any moment now.'

Tokoyami stares at the door. It opens. Izuku enters the stables. In Izuku's hand t,here is a piece of paper, though Tokoyami cannot see any words on it. Izuku's dressed as a servant with simple clothing and a floppy hat. Izuku looks around the stables as if searching for someone. Tokoyami leans in to whisper to Dark Shadow.

'Will we be able to see the killer?'

'No.'

Izuku sees the person that is not invisible to him but is for Tokoyami. Tokoyami does not need to see the other person to know that Izuku is speaking with them. Izuku slowly becomes angry and irritated, with furrowed brows and a scowl. Whoever he is speaking with, he is not happy with them. Izuku keeps showing the paper to the other, shouting silent words. The paper's snatched from Izuku's hand, but Izuku regains possession of it. Then, there is a small struggle until Izuku breaks away and runs from the stables.

Tokoyami runs after him, following Izuku across the field and towards the cliff. He cannot hear the ocean either. Izuku continues to argue with the other. Tokoyami narrows his eyes when Izuku begins to struggle again, only this time, he was trying to pull away, tossing his head side-to-side, as if refusing a kiss. When Izuku pushes away, his cheeks are streamed with thick tears as he continues to shout. Izuku follows the other until he is facing the cliff. Tokoyami sees Izuku trying to talk whoever is there to come away from the edge. Izuku approaches the cliff, grabs the person, and pushes them away. Izuku says something else, tears still pouring down his face.

Suddenly, Izuku's face turns from sadness to pure horror as his body's shoved off the edge. Tokoyami races over, knowing he can't do a thing, but reaches the edge anyway. He watches as Izuku falls, tumbling in the air a few times until finally hitting the rocks on the shore below. Behind him, he hears the agonizing wails of the murderer. The scene quickly changes to a house, one that's richly decorated like Shouto's. A letter floats up from the desk. The invisible force tears it in half.

Tokoyami's eyes follow the black footprints to a closet. A drawer opens, and a small pistol levitates in the air. Tokoyami, eyes widen, fears he knows what is going to happen next. The gun goes over to the fireplace. The murderer is facing the fire. The gun doesn't move for a moment. Then, with a swift click, it lifts and is fired. That is the only sound Tokoyami hears. The fire explodes with logs and embers pouring out of the hearth. The carpet catches fire, as does the mystery form of the murderer.

The scene changes again, and Tokoyami is back at the cliff. This time, the servants of the Todoroki household have gathered at the edge. Tokoyami sees Todoroki wander away from the group, in a daze of shock. Behind Todoroki is Izuku's ghost, still crying, and trying to make contact with Todoroki. Tokoyami follows them to the stables. Todoroki drops to his knees and covers his face, shoulders trembling with sobs. Izuku falls beside his lover, trying desperately to hug the other only to pass through him each time.

Tokoyami clutches his chest as he experiences the same sense of sorrow and dread that Todoroki and Izuku are feeling at this moment. The emotion is painful, hurting him mentally and physically. A wave of despair floods his heart, and it feels like a hundred knives have penetrated his flesh- and then he wakes up.

"Tokoyami! I'm here!"

Tokoyami, gasping for breath, flings himself into Shoji's arms. He clings to the large man, his body trembling.

"What happened? What did you see?" Shoji wraps Tokoyami in his embrace.

"Stay with me," Tokoyami begs. "Don't leave me! Stay with me!"

"I'm right here," Shoji says. "I'm not going to leave you. Not again."

Tokoyami pulls Shoji's mask down and forces their mouths into a kiss.

TBC