It's been five and a half months since Ed had made his deal with Truth. His vision had slowly been growing worse, and though he'd been regularly getting stronger prescriptions of glasses to try and counteract the progression, he's still having trouble with seeing things. He can barely read a book anymore, even with the glasses on. He knows that Al's wondering why he doesn't read anymore. He doesn't wear the glasses to the military headquarters; he tells Al he doesn't want Mustang to taunt him for that, too. Even though Al reassures him that Mustang wouldn't be that mean, he still refuses to show that bastard any weakness.
A few days ago, Al caught him. Ed had his glasses off and saw Ed hovering his automail hand in front of his face, squinting as he tried to make out the details of it. Ed hadn't even seen Al when he silently walked in, until Al had taken Ed's hand in his own. When Ed looked up at Al in surprise, eyes squinting and trying to focus, Al's heart had broken. "Brother.. why didn't you tell me your eyes were so bad? I thought you had that taken care of."
Ed hadn't answered Al, had only replaced his glasses on his face, gotten up and left to go out. It killed him to treat Al like this, when Al was so worried about him; but he was terrified that Al would hate his choice to save him at the cost of his own sight.
{It's time to tell Al,} Ed thinks to himself, walking into the house from grocery shopping. {Al has a right to know. He has every right to know.} He sets the bag of food on the counter, staring at the contents. A blurry rainbow of color; he can't make out the words on any of the boxes inside.
"Ed! You're back." Al walks forward to help Ed put away the groceries, but stops when Ed looks up at him with a scared expression. "..Brother?"
"Al.. I have to tell you the truth." Ed looks up at Al; even with the glasses, Al is becoming just a blur of grey with two little balls of pink for eyes. It's killing him inside.
Frightened by Ed's quiet, nervous tone and the way he's looking sadly up at him, Al answers, his own voice a little shaky. "A-about what, brother?"
Ed sits one of the dining room chairs, pulling off the glasses to rub at his tired, strained eyes. He glances up at Al, who through the glasses looks blurry around the edges; without the glasses, he's just one big grey person. He sets the glasses on the table with a sigh, dreading what's coming. "Al.. I want to tell you about what happened when I got your soul back."
Al grabs a chair, sitting across from Ed. He watches Ed's tired face, noting he looks like he'd grown five years older in only five months. Was it the look on his face, or the way Ed had recently grown more quiet, more independent?
Ed lifts his automail hand, gazing at the blurry grey, turning it and watching as the light catches it and gives him a flash of silver. "I'll do anything for you, Al. I'd give anything to make sure you were okay. So.. this is a small price to pay. But I need to know that you'll forgive me, n-no matter what." He clenches his hand into a fist, setting it on his lap as he awaits Al's answer.
"What are you talking about, brother? It-it doesn't matter what happened, or what you did. I'll forgive you for anything." Al watches his cryptic brother look up at him with slightly-unfocused eyes, a shiver running through his being.
"I went to the gate.. and Truth, that bastard. He told me that I could have your soul back. So.. so I got you back, Al," Ed says, giving Al a sad smile. A sad, slightly-demented smile. Ed doesn't notice Al looking slightly away from that eerie expression on Ed's face. "Payment, though.. equivalent exchange, so he took something from me. He-he told me it would be gone in a year." Ed's hands clutch at the sides of his seat. "Everything we gave up.. it's always been physical, you know? Your body, my arm and leg.." Ed's voice is almost a whisper. "I thought it would be something like that again. But Al.. do you see? Do you know yet what it is?" He looks up at Al again, the deranged smile almost fitting in on his face with the tears brimming in his eyes.
Al stares down at his brother, slowly breaking apart in front of him. Sure, he knew Ed had been through so much.. Al himself had, too.. but he never thought Ed would snap. Ed was the strong one, not Al.
"Do you know?" Ed asks again, but before Al can answer, Ed grabs the glasses and shoves them towards Al's face. "This. He's taking the one thing that I need to find the answer to getting your body back. Al, I can't find the answer without this. He's taking my sight. Al, I'm so sorry. I just-I just couldn't let you die like that. You don't deserve that. You don't deserve that. Al, please, I'm so sorry.." Ed finally cracks, clutching the glasses tightly as he slumps in his seat, tears forcing their way out through his tight-shut eyes.
Al stares at his brother, feeling numb emotionally. So this.. this is why. This explains so much. Why Ed's vision had been deteriorating steadily. Why Ed no longer read books. Why Ed was so strange toward Al.. fear. Fear that Al would think Ed a failure, because Ed didn't have the means to restore Al's body anymore. Yet through all of it.. Ed hadn't mentioned once about himself, about any fear of going blind. The only fear Ed's blindness brings is that he'd be unable to help his little brother. Al's heart twists and he kneels down in front of Ed's chair, reaching out to pull Ed into a hug against his cool, hard, unfeeling armor.
"Ed, shh.. relax, brother. I don't hold it against you. Please, Ed.. I could never think bad of you, especially for this. Please, Ed.. stop being so hard on yourself. You brought me back, didn't you? That's all I need. As long as I'm with you, I don't need my human body. As long as we're together, I don't-"
"But Al you need your body!" Ed suddenly yells, looking up at the big grey blur that has become his brother, made worse by the tears flooding his eyes. "Y-you don't have a chance to live! You can't eat, you can't sleep, you can't feel anything! The summer, winter, you can see them change, but you can't feel the difference, and it's all my fault!" Ed yells, shoving back from Al-but finds himself trapped as Al keeps him in place.
"Be quiet, Ed," Al says strongly, surprising Ed into silence and stillness. "I don't blame you for what happened. It's a burden we both share, when we tried to bring mom back. But please, Ed, stop trying to sacrifice yourself for me. I don't want to get my body back if it means you losing anything else. If I lose you, I.. I don't know what I'd do. Please, Ed; stop fighting so hard and just listen." Al looks down at Ed's trembling form, golden bangs forming a curtain to hide Ed's eyes from him. "We have to take care of you now, okay? You're going.. blind, Ed. We have to worry about you now. We can search later, okay? For a way to get our bodies back."
"How.. how, Al?" Ed asks, voice relaying his hopelessness.
"I'll do all the reading.. and the alchemy. We'll work as a team. Your mind always did work better for science and alchemy and rationalization than mine did. I know it won't be easy.. but we can still do it, Ed."
"Al, I'd only be useless to you, and get in the way," Ed laughs weakly.
"But Ed.. I couldn't do it without you. Don't you get it? Nothing is worth doing if you're not there to do it with."
Ed looks up at his brother's form, spotting Al's eyes shining vehemently, even through Ed's clouded vision. It shocks him, and he can't help but relax and smile. "Yeah. You're right, Al." Ed sighs and leans against Al, not fighting his brother's embrace any longer. Though more questions and concerns dance on his tongue, Ed takes his brother's words to heart, keeping quiet.
Finding Ed so quiet, Al releases him, looking down at the defeated-yet-content look on Ed's face and the glazed look across Ed's eyes. "..Brother?"
Ed smiles to cheer Al up, eyes remaining unfocused. "Well, Al.. I'm not blind yet. Let's keep our hopes up, right? We'll keep looking for the stone or whatever will get your body back. Until I can't do it any more."
Al would smile for Ed if he could, but settles for a reassuring nod. "Tomorrow we'll see if Mustang has anything new for us."
"Tomorrow.. yeah, good idea." {Gives me time to rest a while.}
Though, he knew that's why Al had said it.
Several weeks and several successful-yet-fruitless assignments later, Mustang intentionally gives the Elric brothers an assignment to check out something incredibly mundane right in the town of Risembool. Both brothers knew this meant Roy wanted to give them a small break; they took it with appreciation and a grin, accompanied by a bounce in their step that Roy hadn't seen since before Ed had performed alchemy to get his brother back.
Ed postponed the departure by one day to get completely ready; he got a new set of glasses, the strongest possible, improving his vision quite a bit compared to how impaired his vision was without the glasses. He then set out with Al, boarding the train for the trip home, both anticipating and dreading the trip.
After an hour of silence, Al speaks, waking Ed from a glassy-eyed state of deep thought. "Brother? You are excited to go home, right?" He had seen the apprehension in Ed's face.
Ed smiles, turning his attention back to the train's window. "You know, Alphonse.. every assignment we take is fraught with danger and we make no promise of returning home alive. You know that, right?"
Alphonse jumps a bit at Ed's cryptic choice of words, but nods slowly. "Mhm."
"Every time we leave Risembool, we know we'll return. Even though we know something may happen and we'd never make it home alive.. we know in our hearts, because what else do we have?" At Al's silence, Ed continues his philosophical musing. "By that respect, every time we leave home, we might never see Winry or Granny again." Ed grins, that sad look on his face again. "The sick thing is, this time, it's true for me. You know, Al.. I'm going blind. I have six months left of being able to see. With how fast my eyes are fading, though.. I don't think I'll see much in three months anyway. You know what.. that means, right?" Ed asks again, continuing his trend of asking heavy questions only to answer them immediately. "This is the last time I'll ever see Winry and Granny. After this trip, I.. I'll never see them again." Ed goes silent just before his voice can crack, trying to relax the knot in his throat as he stares out the window at the passing countryside.
Al stares down at Ed, honestly not having thought about that. Sure, he knew that Ed's eyes were slowly degrading every day; but he didn't think they were going that fast. "I'm sorry, Brother," is all Al can manage, in his small, quiet voice. His eyes suddenly light up as he looks at Ed. {Now why didn't I think of that before?} "Ed! You don't have to worry. Once we get the stone, we can fix your eyes!"
Ed releases a bitter snort. "Fuck. I forgot to mention that detail, huh?" Ed leans his head back on the seat cushion, grinning darkly. "Truth made it clear to me that I couldn't get my eyes back. My leg, my arm, your body; all are fair game! But he seemed damn adamant on keeping my sight." Ed touches his automail fingers to his eyelids, enjoying the cool metal against them. "Hell if I know why he wants it. He doesn't need it; he already sees all."
Al sputters in protest. "You can't ever get it back?"
"Unless we find a way to defeat Truth, the self-proclaimed God, then I'm screwed to be blind." Ed sighs and taps his metal fingers against the glass, enjoying the exchange of sight for sound, for the first time. "It's fine, Al. I've had six months to come to terms with it."
Al watches Ed's wistful expression, and looks out the window as well. "And have you?"
As Ed answers, he's glad Al's not looking at him to see the lie he's sure is plain on his face. "As much as I ever will."
"Comiiiiing~!" The muffled voice penetrates the door at the Rockbell residence, the door opening to reveal typical Winry, that familiar green bandana around her head and gleaming wrench in her hand, the smell of oil in the house penetrated only by the soup cooking on the stove in the kitchen. "Ed? Al?" Winry looks at the two, a little puzzled, then puts her hands to her hips. "Ed, did you do something to your automail again?" she asks, glaring at him, only then noticing the glasses.
"Not this time," Ed says sheepishly, giving Winry a cheerful, honest smile. He stares at her through the glasses, overjoyed to see her again, despite how every contour of her face and body seemed as blurry as text in a wet book. "I wanted to come home and visit."
"Just.. visit? For no reason?" Winry watches Ed, looking at the glasses on Ed's face. "Um.. Ed?" When he 'hmms' curiously, she points at him. "Why are you wearing.. glasses?"
Ed smiles and takes Winry's hand in his human one, surprising her. He then pulls her forward as he leans forward, pressing a kiss to her lips before pulling away. He watches her, wanting to see the look on her face in reaction. Oh, he sure gets it; her eyes widen and her face reddens; she clutches her wrench tightly, not sure whether to slam it across his head or drop it and start attacking him with more romantic fervor than he thinks she's got. However, when she spots the subtle expectant grin on his face, she chooses the first option, smacking him carelessly with his wrench, watching him grab his head, though now grinning.
"Ed why the /hell/ did you do that!" she yells, face still red, both from embarrassment and anger.
"I-I wanted to see your face," he says, managing a chuckle. "I wanted to see your face when I kissed you." He rubs gingerly at his head, managing to shut her up with his next line. "I want to see your face.. when I tell you how much you /really/ mean to me." {I don't have much time left, so I have to tell you now.} "When I tell you.." his own face reddens as he speaks. "..I love you."
Al looks at Ed in surprise, though he begins grinning as wide as he can; /finally/.
Winry's eyes widen, mouth hanging open as she tries desperately to find words. "Wh-is-" She stares at Ed, studying his expression. Nervous, hoping, critical. "..Do you mean it?"
"Yes, /yes/ I mean it." Ed smiles, a true smile and not the usual smartass Ed smile. "I've known it for a long time. Uh, I wanted you to know."
"Just like that," Winry says, then grabs Ed's automail arm, yanking on it and pulling Ed right up against her for another kiss.
"Aren't you going to welcome those boys inside?" Pinako asks, smiling smugly at the scene unfolding before her.
Winry jerks away from Ed, face flushed hot red as she runs inside, releasing Ed. "Come in, then! Don't just stand around out there!" She disappears then, down the hall for the bathroom.
Ed just grins stupidly, heading inside with Al in tow. He debates whether to follow Winry or not; he decides on going after her, leaving Al to talk with Pinako.
"Winry?" Ed's glad he knows the building by heart, as the lighting in the hallway isn't the best, and he can't really make out any doors. He runs his human hand along the wall, finding the bathroom door much more quickly than just using his eyes, and pushes it open gently, to find Winry staring at the mirror over the sink, brimming with excitement and happy tears. However, when she spots him, she jumps, face reddening again.
"Ed! You can't follow a girl into the bathroom!"
Ed just laughs. "I didn't know you were a girl. You're always around tools and hardware."
Winry puts her hands on her hips, and her miffed expression only grows more so as his smile broadens. "What is going on with you, Ed? You come home wearing glasses and acting really bold. It's not like you."
Ed's smile shrinks down, replaced by his wistful smile. "Yeah. I have something to tell you." He sits Winry on the closed toilet lid, sitting himself on the edge of the bath tub. He taps the edge of his glasses, the automail-on-metal-frames making a clinking sound. "Al and I had a little.. run-in six months ago. Some crazy alchemist was trying to kill innocent people, so we intervened.. and Al," Ed says, memory flashing back to that vivid moment, just before sanity left him; "Al paid for it with his life."
Winry frowns, very confused. "But I just saw him-"
"I brought him back, Winry." Ed watches her face, even though he knows he doesn't want to see her reaction when he explains the rest. "I went after him. I went to the gate."
Winry gasps, looking Ed over carefully. "But-the last time you did-.." She trails off, waiting for him to explain more.
Ed taps the frame of his glasses again, giving her a sideways smile. "Payment this time wasn't an arm or a leg, or an organ like Teacher. It's a gradual, one-year-long loss of my sight." He looks away then, not wanting to see her reaction to this.
Her eyes widen, heart stopping in her chest as she looks at his half-focused golden eyes. "Ed..?"
Ed glances back up at her from the corner of his eyes, but has to tilt his head to look through the glasses, to see her more clearly.
"When you said.. losing your sight?"
"Yeah," Ed says, a chuckle slipping out of his mouth. "I'm going blind."
Ed wasn't prepared for what came next. He felt two arms pulling him into a tight hug, holding him closer to a human body than he'd been in years. His face reddens, but he doesn't fight; he relaxes, returning the hug. "I'm sorry, Winry. I should have came home sooner."
"Why didn't you, Ed?"
"Without my eyes, I can't search for the stone," Ed says quietly. "I wanted to use what time I had to find the answer." He looks up at her, and though she can see the unspoken fears in his eyes, she simply hugs him close once more.
"I know you boys. You don't stop until you find it, no matter what's in the way. Even without your eyes.. I know you'll find it."
"Thank you, Winry." Ed returns the hug, pulling away only a minute later. "Uh, we left Al and Granny in a hurry," he says sheepishly, and follows Winry when she runs out in surprise.
"It is your fault, Ed," she says, trotting through the hallway, not even noticing Ed watching her ass as she goes. Honestly, who can blame him? He doesn't have much longer to see it.
He stops suddenly when she does, nearly crashing into her; he turns to see the scene before him. Al is looking at Winry, but Pinako is staring at Ed, a saddened expression on her face-but Ed's eyes, even with the glasses, can't make this out. "Huh? Something wrong?" He looks at Winry, who is nodding to Pinako.
Pinako walks toward Ed, carefully studying his eyes as he peers down at her through his glasses; when he slips up and squints a bit, she frowns. "So it's true then, what Al told me. You really are.. losing your sight."
"Slowly," Ed replies with a slight nod, giving Al a look that says 'You told that old hag already?'.
Pinako frowns, shaking her head. "When are you boys gonna learn? Alchemy is not the answer."
"Neither is leaving Al dead," Ed throws back at her, hands forming into tight fists.
Everyone in the room looks at Ed in surprise, but Winry takes Ed's hand into hers. "You know that isn't what she meant, Ed." Low enough that only he can hear it, she continues. "You don't have to be so on edge. You're here with family."
"I'm sorry," Ed mumbles, squeezing her hand gently.
"Ed came to visit, not to fight," Pinako comments. "Now come boys, stay a while."
"Ed, you're leaving already? You've only been here two days." Winry frowns at Ed's choice to leave so early; even Al is protesting.
Ed smiles, looking straight into her blue eyes. "Don't worry, Winry.. I've got enough memories to last the rest of my life. I'll never forget how you, Granny, or home looks." He leans forward, sneaking a kiss to her cheek. "Besides, I've got to try and find the stone one last time, before I'm out of time."
A few tears roll down Winry's cheeks, and judging by the smile still on Ed's face, he can't even see them. "I really wish you'd stay, Ed. But I know you boys. Always on the move." She pulls him into one more tight hug, then releases the brothers back to the world, watching with Pinako as they head off on their way.
"What do you think, Granny? They'll come home in six months, won't they?"
Pinako watches the two; Ed looks just like he ever did, high-spirited and carefree. "I don't know. Maybe, maybe not. Somehow, I don't think blindness will stop him from searching for an answer to getting Al's body back."
Winry wipes the wetness from her cheeks, smiling. "You're right, Granny. I'm glad, though. As much as I want them home, they need that determination."