In Loving Memory 3

When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight. ~Khalil Gibran

…..

"Once upon a time…"

Snape shot Hermione a dark look. She saw it but ignored it. This was her mind after all.

"… there was a girl born to a young hippie-ish couple. They were proud to have a daughter, and as lovers of books, decided to give the girl a memorable if not pleasant name. As the baby grew to a toddler, her parents noticed that there was something different about her. Thinking an easy grasp of language at a young age and her vivid imagination (owls for postmen indeed!) signified that she was gifted, they encouraged her by taking her on trips to the library and filling her head with stories."

"Unfortunately, this particular girl insisted that stories of evil witches and innocent damsels were wrong. She innately knew that witches and wizards were not evil by nature and townspeople and damsels were not so innocent either. As the girl grew she became an agitated and excitable child who broke things, especially electronic devices even though she insisted she had not touched them. In order to help the child cope, these dental interns leaned on their hippie routes and took her to see a holistic healer who taught her to meditate."

Thinking that perhaps she might be able to show Snape a particular memory she closed her eyes and concentrated. On one of the walls the memory showed like a movie from a projector.

A Hermione of about 6 was sitting cross legged with a woman who could be Trewlany's sister, so bedecked was she in silk scarves and cheap bangles. Snape scoffed but let the show continue.

"Now young one, as you concentrate on your breathing, I want you to visualize a place, a place in your mind that makes you feel content and secure."

"Like a library!" the young Hermione chirped enthusiastically.

The Trewalny look-a-like opened her eyes aghast. "No, child, a library while quiet, isn't a calming place. It is full of books and stories and just the sort of place where that imagination of yours would run amok. No, that won't do at all. How could you put away the chaos of your thoughts in a library?"

"Well… on a shelf!"

"You cannot just shelve memories young one. They need to become energy, to be stored in the cosmos if they're good, the bad ones you'll just let flow into the ground. Like this…" she said as she demonstrated breathing.

"Why can't I use a library? I could make my memories and thoughts and feelings into books and put them on a shelf. And I don't think is very smart to try and toss bad memories aside. Lessons can be learned from the bad too, plus there's just something… wrong about locking them away or forgetting them.. it just seems… I don't know… bad or something."

Sister Trewlany (as Snape decided to call this woman), shook her head in exasperation, giving Hermione a 'your parents don't pay me enough' look. "Just close your eyes child." It was clear that Sister Trewlany was trying to keep her voice calm and serene, but it was strained. "Now just breathe, yes that's it. Now feel the energy flowing within you."

Luckily Sister Trewlany had her eyes closed because Hermione was indeed feeling the flow of her power; it was practically pulsing around her.

"Now let those chaotic thought and all those negative feelings flow out your body and into the ground."

Hermione was bathed in flames now, those distinct blue flames that he had seen her covered in earlier. The 'emotions' flowed out alright. The carpet and walls caught fire, heat induced wind jostled her curls. Sister Trewlany's eyes snapped open and she screamed. Jumping up from her position on her cushion, Sister Trewlany grabbed a nearby chair and readied herself to throw it through the studio window. Hermione's small hand stopped her. Luckily the child was no longer covered in blue flames, but while Sister Trewlany was sweating and choking on smoke, Hermione was calm and serene.

"If you break that window Ma'am, it will only make the fire worse and you will die. We need to find another room, close the door and leave that way."

Sister Trewlany looked panicked, but dropped the chair and took Hermione's hand and pointed to a door that was cracked open. "We can get out through the bedroom, but we can't get through the fire to get there."

Hermione just calmly led her to the wall of flames blocking the door and roughly pulled her through the fire into the room and closed the door. Luckily Sister Trewlany had the good sense to drop to the floor and roll around to put out her flaming scarves. Hermione opened the window and called to her meditation instructor.

The scene on the wall flickered out.

"The fire was deemed to have been caused by old wiring. Madame Renior was credited with saving my life and heralded a hero."

Snape snorted. "She was a much a hack as Trewlany."

Hermione gave him a wry grin. "Well yes, but she did teach me a few things; first about letting my magic flow, calming myself and visualizing my own personal 'happy place'. Though, I did disregard her advice on a library being a poor choice for my memories. I spent the next couple of year visualizing my library and visualizing my ideas, thought and memories as books."

"I see. Well, now that story time is over, I propose we visit this library of yours and see what it may need."

"Not quite yet professor." Before the protest on his tongue could be formed into a scathing remark, she continued. "There are a couple other things that are important to my… whatever this place is called."

"Mindscape." Snape bit out. "Fine, but hurry it up."

Hermioned closed the book she had been reading from and opened the black book. "When the girl was 8, her parents tried another approach. They took her to see a hypnotist. The very thought of someone having control over her mind, the thought that he may somehow be able to see her library terrified her. While the hypnotist tried to bring her under his control, the young girl panicked. In an effort to shrug off his control, she quite accidentally caused the man's blood to heat until his heart exploded." Hermione peeked at Snape from under her eyelashes to see if his face was filled with disgust that she took the life of a Muggle at the mere age of 8. His face was as impassive as ever, though she was swore she saw a spark of surprise in his eyes. At least it wasn't revulsion. "The death was ruled as a heart attack caused by a severe blood infection and hypertension, with a mention of possible spontaneous human combustion. I was so afraid that the cops questioning me would be able to read my mind and find out I killed him that I shut the memory up in this book and sunk my library in quicksand. I didn't realize at the time just how dangerous it was to shut everything out. I didn't have another episode of accidental magic until I was 10."

Hermione turned the page of her book. "This is the last one." She rearranged her position in her chair before continuing. "When the girl was 10 her grandmother died. The girl had been feeling out of sorts and experiencing mood swings for about a year prior. Her mother assured her it was just the onset of adolescent hormones and that every girl goes through these mood changes. When her grandmother died, the girl felt she had no way to compartmentalize her grandmother's death. Something essential was lacking and the girl became hysterical. Her parents took her to a priest to assure the girl that grandma was in heaven and that it was ok to be sad, but to understand that she would see her again."

Hermione's expression became dark and haunted. "Unfortunately, the priest saw something in me and decided to hold an impromptu exorcism."

Snape's expression did change then, it changed to a mixture of pity, shock and pure rage. Several tools used in exorcisms were actually ancient wizarding relics of questionable magics.

A few tears streamed down Hermione's face before she continued. "Needless to say, it did not go well. The priest and his alcyote unearthed my library and unleashed my magic. My parents nearly died, the holy men did, and the entire Cathedral burned to the ground with a few impressive explosions. The papers reported the cause as a gas leak, but I have never been more terrified in my life. Not even under the Death Eater's wand this morning compared to that. Aurors flocked the place, apparating in like demonic spirits, casting spells and apparating me and my parents to St. Mungos. The next couple of hours were spent with healers and Aurors telling me that I did nothing wrong, nothing!" she screeched. Hermione bolted form her seat and started to pace. Professor McGonagall showed up and explained to me and my parents that I was a witch and my magic had manifested."

Snape watched the agitated girl, and then looked to the open black book lying on the floor where it had slid off her lap. He stood, walked over to the book and picked it up. He shut it with an audible snap.

Hermione's mood once again leveled out. "Professor McGonagall gave me "Hogwarts a History" and then later a few beginner spell books. I vowed I would study harder than I ever had, and I would master my powers. It took a year of sorting my library and assimilating my new knowledge with the old before I felt confident I wasn't going to accidentally turn into a real-live "Carrie." I came to Hogwarts a couple weeks after I first felt in control of the magic."

"Then I'd say you failed, because that scene I walked into earlier was a fair impression of the Muggle film."

Hermione shot him a dirty look, but he continued. "Now, if you're done with the history lesson and the wallowing… then I suggest we get to it. As nice as this Gryffindor seating area is, I have other things to do today."

'Heartless bastard!' Hermione thought before closing her eyes, controlling her breathing and envisioning her library.

The scene around him changed. They were now standing in the middle of a jungle, only, in this jungle, a massive library stood. The library was three levels tall with roman style marble pillars and stairs leading up to ornate French doors. The library was floating on a sea of quick sand. Hermione walked confidently across the surface of the quicksand to the steps of the library. Snape followed her just as confidently as he was secure in his legilimen abilities.

In the foyer, Hermione paused. "It's so different feeling like I'm physically walking through here versus imagining it. Is this something I can do on my own, or only when my mind is being invaded?"

Snape stood looking at a plaque in the center of the room which was an obvious directory, good for sorting and storing one's memories, bad for giving an invader a road map to what they are looking for. "The art of the mind is complex and mastering it is a long, hard and potentially dangerous road." At Hermione's surprised look Snape smirked. "It wouldn't do to get lost in your own mind permanently would it?" Hermione's eyes widened in shock and a touch of horror. No doubt she was imagining all the ways this could have gone wrong over the years stumbling unknowingly through the complicated task of occulmency in intuitive and trial and error approaches. "But to answer your question, visiting one's mindscape is possible for any competent occulmense once you reach an advanced stage of meditation. It becomes easier and second nature eventually, but that is more advanced than you really need to know."

"I beg to differ! Not only do I need to know as much as possible to protect my own mind, but I might be able to teach Harry too. He really needs a way to block out Vol- um, He-Who-Is-An-Evil-Git."

A wild look had crossed Hermione's eyes, but he shot her a nasty glare to stifle the rest her protests. "I will not be coerced into teaching another Gryffindor the arts of the mind. If you want to learn, find another teacher," he said with a sneer.

"Fine. But I will learn." She responded defiantly.

Snape walked to the back of the main hall and down marble steps. That directory in the foyer really gave him a great layout of her mindscape. At the bottom of the steps he walked through a small room filled with shelves of books. The bindings on these books were dull, dark colors, some of the bindings even looked a little cracked. At the back of the room was a small area of shelves that was blocked off by a set of iron doors. The doors looked weak and a little rusty. This was where the 'black book' belonged. Granted she'd have to visit and visit the memories within sometime, but right now the book needed to be locked up.

Hermione was behind him, but he didn't give a fig. He could easily have asked her to open the section, but decided to test the strength of the doors. He grabbed on to the bars and gave an experimental tug. Hermione grabbed her head as if a migrane had suddenly and forcefully taken hold. He looked at the girl and decided to go ahead and break in. She needed to know a little of what a legilimense could do, and this would not do her any permanent damage. He pulled forcefully on the bars and they broke open as Hermione fell to the floor with a sharp scream.

Inside, he put the back book back and grabbed another and started flipping through. 'This is interesting.' He thought. The memories in these pages were of the Golden Trio's rule breaking exploits. 'The chit set me on fire!' It took a moment to realize that was probably the only way he could have been set on fire, by another with the affinity. He was so startled at the time that he actually caught on fucking fire, that he didn't really stop to think about the how. He was just getting to the girl solving his Riddle that same year when the book was wrenched from his fingers by a non-verbal accio.

"I think that's enough of that Professor!" Hermione said slightly enraged.

"You know that I could take that if I wanted." He retorted.

"I do, but you are not here to uncover all my dirty little secrets now are you?" She was tired, her head was throbbing and honestly she wanted a cuddle and a good cry, two things she was not going to do with Snape right now.

"True." He looked around a moment more and recalled the directory in the foyer. Yes, the girl was off to a very good start. Besides he wasn't her to teach her, but to get her to calm the hell down. "I think you are fine for the moment. If you have any questions, ask Dumbledore." He said with a glare. Knowing her, she would start peppering him with questions the moment he exited her mind.

"Very well professor. How do I show you the proverbial door?"

'Insufferable!' was his last thought as he exited her mind.

…..

After Snape left her mind, it took a moment for her vision to return, and even then she started to swoon a bit.

"She should be fine for the time being Headmaster." Snape said, directing his attention to Dumbledore.

"Very well. If you wouldn't mind joining me in my office for tea, I'd be much obliged."

Snape took it for the debriefing order that it was. They did have much to discuss, not the least, his visit with Riddle. Snape inclined his head at the Headmaster and started off for the study.

"Minerva, if you will join me in, oh say an hour?"

McGonagall looked at him and nodded before sitting in Snape's vacant spot on Hermione's bed. The moment she sat, the girl threw her arms around her neck, buried her face in her robes and softly wept. Gone were the hysterics and flames of earlier, now was tears of healing and exhaustion.

…..

A/N: I wanted to have this up long ago, but college started back up and the whole house caught the stomach flu (5 out of 6 of us at least, hubs was spared). Updates may be spotty, I do this to relax and for my own entertainment. College and kids take up an insane amount of my time, but will try to update as soon as inhumanly possible ;)