Yamazaki had thought the training sessions when the Captain and China-san had had a fight was hell on earth. It had felt like Satan himself had risen from his fiery domain to personally ensure that their arms fell off after rigorously swinging their swords for hours on no end. He had thought that it couldn't get any worse than that.

Oh, how wrong he was.

Sougo paced the grounds with his usual, slow tempo, with a slight hint of annoyance on his face that only Yamazaki could detect, with how often he had been forced to spy on his Captain. He only inspected their stances and the way they held their swords, paying no heed to their panting or pleading, desperate looks shot to him by them.

Yamazaki risked a glance at the gates of the grounds when Sougo's back was turned to him, hoping to get a glimpse of his Vice-Commander. He had spared them before, so he could just pop out of nowhere and end their misery, right?

Well, apparently not. After countless minutes of swinging his sword, Yamazaki could feel his arms burning, body overheated and his shirt drenched in sweat, and the tiny hope of Hijikata turning up dwindling down to nothing.

Yamazaki accepted his fate with a groan, which got lost among the other men's grumbles, forced out of them by their efforts and tight lungs. They were to stay there, until either the Captain got tired of giving them instructions with insults scattered between and let them go to take a nap, or someone collapsed from oxygen depletion or dehydration. Whichever came first.

The latter happened first, fortunately. Or unfortunately. Yamazaki detachedly watched a man drop so much like a sack of potatoes. He didn't dare move in case the Captain decided that collateral damage was acceptable and kept up with this, this torture, and made them keep going. If he got even more pissed off, it was possible he would skip his nap and they would have to go on until they all dropped to the ground like flies. He tiredly held his arms still, trembling with the effort.

Sougo looked at the man unconscious on the ground for a moment, then at the men holding their swords up with red faces twisted up in pain, staying still only by sheer will. Yamazaki prayed that he would take pity on them.

Well, maybe pity was unlikely, but he knew his Captain. If it was possible, he would want to avoid any paperwork and heart to hearts with the Commander, which would be imminent if even more people were to fall unconscious and had to be taken to the infirmary. He would let them go.

He counted the seconds, and just like he thought, the Captain dismissed them with;

"Incompetent trash. You," he pointed at the closest two men to the one lying on the ground, "take him to the infirmary. If you can't lift him up, drag him. Dismissed."

He turned to go and take his nap, presumably, ignoring the pained groans rumbling behind him.

Yamazaki sank to the ground, his arms finally free to drop to his sides. They were numb, muscles involuntarily convulsing. Seems everyone else had the same idea, as they all immediately let their trembling legs collapse, some directly lying down on the dirt.

Yamazaki saw a few men poking the unconscious one, with no reaction.

"Hey, you think he's dead?" one of them asked.

"Dunno man," said another, "it'd be better for him if he is. We're gonna feel this for day, I tell you."

"Whose arms are these?" Someone said up from his place lying on the ground, tiredly flailing his arms.

If Yamazaki had the energy, he would smack himself in the face. As it was, he just let his head drop back to stare at the sky with a groan.

He had to talk with the Vice-Commander. The Captain was insufferable at the best of times, and now he didn't have China-san to spend time and pent up energy with, he was even worse. They had to get back together as soon as possible.

His mind made up, he tried to push himself up to his feet and promptly fell back on his ass.

'First thing,' he decided, 'after I can feel my legs again.'

Gintoki kept turning the information he had gotten the previous night over and over in his head, conflicted. He understood the boy's reasons, even if he thought they were absolute bullshit. Kagura was strong, she could take care of herself. But she was as thoughtless as she was strong, when it came to fighting.

"I couldn't tell her, Danna," Sougo had said, "She would want to get involved, if she knew that they were coming after me."

It was true, Gintoki couldn't deny it. And he understood if she was hurt because of Sougo, the boy wouldn't be able to forgive himself.

"I'm the only one who is allowed to hurt her." He had said.

What a messed-up pair they were.

He had patted Sougo on the shoulder, kind of uncomfortable that he was (maybe?) feeling sympathy to an unfeeling, sadistic little brat.

"Is it better for her to be miserable and safe, or both of you to be happy and fight side by side, like you always do?" he had said, knowing words were abundant in a situation like this and the boy had to think it through.

Sougo hadn't responded, a slight frown marring his face. Gintoki, feeling like it was his cue to leave, had patted him on the back twice and turned towards the door.

"Happiness isn't an easy thing to find it, kid. When, if you find it, you have to fight for it, not let it slip from your grasp."

Hijikata was on patrol duty, unaware of the torment his men were going through back in the compounds. It wasn't something he would usually do, patrol being something Sougo requested – he was overqualified for it too, but it was easier to slack off outside the Shinsengumi – but the possibility of the rogue faction coming after Sougo again had made Kondo assign him to patrol duty.

It was peaceful, not having to terrify his men out of their minds, dodge the traps Sougo had set up for him and be on guard all the time in case he decided to attack out of nowhere and smoke without anyone telling him to go outside. He thought maybe he should go on patrol more often.

The tranquility of the day was disturbed by a distant ruckus; he heard yells and clang of weapons clash from an alley a block ahead of him. He frowned and ran towards the source, his hand on his sword to be able to pull it out at any moment.

He burst into the alley, quickly assessing the situation. There were about fifteen men standing with various weaponry, some sporting swords while some had guns – and was that a grenade launcher, what the fuck – with about ten more sprawled on the ground with blood pooling beneath them.

He was about to interfere, thinking it must be a gang fight or a deal gone wrong, when a flash of bright, orange-ish hair flashed from the end of the alleyway and with the sound of rapid gunfire, four more men fell with screams of pain.

Kagura jumped, kicking one of her assailants while knocking out another two with her parasol. Hijikata swore and pulled out his sword, dashing forward to help her take them down.

It didn't take them long to dispose of their adversaries, in a short few minutes, Hijikata was cleaning his sword clean of the blood on one of the men's clothes while Kagura was standing on another, poking him with the tip of her umbrella. They both had minor scrapes and cuts, blood slowly dripping from Kagura's knuckles.

"Who do you work for?" she demanded, hand on the trigger of her parasol and an angry grimace on her face, "the Yakuza? You can tell them if they come near me again I will shove this so far up their asses it will come out of their mouths! You hear me, you piece of shit?"

The man didn't respond, nervously looking at the tip of the umbrella she was threatening him with.

"Hey, China girl. Calm down."

Hijikata walked up to where she was, putting a hand on her shoulder. He glared at the man Kagura was still squishing with the heel of her flat shoe.

"What do you want, Mayora? Gonna try to hit on me with one of your weird ass pick up lines?"

Hijikata startled, and pulled her off the man and towards the closest wall for some privacy.

"What? No! I just saved you and that's the first thing you say?"

"What do you mean 'saved me'? I had it covered!"

"Well, if I hadn't blocked that sword coming at you from behind you could be at the hospital right now!"

"Then if I hadn't taken out those two that were about to run you through you would be in your grave right now!"

"Um," the conscious man had poked a friend of his awake. They were both watching their back and forth with bewildered looks.

"The miss is right, she was wrecking us by herself just fine."

"Ha!" Kagura shouted, pleased by the support.

"Besides, is this really the place for a lovers' quarrel?" the second one piped up. "We just attacked you with the intent to kill, after all."

Kagura spluttered.

"What? He's not my lover! I mean, look at him! How could he be with someone as beautiful as me? I'm a luxury only few can afford."

The second one looked interested.

"So you don't have a boyfriend? Or girlfriend, maybe?"

Kagura looked stricken for a moment, then shook it off. At Kagura's nod, the man pushed himself up to sit and took out a pen from an inner pocket.

"Hey man, do you have any paper?" the man asked Hijikata.

Confused, Hijikata shook his head negative, wondering how an attack in an alley turned into this.

The man shrugged and with a painful grimace, stood up to walk over to Kagura. He held his hand up, wiggling his fingers, and seeing he didn't look like he was going to attack her, Kagura held her hand out too.

He grasped her wrist, not minding the blood staining her hand and quickly scrabbled a series of number on her forearm.

"That's me. If you wanna, you know, meet without trying to kill each other, call me, yeah?"

Kagura looked at the man with a more careful eye. He had a good figure and was definitely handsome, disregarding the blood covering his face. The blood that she had spilled. Meh.

"Sorry, but I don't date men who are weaker than me."

Hijikata stared at the first man, who was still on the ground, staring at his friend with disbelief. He looked up to meet Hijikata's eyes, both mouthing 'What the fuck?' in sync.

"Ah, that's a shame," the handsome one said, "I'm more of a lover than a fighter, if you know what I mean."

Hijikata, deciding enough was enough, stepped closer to Kagura and pulled her closer to himself by her arm.

"Hey, back off. She's taken."

Kagura shook his hand off.

"You back off! I'm a single, independent woman! You can't decide for me."

Hijikata took her arm again. He leaned down closer to her ear.

"If you ever meet this guy, I'll get Sougo to follow you and sic him on this man."

Kagura let out a bitter chuckle.

"Are you high, Mayora? He doesn't care." She said in a subdued voice, looking at the ground. "He said he found himself a new plaything."

"He said what? Are you sure he said that?"

"Yes. Now shut up. They'll start to wake up soon. Won't you arrest them?"

It was a cheap way to change the topic but it was also true. Some of them were stirring, groaning in pain, and with a put-out sigh Hijikata took out his communicator to call for backup.

The squad cars arrived in four minutes, quickly cuffing the men and getting them into the cars to take them to the headquarters.

The handsome one waved at Kagura with his cuffed arms from inside the car he was in, mouthing 'call me' and making a phone sign with his hand, then they were off. Kagura and Hijikata were left staring at the dust the cars raised behind them.

"Ugh."

"Well, he may be a criminal but I have to say I admire his determination."

"Fuck off, Mayora." Kagura said, turning to go. "That was enough for today, I'm going home."

"Hey, wait," Hijikata said, "What did you mean when you said Sougo told you that he found a new plaything?"

"Ugh. Do we have to talk about this?"

"Yes, we do. Tell me what you meant."

"Ugh."

"That was too many 'ugh's."

"It's a too many 'ugh' situation." Kagura said, finally turning to him. "I meant exactly what I said. That's what he said when he broke up with me."

Hijikata facepalmed. He took a breath to calm himself.

"And? What else did he say?"

"That he didn't want me anymore and to keep away from him." Kagura said with a blank face, her voice devoid of any emotion.

"Ugh."

"Yeah. Ugh."

"Kagura-chan!"

Taking in her bloodied clothes and knuckles, her clothes ripped in various places, Shinpachi rushed over to Kagura where she was taking off her shoes in the doorway.

"Oh no, what happened? Did you get into a fight with a crocodile again?"

"Do these look like teeth marks, you idiot!"

"Oh. Then the mafia?"

Kagura shrugged.

"I don't know. They didn't tell me."

Putting her parasol to its usual place by the door, she walked to the living room and sank into the couch with a weary sigh. Shinpachi reappeared with a first aid kit and started cleaning her knuckles.

"How many were there?"

"About twenty-five or something? I didn't count."

"And you didn't run?"

Kagura shook her head, staring out of the window.

"Kagura-chan! That's too many to take on alone!"

"Shut your mouth, Glasses! Mayora swung by and helped me."

"But was he there when it started?"

Kagura shrugged again. Shinpachi sighed, covering her knuckles with gauze.

"Take off your shirt. There's a gash on your side."

Kagura did as he said, turning sideways to give him easier access. She hissed at the first touch of the distilled water soaked cloth, but Shinpachi was used to it. He cleaned her wound with ease born of practice, spreading some antibiotic cream on it covering it with a plaster.

They sat in silence for a few moments, the quiet clanking of Shinpachi putting the first aid supplies back into its box the only sound in the room.

"Get some rest, Kagura-chan. I'll wake you up for dinner."

Kagura stood up and went to Gintoki's room without a response. Shinpachi rubbed his temples to ward of the oncoming headache, and got up to put the first aid kit to its usual place in the bathroom.

Yamazaki, after finally gathering his courage and energy, made his way to the Vice-Commander's office to talk about The Problem™. Before he could even knock the door, it swept open.

Yamazaki froze when he saw Hijikata's more pissed off than usual expression, with his hand poised to knock.

"Oh. Yamazaki," said Hijikata, still holding the door open, "What do you want? I've got things to do."

"Vi-Vice-Commander, sir, um," he said. Talking to a pissed off Hijikata was like walking through a densely-laid minefield; you never knew where to step and any wrong movement could end up with you in pieces.

"What? And put down your hand. You look stupid."

Yamazaki hurriedly stuck his hand to his side, swallowing nervously.

"U-um, Vice-Commander, I have to talk to you about Captain Okita, sir."

Hijikata sighed, running a hand through his hair.

"Not now, Yamazaki. I have to go-"

Hijikata abruptly stopped talking, contemplating the nervous man in front of him.

"On another thought," said Hijikata, turning Yamazaki around by his shoulder, "you're coming with me. You're good at reading people, aren't you?"

"Yes, sir," Yamazaki fiddled with his jacket sleeves, "I have to be, to be a good spy."

"Good, then. We're going to an interrogation. I want you to stay on the other side of the mirror and tell me whenever you suspect someone is lying, got it?"

"Yes, sir!" said Yamazaki. The Problem™ had to be solved some other time.

Their usual gimmick in interrogation was Hijikata would be the bad cop, and Kondo would be the good cop, they would go in together, Hijikata would threaten them in various ways while Kondo held him back, sat there with his usual bubbliness and offered them lightened sentences, or quick deaths. They even had a monthly deal going on; whoever cracked more people would be treated dinner by the other. Hijikata always won the bet.

This time though, when they learned that the men were sent by the rogue faction to capture Kagura with the intention to use her against Sougo, which in turn would allow them to deal with the leaders of the Shinsengumi, Hijikata had to physically hold Kondo down to stop him from killing the man right then and there. Maybe he may have let some punches slip and Kondo may have burst the man's lip and blackened his eye. And he may have failed to stop Kondo from choking him for a few minutes while looking for his lighter. Accidentally.

After pulling Kondo out of the room and sitting him down on a chair, patting him on the shoulder when he complained; "Didn't you hear what they did to Sougo, Toushi! Our boy is sad because of those bastards!", he went back into the interrogation room with an earpiece with Yamazaki on the other end.

The man sitting handcuffed to the chair looked terrified, with blood dripping down his chin and purple marks starting to appear on his neck where Kondo almost squeezed the life out of him.

Hijikata lit a cigarette, simply staring at the man for a few moments. He took a drag of his cigarette, holding it in his lungs for a few moments and leaning down to blow the smoke on the man's face.

"I'll have you know I only took my colleague out because he would kill you instantly. And we don't want that, do we?" he said, looking at the man dead in the eye. "We want it to be slow."

The man swallowed the blood pooled in his mouth, not daring to move.

Hijikata straightened, taking another drag.

"Now, Ren, was it?"

He nodded quickly, not taking his eyes off Hijikata.

"Ren. You'll answer my questions simply and only say the truth. If you lie, I will know it. Clear?"

"Y-yes."

"Good. Now, tell me why you tried to take the girl."

"O-our boss wanted her to use her against the First Division Captain."

A crackle from his earpiece, then, "He's telling the truth, Vice-Commander."

"What made you think that he would care?"

Ren nervously chuckled.

"Well, if you had a babe like that, wouldn't you care?"

Hijikata slammed a hand on the table between them, gripping his collar to harshly pull his face closer and punched him in the face. Ren's wrists twisted in their cuffs, the punch catching the edge of his bruised eye and making him grunt in pain.

"Don't get cheeky with me, you piece of shit!"

"O-okay! Okay! Geez, man!"

Hijikata let him go, who dropped hard back into his chair.

"I won't ask again. Why did you think that it would get to him?"

"Our sources said that she's his weakness, and if we want him vulnerable we had to get her first."

Hijikata froze, ash falling from his cigarette to scatter on the ground.

"Our sources?"

"Yeah."

His patience wearing thin, Hijikata quickly walked around the table and put a hand on Ren's shoulder to keep him still. He glared at Ren, and put his cigarette out on his forearm.

Ren trashed in his seat, a cry ripping out of his throat. Hijikata let go of his shoulder to grasp his chin and turn his head, meeting Ren's pained eyes.

"I told you not to get cheeky. Now I'll light another cigarette, and this time," Hijikata trailed a finger down Ren's throat, stopping at his jugular notch, "I'll put it out right here."

He walked back to the other side of the table, pulling out another cigarette and lighting it, on which Ren's eyes stayed fixed.

"Who are your sources?"

Ren swallowed, hand instinctively trying to go to his throat. His hands only rose a few centimetres, making the cuffs jingle.

"A-a couple of men who survived the attack, they r-report-"

Hijikata, holding his smoke between his teeth, threw another punch, hitting him square in the jaw. He uncurled his fist and shook his hand.

"No one survived the attack, you moron! Try again."

Ren flexed his jaw, painful tingles making their way up and to his head.

"N-no, no! We had stationed some men around, in case something like th-that happened! We got our information from them! I swear!"

Hijikata stared the man down, nothing but fury in his expression. He looked Ren in the eye, walking around the table. He took a drag, and blew it out after a few seconds.

He was stalling for time.

Finally, a crackle from his earpiece, then, "He's lying."

Hijikata kept smoking his cigarette, not letting anything show on his face. Then he calmly walked over to Ren, grabbing his hair and pulling his head back.

Ren tried to flail his arms, trash his head but Hijikata's grip was too tight.

"No! No! I'm telling the truth, I swear! I swe-" his words were cut off by his scream, echoing in the small room. The smell of burnt skin and flesh was repulsive, but Hijikata had dealt with worse. He kept the filter in Ren's jugular notch until not a spark remained. He let it drop, inspecting his work. A deep red mark was burnt into the skin, the area around it rapidly swelling. It would leave a scar.

He straightened and let go of Ren's hair, who instinctively dropped his chin towards the burn to stop it from hurting, before realizing how stupid of an idea it was when it intensified and raised his head back.

Hijikata took out his lighter, turning the flint stone slowly. The scraping noise echoed in the room, mixed with Ren's pained moans.

"I'm neither a sadist, nor a pyromaniac. That would be the First Division Captain you're trying so hard to take. But you're really testing my limits."

Hijikata leaned closer to him again, flicking his lighter and putting it between their faces. The flame reflected on Hijikata's steely expression, on Ren's wide, terrified eyes.

"I'll ask you again, and if you lie in my face, again, I will cover every inch of you in burns. Slowly, with this lighter. And I will enjoy every minute of it. Who. Are. Your. Sources."

"We - we have a mole! A mole!" he spluttered, tongue tangling up, trying to keep up with the speed he wanted to talk, "in Shinsengumi! He gives us our information!"

Hijikata waited.

Crackle. "He's telling the truth."

"What's his name? Tell me! His. Name!"

Ren unsuccessfully tried to twist his face away from the flame, spluttering.

"K-Kamiyama! His name is Kamiyama!

Notes:

I have no idea how it turned out like this. I had intended for this story to be a short cutesy thing, and here we are.

The reason I chose Kamiyama is because that much of an obsession with someone's butt must be unhealthy, hahaha! I'm sure he has some ulterior motives.