CHAPTER THREE- OH SO INNOCENT
I awoke in Arianna's arms and I blinked, remembering what happened. I stared around in shock; it was just an empty training room, except for me and her.
"Wh-wh-wha -" I sputtered but she hushed me.
"An 'insightful moment' I like to call it now," she said softly.
I struggled to sit up straight, pulling away from her. "I call it bullshit,"
"That's what I used to call it as well," she smiled dryly.
I blinked a couple of times and looked around the room; I never knew Jace had been such an angry kid. Tears welled up in my eyes and I tried to hide them, sure I wasn't succeeding. A hand came down to rest on my cheek, brushing my hair away from my face.
"It's okay, Clarissa, do not be afraid to show your feelings to me," she murmured, her fingers lingering on my cheek. I looked into her dark eyes and noticing for the first time, there was a green mixed in with the blackish shade. It was like an emerald green mixed with black…but it wasn't ugly. They somehow looked nicer now, kinder. I noticed how they glittered in the moonlight that was pouring in from the sky light above us.
She closed her eyes and bowed her head. "I am sorry," she murmured.
"For what?" I asked and, surprising both of us, I gently placed my hand on top of hers.
Arianna stared at my hand and I swear I saw, and felt, a tear drop onto my hand, but before I could really see it on my hand, it was covered by her hand.
"You are stronger now, Clarissa. I hadn't exactly planned on having you gain this certain…power so quickly, but I can't really chose what to give you when." She sighed sadly and patted my knee gently. "Tell me what you think,"
"I…" was completely lost for words; I sputtered for a few seconds then finally managed to get out, "What happened exactly?"
She gave a very small smile then went on to explain, "As I said before, I call it an 'insightful moment' now, but it was a sort of…gift I just happened to inherit for some reason. Sometimes, when I would touch something I would have a 'moment'. I could never tell what exactly would set it off, but once I learned to control it, it was quite helpful. I could use it to tell things about people, if I could trust them or if they were an enemy. I could sometimes touch someone's hand or arm, even their shirt sleeve and be able to tell things about them. I would try it, when I learned more about whatever it was and I would try it on things, almost trying to tame it. I would almost always get something off a person, but not always objects. It helped me become a better person and, at the time I thought it was more important, a better Shadowhunter."
I stared at her in shock. "So…this ability helped you become better? It could help me?"
"I think it will be more helpful for you than it was to me, firstly because you'll have someone to help you through whatever was happening and secondly, I think you really will need this because everyone seems to have it in for you."
That got a small smile out of me. "I don't think so much now," I smirked, pleased that I knew something that she didn't.
She gave me a very serious look. "You would be surprised,"
"So, what? I'm still on everyone's hit list?" I asked sarcastically.
"Yes, and you've earned number one on most of them," she snapped.
"Well," I huffed. "How would you know?" The look she gave me said it all, how didn't she know? I sighed and slumped back on my hands, looking at her intensely. "Fine, you know everything, but what I'm asking how I got on everyone's hit list,"
"That," she said. "You must figure out on own,"
"Of course," I grumbled under my breath. "Okay, so explain this right, I had a-a vision thing and it showed me the past?" she nodded. "That is so weird,"
She shook her head. "No, it is not,"
"Not for you, you mean,"
"And not for you, very soon,"
I sighed and looked away. "But…" my voice trailed off and I ran a hand through my hair as I blew out a heavy breath. "But why did I see that?"
"Because you needed to," she answered simply.
"You make no sense, do you know that?"
"Maybe I'm not supposed to make sense," she countered and I rolled my eyes in exasperation.
"You know what?" I said as I got up. "I'm tired so I'm going to bed, I don't think I can deal with anymore riddles tonight," I shook out my hair and squeezed my eyes shut. I was so confused. Then, as suddenly as everything had begun, I was calm and resolved, just as I had been after Isabelle had flipped out on me. I opened my eyes and looked down at Arianna, raising an eyebrow. But she wasn't paying me any attention, she was looking a seraph blade that she held in her hands. It was pure black, even the blade. It was sleek, perfectly clean and sleek, the tip, even from where I was, a few feet away, I could see that it was sharp. I was sure that even the slightest pressure against it would draw blood.
I looked at it in wonder, wanting to hold it, wanting to fight with it. Arianna abruptly looked up, a brilliant smile on her face. Quickly flipping the blade in her hand, she held out the handle to me. "You'll need this tomorrow," was all she said.
"Why tomorrow? And isn't this yours?" I asked quietly as I took the blade in my hands. It was as if I could feel the power of it, radiating through me.
"You'll find out tomorrow, and no, it's yours now."
"No way," I shook my head, holding out the blade quickly. "It's beautiful, but I can't take it from you, there is no way I could take it from you."
"You aren't taking it from me, I'm giving it to you," she smiled and her body began to form into her black mist. "I must go, but remember, I'm never far." She vanished in a flash of black smoke and I was alone.
I studied the blade, looking at the handle, the blade, taking in every detail like I couldn't get enough. The leather was worn in and it fit my hand perfect. But as I examined it more closely I saw that there was some design in the handle. It was a crescent moon with three stars surrounding it, two on one side, one nearer the bottom of the moon, the other on the inside of the curved tip and the last star on the outside above the moon, like it didn't belong, but it fit the picture perfectly. As I thought about it, it seemed like a family crest; maybe the blade was a heirloom?
I sighed and gave the training room a look and decided to try something. I saw where my iPod had fallen; I picked it up, changed the song to 'Break" by Three Days Grace. I put both headphones in and twirled my new blade in my hand, getting comfortable with its weight, size and feel. I felt my feet shift automatically, so I was sideways but still facing forward, I was on the balls of my feet, my right foot forward and right hand extended. I centered myself and twirled the blade once, sharply. I heard the quick sound of the blade snapping through the air. Instinctively, I snapped my right hand to the left, like I was defending myself from and imaginary opponent. Then I shifted my stance again, but this time it wasn't a slow subtle change, it was quick and hard. I grasped the handle with both hands and thrust it backwards, to the left of my body; then I swung my leg up, spinning in the air and having my right leg out stretched, my left bent and as my body rotated quickly in the air, the back of my foot made contact with the bag with a very fine boom.
I landed on the balls of my feet and I threw another kick at the bag then I ducked and rolled under the bag to the other side. It was like someone else was controlling me because I surely didn't know how to do anything of this.
It's in your blood, deep inside you, Arianna's voice came into my head.
In my blood or not, I don't know how to do this shit, I thought somewhat frantically.
I do. She answered and I forced myself to stop. "You know, I think I'm going to go to bed, I'm tired, so good night, Arianna," I turned on my heel and stormed out the door. I didn't like things messing with my body, it wasn't right if anything was to happen to my body, I'd be the one doing it.
You ARE doing it, Arianna's voice whispered in my head.
"You know, I'm not trying to be rude, but can you please go away? Just for a bit?" I asked quietly.
Certainly, I'm just trying to make this easier for you.
"Oh, yeah, fantastic job, thank you, but I just want my head to be my own for tonight, alright?"
Of course, she said, her voice tinged with sadness. Goodnight, Clarissa. Then she didn't speak again, so I thought she was gone. I sighed, holding both blades in my hands, Jace's in my left hand and Arianna's in my right. As I made my way down the hall, I paused as I passed Jace's door. I should give this back to him, I thought, since I'm going to be using my own now. But I had a better idea; I went down the hallway, towards my own door. I could still hear them in Isabelle's room. I smirked and went into my room, locking the door, should they happen to plan a 'surprise attack'.
Pulling my sketch book from my nightstand, I turned on the lamp and sat on my bed as I lightly flipped through the pages. I stopped at the picture I'd drawn of Jace with angel wings. I smiled and stroked one of the wings lightly with my fingertips, the wings fluttered with pleasure and I giggled a little.
"Be good," I murmured as I found an empty space on the page, I wrote:
Jace, forever be an angel.
I walked back outside and into Jace's room without a second thought. It was as clean as ever, very boring as well. I sighed, Jace will be Jace. I walked over to his bed, set the picture down, the blade on top of the picture and walked back out like nothing had happened.
I went back to my room and lay on my bed, wondering idly what his reaction would be like. I sighed and rolled onto my side. I had to go to Luke's early in the morning because they wanted to talk to me, what about I didn't know and didn't really care right then. I was so tired. The moment I closed my eyes, I was asleep.
8*8*8*8*8*8*8
I awoke early in the morning, about five thirty. I sucked in a deep breath and let it out loudly. I hopped out of bed and pulled on a pair of stylishly tight but moveable jeans that, if the occasion arose, I could fight in. On top, I put on a pull-over gray sweater that was close fitting, but it was something I could also fight in.
I took a gray hairclip and pinned my untamable red hair up on top of my head. A piece fell down on the right of my face, sort of in front of my eye and I left it there, too lazy to take out my hair and do it again. I picked up my new seraph blade off the nightstand and put on a belt sheath, slipping my blade into it. I took my iPod as well and headed on out.
Down in the kitchen, I yawned and peeked in the fridge. The only thing that looked good was pancake mix that didn't belong there. I pulled it out, along with some eggs and milk.
I turned on my iPod, switching to the song 'Bad Boy' by Cascada. Getting out four plates, I began to make breakfast for everyone that was currently in the Institute, even if I was a little put out with them.
Remember the feelings,
Remember the day
My stone heart was breaking
My love ran away
This moments I knew I would be someone else
My love turned around and I fell
Be my bad boy, be my man
Be my week-end lover
But don't be my friend
You can be my bad boy
But understand
That I don't need you in my life again
Won't you be my bad boy, be my man
Be my week-end lover
But don't be my friend
You can be my bad boy
But understand
That I don't need you again
No I don't need you again
I was swaying my hips to the song and singing as I poured the mix into the pan. I set down the batter and picked up a spatula as I continued my singing.
Be my bad boy, be my man Won't you be my bad boy, be my man
You once made this promise
To stay by my side
But after some time you just pushed me aside
You never thought that a girl could be strong
Now I'll show you how to go on
Be my week-end loverBut don't be my friend
You can be my bad boy
But understand
That I don't need you in my life again
Be my week-end lover
But don't be my friend
You can be my bad boy
But understand
That I don't need you again
No I don't need you again
I flipped the pancake onto a plate then moved onto the next one as the song changed to 'Broken' by Seether featuring Amy Lee. I like this song a lot, I thought as it started. I stared at the batter on the pan as I listened to the song, thinking about how it was before. Before things had finally gotten cleared up, before I knew Jace wasn't my brother. I remembered how I thought that Jace didn't care anymore and the unimaginable pain that I'd felt when I'd walked in on him and Aline kissing and during the scene that followed after. I still winced, thinking of the way Jace had spoken to me, the way he'd looked at me, what he'd said.
But that's in the past, I thought numbly as both my hands gripped the end of the spatula so tightly that my knuckles went white. It's in the past and it doesn't matter anymore, he played you on purpose. I swallowed, yep, that was right; Jace had played me. Not the most comforting fact, knowing that he could just as well do it again.
Suddenly, I had a little flash back to a video on YouTube for a song very similar to the one I was listening to. It was a cute slide show of little quotes and pictures describing how much love hurt. The one that stuck with me said:
Loving someone is giving them the power to break your heart - BUT TRUSTING THEM NOT TO.
I sighed and concentrated on my current task. I flipped that pancake and stared at it again as the song changed again. I flipped it back to 'Broken' and proceeded making the morning meal for my friends.
Jace.
I mostly blocked out all other thoughts, glancing at the clock now and then. At about six o'clock, the others came down. I smiled at Alec, who was first and took out one of my headphones.
"'Morning, take a plate," I said and he looked at me for a second before complying.
"What's this about?" he asked suspiciously as I passed him the syrup from the fridge.
"I thought I'd give the man of the house a break," I smirked and he smiled back.
"No, really," he said. "Since when have you been Suzy Homemaker? The baking and everything, what's up?" he brushed his black hair out of his face and looked at me intently.
"Hey, I didn't make your breakfast so you could interrogate me," I rolled my eyes and smacked him with the handle of the spatula lightly. "Just say thank you and get over it," I smiled.
"Thanks, Clary,"
I nodded my approval. "Your very welcome, Alec,"
Next came Isabelle, dressed in dark blue silk pajamas, even though she'd just gotten up, her hair was still perfect. I pursed my lips enviously and then brushed the shallow thought aside.
"'Morning, Isabelle," I said pleasantly. "I hope you'll eat my pancakes?" I raised my eyebrows, half expecting her to reject me.
"Did you poison them?" she grumbled as she took a plate and settled herself beside Alec in a bar chair at the counter.
"You'll find out soon," I replied and then, a few minutes later, in came Jace. I was going to glance away, like I would have before; but I held his gaze when he entered. "Hey," I said quietly.
He walked right up to me. "Hey," he said softly then he pressed his lips to mine.
I kissed him back for a moment before pulling away. "We have an audience," I reminded him and he shot an annoyed glance at his siblings. He let go of me and took a plate of pancakes.
I smiled. "You're welcome,"
"Thanks, Clary," he said and I didn't miss the double meaning in his words. He was thanking me for the picture. I looked down at the pan and flipped the pancake, now avoiding his gaze, positive that he'd ask why I gave the blade back.
"So," he said casually as he shoved a huge fork-full of pancake into his mouth. "What was wrong with the blade?"
As expected, this got Isabelle and Alec's attention.
"Nothing, I just have my own now," I responded, glancing up momentarily to shoot him a smile.
"You have your own seraph blade?" Isabelle asked.
"Yeah," I nodded. "So I don't need yours anymore, but thank you so much for giving it to me," I said with genuine sincerity. Flipping the pancake onto my own plate, I reached for the syrup. I poured the liquid over the two circles and then silently closed the bottle. "Hey, guys," I said, picking up a fork. "I'm going out today, I just thought I'd let you know,"
"To meet that girl?" Isabelle asked, suspiciously narrowing her eyes.
I stopped, the fork halfway to my mouth, I met her gaze. "No, my mom and Luke need to talk to me," I said indignantly. "I called them last night and they asked me to come early today so they could talk to me," I stared at her emotionlessly.
Isabelle got up and walked around the counter to me, I stiffened in response when she put her arm around my shoulders. "Hey, Clary, I'm sorry, I'm just being paranoid, I'm really sorry," with her eyes beseeching me I, unfortunately, softened.
"It's fine, I'm being an ass too," I smiled and Isabelle grinned and kissed my cheek.
"So, do you want to go shopping?" she asked, quickly moving onto a different subject.
"Izzy, I've got to go talk to my mom, remember?" I raised an eyebrow.
"Oh, yeah," she lightly hit her head. "Okay, how about after that?"
"Depends on what they want to talk to me about," I said evasively.
"Fine," she sighed and dramatically plopped back down into her chair. The boys relaxed and went back to their meals, but I could practically see the wheels turning in Jace's head, thinking about my new blade. Of course he hadn't seen it, but he was surely going to ask to.
I sighed and set my dish down. "I think I'm going to get going," I said quietly.
"Why?" asked Alec. "It's hardly seven A.M,"
"Yeah, but they asked me to come early…" my voice trialed off and I continued, "And besides, I'll walk so it will take me a while,"
"Well, do you want us to walk with you?" Isabelle offered kindly.
"No, that's okay, it's really early, you guys stay here and do whatever," I shrugged and went towards the door. "See you," I said over my shoulder and I walked down to the elevator, slightly upset that no one had tried harder to make me change my mind. Especially Jace, I thought somewhat dejectedly but I brushed the thought away as I heard approaching footsteps from behind. I pretended not to notice them until they were right behind me and when I turned, I was very surprised to see Alec walking up to me.
"Clary," he said. "Hey, can I ask you something?"
"I might not answer, but you can ask," I shrugged offhandedly and watched him with curiosity.
"Are you okay?" he asked hesitantly, his blue eyes concerned and probing.
I laughed dryly. "Yeah, I'm fine, Alec; thanks for asking," I said genuinely pleased.
He smiled back gently. "Your welcome, but, Clary, you know you're apart of our family now, right?"
I blinked. "Um, thanks, Alec," impulsively, I stepped closer and hugged him lightly. "That's really sweet," I said quietly and I felt his arms slowly wind their way around my waist.
"It's true, Clary, it would affect everyone if something happened to you," he said into my hair.
I pulled away and smiled. "See you later, Alec," I turned and walked the rest of the way down the hall to the elevator. I waited patiently and when I slammed the metal door shut, I whipped out my seraph blade and began to twirl it…