Chapter 3

Three months. That's how long Soda has been away.

Its not getting any better to deal with. The longer he's been away, the more I want him back. Scratch that. I need him back.

Darry's been hitting me more and more. I know what this is turning into. Its turning into the problem Johnny had with his folks. Now I know how Johnny feels, and it does not feel nice. I used to wish that I could understand Johnny more when his parents beat him, so I would know how to cheer him up. But now I know how stupid I was.

I try as best I can to stay away from my oldest brother, but whatever I do leads me back to the same bad situation.

Steve and Two-bit haven't found out yet, in which I'm very grateful for. If they found out…I don't know what would happen. I know what they wouldn't do though, and that's face Darry. Darry is already the big bad wolf. You don't want him coming over to blow down your house, now do ya?

I was walking home from school. School has been the only safe place for me so far. Well, school and my room. Darry didn't really bother me when I was in my room.

I was really dreading going home. Whenever I get home from school, Darry is there. Sometimes I get past him without a scratch, but I'm usually not that lucky. Truth is, I'm scared to go home. When this all started, I would just hang out at Two-bits until it got dark and then head back home. But I soon learned that the longer it takes for me to get home, the worst I get it.

There is no getting past it. The beatings, I mean. Darry hates me. I know it. He never loved me, it was all an act. An act for what, you ask? Sodapop. It was an act for Soda's sake. Darry only loves Soda. I cant blame him. Who would want me anyways? I'm just a bratty kid who cant do anything for himself. At least, that's what Darry says. And sadly, I'm starting to believe him…

The more I think about it, the more I know he's right. I'm not worth loving. All I do is depend on others for everything. Food, money, a place to live. I'm pretty much a moocher. I'm a worthless kid. That's why I'm confused.

If I'm so worthless to darry, why doesn't he just get rid of me? Let the state take me, or just kill me himself? Soda is gone, so he has the chance. Why doesn't he do it? Maybe its because Soda might still come home…Might? I mean he WILL come home. I cant afford to lose Soda.

I reach the front steps and quickly climb up, and through the front door.

"Ponyboy Michael Curtis!" I hear footsteps, and Darry storms out of the kitchen.

I take an unconscious step back and say in a shaky voice, "Yes Dare?"

Darry is mad, and he hands me a piece of paper. "Explain." he demands.

I look at the paper and notice it's a grade sheet. My grade sheet. I have all A's and B's. Uh-oh. Darry likes perfect. I have to have all A's and everything needs to be 100%. This is not good.

"Um…" I'm scared. I'm panicking inside my head. What do I do? What do I say? He will kill me! He's gonna beat me real bad this time! Ah! Help! Soda please help! What do I do! This is bad.

Darry is waiting for a response and when he doesn't get one, he slaps me real hard against my face. The force is great, and makes me almost fall to the ground. Darrys hit makes me dizzy and with the pain coursing through me, I don't think the dizziness will go away anytime soon.

Darry is yelling, but I'm so out of it I don't understand what he's saying. Then when he finally stops and realizes I'm not listening, he punches me in my face, the same spot he slapped me. This time I do fall to the floor. I'm still sort of dizzy, and I'm not strong enough to defend myself, so I tried to beg Darry to stop.

"Darry…please stop. Please." I begged, but to no avail.

Darry laughed. "Stop? Ya want me to stop? Why? Why should I let a snot-nosed brat like you do whatever the hell you want? You stupid piece of trash!" He kicked me hard in the side, and I let out a wail. I started crying as he kept it up.

When everything's over and done with, I lay there on the floor. Some blood is trickling out of the corner of my mouth, and I have what's sure to be a black eye. My ribs hurt from the kicks, and so do my arms.

When I get up, I'm real dizzy. I limp/walk to the bathroom, and try to fix myself up as best I can. Then I head to my room and cry myself to sleep. Although, even in my sleep I'm not safe. The nightmares wake me in the middle of the night, and haunt me until morning.

I long for Soda to be there. To comfort me from all this mess.

I wish Soda were home…