Chapter three: The Chain

The sky looks pissed
The wind talks back
My bones are shifting in my skin
And you my love are gone
- Ingrid Michaelson

The alarm clock on Hunter's desk flashed 5:30 for two seconds before it started its mechanical beeping. The red digits illuminated the dark room. The blinds were shut tight. It could have been the middle of the night or bright day outside, but the two bodies entwined together on the bed wouldn't even have noticed. Over the past few days, Hunter's single room had become their safe haven. The one place where no one would disturb them. No one dared to come to Hunter's room to ask him for help with symphonies or school work. No one knew that Sebastian was in Hunter's room, providing the green-eyed boy with shelter from the curious glances and degrading looks that he usually was met with by the student body. It was easy to see that people both feared Sebastian and pitied him, all though no one said it out loud. The taunting echoes of whore and slut rang in his ears every time he caught someone staring in disgust. But he was used to it. Hunter was just the new kid. The one that people didn't understand because he mostly kept to himself. The little they knew about him was enough to spin rumours thick as gold chains but with the solid base of a thin thread. They knew that he used to attend military school, but no one knew the real reason why. It didn't keep them from making up their own versions, though. So far, Hunter had heard different stories that implied he was a member of a gang, son of a mafia boss, a frequent visitor of juvenile prison, mentally deranged and that he had an unquenchable need to control anything and everything around him.

The stories didn't really bother him. If anything, they made him realise how far people were willing to go to figure out the truth and how much they were willing to believe about a complete stranger. However, the fact that he alienated himself from most of the student body meant that he was usually left alone and that was something the Warbler captain couldn't complain about.

His early waking hour just fuelled the stories about him, of course, but Hunter couldn't care. It was 5:30am and by most people's standards it was still the middle of the night, but he was fully rested and he had better things to do than to listen to Sebastian's soft snoring and watch the way his hair clung to his forehead in the early hours of the day when the hair wax he used was long overdue. Actually, there was a part of him – a very potent part – that wanted to stay in bed and stare at Sebastian like a creep, to watch his eyes flutter softly as he woke up, to crack a smile and brush the softest of kisses to his lips just as Sebastian realised where he was. Hunter wanted to hold him in his arms and feel his chest rise and fall under his hand that was pressed close to his heart. He wanted to feel Sebastian's heavy pulse against his fingers, reminding him that this was all true. Sebastian was really in his bed and the past week wasn't a lie or a delusion that he made up in his mind to cope with the fact that he found himself being unexplainably attracted to this boy.

But every second he spent around Sebastian, every waking moment he touched his warm body, he felt himself slipping further and further into a dark abyss he knew nothing about. It was a strange land. One that was vast and endless and he could walk for hours in the dark without even seeing a drop of light. The road was relentless and cold, but familiar because it was all he knew. He would look up to the sky, expecting it to be just as dark as the rest of the world around him, but be overwhelmed by the thousands of stars over his head. There was a sea of stars above him, as brilliant as they were breathtaking. They were all solutions to what he could do. Some were brighter than others – the cleverer ideas – but there were too many. So many possibilities as to what he could to do with what he felt, but it was too much to wrap his mind around and Hunter couldn't help but think that sometimes he preferred the dark where he wouldn't have to choose. He didn't have to think. He didn't have to follow a path when he couldn't even see the path. He could just take a deep breath and try to feel his way around in the dark. Trust his basic instincts and just take the road that felt right. Sometimes the dark was just as good – if not better – than the light.

Hunter pushed the duvet aside, tucking it around Sebastian's sleeping frame as he got out of bed. The floor was cold and hostile, so in contrast to his warm bed that he longed to go back to. But he couldn't let himself be caught in a web of weakness and laziness. That was why he stuck to his early morning training schedule even after he transferred to Dalton.

As soundlessly as possible, he slipped into a pair of running shorts and a t-shirt. He fumbled in the dark to tie his track shoes, and when he left the room, Sebastian hadn't moved an inch or stirred once.

The cold air outside might have felt torturous for some, but Hunter found it refreshing. It kept his senses alert and mind awake. It was as though someone had jump-started his brain with electricity. He started off with a slow jog on the trackfield that was completely empty. It was early in the morning, but the sun was already peeking out from behind thick clouds, bathing the field in an orange glow. It was breathtakingly beautiful and Hunter couldn't understand why more people weren't awake to see this. Fools, he thought to himself. They didn't understand.

He broke into a run, feeling his lungs trying to keep up as he held the unyielding pace for as long as he could. Before long, sweat was trickling down his forehead and his legs were straining under pressure. His body was screaming for him to stop, to slow down and collapse on the soft grass under his shoes. His lungs were burning and his heart was beating relentlessly against his chest. He could hear ever fast beat as clear as day, the sound blaring between his ears. Hunter couldn't help but smile. This was what life was about. This was what it felt like to be alive, to feel blood course through your body and use sheer willpower to defy your instincts that begged you to stop. He was stronger than that. He was Hunter Clarington. Rebelling against the voice in his mind that urged him to stop running, he increased his pace and ran as fast as he could, as though he was being chased by someone. Or something. His cheeks were flushed red with exhaustion and the muscles in his thighs were quivering to stop. Finally, when he was so tired that his vision stared to blur, he collapsed on the soft ground below him. He knew that he had to get up right away and walk it off. Cool down by jogging slowly so that he wouldn't damage his body, but he just wanted to look at the sky for a few seconds.

When he went back to his room, he knew that Sebastian would be gone even before he opened the door. He always left without leaving a trace of his presence. Sometimes it was maddening and Hunter had to wonder if he was just making it all up in his mind. Today Sebastian was nowhere to see, but his sheets were folded neatly. Hunter's lips curved up in the faint resemblance of a smile before he hit the shower.

Breakfast at the Dalton cafeteria was always a hustle. There were all types of boys there: the ones that were barely awake and still in their pyjamas, the ones that had their noses pressed to a book that they are trying to read before a test, the ones who are obnoxiously loud for the early hour, the ones were Hunter couldn't tell if they are dead or alive… and the Warblers. It was an unspoken rule that the songbirds of the school owned the table nearest to the exit. It had been their table for years and years and every generation of the Warblers kept that tradition alive by eating with their brothers and fellow singers. Sebastian was no exception. Hunter slumped down on his seat at the end of the table, his legs still a little weak from running. But the flirty smile that Sebastian set his way made him sit up straight. From the corner of his eye, he saw Flint staring at him with puzzlement, as though he was trying to figure something out. "What?" Hunter snapped, hanging his blazer over the back of the chair.

Flint just shook his head and tried to conceal a laugh. Well, that was weird. Usually people followed Hunter's orders and he took pride in the fact that most of them didn't even dare to look at him straight in the eyes. He felt an uncomfortable prickle on the back of his neck and tried to ignore it as he forcefully shoved a spoon into his yoghurt. All eyes were on him again, all except for Sebastian who seemed oblivious where he was digging into a plate of bacon.

Hunter tilted his head up to glare at the boys with curious expressions on their faces. "What is wrong with you guys today?" he barked, making them all shuffle in their seats and engage in mindless conversation with each other.

All though they weren't looking at him anymore, Hunter couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong. He couldn't place his finger on what, but something was amiss and he had a terrible feeling that it was something important. Dread crept up his spine as his eyes widened. The boys started looking at him like that after Sebastian's less than subtle smile. Did Sebastian say something before he arrived? Did they all know that their new captain was fucking the old one? His metal spoon fell on his tray with a sickening clatter, white yoghurt spilled against the black plastic.

"Hunter, dude, are you okay?" Nick asked with a sceptical look on his face. They knew. They knew and there was nothing Hunter could do about it. If he thought that the suffocating feeling he felt when he had run so fast for so long that he couldn't breath was bad, it was nothing compared to what he was experiencing now. His lungs constricted painfully, squeezing the breath out of him. They knew. Who else knew? Hunter's head spun around so fast that it gave him whiplash, but he pushed through. His eyes flickered between the tables, his desperation painfully obvious.

There were a few more students staring at him, some of them with curiosity, some with concern and some with bewilderment. But all Hunter could see in their eyes was judgement. They were judging him. They knew. They all knew. He became aware of his sweaty palms and his heartbeat that had picked up right where he left it when he collapsed on the ground outside. He would have given anything to run. To run away and never look back. To run as fast as his legs would carry him, far away from the boys who couldn't keep their eyes to themselves and the world that would judge him for who he was. He felt faint, as though he could fall to the ground any moment if he didn't hold on to the chair he was sitting on. All the eyes around the table were staring at him with worry, but Hunter could only see resentment and disgust in them.

He should have known that it was a bad idea. He should have known that he couldn't get away with it. But his weak heart gave in to Sebastian's wicked smile and talented lips. He couldn't believe that he had been trapped this way. Fooled in this manner by someone that he trusted. What did Sebastian say? Did he laugh and tell the other Warblers how pathetic he was when he had begged for more last night? When he had clung on to Sebastian's naked shoulders and impaled himself on his cock, did Sebastian look back at that moment and laugh?

Hunter felt something press in the corner of his eyes, something he hadn't felt in way too long. He felt embarrassed, humiliated, but most of all he felt betrayed.

With shaky legs, he stood up and looked straight into Sebastian's eyes. He knew that he could run away, but he was a Clarington and he wasn't going down without a fight. "Can I have a word with you, Smythe?" his voice was cold and composed, void of emotions as though they had been sucked through a vacuum. But his heart held all those thoughts that he couldn't bear to put in words.

Sebastian shuffled to his feet with a puzzled look, his eyes darting down to catch Hunter's. "Yeah, sure.." he murmured, but he sounded uncertain. Hunter led the way out of the noisy cafeteria, leaving the perplexed Warblers behind. Once they were in the empty hallway, Hunter pushed Sebastian against the wall. He had done it countless times before, always with a coy smile on his lips and a hearty laugh, but now his eyes shone with the hurt he felt. "What. Did. You. Tell. Them?" he spat, his hands pushing hard against Sebastian's chest. He could see the flash of fear in Sebastian's eyes, just before it was gone. He felt the other boy's heart thrum against his fingers – so different from earlier that day when Sebastian was peacefully asleep. So much could change in just a couple of hours.

"Wh-what are you talking about? Let me go," Sebastian bit back, shoving Hunter away, but his grip was tighter than Sebastian's and he outclassed him in physical strength as well. For the flicker of a second, he could see that flash of fear again, but he couldn't let go of him. "What did you tell them about us?" he pressed out through gritted teeth, his eyes narrowing in on Sebastian's with a furious look. The muscles on his arms were flexing with the force he was exerting to hold Sebastian against the wall and all though Sebastian was taller than him, he felt a sense of pride in being stronger than him.

Sebastian struggled against his hold, trashing against Hunter's ruthless grip. But it was only when Hunter saw the shadow of a student coming their way did he let go of him. The taller boy brushed off dust from his blazer, looking at Hunter with eyes full of confusion and anger. "What the hell is wrong with you?" he bellowed, straightening his jacket. In any other situation, Hunter would have bent his legs, put his weight on his knees and gotten ready for a fist fight, but he knew that Sebastian wasn't going to hurt him. But that didn't mean that he didn't feel the need to punch his face in. It was strange how the people who stand the closest to you are the ones that can hurt you the most. If it was any other student who had spread a rumour like that about him, he would just have brushed it away with a falsely cheery laugh and called him a liar. But it was Sebastian. The same Sebastian that he had grown to like and love. The Sebastian that he looked up at with unadulterated admiration at night when they were pressed close together in the moonlight. The same Sebastian that he couldn't stop thinking about, no matter day or night.

"I asked you a question," Hunter snarled, balling his fists tightly. Not to hit Sebastian, but to try to keep his temper in check. To try to stop himself from doing something he regretted, even though he wanted to hurt Sebastian just as much as the other hurt him. "You have lost your fucking mind, Hunt!" Sebastian inched away from him, looking at him with utter contempt that was so filthy Hunter wanted to snarl. The thoughts reeling in his mind brought out the worst in him and he didn't know what he was doing anymore. He was so close to hitting Sebastian and he had used his physical strength to frighten him, that much he was sure of. Fear rolled down his spine in beads of sweat and he could still feel his cheeks burn with humiliation. And how dare Sebastian use his pet name for him? How dare he insinuate that everything was just fine?

"You told them!" he accused, jabbing a finger into Sebastian's chest, making the other flinch. Good. Hunter wanted him to be scared. He wanted him to regret his actions and atone, even though he had no idea what either of them could do to salvage the ripped shards of his dignity. He couldn't have the school knowing that he was gay. What would they think of him? Somehow the word would get back to his parents and.. and that would be the end of it. He couldn't bear to think of what would happen. He would do anything before that happened. He would pay off the entire student body if he had to.

"And so you say, but I have no fucking idea what you are going on about," Sebastian's jaw clenched tightly, all trace of his smirky, smarmy self gone. Instead it was replaced with steely glances and a rigid posture. Hunter couldn't help but think back to just this morning where Sebastian was resting calmly on his chest, cocooned in the tendrils of sleep. "Us," Hunter bit back. "Me. You told them about me."

A flicker of realisation spread through Sebastian's eyes and Hunter could see him exhale in relief. "I didn't say anything. Christ, why would you even think that?" he asked, making Hunter frown.

Did he believe Sebastian? Did he have a reason to? In all the months he had known the other, he had never lied to him. Twisted the truth? Sure. Avoided questions he didn't want to answer? Most definitely. But he had never lied to his face. "Then why were they all staring at me?" he barked, his stiff posture indicating that he wasn't quite sure whether to believe him or not. It was too good to be true and he didn't trust him. Not entirely. He knew what he wanted to believe. He wanted to think that Sebastian would never do anything like that to him, that he would never betray him in that way. He did say that he would never out him, didn't he? But that was the curse of getting too attached to someone. Sometimes the affection clouds your mind and you can't see the harsh, bitter truth even if it is dangling right in front of your eyes.

"You have really lost your mind," Sebastian stared at him with wide eyes, shaking his head. "Did you seriously fucking manhandle me because a few boys were staring at you?" he growled, shoving Hunter's chest with the pent up anger he had. "I can't believe you!" Sebastian turned on his heels and started to walk away when Hunter pulled him back with a firm hand on his shoulder. "I swear to god, Smythe. You better tell me what's going on, or I will punch your face."

Sebastian looked over his shoulder, straight into Hunter's eyes. "You have toothpaste in your hair, you idiot," he sneered, and shrugged the hand off him before he walked away. And never once did he look back.

Hunter rushed back to his dorm room although the bell rang and he should have been in class by then. He knew that there was no way he would be able to concentrate on any of his subjects, not when he was feeling so… what was he actually feeling? Hunter was never the one to be too attuned to his inner emotions and he often just scoffed them away, but right now it felt as though he had been hit by a freight train and he couldn't get up. Metaphorically speaking, that is. He was bent over the sink, staring at his own reflection in the mirror. Fag, he wanted to scream. Fucking coward. And that was really all he was. He was a coward. He was too scared to stand up to anyone and say that he liked boys the same way he liked girls. But he knew that it was wrong. Good boys weren't supposed to be fucked in the ass by Sebastian Smythe. Good boys weren't supposed to enjoy pounding into Sebastian and make him fall apart. Good boys weren't supposed to like the heavy weight of a cock on their tongue.

He banged his fist against the smooth, white porcelain. A jab of hot pain seared up his arm, accompanied by a loud growl. He wanted to scream on the top of his lungs and wish it all away. He didn't want to like boys. He wished he could rip his heart off and tear off the part of him that ached for Sebastian. The part that pined after him like a lost puppy looking for his home. The part that laughed every time Sebastian said something funny, even when it really wasn't even funny. He wanted to gauge his eyes out for finding him beautiful, for comparing him to Adonis. He wanted to break his fingers for wanting to caress Sebastian's tanned skin that was always warmer than his own. But most of all, he wanted to get rid of his heart that clenched at the thought that Sebastian would never be his.

The reflection in the mirror was taunting him and it would take him so little to just punch the glass, Hunter realised. But he would be stronger than that. He already made a huge mistake by attacking Sebastian while he wasn't thinking straight. How could he be so stupid? Shaking his head, Hunter mechanically undressed and stepped into the shower. The water was hotter than usual and felt harsh against his skin. He just wanted to wash away all the hurt and embarrassment he felt. Let the dripping water cleanse him of his raging thoughts and the myriad of emotions that he neither understood nor could keep in check.

There was the embarrassment that clung on his skin from how he had acted during breakfast and how quickly he had jumped to conclusions. He felt humiliated for embarrassing himself in front of the Warblers and knew that he would have to explain that sooner or later. He felt anger, mostly directed at himself for being so stupid and willing to throw away everything he had with Sebastian because of a few misplaced stares. He felt weak for giving into everything that he promised himself he would never do. The sneaking around with Sebastian, the late night fucks and the hushed laughs that they shared in the privacy of his room. It was never meant to be like that. He was supposed to find a nice girl to fall in love with, date her through college and propose when they graduated. Get married and buy a house in the suburbs. Make a few children and live the normal A4-life that everyone expected him to have. But then he had to go and screw it up. He felt confused for not knowing what he wanted to do. Did he want to forget Sebastian and pretend that nothing happened, live his life with the good reputation he had and keep his parents happy? Or did he want to stay true to himself and let the rest crash and burn? What about college? He needed the funding from his parents to get into Columbia. It was all too much to think about and yet again he found himself yearning for the dark abyss where he could just exist and not thinking about his future. Where he could just follow his heart and do what felt good and right. But the most prominent feeling he had was the one that was drumming in his chest. The one that coursed through his veins and both infuriated him and made him smile like a fool: love.

Hunter loved Sebastian, there was no doubt about that. That was the only thing he was sure of right now. He loved him for his flaws and his seemed perfection. For his wit, his talent, his looks and the way he made him feel like he was the only person on earth.

But as much as he realised this, he also realised that it didn't matter because Sebastian didn't want anything to do with him after their little display in the hallway. God, he was so stupid. The hot water ran down his shoulders, making Hunter sigh. No matter what he did in the future, he knew what he wanted right now. He wanted Sebastian. He wanted to get him back, back where he belonged.

He needed a plan.

AN: Thank you for all the nice feedback I have got for this fic. You guys have no idea how much I appreciate it! Reviews make me write faster :D