It was well into sun-up when I woke the next morning. I stretched myself, and gave my coat a through wash, as I remained lying in my nest. It wasn't long before Ferncloud woke. I immediately padded over to her and asked, "Can you take Lionpaw out for battle training today?"

She looked surprised. "Oh, sure. But why?"

"I just have some things I need to do." I answered evasively. I wanted to see if I could get Graystripe to let me come along with him and Hollypaw. He'd b preoccupied hunting or patrolling. I could talk to her alone, then.

My sister seemed to understand, and she smiled warmly at me. "Okay. Thornclaw!" She turned and prodded the elder warrior awake. He snapped his head up, blinking away his sleep-haze. Ferncloud playfully demanded, "You're taking Lionpaw to the training hollow with me. Come on, let's go get him."

The two of them bounded out of the warrior's den. I made a mental note to thank my sister later as I, more slowly, pushed my way into the sunlight. I had to blink a few times to half-shield my eyes as they tried to adjust to the brightness. I heard the leaves rustle behind me as Brambleclaw came. A second later someone shouted my name.

Turning my head, I saw Hollypaw trotting over here. Her tail lifted and she asked neutrally, "Will you take a walk with me?" I assumed she had been trying to stay so guarded because her father was looming not a rabbit hop away. I silently padded besides her, brushing my side against hers along the way.

At first, I was too gleeful to really do anything but follow her lead. My eyes kept darting onto her, watching her, learning her. How her ears swiveled at the soft sounds of the forest. How her tail was always lower than her back, but somehow still raised with confidence and pride. The way her muscles rippled under her pelt in her flank and shoulder areas.

Her eyes were bothering me. They were not bright and eager like they had been two days ago. Instead, they were a little bit dark and clouded with thought. I asked kindly, "Is something on your mind, Hollypaw?"

She flinched, which deeply worried me. Had something happened? Flicking her tail for me to follow her she darted forward. I steadily sprang after her, and in several long bounds we had come to the fence of the two-leg nest. We padded through the broken gate and up the strange wooden platform outside the hole that led into the nest.

Hollypaw was sitting down when I entered. I settled across from her, sitting attentively as I waited to hear what she had to tell me. Her voice was gentle when she finally spoke. "Ashfur, we're… friends, aren't we?"

I felt happiness surge through me and I purred, "Yes, I think so."

She caught me terribly off-guard when she meowed quietly, "I know that you want to be more than that, but I'm not ready to be. I don't…"

"I don't think that we are meant for each other, Ashfur." Squirrelflight said gently, her pretty green eyes shining sadly. "It's just not the same anymore. I feel more right with Brambleclaw."

I flinched in disbelief, feeling my heart begin to constrict. "But... you told me that you wanted me." What was she implying here? Wasn't I good enough for her? I had tried to be here for her. I tried my hardest!

"I thought I did. I still do, just not the way you want me to." She responded firmly, the tip of her tail flicking nervously.

The pressure on my heart increased, as painful as eagle claws gripping it. I complained, "You said you cared about me! Was that just a lie?" My voice had become sharp with accusation as the shock from her words settled in.

"Look, Ashfur," she demanded, a trace of hot annoyance in her voice. I really care about you as a friend, but I don't want anything more than that."

"But I love you!" I insisted, perhaps a little too loudly. Her eyes flashed dangerously, silently warning me not to push that card too far. I hesitated at her anger and added, "We'd be great together, Squirrelflight, I know we would."

When I was an apprentice, I didn't understand love. I had the kit-version of love; that strong sense of protectiveness and loyalty, that need to be a little friendlier to one she-cat over the others, with Tawnypelt. She left the clans before a relationship could blossom between us.

But Squirrelflight had welcomed me into her heart. I pushed everything else aside to make room for her. Didn't any of that matter anymore?

"I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you, but Brambleclaw- I think Starclan has destined us to be together." A small smile graced her beautiful face, and the talons of those eagle claws slowly started to pierce my heart.

"I don't know how you can say that!" I said sharply, trying my hardest to stop myself from snarling. "You said yourself that it was impossible to trust a cat with Brambleclaw's heritage. He's a great cat, I know, but he is still Tigerstar's son."

Fury blazed in her eyes and she snapped, "I'll judge Brambleclaw by his own actions. Not by something that other cats did long before I was born."

Danger alerts flared inside of my mind. "I'm only thinking of you, Squirrelflight. I can remember Tigerstar. His paws were red with the blood of other cats. You know that he murdered my mother to lure a pack of dogs to our camp?"

"Ashfur, I know that Tigerstar's actions hurt you. What he did was cruel and evil." She paused, finding strength to her words again. "But that doesn't mean Brambleclaw will turn out like his father."

The great tabby entered the scene. Squirrelflight greeted him with a happy meow and a nose touch.

The claws ripped my heart into shreds, and I felt myself starting to bleed.

"Squirrelflight…" I whispered unconsciously as I looked into Hollypaw's eyes. Eyes that forced the memories of the past to lash at me like branched during a bad storm. Was I going to lose another cat I could love? To another warrior that didn't belong in the clan- some kittypet from horse place?

No!

I sprang to my feet and felt my pelt beginning to stand on end in aggression. Hollypaw flattened herself to the ground. I wailed, the desperate need in my voice mingling with my sudden panic, "I'll wait for you, Hollypaw! If you're not ready that's fine- I will wait for you as long as you need me to." I had tried to push Squirrelflight too fast. Would I make the same mistake twice? "Please, Hollypaw? I lo-"

She hissed before I could finish my promise. A promise that for as long as we were together, I would love her. I would care about her, and only her.

"No, Ashfur." She denied firmly. "It's not meant to be."

Anger pulsed through me. Wasn't she even going to give me a chance? How could she just toss me aside without thinking it through? There must have been a reason that I lost the first cat I ever loved. There simply had to be. I did everything right. I jumped for her. I defended her. I scorned her enemies and embraced her friends. Why would she just leave me like that?

And then, suddenly, I knew. She had to be with Brambleclaw so she could have his kits. So Hollypaw could be born! That had to be it, and the hasty she-cat wasn't even giving it us chance!

"It is meant to be." I demanded, hostility dripping from my tongue. "Starclan took Squirrelflight away from me so you could be born, because it's you I am supposed to love."

She was silent. I lost my nerve. I had to stop this from happening again. I'd never survive another heartbreak. My heart had never been fixed from the last one. I thrust myself forward aggressively, my nose almost colliding with her muzzle. I growled challengingly, "You will be mine, Hollypaw."

Her fear scent spiked dramatically, and ever hair on her body stood on end. She tried to show defiance when she whispered, "No."

Stop her, Ashfur.

Keep her.

Save yourself.

Do what you have to.

An idea struck me and I pulled to my full height. My tail waved behind me in triumph and I laughed, "Oh, but you will. If you ever want to see Lionpaw made a warrior, you won't leave me."

"What do you mean?" She asked shakily.

I had to force myself to look convincing. I smiled, slapping on a mask of over-confidence. "I'm his mentor. Until I think he's ready, he will remain an apprentice." That was a lie. Firestar would make him a warrior when he wanted to, with or without my consent. The flash of fear in Hollypaw's eyes let me know she fell for the lie. I played along, sounding as threatening as I looked, "Tell me, Hollypaw, is your brother ready to be a warrior?"

Hollypaw slowly rose to her feet. My head began to spin. Was she going to walk away? Surprisingly, she slunk nearer to me. My flesh started to burn when her check pressed to my shoulder. She whispered, "He's ready."

I purred, more delighted than ever before. She was mine. Licking her ear I assured her, "I love you, Hollypaw." I impatiently waited to hear her reaction. Would she defy my claim? Would she argue, or would she do nothing?

My heart began to thrum in m chest when I heard her purr back.