I found it a bit hard to write this chapter as this was an important chapter. I hope that I at least wrote it properly.
Chapter 3- Scars & Routines
Around 9:00 am Kanda finally was discharged in his personal clothes of baggy hoodies and cargo pants, from the hospital with a pocket diary and a week's worth of some kind of nutritional milkshakes. The doctors had said the same things that he had heard previously and he had also received the exact same bag of supplements. Most of the time he would ignore it , once in a while he would attempt to try it.
Currently he was on his way to his school and after that he was looking forwards to band activites. There he would practise with his friends. The band was fun and relaxing as it was one of the few activities that he loved; that and he was away from home. Guitar had been one of the few activities that he loved and since he started teaching himself playing in the band only made him improve.
It was mainly the only reason he went to school.
He would be late but the teachers tended to ask his parents questions and there opinion of him wasn't good anyway so it didn't matter. The only positive side was that he didn't go to the same school part that his step siblings attended, him being in different classes. Not running into them was comfortable. They also went to private schools at least once a month for some events due to some sports or music scholarships.
As he made his way through central park he found himself staring around. He usually liked walking through the quieter areas or across the bridge, basically to places that nobody really could find, for some peace. Central park was a sight to see. It was getting to winter and the autumn to winter tone was enchanting at best. He wished he had a picture to capture it. Or at least the time to sit down and draw it. One of the secret talents he picked up was the ability to draw and paint which was discovered thanks to Tiedolls guidance, a skills that he kept to himself by the way. Ironically he could actually get on an art scholarship but he never did show his skills.
As Kanda made his way through, the park to take his usual shortcut to his school he found himself wondering. It would be snowing tomorrow, he had watched the forecast and him in the snow was question to freezing. It generally meant that he couldn't stroll around at night as it was simply to cold and his joints hurt already. That and he didn't have money to do anything (not that he ever did) He'd have to hide at home or a library but the library closing times were limited.
Staying over at his friends houses was also a limited factor. Lenalees brother was just downright insane and thought that every man within a ten mile radius wanted to soil his little sisters innocence. It didn't matter the fact that he wasn't in the least bit interested in her as he simply found her painfully annoying. That and the girl had lost her 'innocence' on many occasions. Her relationships basically backed up the idea made him lack the ability to believe in love. That and having watched his mother for almost 15 yrs. Her place was also a bit of a distance away.
Lavi as well was disturbing as all he would want to do is sleep and the rabbit(his nickname) wouldn't ever allow that. Him with his gossiping, shouting and overall ADHD. Even if he and his grandpa claimed that Lavi didn't have hyperactive disorder Kanda would also believe it. It was the only way that he could stand him. Ironic as Lavi's grandfather was a Librarian.
And Alma, well Alma's was just plain uncomfortable. His parents were like a mix of scientists and hippies. How that worked out was just plain unusual. Whenever he went there he found himself in uncomfortable, probing discussion and conversations. Them basically trying to find out more about him. It always tended to be on his most antisocial days due to him having to go there in the first place.
In general his friends were out of the picture. Maybe if he remained quiet enough they would be willing to having out till later. Hopefully Tiedoll would be home or maybe he could try sneaking back into the school and staying the night.
Although that might not be the best option.
Last time he did that the school alarm went off and he almost got a criminal record as they thought he wanted to vandalise. Luckily the school CCTV showed the truth and he was given sympathy by the police, although that was mainly because nobody came to pick him up and he chose to sleep in a police cell. They didn't give him a cell but he had a comfortable bed for the night before they took him home with the threat of social services.
It was actually a nice night but he thought that the police man might have realised that he had weight issues when he frisked him. He remembered the man constantly worrying about him. He would have gone back to the police for sleep if not for the 'risk of social services'. If he was adopted he would be watched twenty four seven forced to partake in 'social activities and probably shipped off to a mental hospital.
He definitely couldn't handle that.
After around twenty minutes walk he found himself getting exhausted again and dizzy. If he had any cash he would be able to take a fucking bus. He didn't understand that Tiedoll gave everyone allowance and his mom persuaded him to not worry about him. It wasn't too bad though as he never ate anyway, and shopping didn't really work for him.
He took a breather and basically took in the sites of new York city. It would take him about one to two hours to walk from his hospital to his school and about 30 min walk to the apartment/ house that his 'family' resided in in Harlem. Why he couldn't just attend a closer hospital to home sucked. When he had his first type of seizure and passed out, his mother actually drove him to some far away hospital, dropped himself off and left. It was also due to the fact that she had poisoned him. In fact that was what started the start of his bulimia. If not for his name and knowledge of his health insurance who knows what would have happened. Since then he was registered at that hospital.
As he walked though at least he could ignore the pain and stress. The irony being that he would possible collapse any moment. At least with an empty stomach he was able to stomach water without hurling. Watching buses that he could get pass him did making him feel like he was wasting his life away though. He at least wished that he had a bike, (and that he could ride one) It would make things so much easier.
***YOLO***
School was the same dull bust. As soon as he got there he was sent to the principal, shouted at, taken to his class room, shouted at again, sat in his second class, almost fell asleep then went out for break. Then at break he was confessed to by a complete stranger mind you, basically shouted that she was a complete stranger which made the stranger cry, and then proceeded to go to his next class ignoring all stares.
He was after all the school bastard.
Apparently he was the guy that people wanted to hang with without even actually getting to know him, as well as the guy that the girls wanted to be his girlfriends, even to the point of breaking up with their boyfriends. Of course he didn't waste his time to date such selfish women. It was a reminder that all the women in his life were selfish. He just swore at them in a variety of phrases and left them. Even if they cried they would just try again or quickly move on. That was just women.
At lunch, to prove this point he was then confronted by the nameless girls boyfriend. Generally things were to annoying. If the teachers didn't interrupt he could have possibly knocked the guy out then passed out afterward.
He then went to the infirmary and proceeded to sleep the rest of the day away. The nurse tended to not really be in after lunch and if she was, she didn't really bother him she even suspected that he was suffering from some sleeping syndrome. She was close but still far away from noticing the actual problem.
Simply a normal day at school for him.
***YOLO***
When he went to band practice after school he found himself practicing guitar as no one else was there. He had seen the others earlier but had lost them around lunch time. But the peace was nice, at least while it lasted. After 20 minutes by himself they finally joined him along with a crowd of friends and Kanda found himself stuck listening to rumours and conversations.
"Did you hear that bitch in class today?"
"I'm thinking about going shopping today, wanna come?"
"Let's go an view that new movie starring Robert Pattison, he is so hot"
"I'm thinking about asking out Merissa Scott for biology, think I have a shot?"
He found himself sighing in stressed feeling pissed off. Seriously was this band practice or not. Couldn't they take their shit somewhere else? A girl with green tinted dyed hair approached him in, her skirt shortened and knee length stockings completed with heeled mary janes approached him, and from that point Kanda knew that he would be involved in a headache inducing, one sided conversation.
"So, Kanda, how'd that girls confession go. I heard you shot down another girl. What did she look like? Was it that tramp Merissa? You know she has a boyfriend's right? Any way I'm dating that senior, er, what was his name again? He asked me out today and tomorrow we're going on a date. I need to go shopping for it. You'll come with me right?" She started.
"You're got a new date Lenalee?" Lavi interrupted thankfully. Him and Alma seemed to appear along with their crowd of friends indicating to Kanda that this would be a slightly long day. Practice would be cut short. He didn't need to listen to their bullshit. Their friendship really just revolved around them treating him like a fucking lap dog (stay, listen come) couldn't they actually shut up for once. And on top of that Lenalee wanted to go shop which usually consisted off her dragging them along then asking them for money if the guy that she was dating hadn't offered some. Seriously, how much clothes did she need, every new guy and date she needed a new wardrobe.
"His name is Suman Dark, he's really cute and he's taking me to that restaurant downtown" And from there the conversation was tuned out as he started playing again.
After about 30 minutes they finally decided to join him in band practise and for once he was ok with the crowd as the cheering encouraged him to play better. It was one of the times that he enjoyed being around others. Lenalee was the lead singer, Alma on the synth, Lavi drums and him on the guitar. Together the band was great and the dream was to make it bigger in the entertainment industry. Playing in their band was one of the few times that he felt alive; not dead and living a repetitive and miserable life. Playing the guitar created a world no matter how small, that he felt he could escape into
But of course that would end quite quickly.
After rehearsing there songs that they had written and feeling the high from the cheers, he then felt the high quickly diminish as everyone packed away the instruments to leave. His own slowly dropped into its case.
He then found himself following the large group, but only to avoid going home. Tiedoll wouldn't get back till to more days.
Home wasn't safe.
**YOLO**
They went shopping, Then sadly at around 10 everyone got buses home and he was left standing in the cold streets by himself. As he slowly trudged home in the dark to his dreaded home he felt like parts of him were dying off the closer he got.
And finally when he got home he lost all traces of emotion.
The door creaked as he opened it and he found that nobody was in. That didn't confirm him though. The day had been long and tiring and he knew that he would pass out any second. He needed to hide or something. He just about managed to stumble up the stairs to his room and hide in his closet and before he knew it everything went blank.
He must have fallen half out of the closet . That was the thought that ran through his head as he was woken. He was limp and was the living embodiment of melancholy. If he was dead to the world he could ignore everything. He could ignore the very thing that woke him up in the first place.
"You're a very beautiful girl." The rasped voice of the man currently molesting him stated. It was the same quote every time. Disgusting. He was so used to it to the point where he simply went limp and let them do whatever they wanted so that they'd finish and leave faster. If he tried to fight back he tended to be overpowered.
"Do you want to earn some extra money?" The man continued. Obviously one of his mothers 'financial boyfriends' outside of her marriage. He just closed his eyes tighter trying to distance his mind far, far away from where he was currently. He gasped when he felt rough hands find his bare skin and gulped trying to ignoring the feeling, he had after all been through worse, and when he heard the man's zipper it served as a reminder.
"Are you as talented as your mother?"
"What the hell are you doing?" Both eyes turned to the new voice at the door and Kanda felt a new shudder run through his skin for a different reason. He was both relieved and scared.
The man backed off and towards her till they were both out of site and Kanda found himself crawling back into his hiding spot closing the closet door shot. Days like this were rare. Days where his mother was jealous and not trying to make extra cash. Days where he wasn't forced to do things. It usually meant violence afterwards. The last time his mother was in this mood he was eleven and she had shoved her hand down his throat making him throw up.
She had then proceeded to scald his hand with an iron.
He heard yelling and shouting then the front door slamming shut and felt himself curl into a tighter ball as footsteps echoed up the stairs getting closer and closer to his room.
"You whore!" His mother shouted as she opened the closet door revealing her sons curled figure.
"How many times do you have to steal my boyfriends. Is it not enough! Why can't you just disappear WHORE?!" And they he was dragged out by his hair (hair that he wasn't allowed to cut). As he stumbled around lead by her he felt gravity turn on him. He was suddenly pushed backwards feeling light headed momentarily but instinctively reaching out to grab anything, but like always luck was never on his side.
He felt his back slam painfully onto the crook of stairs and he tumbled further flipping and rolling down hitting his head on many occasions landing finally in a heap at the bottom. Pain registered quickly but he didn't have time to dwell on it as he felt his roots and scalp burning as he was pulled back up the stairs buy his hair.
His back was aching along with his head but he forced himself to stumble along with her to lessen the punishment. This always happened. She would just randomly be set off and would take out her anger on him. It had been that way since he could remember. It was only recently that he could go to the hospital (without her knowledge of course)
His hair was finally unleashed and he collapsed to the floor gasping in pain. His head and body was throbbing. When she left the room he almost relaxed but he tensed again when she returned with a bat borrowed from most likely from Daisya Room and he was gripped by despair.
He wouldn't be able to go to school tomorrow.
**YOLO**
She had gone to sleep. Worn herself out finally
He was probably left in pool of his own blood. Tears of anger and weakness unable to be contained escaping his being and he struggled to remain quiet. Some of his bones had to be broken. Everything just hurt so badly. His body couldn't even become numb. Something had to be broken. He gasped biting his lips to keep his sobs in.
He was fed up of this life.
He just wanted to sleep and never wake up to face this pain again.
Despite the pain he gasped out a prayer asking for a miracle. Begging for death to finally grace him with its presence.
Again review. P.s. might take a small break to update my other stories. Struggling a little with Kanda's personality. Hope you enjoy.
Aanimeloverr29 out