Chapter 2: And They're Probably Going To French Kiss, or Something…
"Hey, there she is!" Ted Mosby: architect, announced as Robin Scherbatsky entered McClaren's bar, "our little crime fighter!" he teased the woman. Barney Stinson's entire body tensed in his seat beside Ted. He could see that Robin wore a fluffy white bandage taped to her forehead as she made her way over to the group's usual table.
"Stop it," Robin grinned at Ted, dragging a chair to the end of table and taking a seat. Ted grinned in return, "It was nothing!" she insisted.
"Oh c'mon," he urged, reaching across Barney in order to give Robin a pat on the arm, "face to face with one of the city's most notorious criminals. That's something. Tell us all about it."
"How's your head?" Lily chimed in, genuinely concerned for her friend's health. Robin groaned.
"Hurts like a bitch," the journalist reached across the table for the pitcher beer waiting for her, Ted again made an effort to reach over Barney to slide Robin a cup, "but no major damage."
Sorry, Barney thought, quietly sipping his scotch and soda.
"Speaking of head injuries," Robin shot the blond man a suspicious look, causing him to nearly choke on his drink.
"Yeah, Barney what happened to you?" Marshall asked from across the booth, his arm linked with his fiancé's.
Barney grimaced as Ted playfully flicked the side of his head, nailing him right in his monstrous purple bruise. He shooed his best friend's hand away as Ted chuckled for Barney's pain, "It's called head board banging for a reason, Marshall, God," he huffed, adjusting his tie.
"Wow, how rough does it have to be to leave that kind of mark?" Robin raised a brow.
Barney grinned, "Nothing a few nights of psychical therapy can't fix. And I have a very energetic psychical therapist," he winked.
"Classy,"
"Robin you're just trying to change the subject!" Ted blurted.
"It wasn't really a big deal! I was in the alley behind the bank just having a…minding my own business. I hid behind a pile of trash when I heard some guys coming and when I went to make a break for it I got trampled and knocked out by a high school chemistry teacher," Barney coughed at Robin's insult.
"You spent like the whole day in the emergency room and police station, I'm sure it didn't take eight hours to retell that story," Marshall commented.
"They just wanted to know if I got a good look at the guy so I could provide a police sketch."
"Did you?" Barney asked, sounding more urgent than he intended.
"No! I was practically unconscious!" Robin took a swig of beer from her glass, "besides from what I did see he had these ridiculous welding goggles over his face!"
"Gosh," Lily sighed, "You're so lucky that knock on the head was all you got! Just think of all the things that could have happened to you, literally running into a guy like that!"
"I've heard he's got a PhD in horribleness," her fiancé added. Barney smirked in private delight.
"Seriously!" Lily swatted him, thinking Dr. Horrible's catchphrase a mere joke.
And what if she had run into his henchman instead? What if another member of the League had been there? What if Bad Horse was watching? What if Bad Horse knew she had seen Dr. Horrible's face and he let her live? What if Bad Horse found out that Robin and Barney were friends?
"I can't imagine…" Barney mumbled, drawing the attention of the rest of his companions, all eyeing him curiously.
"Sorry… I meant… I can't imagine… how much ass that guy must get!" Barney recovered with a chuckle, "chicks dig evil," he nodded, "That whole `bad boy` thing."
"Please," Lily giggled.
"Oh you don't believe me? I'll prove it to you," Barney buttoned his suit jacket, preparing to set out on a quest for any woman desperate enough to spend the night with him.
"Please, don't," Ted begged.
"Barney, you couldn't pull off being an evil villain," Aldrin jested again.
"Oh can't I?" the blond man replied in seriousness, he rose from his seat, quickly scanned the bar for an appropriate target—a pretty red head, skinny, pale, sort of the quiet shy girl type but that could work, "`The Doctor is in`," he tested the line, "So just watch me!" he announced, then abandoned his friends in attempt to score. His friends laughed, watching him approach the auburn haired girl at the bar he had zeroed in on.
"It won't work," Lily reassured, "No girl in her right mind would sleep with him if he used that line, pretending to be a super villain. Or if he did either of those things separately!"
"I don't think Barney manages to score a lot of girls in their right mind, period," Ted added, "but you know, he might be half right. He is selfish, shallow, and has left a trail of badly burned and broken hearted girls longer than the Great Wall of China in his wake. What's more evil than that?" he joked.
"Yeah…" Robin sighed –her mind suddenly uneasy and swirling with fuzzy images from her incident that morning—as she and her friends watched in disbelief as Barney curled an arm around the red head's waist and lead out of the pub, stopping to turn and wink at his table at the door.
A pair of bodies flung themselves onto the black sheeted king-sized bed. The auburn haired woman giggled in delight as the man who had so graciously offered her a night at his place slid a cool hand up her thigh, his fingers tickling the smooth skin of her hips. The blond man pressed his hungry lips against hers in response… to prevent any other squeals of obnoxious giggling. He snaked his free hand through her silky curls, allowing his fingers to tangle themselves in her mane. Meanwhile the woman's well manicured hands peeled away at his clothing, practically ripping the buttons from his shirt as she torn it open to reveal his chest. His action reply was to playfully twist his fingers around the elastic band of her underwear, hoping for her appropriate rebuttal.
He got what he expected.
As one hand explored the terrain of his chest the other was sloppy fiddling with the buckle of his belt. He urged her to continue in her persistent tugging on his belt with a bite to her lower lip. She bit back. He slid a knee between her legs; she slid a hand down the backside of his pants. Their breathing quicken simultaneously. The man removed his lips from hers, giving the couple a moment to resupply their need for oxygen. His lips then continued down a new path as he planted a trail of rough kisses from the red head's collarbone, to her chin, to her ear. Not a moment too soon was the woman victorious in her battle against the stubborn belt buckle.
The man inhaled the scent of his partner deeply. She smelt like something…familiar. Lavender, like that laundry detergent he'd used on his pajamas the other day. Or was it fabric softer that held that lavender smell?
The smell of fabric softener, the feel of warm clothes in your hands…
"Penny…" he moaned longingly with a rush of breath into the red head's ear.
Suddenly, a pair of very sharp finger nails were shoving against his chest. In his hazy state of distracted the woman managed to thrust him off of her and flat onto his back, "Who the hell is Penny? My name is Sarah you dick!" she shrieked, kicking herself up off the bed.
It took several seconds of heavy breathing and rapid blinking for Barney to realize what was happening, "No wait!" he pleaded, his voice unintentionally monotone, "came back, i didn't mean that!"
Sarah plucked her discarded shoes from the cold floor and marched out the room, "What is she your girlfriend?!" she screamed.
"No, no, no. Oh look what's that, behind your ear, ohh wait, see--?" with a flick of his wrist Barney removed a copper object from his sleeve to an uninterested audience, "look, see, it's a penny!" he finally had to shout to overcome the sound of his front door slamming shut.
Silence, save for Barney's panting and the pounding of his own pulse in his ears. She left. He pressed a cool palm over his eye, hoping to wipe away the rise of heat pooling in his cheeks.
"What the hell…" he muttered. He'd never slipped up like that before. Not ever! How did that even happen? Why?
Penny. Penny. Penny. Penny.
No. He hadn't so much as thought that name in years, let alone spoke it aloud. Now she—it! It would be stuck there, in his brain, irremovable. Barney gulped. Penny. He could think of nothing but Penny as he stared blankly into the darkness. An ache rose in his chest. An ache he had though he had buried a long time ago. Damnit! Why couldn't dead things just stay buried?
No, you didn't mean that! Billy scolded from inside, that sounded insulting!
`Maybe I was talking about you`? Barney wished to reply and silence the nagging voice. He dared not, however, unwilling to part his lips any further in fear that…that name may escape again.
Penny.