A/N - Not the happiest start to the chapter here I'm afraid. But it's okay, it gets happy, Penny is strong. And Leonard would never let her be sad for too long if he can help it.

Blinking his eyes open, Leonard quickly acknowledged that for the second time that night, he had awoken to find Penny missing from the bed. He saw light creeping out from beneath the bathroom door onto the floorboards of the room. As if struck by lightening, his body shot up into a sitting position.

Something was wrong. Something was very wrong.

Feeling incredibly awake all of a sudden, his heart racing furiously, he got out of bed, shoving on his glasses, and crossed the room to the bathroom door. He stopped there, hesitating for a moment. What if she was just using the bathroom? He could just be overreacting after the shock of finding her standing by the window, freezing cold, only a few hours ago. But instinct told him that wasn't the case right now. Knocking softly, he waited, listening carefully for a reply. All he could hear was the running of water. And then he heard a soft sob. Urgency increased, he pushed the door open.

"Penny?"

Looking up at him from where she was kneeling on the floor, with her hands under the running tap of the bathtub, her face crumpled. "I didn't mean to do it, I'm sorry! Please don't hate me, please don't hate me, Leonard."

"What happened?"

"I must have done it in my sleep, I had a nightmare, a really bad one, I guess my mind wasn't done overthinking things from earlier, and I just woke up, and I realized I was doing it, and... and in the dream - no, it was a nightmare, dreams aren't like this - in the nightmare, you came to London and it was all the same except you didn't come to find me to say you were staying, you said you were going and-and-and then I tried to go after you but I couldn't and I woke up and I realized what I was doing and-"

Dropping down to his knees beside her, Leonard placed a hand on her knee to stop her. He noticed her eyes were red and puffy from crying. "Penny, what happened?"

"My hands," Penny choked out, before dropping her head to his shoulder, sobbing.

Leonard's heart sunk, but he didn't let himself freeze. He didn't need her to expand on what she'd just said. She didn't need him to freak out, she needed him to help her. He turned off the taps, stopping the flow of freezing cold water from attacking her hands. Grabbing a small towel from the cabinet behind him, he wrapped it around her hands carefully, patting them dry. Slowly, he removed it, placing her hands on his knees so her palms faced up towards him. He stopped himself from wincing as he inspected the tiny, fingernail shaped fresh cuts in her palms. His heart ached for her. "Are you okay?" Leonard asked softly, taking her hands gently into his, gently caressing her skin with his thumbs in the hopes of warming them without aggravating the raw cuts.

Looking up at him, Penny sniffed. "Are you disappointed in me?"

"No." Leonard replied quickly. "Sometimes these things happen and they're beyond your control."

"But why? Why is it beyond my control? I was doing so well." Penny muttered, disheartened. "I can't believe I did that."

"Penny, no, don't do that." Leonard said quietly, though his voice was firm. "You didn't do that to yourself on purpose. Everybody has their coping mechanisms and sometimes, like what just happened, you can't choose them. What matters is that when you realized what was happening, you stopped, and that you haven't consciously done it in a long time."

After a moment of silence, Penny sighed. "It's just such a let down, after I thought I was doing so well. And I'm happy, I promise I'm happy. This is… I don't know. I didn't expect a question like that to bring this all up again. I knew it would upset me but not this much."

"Don't think of it like that. You are doing well. It was a difficult evening for you, and the first time you had to deal with somebody asking you about it. We didn't anticipate this, and it came as a huge shock to you. You did what you could but sometimes it's harder than you expect it to be." Leonard smiled at her reassuringly, bringing a hand to her face to wipe away her tears, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "I'm proud of you."

"You are?"

"Yes."

Penny looked at him uncertainly, unconvinced. "Even though-"

"I'm proud of you." Leonard repeated.

Another moment of silence passed before she spoke again. "Thank you."

Leaning forward to kiss her forehead, Leonard took her hands again. "Do you want to go back to bed?"

Nodding, Penny allowed Leonard to help her back up to a standing position. They got back into bed, and she cuddled up into his side, head on his chest. One of her arms bent beneath her body, coming up to rest beneath her cheek. The other she placed on his stomach beneath his t-shirt. She wasn't sure if she was doing it to reassure herself or him. As usual, he drew patterns on her arm, and after a while he brought his free hand to rest on top of hers, but over his t-shirt. She smiled.

"It makes me happy that I have you in my life."

Leonard squeezed her slightly in attempt at a hug. "I'm glad. You make me happy too."

There was silence again, before Penny tilted her head up to see him. "Leonard... I'm scared to go back to sleep in case I do something like that again."

It was times like this when Leonard wished he could take on all her pain so she felt none. He looked at her sympathetically for a while, before an idea came to mind. "Would it help if we talked about happier things to distract your thoughts from earlier?"

"Mm. Yeah. I think it would." Penny nodded.

As it turned out, it did help. After an hour of positive memories and laughter, Penny fell asleep. Leonard fell asleep almost an hour later, feeling certain that this incident was a one-time thing that wouldn't occur again. It was out of her system. Her mind was at peace with itself now.

Upon opening his eyes and seeing immediately on the alarm clock that it was already 10am, Leonard turned his head and noticed that Penny was still asleep. Thank God, he thought, breathing a small sigh of relief, thank God she's getting some sleep now. Not wanting to wake her, but knowing that they had intended to have breakfast with her family, Leonard carefully shuffled himself out of her hold, standing and watching for a moment to make sure he hadn't woken her.

Pulling on his robe, he grabbed his glasses before padding out of the room and down to the kitchen.

"There he is!" Meryl grinned, looking up from the chopping board in front of her.

"Late night, huh?" Bridget smirked. Leonard realized that without make-up, she looked very similar to Penny, only a little older and with darker eyes.

"Bridget," Wyatt shook his head at his daughter.

"Hey," Leonard smiled meekly from the doorway. "Umm, Penny's still asleep. She had a bit of a... a difficult night, so, I think she could do with a little more rest."

"Oh, no," Meryl frowned, her face full of worry as she walked over to him, "is she okay?"

"Yeah, she's okay now." Leonard nodded. Her siblings and father looked up at him from their places in the kitchen with equally worried expressions. He smiled reassuringly. "I'm gonna go back and stay with her until she wakes up. I just thought you guys should know, in case she's a bit quiet today."

"Of course, thank you." Meryl nodded. "Here, I'll pour some coffee into a flask and you can take your mugs through so you have some for when she wakes up."

"Thanks, that would be good."

He waited as Meryl went about pouring some freshly made coffee into a large flask for them, placing it on a small tray along with a few mugs. The kitchen was silent as she placed a small selection of fruit on the tray too, before handing it to him. "Here you go, sweetheart. I hope she's okay."

"Thank you. I hope so too," Leonard nodded, taking the tray. "I think she will be fine. She's strong. Just a little overwhelmed and upset. But she seemed a lot better when we got to sleep again so, hopefully she'll have gotten enough rest and she'll feel better and gotten it out of her system. To be honest, I thought something might freak her out along the way, eventually - but I didn't expect it to happen here, or now."

"We thought that might happen eventually too." Meryl said sadly. "Are you okay, Leonard? It must be difficult for you too."

"It's not easy." Leonard admitted. "But I just want to be there and make things easier for her."

"You're so lucky to have each other. Alright, well let us know if you need anything else."

"Thank you. I will."

He walked carefully back to Penny's room, placing the tray down on his bedside table before locking the door and getting back into bed. She instinctively rolled over so her head was on his chest, an arm over his stomach, the other folded beneath her. He cuddled her in, drawing soothing patterns on her hip. Soon enough, he felt himself lulled back into sleep, her warmth and gentle breathing calming him, reassuring him that all she needed was a little more rest before she could get going with her day. If there was one thing he had learned about Penny, it was that she wasn't one to let things bring her down if she had a method of support. And he was going to be her method of support, because there was no way in hell that he was letting her go through this alone or let it set her back in any way.

Leonard next awoke to sweet, soft kisses being placed over his shoulder. Smiling, he blinked his eyes open. "Mm."

"Morning, baby." Penny smiled up at him, planting a kiss over his lips, before resting her chin on his shoulder.

"To what do I owe this lovely awakening?"

"Nothing." Penny tapped his nose with her pointer finger playfully. "It's just... I love you. That's all."

"Aww, that's sweet." Leonard smiled, squeezing her arm lightly. "I love you too." He ran his fingers through her slightly tangled hair, brushing it away from her face. "How are you feeling?"

Knowing that he was referring to the events that had happened overnight, Penny shrugged a little. "I'm okay. I do feel a lot better than last night, that feeling of fear and 'what if' has gone now. I think, now, I'm just more upset that it happened."

"That's okay. It was a bit of a shock, and like I said, it's the first time that you've had to think about it or talk about it, it wasn't going to be easy."

"I know." Penny nodded. "Thank you, Leonard. It really does help, having you here to talk to and... just knowing that you're right here, next to me. If this had happened when I was on my own, it would have... it would have been a lot worse."

It pained him to know that this was true, but it also made him feel a lot better that she had told him this, and that he was helping her. "I'm here whenever you need me."

Penny smiled up at him. "Thank you." Using a finger to draw patterns on his t-shirt, she sighed. "Part of me doesn't want to get out of bed. When this happens, you just feel like crap. But it's not as bad as before, when I felt like there was no point getting out of bed, and that it wasn't worth it."

"If you don't want to do anything today, we don't have to. If it's easier for you to just have some time to yourself-"

"No, no, I don't want to do that. I just want to move past the fact that that happened and keep going. I'm not letting that phase me or get in the way of my life anymore. I'm coming out stronger every time. Maybe I'll need your help but sometimes that's what a person needs." Penny raised a brow at him. "And I'm not letting you get away with not getting on that horse today. You will trot. Off the lunge."

Chuckling, he nodded. "Alright."

"Good." Penny grinned. This faded into a small smile after a moment. "At least the riding gloves can cover my hands."

Bringing her hand up from his chest to his lips, he placed a small kiss on her palms. "It's okay. These will heal."

"Yes. They will." Penny agreed. It hit her in that moment how powerfully reassuring it was to hear him say that. God, what she wouldn't give to have had him tell her that the first time she'd done it to herself. She realized that was something else she had learned over the last few months: you only understood just how strong love was until you suffered without it. Leaning up, she kissed Leonard fully on the mouth, intertwining their hands, before resting her forehead against his. "I really do love you, you know."

Leaving a barely-there kiss on her nose, he smiled. "I know. I really do love you too."

She giggled, before sitting up suddenly, in a meerkat-like fashion, sniffing. "Do I smell coffee?"

"Yeah. Your mom put some in a flask earlier for us. Here." Leonard sat up, and Penny shuffled over slightly so he could lean to the side to get the tray. He placed it between them on the bed, and set about pouring them coffee. "I told them you had a bit of a difficult evening, is that okay?"

"Yeah, that's okay. I'd rather have them know so I'm not bombarded with questions and stuff, after yesterday."

"I thought so." Leonard nodded, handing her one of the mugs of coffee, before taking his own between his hands.

"Ah, coffee." Penny brought the mug up beneath her nose to inhale the scent properly. "Mm." Taking a large gulp, she sighed. "This is so good."

"We have some fruit too." Leonard said, taking an apple from the bowl and biting into it.

"Ooh, breakfast in bed. Sort of." Penny grinned, taking a tangerine in one hand, before setting down her coffee and beginning to peel it. "You know what? Tomorrow, I'll make you a proper breakfast in bed."

"You will?"

"Yeah! It'll be amazing. You'll see. And then, I can be your post-breakfast in bed treat. Also in bed. Maybe with some maple syrup." Penny shimmied her shoulders as she bit her lip.

Leonard grinned. "Sounds good to me."

"Okay, we're going to take you off the lunge now, baby," Penny grinned, patting Leonard's leg gently as Meryl set about removing the lunge. Having re-checked the girth, she readjusted his leg slightly back into the right position. "Don't be scared, okay? Just do exactly what you've been doing."

"Yeah, yeah... it'll just be... me in control, this time, with no help." Leonard nodded, looking straight ahead, calming himself with the knowledge that he'd managed not to fall off the horse so far.

"It'll be okay. If it feels a bit too bumpy or unstable, just hold the saddle with one hand and the reins in the other like you did the first few times."

"We use her for all the first-time riders, she'll be good with you, it's fine." Meryl assured him, stepping into the middle of the school. "Here we go. Sweetheart, lead him over to A please." She watched as Penny walked a few paces ahead of Leonard, who followed steadily on the horse, to the top corner which had a plastic board reading 'A'. "You probably won't make it all the way round on your first try trotting off the lunge, so just take a few steps walking and then start trotting again. And try not to go off course, though you're pretty good with posture, it's impressive - you should be okay there."

"Really? Thanks. Okay." Leonard nodded, sitting up.

"Just relax, sweetie, and don't overthink it." Penny patted his leg one more time before making her way over to her mother. "Go when you're ready."

Meryl and Penny watched as Leonard took a few seconds to focus himself. That was one of his strengths; no matter how frightened he was, he was dedicated to learning and doing things the way they should be done. On his first attempt, he only managed a few paces. He stopped to gather himself again, and they encouraged him that he was doing great. It took him quite a while, but eventually he managed a complete circuit around the school - by this time, he'd lost count of how many times he'd stopped and started again. Having done a full circuit, he automatically slowed down and stopped in disbelief (he had made sure he could halt efficiently).

"Oh my God, you did it!" Penny grinned, bounding over to him. "I'm proud of you, baby!"

"I can't believe I just did that." Leonard looked slightly stunned. "I thought I was going to fall off the horse about fifty times."

"That was excellent, Leonard," Meryl smiled as she walked over. "Very impressive. Your determination really does work in your favor. I think that's enough hard work for the day."

"Yeah, I think so too." Leonard chuckled.

Penny helped Leonard off of the horse, and Meryl took the reins. "I'll bring her back in, you two go ahead and get washed up. I'm guessing Leonard'll be wanting a nice hot bubble bath after all of that."

"Ooh, a bath does sound good." Leonard nodded.

"Bath it is." Penny giggled, taking his hand. "See you later, Mom."

Leading them over to the tack room, Penny grinned at him. "I'm proud of you, that was really good."

"More like really scary." Worth it to see you so happy, though, Leonard thought.

"But you made it all the way around! Mom always tries to make sure that by the second lesson you can trot the whole way round the school, and you did it!" She did a little skip of excitement as they went into the tack room and through to the back, so they didn't have to walk all the way round from the outside to get to the main room Meryl would use as an 'office', where Penny also kept her personal riding gear. "Now c'mon, lets get changed out of these boots and all so we can get you your bath."

They pulled off their boots and slipped their feet into the shoes they had walked over in, removing their helmets and setting them down. Leonard had removed his gloves first, but he noticed Penny hesitate for a moment - she had kept them on until last. For a few seconds, he watched her simply stare down at her gloved hands, not wanting to unsettle her, but she made no indication that she was going to take the next step.

"Penny?" Leonard said softly, going over to her, placing his hands beneath hers to hold them lightly. She looked up at him, a slight frown on her face, her eyes begging him. He nodded, understanding, and kissed her forehead. As he gently removed her riding gloves, he could feel her eyes on his face, intent and determined. He knew that she didn't want to have to see her hands; if he hadn't known how upset she was that she'd done this to herself after so long, he'd have been worried that she was struggling with what had happened. This was the only fluctuation in her mood and behavior today since getting out of bed, which reassured him that other than the issue with her hands, she was dealing with the previous night considerably well. Placing her gloves down, he took her hands in his. "Let's go."

"Thank you," she whispered, kissing him gently. Taking a breath, she smiled before turning and leading them out the main door to head back up to her house. "Time to set up a nice bath for your soon-to-be really sore, but still cute, tushy!"

"I think I'm already beginning to feel the soreness," Leonard winced.

"You know," Penny slowed their pace down, turning to face him so she was walking backwards, "It's been a really long time since I've done so much riding all at once, so I'm beginning to feel a little sore too." Wiggling her eyebrows, she stuck her tongue out between her teeth, waiting for the little 'aah' of understanding from him before continuing. "What do you say we lock my bedroom door and take this hot bath together, hmm?"

"A hot bath with my hot girlfriend?" Leonard grinned. "Sounds... hot."

"It will be." Penny nodded, biting her lip.

Leonard was glad Penny seemed to know the path back home even when walking backwards, because his mind was too busy being filled with images of the bath they were about to have. Suddenly having a sore tushy was the last thing on his mind.

Squeezing his hands, Penny whispered, "I can massage that cute little tushy of yours better."

Okay, maybe it wasn't the last thing on his mind.