Tobias POV

The wind hits my face. Im tired. My eyes feel hollow and blood shot. Ive been up all night. After i cleaned her wounds and left her to rest in my bed, ive been pacing back and forth trying to figure this girl out.
One minute she's a psycho fight starting smart mouth. The next shes curled up in a vulnerability that you wouldnt believe was the same person.

I check on her a couple times after i hear her moan and whimper. She must be sore, in pain. I cant believe they would attack her like that. Lincoln probably felt like he needed to prove something. Did he not know that 10 to 1 was no fair match. I sigh. Some things never change. If i was the old Tobias, i would have made sure he didn't walk for weeks. But i am not theold Tobias. That man was with Tris. Dead.

I shake my head. I need to shut my brain off.

As i stare out into the distance i hear a small cough behind me. I turn and see her leaning against the doorway to the balcony. Her brown hair is messy and swept to one side. Her left eye is bruised, and face bruised on the left also. She is wearing the large sweatshirt i put on her after i cleaned her wounds. She bites her lip when she sees me analysing the damage but doesnt realise she is biting her cut lip. She swears under her breath and exhales deeply, like she is over it all. Over life. I know the feeling.

'How are you feeling' i say sounding concerned. 'I mean i need to get to work so i didnt know how long you would be out' I quckly add to not sound too worried about a girl i barely know.

'Im ok,thanks' she says in a low voice, making sure not to look at me in the eyes. 'Im going to go. Thanks for fixing me up'. And she turns to leave, her long brown hair the last thing i see before she dissapears from the doorway. I run after her to tell her to stay. Or go. Or what. I dont even know.

She grabs her jacket, the one i pulled off her last night to clean her wounds, and rushes out the door. I go to run after her but stop myself when i realise i dont know what to say. I want her to go, so i can go back to being alone. She is too complicated. But i want her to stay, so i can find out who she is. Who she was. The curious side of me wants to know. For the first time in a long time, i feel like i can save her. If she even needs saving.

Alex POV

I push the door open to my room and run straight to the bathroom. My head is spinning. I probably shouldn't have left so quick but the way he was looking at me made me angry. Looking at me like he felt sorry for me. Like i was a child who needed protecting. I didnt need anyone. He would soon realise that. I open the door and run straight to the sink. I turn on the water and tie my hair into a high ponytail. I dont look at my face in the mirror. I know its bad. Tobias' face told me it was not pretty. I wash my hands first and slowly splash my face with warm water. It hurts and i can feel my left eye sting. I Hate cold water but it would probably be better to use to calm down the pulse my bruises seemed to have. Like there was a tiny heart in every wound. Beating. Everytime i touched it or splashed water i felt it again. Beating.

I lift my head up and decide to assess the damage. Wow. My left eye is bruised and cut. I can see a tiny scab forming over my eyebrow down past my eye to my cheekbone. My left side is also bruised from the jaw to the side of my mouth. And on my bottom lip a cut. The lip i bit when i saw Tobias staring at my bruises. His eyes making their way to my lips, my stomach and legs. They were covered but i still felt naked and vulnerable in his gaze. Why did he have that affect on me. My orders are to make sure he never finds out. I need to keep him distant. But close. I still need his trust.

I lift up his sweatshirt and assess the damage on my body. I flinch when i touch my ribs. Theyre a deep purple colour and sore. So sore. No doubt in a couple of days the colour will turn blue then yellow. I have to make sure i dont get hit again. One more strong hit and my ribs would be broken. Or were they broken now. No they couldnt be. I wouldnt be able to move.

I clean my wounds, from face to thighs. Every movement brings forward a new bruise. My thighs covered, ribs, stomach, face, back, collarbone. All of these places a little bruise to remind me of my orders. I hope Tobias is not suspicious. The fight had to look like it was revenge driven. Lincoln would hear a comment i made up, think it was going around and would ruin his reputation and then he would bring his friends to beat me up. I also make a couple comments about his friends, and voila, they are all gunning to have a go at Alex McKenzie. I finish with the final wound and wrap a towel around my body. I head into my room to get some clothes and jump in the shower. I have to meet with Michael to report on my orders. I jump in the shower and quickly wash my body and hair. I think of what to say about Tobias to Michael.

I know what they will ask. Is he suspicious? Has he mentioned his ex girlfriend the Prior girl? Is he drinking? Does he get into fights? Is he still training? Is he still working in the control room? Blah blah blah

I close my eyes and let the warm water hit my face. Tobias Eaton. Do you know how important you are?

Alex POV

I'm standing on the edge of the building. I am 5 stories up and the wind is hitting my face. The bruises welcome the cold air. Tobias did a good job at patching me up but that is expected. He was a leader and a trainer and he knows all about getting hurt so of course he knows about taking care of wounds. I heard the Prior girl didn't do so well her first couple weeks in dauntless. The story was that Tobias helped her too, protected her.

"You planning on Jumping Lex?" a voice behind me says. Michael. I turn to greet him.

"You planning on pushing me?" I return with a smile. Michael's eyes dart straight to my wounds. Of course the look he gives me makes me wish I didn't have to get into that altercation but it is all part of my job. I needed Tobias to see me and find me. Michael starts towards me with his hand in the air, reaching to touch my face. I jump down from the edge and walk away, my back towards him. "I don't have much time. I need to report and go back to the dorms. They're watching Michael" I say with as much authority as I can although he is the one with the authority.

"What has been happening? Tell me everything" he says and I know he is pissed off at me for being so formal about this all. Truth is it is best that way. Michael and I have history. And I can never forgive him for what he put me through.

"I'm in. He is curious. He is still strong but not training. He is not easy to beat. He works in the control room and even when it is not his shift he is still there. I think that's his escape. I haven't seen him with his mother at all and he doesn't have any friends besides the Christina girl. Prior's best friend. He doesn't suspect anything. I think he just thinks I'm a rebel or an attention seeker. Maybe even thinks I'm psycho. But better than him knowing about me". I rattle it all out in a list. Trying to sound casual about it all. Truth is its hard to lie to people. Its even harder to pretend to not care that you are lying. Everything I am reporting about Tobias is true but I still feel dirty. Like I need a long hot shower for all the secrecy. Knowing what I know and knowing what I have to do are too important to sabotage the mission. But I can't help but feel sorry for the guy. He has lost as much as I have.

"Good. Keep at it. You know what you have to do" Michael says. He looks at me and walks closer. I don't move because if I do he will make it an issue and I cannot be bothered to argue with him. Im exhausted. He reaches for me and touches my cheek, cradling my face. "Be careful. They can never find out about you and you shouldn't get too close. You know they can't stay in your life. He can't stay in your life. He is the mission." he says never breaking eye contact.

I reach for his hand and pull it away. "I know" I say. "I will report to you next week same time" I say and start towards the roof door to exit.

"Don't forget you belong with me..with us" he corrects himself quickly. I sigh as I reach the door and turn towards him

"I know where I belong Michael" and open the door and leave. I rush down the stairs eager to get away from him. When I get to the front of the building I push the doors open and start running back towards the dorms. The run helps me forget. Helps me forget what a terrible person I am and have always been. It helps me forget of what I have to do and what I don't want to do. What I know and what I wish I didn't.