There is sexual content in this chapter but it is only soft.
The night went by and I was still nervous around my Jay but I tried my best to shake it off. However, he didn't help me in doing so. On this night he came to bed with me for a change but we didn't speak. I sat down at my dresser and began to remove my make-up that I had applied after I had gotten the 'good knife' for my love; I had no idea what he had done with the knife, all I knew was that he hadn't stabbed me, yet. Once I'd removed my make-up, I began to untie my hair and as I was doing so he stood behind me and stared at me in the cracked mirror. I cleared the lump in my throat.
"You look beautiful," The Joker said softly "like a princess." Normally, I would have taken the hint that it was time to get into bed with him but I ignore it this time. He started to stoke my hair softly and kissed my neck, his left hand came down from my hair and on to my left shoulder. I began to panic the same way I did about the knife. His hand slow made its way across my chest and on to my right shoulder, as if he was trying to restrain me. My breathing got heavy, not because he was suggesting we made love but because I couldn't help but think he was going to wrap his large hands around my neck and straggle me until I turned purple. My Joker's right hand started to wonder down my torso and to my thighs but the fear of him hurting me was too much. I shot up like a bullet from my chair and he looked at me confused.
"Do you love me?" I blurted out. He said nothing. Ivy was right. I didn't stay to hear an explanation, I ran out the bedroom door, slamming it shut on my way.
It was around 1:20AM and I was walking the streets of Gotham City. The heavy rain made it difficult for drunk passers to see that I was crying but I didn't care if they knew or not. My heart had broken into a million pieces and each piece had 'The Joker' written on it. I had no clue what to do or where to go, if I went back what would happen to me? Would he abuse me like he had done a thousand times before or would he tell me he was thinking of the words the express his love for me? I knew that the first option was more likely but if I didn't go back I would never know. Was I okay with not knowing or not? So many questions were running through my head. My heart ached and all because I asked a question that deep down I knew the answer too. For a short moment I wished that he had killed me, it would have been a lot less painful than this.
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