The idea for this little extra came from Hosoi Kurai

It cracked me up so I tried to deliver.

I do not own Naruto.

First Person Kathryn!

I skipped up behind Deidara as he sat at the table, nomming on his breakfast. I threw my arms around his neck from behind and kissed him on his super cute face. "Hey baby. I'm going out. I'll see you later! Look at the calendar!"

He looked up at me with utter confusion on his face, his out full of food, as I frolicked out of the kitchen and then out of the house. My target was standing in the road so I jumped on his back, koala clinging the instant I collided with him.

As expected, he absorbed my glomp with perfect ninja reflexes, and he gave me a small smile over his shoulder. "Good morning, Kathryn."

"Hi Itachi!" I greeted. "Ready to go hang out?"

He was wearing the typical ninja attire he wore under his Akatsuki cloak with his pretty ponytail in place. He looked ready to me whereas Alice looked like she planned on sleeping all day in her pants that were definitely Hidan's and her shirt that was probably Itachi's or even Hidan's.

She's a thief.

"Hn." He agreed simply. He leaned forward and kissed Alice softly on the lips. "I'll see you later. Have fun with Deidara."

Alice patted his cheek after returning his kiss and smiled lazily at me. "I will. You two have fun together. Kathryn, try not to make him commit suicide."

"No promises." I smiled. "Bye Momma!"

"See you." She called, waving as she set off towards my house.

"Where to?" I asked, looking at Itachi.

"Wherever you would like to go is fine with me." He stated.

I rubbed my chin in thought. I smiled as a wonderful idea came to mind and I looked at Itachi. "Wanna go stuff our faces with sweets from every sweetshop in the village?"

A glint jumped into Itachi's eyes. "I thought you'd never ask."

With pure ninja speed, Itachi shot through the Uchiha compound, heading for the closest sweetshop to the district. I grinned evilly and he smirked his Uchiha smirk, utterly pleased.

Alice is going to kill us.

First Person Alice!

I walked inside the house Kathryn, Deidara, Sasori, and Sanaa shared and I strolled to the kitchen like I owned the place. Deidara was drinking tea and inspecting a calendar curiously at the same time. A plate rested on the table. The only hint I had that it had been eaten off of was the remnants of syrup. The rest of the plate was completely vacant.

"Sup Dei?" I asked, walking over to him. I sat on the counter and watched him count down the days on his fingers.

"What day is it, un?" He asked, glancing around.

"Friday." I told him. "Down one, Dei."

He moved his finger down a day on the calendar before nodding. "So that's what she meant, un."

I raised my eyebrow. "It's best friend's significant-other day. Did you forget?"

He nodded to himself, drinking more tea.

I pouted. "You forgot that you were hanging out with me? I'm hurt, Deidara."

"I didn't mean it like that, un!" Deidara said quickly, darting over to me. "I'd never forget you, Alice. I've been looking forward to this; I just forgot what day it was. I swear yeah!"

I smiled. "You're so gullible. And sweet." I rumpled his hair. "I was kidding, Deidara. Itachi forgot too until I dragged him outside to meet Kathryn."

He grinned sheepishly before leaning on the counter across from me. "So what do you want to do, un?"

I rubbed my chin in thought. I smirked as a very amusing and potentially dangerous and reckless idea came to mind and I looked at Deidara. "Wanna go and blow shit up?"

A glint jumped into Deidara's eyes and a very mischievous grin broke out on his face. "I thought you'd never ask, yeah."

I hopped off the counter and offered him my arm. "Let's go feed our inner pyros, my dear sir."

He took it, his chin held high and a serious, proper expression on his face that did nothing to hide the amusement in his eyes. "You read my mind, my lady yeah."

Pein is going to kill us.

First Person Kathryn!

"Kathryn? Itachi?"

Itachi and I looked up from our treats to see Kakashi looking at us curiously. He had a bag of goodies in his hand and a book in his pocket.

"Hi Kakashi." I greeted while Itachi grunted at him. "What's up?"

"What are you two doing? Where are Alice and Deidara?" He looked around as if expecting them to be hiding or something.

Itachi and I shrugged. "We don't know."

"Don't know?" Kakashi wondered.

I smiled. "Alice and I decided to swap significant others for the day." I shrugged when he looked even more confused. "I don't get to hang out with Itachi as much as I should and Alice misses hanging out with Deidara so we decided to share our husbands."

"Okay…" He said uncertainly.

Itachi glanced at him before patting my head. "It wasn't my idea, but I am not complaining. Alice never lets me engorge myself on sweets. I'm utilizing my resources and time."

"So… Alice and Deidara are together… without supervision?" Kakashi asked.

Itachi tensed and face-palmed. "That can't be good."

I laughed. "Uh oh. I guess we should have thought about that beforehand."

"The village will be in flames before the night is out." Kakashi groaned. "Whatever. I know nothing."

"Bye Kakashi!" I said cheerfully, waving at him as he left.

I glanced at Itachi who was looking out the window as if expecting to see a clay bird in the sky. "Alice won't let Deidara blow up anything."

"I wouldn't be so sure." Itachi told me with a sigh.

"Your sweets are punishment to her for any damage she causes." I offered with a smile.

He stared at me. "Your intelligence always manages to impress me, Kathryn."

"I'll try not to be insulted." I laughed, picking up my dango again. Itachi quickly followed my example, for the moment pushing aside his concern for his wife and forgetting to be mature. Deidara wouldn't let Alice get hurt and that was enough for him to enjoy his day rather than worrying.

First Person Alice!

"You don't think we'll get in trouble for this do you, un?" Deidara asked as we finished setting up our first piece of art of the day.

I scoffed. "Who gives a shit? I'm Alice. I dare them to try to punish me."

"Even Pein yeah?" Deidara asked.

"That's what you're for, Deidara." I grinned. When he protested loudly, I soothed him. "I'm kidding, dork. It's Pein's fault for our boredom. He never lets us do anything fun."

Deidara hummed his agreement. "I know. Neither does Kakuzu, Danna, or Itachi yeah."

I sighed. "Tell me about it." Cracking my knuckles, I elbowed Deidara. "Do it."

He smirked before holding his hands up in a familiar sign. "Katsu!" He barked. One of his tiny bombs went off and ignited a line of clear fuel. It caught instantly and zoomed away from us before lighting a picture and a small notification on the side of the Hokage Mountain.

A giant penis was burning just below the Kage heads that were currently decorated with flaming monocles, mustaches, and unibrows. Hashirama had a monocle, Tobirama had a mustache of epic proportions, Hiruzen had a unibrow and a tongue hanging out of his mouth. Tsunade had a unibrow, and Minato had a both a monocle and a mustache and we outlined his hair so it was on fire. We did the same with the seal on Tsunade's forehead. Below the penis, was our signature.

"ALICE AND DEIDARA WERE HERE!"

"They'll never know it was us." I decided, with a huge grin.

Deidara grinned evilly with me. "That's so awesome."

I held up my phone and took a picture of that epicness before elbowing Deidara. "Let's get out of here before we get caught."

He grinned and created a bird. He picked me up and jumped on it and it took off. We had just gotten out of sight when a number of ANBU members and other Shinobi reached the Hokage monument to inspect the damage to see if it was some enemy message.

There was nothing to worry about. As soon as the fuel was burned up, the fire would die without damage. The monument would be fine.

Though, it will forever be Penis Mountain to me.

First Person Kathryn!

"Please tell me I'm imagining a giant… male reproductive organ on the Hokage Monument."

"You're not." I said, smothering snickering.

Itachi introduced his palm to his forehead. "How did they even do that?"

"Alice is no stranger to vandalism." I laughed nervously. "She almost got arrested for it when we were fourteen. She spray painted a huge 'FUCK YOU' on the side of the school's Superintendent's house when she didn't give us any snow days. One our friends got in a really bad wreck that day because of the horrible conditions on the road on their way to school."

"How did they know it was her?" Itachi asked.

I laughed. "Uh… She signed it. She was proud of it."

Itachi sighed. "Of course she was." He looked at the Monument again and shook his head. "Pein is not going to be happy about this."

"He's not happy about anything." I snickered.

Itachi nodded as he considered my statement. "True." He elbowed me softly. "Come. I could use some sweet tea. And I want to hear more about you two during your high school days before we met."

I smiled. "Okay!" I followed him to another sweet shop and we entered it. We were quickly seated and we ordered drinks, sweet tea for Itachi and hot chocolate for me, and we ordered some funnel cake type stuff.

"What's the dumbest thing you've ever done whilst in the Akatsuki?" I asked, looking at Itachi as we snacked on our spoils.

Itachi chewed thoughtfully before shrugging. "I have never really done anything dumb. However, we have done some immature things to the other members. In particular, Kisame and I enjoy messing with Hidan and Deidara the most. I put a Genjutsu on Samehada so Hidan thought it was his scythe." Itachi smirked. "The look on his face was priceless. Kisame was crying he was laughing so hard. A few nights later, we fed Deidara's hands fish and other foul smelling things for about an hour. The next morning, Sasori almost drowned him, trying to get the smell out."

I snickered. "That's mean, but so funny."

Itachi hummed. "There is always room for pranks."

I nodded with agreement. "Indeed there is."

First Person Alice!

"Run Alice, un!"

I glanced behind me and yelped at seeing Kakuzu's threads hot on my tail. "That's easy for you to say, Deidara. I can't fucking shit out clay birds!"

Deidara pouted as he flew beside me, dodging the puppets Sasori was attacking him with. "I don't shit my art un!"

"Alright, regurgitate then." I growled, screaming when Kakuzu caught me. "Ah! Help!"

I grabbed onto the wing of Deidara's bird and clung for dear life as Kakuzu began dragging me back to him. Deidara swore loudly as his bird crashed into the ground because it was off balance. Sasori took that instance and was able to restrain Deidara with his puppets and chakra strings.

Deidara and I were walking through the village, looking for our next target when we almost ran into Sasori, Kakuzu, Hidan, and Kisame. Deidara noticed their coiled chakra and instantly warned me to run.

I ran, he flew, and that is how we ended up in this situation.

"No Kakuzu!" I whined pathetically as said miser bound my limbs together before tossing me over his shoulder. "Let me go!"

"You should have thought about that before you decided to deface the Hokage Monument while Pein was in the village." Kakuzu told me boredly.

"It was Deidara's idea!" I protested.

"Fuck you Alice, un!" Deidara shouted, glaring as he struggled against Sasori.

"Kakuzu, switch me." Sasori growled, holding Deidara in a headlock.

Kakuzu glanced at him and made to comment until Kisame picked Deidara up and tossed him over his shoulder much like how I was being carried. "I've got him, Sasori." Kisame said with a grin.

"Thanks." Sasori stated. "You two are in serious shit."

"Damn it (un)." Deidara and I said in unison.

We were carried through the village and to the Uchiha compound where we were dumped on the ground before a set of steps. Deidara and I protested until we looked up the steps to see a very unhappy Pein standing above us.

We both paled.

"Shit (un)."

First Person Kathryn!

Itachi and I were on sweet overload as we returned to the Uchiha compound. As we ventured towards our houses, Alice and Deidara came stumbling out of Pein and Konan's house, rubbing their heads and wincing.

"What happened?" Itachi asked instantly, walking to Alice and taking her face into his hands.

She groaned. "Pein's an asshole. I'm going to have a migraine for a month."

Deidara shuffled over to me before dropping his head on my shoulder and wrapping his arms around my waist. "Never again am I doing anything Alice tells me to, yeah."

Alice glared at him. "Fuck you Deidara. Setting it on fire was totally your idea."

"The penis was yours un." Deidara whined.

"Yeah, but if we had just used paint like I planned on doing, it wouldn't have been noticed as quickly." Alice snapped. She winced and grabbed her head again. "Ouch. Loud noises."

"What did he do to you?" Itachi wondered.

"Other than yelling at us at top volume for over two hours," Alice began.

"Which included a God speech by the way, yeah." Deidara added.

"He also hit us in the head more times than I care to remember." Alice finished.

I snickered and kissed Deidara's head. "Come on baby, I'll get you some medicine."

Itachi sighed and picked Alice up. "You just need to sleep."

"Fuck Pein and everything he stands for." Alice whined.

I smiled at Itachi. "I'll see you tomorrow Itachi. I had fun today."

"Likewise." Itachi said softly. "Good night."

I led Deidara to the house and I tended to his head while Danna scolded him and Sanaa hid her snickers from behind him.

Danna looked at me after Deidara had downed his medicine. "What did you do today?"

"Itachi and I just hung out." I shrugged. "Much less eventful than Deidara's day, but it was fun all the same."

Deidara grumbled. "Next time, I'm hanging out with you guys instead un."

I laughed and kissed his forehead. "Sounds good, Dei."

First Person Alice!

I whined pathetically as Itachi put a pack of ice on the back of my head. We were lying in our bedroom now. I had inhaled some medication for my head as well as shot up with my painkillers. Itachi warned me about overdosing but I didn't care. This headache was killing me already.

"This is what happens when you do things you know you shouldn't." He lectured.

"Shut the hell up, Itachi." I grumbled into the pillow. "I've learned my lesson."

He kissed my temple gently. "Good. I'd rather not see you in pain like this again."

I scoffed, wincing at the pain in my head. "Whatever. I could totally tell you were hiding your laughter when I explained what happened to Kisame, Sasuke, and Tiburon."

"At least I had the decency to not laugh at you like our son and Kisame." He told me.

I rolled my eyes. "Hn."

He stroked my hair softly for a moment. "Did you at least have fun before you were punished?"

Smiling, I nodded. "Yep."

"That was quite a display you and Deidara made." He stated.

"It was pretty awesome." I agreed. I glanced at him. "What did you and Kathryn do all day? Did you enjoy yourself?"

He smiled lightly and dipped his head. "I did. Kathryn's company was very enjoyable today. We spent the day talking."

"Did you eat?" I asked.

He nodded. "More than I should have, probably."

I looked at him, noticing the smug glint in his eyes. "You two ate out at sweet shops, didn't you?"

He blinked at me. "What?"

"You heard me." I deadpanned. When he looked away from me stubbornly I rolled my eyes. "Whatever. When your teeth fall out, don't come bitching to me. You're going to get sick."

He waved me off. "I'll be fine, Alice."

"Whatever you say."

An hour later when I was nursing his upset tummy, I just smirked at him and kissed his forehead gently. "I told you so."

He just grumbled. "Shut up, Alice."

Enjoy.