Disclaimer: This piece is a sequel to my first story "To fall below adversity" so I suggest if you haven't already, to read that one first. Further warning, this is also going to be angsty and somewhat dark and depressing story at times; like my first one. I don't own CSI or anything relating to them, I'm just borrowing them to satisfy my stupid brain. Any references to real life events; anything I may have read, seen or heard are completely unintentional and coincidental. I gain nothing from this other than to finally get this idea to stop repeating in my head. So please don't sue me or threaten to kill me. If this offends you in any way or it just plain sucks, I apologize that you've wasted several minutes of your life you'll never get back. Just pretend you never saw this, know for future reference to avoid it at all costs should you ever see the title again, and go on with your life. Any and all mistakes are mine. Also, any names, places or references are purely fictional!
A/N:Hello all, sorry it took this long. Thank you so much once again DustyMonkey, ilovekc, mikkir and quietmusician for the reviews!!! And thanks for your patience and well wishes during this difficult time. Things still may take a little longer to get posted than I'd like...I'm not finding much time to write anymore. I have many ideas and twists planned for this piece and I want to warn everyone in advance that I foresee this one being much darker than the first. I use this writing as an outlet...and I seem to get more inspiration from the less appealing aspects of life. I hope I'm not disappointing so far, I'm really being careful and taking my time to make sure I don't become stagnant. Once again please keep the feedback coming because I really do take it to heart. Thanks for reading and take care everyone!
Oh God! Shit, my head is killing me! I must have had way too much to drink! This is a bastard of a hangover! I'm so fuzzy and confused. I wish this feeling would just go away! I learned my lesson, now please stop.
Wait, is that beeping? I know that sound! This has to be a nightmare! Oh God! No!
Without any further contemplation or consideration for the pounding in my skull, I snap my eyes open and attempt to sit up.
"Easy Sara, you're okay dear." Jim says standing up from his chair beside the bed.
"Yes, you're in a hospital. You and Cath were involved in a pretty bad car accident a few hours ago."
At the mention of my love's name all the frightening memories flood back like a tidal wave and my blood runs cold.
"Jim, w-where's Cath? Is she okay? H-her leg..." I start forcing myself up before Jim places his hands on my shoulders holding me in place.
"Stop Sara. Relax, take a deep breath and don't fight me. Catherine's okay. Her leg was badly broken though, but it's being taken care of. You had a minor seizure when the paramedics arrived...so calm yourself down so nothing else happens...understand?" Jim says in her worried no nonsense tone.
"I-I'm fine. Okay...I'm calm. But take me to Cath now Jim...please." I reply consciously slowing my speech to avoid the annoying stress stutter. I'm shaking uncontrollably and desperately trying not to cry.
"I've hit the call bell for the nurse...I don't know when you'll be allowed to see Catherine, they may not be able to discharge you right away Sara. You'll be no use to Cath if your hurt yourself dear." Jim says still trying to calm me down.
"No! No nurses, no doctors...no damn hospital! I'm not doing this Jim! I need to see Catherine! I-I..." I begin before a young nurse enters the room and I direct my attention at her.
"I want the discharge forms. I'll sign myself out against medical advice if I have to...I just need to get out of here now."
"I understand your concern miss Sidle, but you need to stay at least until the doctor examines you. After the car accident you experienced..." The nurse begins before my rising temper can't take it anymore.
"No, you don't understand! My partner was seriously injured and I need to see her now! You go and tell your l-little d-doctor..." I cut the nurse off before I myself am cut short.
"Enough Sara! I know where you're coming from...trust me...but taking it out on the poor nurse isn't going to get you anywhere. Now calm down yourself, or they will help you calm down...and I know you don't want to be sedated." Jim says taking control of the situation.
Momentarily stunned by the atmosphere in the room and the detective restoring order, the young nurse takes a deep breath before responding.
"Miss Sidle, I will try to get an update for you on your partner while you wait to see the doctor okay, but I'm going to need to take your vitals first if you don't mind."
"She doesn't, go ahead nurse. Thank you." Jim replies as Sara frowns in frustration knowing she's been beat.
Once the nurse has finished her ministrations and is confident her patient is stable, she offers Sara painkillers; who promptly refuses, so as promised she leaves to find out more information.
"Look Sara, Gil is watching over Cath so rest assured she's in good hands. The important thing is for you to remain calm. You will be no use to your girl if you're in restraints for putting yourself in danger." Jim continues to chastise Sara.
Putting her quivering hands up to her face, the only response Sara can manage is to let out a heartbreaking sob as her eyes fill and spill over with large warm tears.
"No, no Sara. It's okay darling, please don't cry. Everything is going to be okay sweetheart. Catherine is okay, you are okay." Jim says while gathering the shaking brunette in his arms and kissing the top of her head.
"I'm s-scared Jim...I'm s-so scared." Sara sobs in his chest while holding onto him as if her very life depended on it.
"I know Sara, but everything will be okay. Catherine is stable, you are stable, we've been through worse, we'll get through this. You both were lucky...I uh, I saw the wreak...and I thought...well..." Jim starts before he himself get choked up and just squeezes Sara harder.
"Thank you Jim. You're right, we'll be okay. I love you like a father you know...and Catherine loves you so much too." I say while kissing the side of Jim's head while he continues to let go of his burden.
Poor Jim has been our rock, he's been through Hell and back with us all the way. He and I have talked about our shared experience and suffering. I know how bad his nerves have suffered over the past year and I fear for him.
"I love you too Sara, you two are my girls. Now, enough of all this crying." Jim says in a half laugh, half cry as he wipes his eyes and tries to straighten up.
"Sara!" An out of breath and exasperated Gil Grissom says from the doorway. His expression quickly softens as he sees Sara awake and talking. "Thank God you're okay!"
"I'm fine Gil, thank you. How's Catherine?" I say wiping the remnants of the tears off my face.
"She's still in surgery, but the surgeon came out and said it was a success, they are just finishing up now. She's stable and they are confident she'll make a full recovery. But she'll need some extensive physiotherapy along the way. The tibia and fibula were both broken in several places and the knee ligaments took a bit of a beating, but her femur and blood vessels were untouched. She's going to be fine dear." Grissom says, reiterating everything he had been told to Catherine's concerned partner.
"What did the doctor say about you?"
"The doc is going to come see me soon. I'm bumped and bruised, but I'm okay." I begin as Grissom frowns and looks over his glasses at me.
"It was just a minor seizure...probably from stress." I say preoccupied with the information I just heard about my love. I trust Gil completely, but I won't feel better until I hold Catherine in my arms and see that she's okay with my own eyes.
"Excuse me, Miss Sidle?" An older balding man says from the doorway, interrupting my chain of thought.
"I am she." I say in a slightly detached tone. I can't hide the fact that I'm sick of doctors and hospitals...I've more than met my quota for the next ten years.
"I'm the doctor on call tonight, may I talk to you in private please?" The man says in a practiced polite tone.
"Sure, why not." I reply uninterested before returning my attention to Jim and Gil.
"Guys, would you mind checking up on how Cath's doing for me while we have a chat please?"
"Okay Sara, we'll be back in a few then. Be good." Jim says smirking before kissing me before moving aside allowing Gil to do the same.
As they leave I can't help but sigh as I turn my attention to the doctor. Nothing against this man, but I'm beyond sick of the formalities and other medical bullshit.
"Okay Sara, I heard you want to be discharged so I'll make a deal with you. Stay for a few more hours for observation and allow us to draw blood for a few tests and I'll have you out of here before your partner is out of surgical recovery." The doctor begins before pulling out an x-ray and holding it up to the light for me to see as well.
"We took an x-ray when you were brought in and we have an interesting result here that I'd like to discuss with you." He says as I remain silent.
Great...just keep it coming...
"Do you think we should have left her alone Gil?" Jim asks as he tries to adjust his position on the impossibly uncomfortable surgical waiting room chair.
"We had no choice, unless she gives consent for us to stay...we technically aren't family." Gil replies defeated.
"Not family my ass! After everything we've been through this past year...people give too much credit to blood; to be family is an earned privilege... I would trade places with Sara or Catherine in a heartbeat; you think her bastard of a father would have ever said that?!" Jim says standing up and raising his hands in frustration.
"I know Jim. You know Sara herself considers you her father. She is family, and we will get her through this just like before." Gil replies before his attention is drawn to the surgeon entering the room.
"May I speak to the family of Miss Willows please?" The man in scrubs asks as Jim cringes slightly at the word 'family'.
"That would be us." Grissom responds as Jim struggles to suppress his anger.
"I am pleased to announce the surgery was a complete success and miss Willows is currently in the surgical recovery room. We will monitor her here for a few hours, then she'll be moved to an ortho unit to continue her recovery. She'* medically stable and I have every confidence she'll make a full recovery. However, I'm afraid she can't have any visitors until she's transferred to the new unit." The surgeon informs us all in one shot before joining his hands and nodding.
"So she's really okay?" Jim asks quietly; all evidence of anger gone.
"Yes Sir, she's going to be just fine." The doctor gently repeats.
"Thank you doctor, we'll relay this information to her partner, she should be discharged from the ER soon." Grissom says as the relief of knowing both his girls will be okay washes over him.
As the doctor leaves, both Jim and Gil silently communicate with each other and without a word spoken, both sit back down to digest this recent crisis their extended family have once again been burdened with. The tired sigh that emanates from the two men serves as evidence of how brutal life can be when it continually kicks you around.
"Look, please...I'm really trying to be patient, and I hate to be a pain, but I can't take this anymore...please." Sara pleads to the nurse who is looking increasingly uncomfortable.
"Sara?" Grissom says as a way of an introduction.
"Gil, please...I need to go see Cath now...I'm going to go into heart failure sitting here worrying. I need to see she's okay with my own eyes." Sara continues sitting up in bed.
"You can't even see her yet anyway Sar, she'll be in the recovery room for a while yet and they won't allow visitors." Jim says appearing behind Grissom.
"Please nurse, you have my blood for the tests...please just give me the medical release form. Hell, I'll be in the hospital anyway! I'm not leaving until I can see and hold Catherine myself." Sara says as her eyes begin to fill with tears.
"Okay Miss Sidle, I'll get the forms...and a pair of scrubs for you to wear. I'm afraid they cut off your clothes when you were first brought in." The nurse says before turning to leave to get said items.
"Crap, Cath just got me those pants...I finally gained enough weight back to have an ass." I say with a sad chuckle.
"I'm sure she'll get you another pair dear. Hell, you and I can go shopping after all this if you'd like." Jim says approaching Sara with a sad smile.
"I love you guys!" I say giving Jim a hug as he helps me sit at the edge of the bed. Despite everything, he still knows how to make me smile. I don't know what I would do without them.
As the nurse returns with my scrubs and forms, the guys excuse themselves to allow me to change.
When the task is completed, the guys return and I force them to take me to the surgical recovery department. I don't care if they don't allow visitors, I need to see Catherine or I'm going to explode.
"I'm sorry miss, we don't allow visitors here. I can show you to a waiting room if you'd like." A nurse says approaching me.
"May I please see my partner, even if it's through the glass. I won't break any rules, I just really need to see that she's alive." I manage to say in a patient tone that I really don't feel.
Perhaps it's the pathetic way I look or the fact that my eyes are filling with tears, but the nurse actually seems to be considering my request.
After walking away and speaking to someone briefly, the nurse returns to my side and says she will escort me to the window of the recovery room and allow me to see her for a minute.
I guess I shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth...but what I really want is to hold her and feel for myself that she's really okay.
"Okay maam, she's the second bed from the glass. But keep in mind that there will be many tubes and machines attached to her since she's still heavily sedated from the surgery. As soon as all the drugs have left her system she'll be extubated and taken to a unit where they allow visitors." The nurse says while still holding onto my arm.
Even though I've experienced all these things and you'd think with my intimate knowledge that I wouldn't be scared or shocked...let me tell you, that's not the case at all.
Seeing Cath intubated and looking so vulnerable literally takes my breath away. My heart breaks into minute pieces and I feel a pang of guilt realizing this is how Cath saw me over a year ago. No one should have to see their loved one like this...it's beyond words.
After giving me a few moments in silence, the nurse gently guides me back to the nursing station where Gil and Jim wait with expectant looks.
All I can manage is to collapse into Jim's chest and cry. I can vaguely hear the nurse explaining to us that there is nothing to be upset about, that the surgery was a success and Catherine should wake up soon, but it doesn't make me feel any better at the moment.
I can hear Gil speak and thank her, but I can't even concentrate on what he's saying either.
All I can see in my head is the headlights of the car coming right at us...the screeching of rubber and crunching of metal...Cath's face contort in pain...and now a machine breathing for her.
I thought I could never feel the immense fear I felt when Lindsay was murdered...now I know I still can. I almost lost the only other love of my life.
As I hold unto Jim and allow myself to release all my fear and anguish I realize in this moment that I'm not as strong as Catherine...and I can't live without her.