Disclaimer: I don't own the characters in this story, Stephanie Meyer does.
Dear Edward,
I haven't wrote to you since Christmas break. I guess I've been distracted. But now it's almost the end of January and I keep thinking of you.
I like being your friend, trust me. I love it. I get to see you smile; I get to see you laugh. I get to see you be happy. I'm still desperately in love with you but I think I'm ok with just being friends right now. It's what you want so I'm ok with it I guess.
I'd still give anything to be your girl. Stull wouldn't give it a second thought if you asked me to be yours again. I know the answer would be yes. I miss you so much…
I learned something new about you yesterday.. I thought I knew everything about you but I guess I didn't. This new thing.. It's the most important thing in the world to you. It's your piano. You were stressed out yesterday because of some surprise test that you were certain you failed. You went into one of the rooms behind the band room and played the piano in there for an hour straight. No one was allowed to hear you, just you and the music that flowed from your fingers. It was so sweet. I walked past that room while looking for someone and heard you playing. It was pure and perfect. Just you and your music.
I fell in love with you again. I don't know how you do it. I really don't. I think I'm over you one minute and the next you do some cute little thing that makes me realize I still really do care about you more than anyone before.
So… Evan. He's a good distraction and I honestly do like him, I just don't like him like I like you. I haven't liked anyone like I like you. How is it possible for it to be three months and eleven days since you broke up with me and I still have the same feelings I had all that time ago?
I guess I have stopped showing how much I still love you because Angela and I were talking and I said something about how sweet it is that you play piano when you're stressed and she asked me if I still like you. I guess that means my goal of not letting it show is working.
Edward, I put up a mask when I'm around you and our friends, in hopes of anyone not seeing my true feelings. I think it's finally working and it is worth it. If I can see you be happy with your life I think it's worth it.
Edward, I still love you desperately. So much. And it still kills me every day. Why can't you just see that? If I took this mask I am hiding behind off, you would see a girl who isn't the girl that you met the very first time. You would see the new me. The one that still loves the guy who shattered her heart into a million little pieces. The me that doesn't know how to stop loving someone that hut her so badly that she won't ever be the same.
Edward.. please just realize it. Please?
I love you forever and always, even though it kills me
Bella