Coping. A word describing what is essentially an exercise in despair from the moment you begin it. "How are you?", others ask, concerned about your mental state. "I'm coping.", you lie, putting on your brightest fake smile, trying to reassure them that you are not crazy. In order to cope, something must have gone wrong to begin with. Coping with death means that someone has already died. Coping with failure means that you have already failed. The bad things have already happened. Coping is just you, lost in the aftermath.
Coping doesn't mean that you're fine. It means you are still suffering, still looking for a way for to end the pain.
-[When Hope Crumbles]-
What roused Naegi that morning was the feeling of something soft and pleasantly warm squirming beside him. As he sleepily opened up his eyes, he found himself confronted by another pair. Gray, stormy eyes that were focused intently on some point past Naegi's head. It was at this point that he realized that his arms were wrapped around Mukuro Ikusaba, and rather tightly at that, pulling her into an embrace.
"..."
"Uhwaaaaaaaaaaa!"
Having let out a yell, Naegi proceeded to jump up from the ground and onto his feet.
"I am very sorry Ikusaba-san! I must have rolled over in my sleep and...I'm sorry!", apologized Naegi profusely.
"...It's fine.", Ikusaba said, slowly standing and not looking at Naegi.
"I wonder how when in the night it happened?...", Naegi mused aloud.
"Five hours, forty-three minutes and twenty-eight seconds ago", said Ikusaba.
"Huh? Did you say something Ikusaba-san?"
"...Nothing. Let's get moving." Having said this, she proceeded to walk past Naegi out of the alley and back to the main street.
The sun was just peeking over the ruined buildings, causing every visible surface to be cast in shades of orange and yellow. This coloring did little to alleviate the sense of foreboding that the ruined city gave off. But beyond these ominous, hollowed out buildings that stretched for miles, a splash of green could be seen. It seemed so far away, but that bright green countryside was their goal, their hope. That green place would lead to them to their sanctuary, to a place where they could begin trying to put the world back together.
So Naegi and Ikusaba began walking towards their goal. But not in silence this time.
"So...Ikusaba-san?", Naegi said, breaking the ice once again.
"What is it Naegi-kun?", Ikusaba asked.
"You were a member of Super Duper Highschool Level Despair, right?"
"...Yes...", replied Ikusaba, a little wary of this subject.
"So...does that mean...have you ever...felt despair?"
Ikusaba abruptly stopped walking and turned to face Naegi, who had to skid to a stop in order to not crash into Ikusaba.
Ikusaba looked Naegi up and down with a piercing gaze before responding. "I have only ever felt despair twice in my life.", she said, before turning back and beginning to walk again.
"Oh. I see...", said Naegi, who had also started walking again. "So Ikusaba-san...if you don't mind me asking...why did you do it?"
"...My sister.", Ikusaba replied after a length of time.
"Oh...", said Naegi quietly.
"I don't expect you to understand, but she is my only family. What would you do for your little sister, Naegi-kun?"
"Anything.", Naegi replied without hesitation.
Ikusaba nodded. "Exactly."
They were both silent for a while, the only sounds being their shoes on asphalt, until Ikusaba spoke.
"It might have been my fault...", she whispered.
"Huh?", said Naegi. "What do you mean, Ikusaba-san?"
"...I have always wanted to be a soldier.", Ikusaba began. "So when Fenris offered me a position in their group as a trial period to asses my abilities, I jumped at the chance. I...left Junko-chan far behind me. I had always thought that being a soldier would be a noble experience; helping those caught in turmoil or fighting against evil.", Ikusaba paused. "But reality is different from fantasy, as I quickly discovered. Holding hostages, burning down towns, slaughtering innocents...I did it all. It made me become...desensitized to violence, and I lost my notions of good and evil, deciding to just follow orders. Everything is gray to me; there is no hope or despair, just one job after another."
"T-That's!...", Naegi stuttered, finally finding his voice, tripping after Ikusaba.
"I suppose I was lucky in a way.", Ikusaba continued, walking faster. "Because of all that, I have never felt the despair that I have seen consume so many who interacted with my sister. Thinking about what I would have become if I had stayed..." Ikusaba shuddered. "But still, it is my fault for leaving her, for not trying to stop what she was becoming...all this is my fault..."
"There's no way that's true!", Naegi said firmly and stopped walking. "Do you really think you could have stopped Enoshima-san from planning all this?" Ikusaba turned as Naegi waved his arms around, gesturing at the ruined city. "You said it yourself; you probably would have been swallowed up by her despair!"
"But..."
"Her decisions aren't your responsibilities, Ikusaba-san. You are two different people who made two very different choices. You can't be hung up on the past, or you will never be able to move on to the future.", Naegi said with determination.
"...Thank you Naegi-kun.", Ikusaba finally replied.
"Eh? For what?", Naegi asked, confused.
"For listening.", Ikusaba said.
"Oh! It's nothing! I just know you have a future in this world, unlike me..." said Naegi with a small smile.
"...", Ikusaba looked hard at Naegi. "...So what about you then?"
"W-What do you mean Ikusaba-san?", Naegi asked, beginning to sweat under her intense stare.
"...I've told you, I've seen countless people fall to despair. It always starts the same wa-", Ikusaba suddenly froze and her eyes started scanning the buildings around them.
"What is it Ikusaba-san?", whispered Naegi.
"Everything is too quiet. I don't hear any screams, laughter, or anything being broken. It's like all the despairing mobs vanished all at once.", she whispered back, crouching down behind some rubble.
Ikusaba was silent after this. Naegi felt it was wise to mimic her and so crouched down beside her.
Absolute silence descended upon them. The entire world seemed to be holding its breath. Time slowed to a stop. It felt like a dreadful malice was being bottling up, just waiting to be unleashed...
"Upupupupupupupu..."
"Run!", yelled Ikusaba, grabbing Naegi's hand and pulling him to his feet and breaking into a run.
Manhole covers burst up from the ground as the despairing mobs in Monokuma masks poured out from underneath the street. Grasping hands extended towards the pair that was running as fast as possible through the madness, but more and more of the mobsters, armed with weapons of every type, appeared from the shadows of alleyways and the husks of ruined buildings, swarming the streets, closing off the routes Naegi and Ikusaba had just come from or were going towards, forcing them constantly down alternate paths. The uncomfortable, sticky heat from so many bodies close together and the insane laughter of the Monokuma mobsters, combined to make Naegi and Ikusaba feel as if they were in hell.
These thoughts and more were flying through Naegi's head as he forced his legs to move, one after another. So thisis despair,he thought. It's sickening... I feel so helpless... Ikusaba-san will die if I keep holding her back... What can I do?! What can I do? What can I do...
Ikusaba, on the other hand, was calmly evaluating the situation as she ran. They had the element of surprise, but didn't use it to their advantage to cut off our escape. Even now, they make no move to halt our way forward, just to close off where we have come from. It's like they are leading us somewhere... Oh no!
Having just thought this, Ikusaba turned the corner and found herself staring down a dead end street, backed by a large, mostly intact skyscraper at the far end.
Shit,thought Ikusaba as she and Naegi slowly walked backwards to the base of the skyscraper. Even if Naegi wasn't here, I doubt I could take them all on without a weapon. Ikusaba glanced over at Naegi and saw the dead, despairing look in his eyes. I need to get us out of here fast, before he fully falls into despair.
The mob of despair stopped moving towards them around twenty feet in front of Naegi and Ikusaba, not moving forward but allowing no escape routes for the pair. Not a sound was heard except for Naegi's ragged breathing and the occasional psychotic giggle from one of the mobsters. Ikusaba stared them down, waiting for an opportunity to break the stalemate.
And then the world exploded.
The skyscraper behind them was lifted off the ground as a giant Monokuma robot ripped it from its concrete base, sending rubble, dust and dirt in every direction.
What?, thought Ikusaba, stunned.
The Mega Monokuma robot proceeded to toss the skyscraper onto a couple of nearby buildings, which then promptly crumpled under the twisted hunk of steel and glass that was the skyscraper.
What?, thought Ikusaba, stunned.
The Mega Monokuma turned in the duo's direction before bending downwards and reaching its mechanical paw out towards Ikusaba.
What?, thought Ikusaba, stunned, before she was pushed out of the way of the oncoming paw.
"Ugghhh!", said Naegi, who was now trapped in the fist of the Mega Monokuma having taken her place as the target. The Mega Monokuma slowly began to raise its body back up to standing height.
"Naegi-kuuuun!", Ikusaba shouted, knees collapsing onto the pavement, her facing twisting up towards the sky as the Mega Monokuma began to turn and lumber away through the city.
"Ikusaba-san! Find the others!", came the increasingly faint voice of Makoto Naegi. "Lead them to the Future Foundation! I know you can do it..."
For the third time in as many days, Mukuro Ikusaba felt despair eating away at her insides. She could do nothing as the Mega Monokuma receded further and further into the distance, carrying with it Makoto Naegi, a kind and quiet boy who had smiled at her, who had accepted her, who had saved her life once and then done it again just minutes ago.
Calm down, she told herself, shakily getting to her feet. Calm down. Everything will be fine. I just need to find the others, then go after Naegi-kun with their help. Yes. That's right. Okay.
Ikusaba took a few moments to compose herself, closing her eyes and eliminating any and all emotion in her body, focusing solely on her goal which would sustain her and give her existence a purpose.
Find the others. Find Naegi-kun. Rescue Naegi-kun.
When Ikusaba opened her eyes again, they contained no emotion, no semblance of humanity. She saw that the despairing mob had surrounded her in the ensuing commotion and were laughing and hefting their weapons menacingly, clearly intending to strike.
"You're in my way.", the body of Mukuro Ikusaba spoke to them in a voice of ice and steel. "Move."
The next minutes passed in a blur of bodies and blood.
Part 3: Hope's Disaster End