A/N Try playing "Nuvole Bianche" (the piano piece – without the singing) whilst reading this.

Emptiness.

Suffocating.

Can't breathe.

I stumble through the Institute doors. I can feel my pulse, my whole body throbbing to the rhythm. I can't see properly. It's not blurry exactly; it's just not there. Nothing is there.

Except one.

I feel numb except one little thing in the back of my mind. But no, it can't be true. It can't be. I have to be making it up …

I'm not.

I feel pain jolt up my knees and through my thighs. I scream, but not because of the physical pain.

Although, this hurts so much I wonder if it is physical.

My lungs burn. My heart aches. My throat feels like sandpaper. I feel hands tugging at my hair. My hands? I don't know. I don't know anything anymore.

Except one.

I hear two sets of muffled footsteps before I black out.

"Magnus!"

He doesn't look at me.

"Magnus, please."

This time he looks a little to the side of me, as if he can't bear to look me in the eye. I feel a shard of ice go through my heart. Cold and painful. Freezing me from the inside out.

"Don't go."

He doesn't say anything. The ice spreads.

"Please don't go."

He turns away, then stops. He looks straight at me.

He smiles.

His eyes are still green-gold, but they are the colour of ice. The same ice that has spread to my lungs.

Drowning.

"Aku Cinta Kamu."

His smile grows. It is colourless.

The ice drips down my cheek. I feel it numb my face, whereas in the rest of my body it burns, a cold, fiery burn.

He turns.

"Alec!"

I gasp. My eyes fly open.

So bright.

My arms cover my eyes immediately.

Then the shaking begins.

It starts off a harmless trembling, accompanied with broken gasps which seem to be detached from my body.

Then it grows.

And grows.

And I can't breathe, and all I see is straight ahead.

The rest is darkness.

I can hear a familiar voice, muffled. It seems coloured with an emotion.

Panic.

It's talking.

"Alec? Alec, what's happened? Did a demon hurt you? Should I call Mag-?"

No.

"No!" The noise sounds scratchy. It hurts, too. But it's nothing compared to the ice.

I can't hear his name. I know if I do, it'll make this so much worse.

"Alec? Alec, please. Al – okay, fuck this. I'm calling Magnus."

Silence.

Magnus.

I've stopped shaking. I've stopped moving.

I've stopped breathing.

Magnus.

"Magnus? Magnus – hi. It's Izzy. I'm calling about – no, no – stop. It's not – Alec's not fine."

Silence.

My body throbs with my pulse. I'm still not breathing. Not moving. If I move –

I'll break.

"No, he's shaking and – Alec? Alec, speak to me. Oh God, Magnus, he's not moving. He-"

Izzy leaned down over me.

"Magnus, he's not breathing! Magnus, please-"

Magnus. Magnus. Magnus. Magnus. Magnus.

The ice has a name.

Magnus. Magnus. Magnus. Magnus.

A sound rips its way through my throat. I think I'm crying. I don't know. The ice doesn't allow room for sensible thinking. Just-

MagnusMagnusMagnusMagnusMagnus

Aku Cinta Kamu

It means-

I love you.

Not that that changes anything.

And it won't stop.

I hear noises. I'm not sure if it's footsteps or just the pounding in my head.

I hear the voice again.

"Alec, it's alright-"

Aku Cinta Kamu-

"Magnus is coming-"

I love you-

"Just hang on."

Magnus.

Magnus is coming.

No.

"No!" I gasp. The small, insignificant word rips its way through my throat. I didn't mean to say it. The ice controls me now.

"Not – Magnus."

A shadow blocks the light I hadn't realised was there.

"Alexander."

No.

Please.

"Alexander, look at me."

The shadow gets closer. I identify it to be a body, only because I know it so well. Too well.

Magnus. Aku Cinta Kamu. I love you.

I love you.

"Please."

I let out a breath. I can't look. I can't. If I look, I'll break.

I look.

And I break.

I would say it's as if a dam is breaking. I would say I scream and cry.

I don't.

Not on the outside anyway.

On the outside I curl up onto my side and bury my head into my knees. I whimper, and one tear escapes my eye.

On the inside I'm dying.

Magnus. I love you. Magnus. You betrayed me. Magnus. Aku Cinta Kamu. Magnus. It means I love you.

Not that that changes anything.

"What did you do to him?"

"I didn't realise …"

"What did you fucking do to him, you stupid fucking asshole?"

Silence.

"I broke his heart."

If humour still existed, I would have made a joke about how much of an understatement that was.

"Then you'd better fucking fix it, you self-centred, idiotic, pathetic excuse for a human being!"

A part of me wants to just lie here, not moving.

A stronger part wants to shout at Izzy for insulting Magnus.

So I say, "stop it, Izzy."

And she does.

I sigh. "Please leave, Ma-" my voice cracks.

"Mag-"

Fuck.

"Alexander …"

"Don't call me that!"

Suddenly I'm sitting up, trying to stand. I stumble, and familiar hands are holding me upright.

Aku Cinta Kamu.

"Get off me." I say harshly.

Nothing.

"Get off me!" I scream. I thrash, and kick, and punch, but all sense is lost, and I'm weak. The ice has drained me. I end up emitting harsh sobbing noises, my face pressed into a warm chest, a soft pair of lips at my ear.

Sandalwood.

Magnus. MagnusMagnusMagnusMagnusMagnus-

I love you

Not that that changes anything

You betrayed me

Why

Alexander

Magnus-

A whisper.

A breath of wind.

A flutter of a butterfly's wings.

A tickle of a feather.

A whisper.

"Aku Cinta Kamu."

I love you.

What just happened.

This was meant to be a songfic (Amnesia 5SOS), and it turned into this mess. Oh God.

Oh well. Never mind. Not my worst piece of work #ironicYOLO

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