Author's Note: Oh I had so much fun writing this chapter.
I've gotten a lot of crap about the whole 'taking a seat back in his soul' sentence. For those of you who proceeded to read the next few paragraphs that occurred right after said phrase; thank you!
Hope you enjoy!
Chapter 3: Swaying to the Symphony
Yugao Uzuki was one of the younger members of the ANBU black ops division. Yet, despite her twenty years of age, she was considered one of the most accomplished shinobi in the village. She was a jounin at seventeen and had immediately applied for the harsh life of the ANBU. She liked to consider herself the strongest kunoichi within the village, barring the Sannin Tsunade of course.
Three years of outstanding service saw her promoted to one of the highest echelons within Konoha's military structure, an ANBU captain. She was the fourth youngest in history; right behind Orochimaru, Kakashi Hatake and Itachi Uchiha. All three, which her superiors teasingly reminded her at nearly every occasion they could, went insane in some way or another. Nevertheless, her record was unblemished and there wasn't a single moment where she felt dissatisfied with her decision to join the organization.
Except for one time.
When her first major solo mission came up and she was assigned the position of Naruto Uzumaki's handler; she immediately felt that she was being dealt a case of gender discrimination in the form of glorified babysitting.
Of course when, within the first week of her assignment she foiled no less than three assassination attempts, she quickly changed her tune.
She never really held anything against the young jinchuuriki, despite having lost her father against the nine tailed menace all those years ago. Yet, when she first met the boy, she couldn't help but be wary of him. Jinchuuriki had always been talked about with a tone of macabre reverence.
Virtual engines of destruction that annihilated everything before them without prejudice.
The Yonbi and Gobi jinchuuriki had wrecked devastation on the Iwa front during the third war. Even, the Yondaime Hokage's [Hiraishin] wasn't enough to kill them. Yagura, the Sanbi jinchuuriki, had cut a swath of corpses in Water country and the Hachibi jinchuuriki, along with the Raikage, could single handedly hold off an entire army.
And here was Konoha's own little powerhouse. Naruto Uzumaki; the Kyuubi jinchuuriki. Out of all the tailed beast, the ninth was said to be in a league of its own. And she was inclined to believe it when she remembered that dreaded day of October tenth.
However, the jinchuuriki seemed to be nothing like its bijuu. Her first impression was that of a painfully shy child who hid behind the venerable old Hokage and glanced from behind his legs. He had flinched when she first addressed him by name and mumbled out completely incoherent responses when she asked him questions.
Over time, she had managed to worm her way through his barriers and gotten him to open himself up to her. On most protection details, ANBU were hidden from the client and stalked from the shadows. However, the Hokage felt that it would be better for the young boy to have some company in his life so she often openly engaged with him.
Over the last three years, she fell in love with his bubbly personality and nearly infinite exuberance. His smile was always so bright and the warmth his eyes shone with, caused long suppressed maternal instincts to flutter in her heart. He had the most wonderful shade of gold-dappled hair and, easily, the most distinct star sapphire eyes. On more than one occasion, she found herself lost in those hauntingly familiar features; trying in vain to drag up some veiled memory. In all honesty, she found him absolutely adorable.
He was the picture of naivety and innocence.
So when he asked, with all said naivety and innocence, what a cruder and more common way of saying copulation meant, she nearly fell flat on her face. Instead, she merely stopped dead on her feet and said the most intelligent that she could muster in that moment.
"…What?"
He looked up at her, those big blue eyes shining with innocent curiosity and making her want to throw out years of training and squeal like a childish girl, and reiterated his question.
"Sex. What is it?"
She looked down at him, the text book definition of angelic purity and she felt a crushing grief hit her soul. She couldn't believe it. She didn't want to believe it. Her precious little Naru-chan was already being corrupted so young! She could practically feel her soul scream in despair!
Kneeling down and placing her hands on his shoulders, she shakily asked," Naru-chan, where did you learn that word?"
"Huh," he said with his face scrunching up in confusion in the absolute cutest way possible. He lifted a hand to his hair and began scratching in thought. "Jiji was busy with some paperwork so he told me to grab a book and read while he finished up. I got this small orange one and it was really weird."
Her heart froze in terror.
Nononononono! This wasn't happening! Yugao couldn't believe she failed in keeping her Naru-chan pure and untainted. She briefly debated the pros and cons of committing treason and murdering the old Hokage in cold fury. The sensible part of her told her that the old man would wipe the floor with her so she settled with tracking down Jiraiya of the Sannin and castrating him with a rusty knife.
"I mean," the little blonde continued. "Do girls really lick each other dow-umph mmm mmrrghhh."
Despite her hand quickly covering his mouth, little Naruto continued to yap away into her glove and she was torn between smiling at his cuteness and crying at his delving into the forbidden.
"Naru-chan, I need you to listen to me very carefully," she said in a voice, which she was surprised to find was shaky. Tilting his head in obvious confusion, he nonetheless, nodded his head into her still gripping hand.
"Never, ever, say that word again," she said sternly. "It's a bad word."
His eyes widened to unbelievable proportions and began to water. She immediately felt her heart clench and grabbed him in a crushing embrace, smothering his head into her chest. "Oh baby, I'm not mad at you," she cooed. "I just want to make sure you grow up into the nicest person possible. Okay?"
When she heard a muffled 'okay' she let go of him, tilted her mask back and pecked him on the cheek. Standing up and putting her mask back in place, she said, "Come on, let's get you some ramen."
"Yes! You're the best Cat!" The young boy exclaimed childishly.
Softly laughing to herself, Yugao took Naruto's hand in her own and led him out the building. All the while, completely ignorant of the fact that, her young companion for the night was sending up a prayer on behalf of one Madara Uchiha for inventing and perfecting the Puppy Dog Eyes technique.
The next morning, a very smug Naruto strutted into Hokage mansion with an ostentatious smile plastered on his face. Several of the male personnel who were employed within the building or there on business, recognized the walk and look on his face. However, they quickly dismissed their notions as the idea of an eight year old boy getting laid was utterly preposterous.
For his part, Naruto was simply glad he was just as good as dealing with women as he was in his past. In all his past lives, Naruto Uzumaki could be considered a connoisseur of women. Don't get him wrong, he wasn't some over glorified man-whore. Oh no, he was veritable ladies' man. He knew how to treat women, how to talk to them and, above all, how to please them. He figured it had something to do with the fact that, unlike his father or brother, Asura was born without the ever present scowl.
No, Naruto knew how to send a smile that made a woman weak in the knees or when to turn in the sunlight and slowly drag his hand through his hair; causing her to swoon. Yeah, he was good at what he did and dammit it all if he didn't enjoy it. Of course, at the age of eight, he really couldn't work any of his charm so he settled for killing his prey with unadulterated cuteness.
Poor Cat.
He felt really bad for using her as test dummy last night so he was determined to make it up to her somehow. For all the mischief he had pulled on her last night, he really did love her. For the last few years she had been his guardian angel.
At that thought, his eyes went wide as a sudden idea went off in his head and he filed it away for a later date.
Anyways, he would find something that showed her how much he really appreciated her in his life. Maybe jewelry or a free reservation at some high end restaurant? Suddenly he stopped and an involuntary chill went up his spine.
'Damn,' he thought. 'I'm acting like she's my wife or something.'
Naruto had no desire to be tied down in commitment for another two decades or so. As far as he could tell, he was always faithful to his past wives however, all the women he had married had the strange disposition that they could use him as an outlet for their frustrations. Oh, the sex was great to be sure, but the beatings…
Another chill passed through him.
As he stopped his ascent of the Hokage mane and strolled his way to the desk of Jiji's secretary and gave a casual, "Yo."
The masked ANBU, who was currently the Hokage's secretary, looked up at him and smirked behind his mask with amusement. "Good morning, Uzumaki-san. How can I help you today?"
"Is Jiji in?"
"He is," the secretary said. "Hokage-sama said you would come by today however, I was expecting you later in the day. Seeing as how you should be in the academy right now for your lessons."
Naruto smiled sheepishly while rubbing the back of his head. "Oh you know," he said. "What's a few days missed here and there?"
The ANBU snorted in amusement. "I'm surprised Cat didn't drag you there. I'm going to assume you gave her the slip as usual?"
Naruto only responded with a nervous laugh.
The secretary only shook his head in amusement. "I'm so glad I took this desk job. Chasing you all across the village was beginning to give me grey hairs."
"Oh, you're not that old Turtle."
Naruto gave a small laugh when Turtle simply scoffed.
"Off with you, you little menace."
"Later Turtle," Naruto waved as he opened the Hokage's office.
Closing the door behind him, Naruto looked forward to see the old Hokage bent over desk, furiously scribbling away on the mountain of paperwork. Naruto chuckled inwardly as he remembered his days as Hokage and using his wood clones to do most of his workload. Not only were they incredibly durable, they carried over memories of whatever they did when they were dispelled. Last he remembered, Tobirama was hard at work trying to copy his 'life cheating' ability, as he had called it. Naruto pondered if Tobirama ever succeeded.
Looking up from the despair inducing pile of papers, the Sandaime Hokage greeted his predecessor/possible successor. "Hello Naruto-kun, had a pleasant night?"
Naruto nodded his head in acknowledgement of his greeting and said, "Didn't really sleep at all really. Spent the entire evening meditating and sorting through my memories." He gave a dramatic sigh. "It's going to take me months to categorize through them all."
Sitting down in one of the chairs in front of his old desk, his eyes fell on a familiar massive scroll on the far end of his old desk. Blinking a few times, he pointed at the scroll and asked, "Is that…"
"Yes," the elder yet, paradoxically, younger Hokage said. "It's the Scroll of Sealing. I was researching the [Ningen no Umarekawari no Jutsu] but, unfortunately there wasn't much written about it."
"Pfft." Naruto disapprovingly scoffed. "Scroll of Sealing. I always thought it was dumb name. Who came up with it anyways?"
Sarutobi simple stared at him for a few seconds before stating, "You did."
"…Oh" Naruto said dumbly before he began to shift awkwardly in his seat.
"Anyways," Sarutobi said, breaking the uncomfortable silence that had settled between them. "The scroll only has the vaguest details about the technique. It doesn't fully explain how it's preformed or how it even works. I was hoping you could elaborate."
Naruto frowned as he said, "Sorry Hiruzen, but I wrote it that way on purpose. There was a reason I never taught that technique to anyone including Mito-chan and Tobirama. It's simply too dangerous and unpredictable. In fact, I find it hard to believe that my chakra imprint even used it in the first place. I will have to go back and destroy the scroll just to make sure it never happens again."
"I would appreciate the opportunity to study the scroll before you destroy it," the old man said earnestly. "It's not every day you get to see something personally made by Konoha's founding fathers and if you weren't going to use the technique, then why develop it in the first place?"
"In all honesty," Naruto said with a bemused expression. "We were bored."
Hiruzen stared at him, disbelief clearly written across his face. "You created an S-class kinjutsu, simply because you were bored?" He asked incredulously.
Naruto shrugged before saying, "You have to understand, during the first few years of the village's creation, Madara and I had nothing to do really. After I created the surrounding forest and Madara raised the mountain, we-"
"Madara created the Hokage mountain!?" Sarutobi exclaimed in amazement.
"Yes he created the mountain," Naruto said exasperatedly while glaring at Hiruzen who had the decency to look abashed at his interruption. "Did you honestly not find it odd that there is a mountain all by itself when there are no other significant geographical landmarks around?"
Ignoring the sheepish look on Hiruzen's face, which looked exceptionally creepy on his wrinkled face, Naruto carried on. "As I was saying, before I was so rudely interrupted," he said, not being able to resist the jab. "Madara and I had minimal interactions with the actual development of the village. We spoke with various contractors, engineers and architects provided by the Daimyo to bring to life our designs but mostly, we just sat back and let others do the work."
"Somehow I always envisioned you two to be more glorious in your efforts during the founding."
Naruto shrugged and said. "I provided the wood for building with my Mokuton and Madara provided the incentive to get things done quickly with his death threats."
"Well, it's not like we just sat on our hands the whole time. We helped compromise among the clans who joined with us, negotiated with the Daimyo and coerced the local hoodlums but, aside from that, not much else. Our combined presence and the alliance between the Senju and Uchiha served as a deterrent to most would be assailants. Truthfully it was a peaceful few years."
The Sandaime Hokage chuckled. "The village ended up being much bigger than what you two envisioned, I wager."
"Tell me about it," the former Shodai said. "Did you know it was Madara who named the village Konohagakure? Of course by the end of that year there was nothing hidden about our village. By the time everything had settled, what was supposed to be a safe haven for the Uchiha and Senju, ended up being a city for every shinobi clan in the damn country."
"I was not aware that it was Madara who named our village. It seems I am indebted to him for providing the name of my grandson."
A wave of grief crashed through Naruto. All this talk about the founding of Konoha during his time of Konoha brought about the numerous memories of the brotherhood he shared with his old friend.
'You idiot…why couldn't have you just stayed in the village? We could have died happy instead of filled with regrets.'
Recognizing the look on Naruto's face, as he himself often wore it these days, the Sandaime Hokage turned his chair so that it was facing the massive window that let him look over his village. "She's grown strong," he said quietly.
Looking up from his lap, Naruto glanced out the window as well and let a sad smile grace his lips. "That she has," he whispered.
The two of them sat there in silence, gazing at the village sprawled below for several long moments. Naruto loved his village. Not just as the man who helped found it but, as the child who was born and grew up in it. Despite all the hardships he had endured in his eight year old life, he loved his home. The people on the other hand, he could soundly do without.
Back during the founding period, he could safely say that ninety percent of the village, or perhaps even more, had been shinobi. Now, well he would have to look at the official census as the population of Konoha had grown exponentially but, he'd hazard a guess around sixty percent. The forty percent that were civilians were assholes extraordinaire.
They gave tight-asses like Tobirama and Madara a run for their money. But he'll have his revenge. Oh yes. He will have his revenge!
"Oi Hiruzen," he said. Completely breaking the somber mood that had settled within the Hokage's office. The old man turned around and looked at Naruto with a somewhat surprised expression."
"Yes?"
"I need cash," Naruto said with his hand outstretched.
"Why?" Sarutobi asked hesitantly.
"Dude," Naruto said with a deadpanned expression.
Normally, Naruto would never be this rude to the old man. He'd be informal, oh yes but, never out right rude. Hashirama always maintained a friendly yet professional relationship with his shinobi but, he was never informal unless it was with old friends or family. The meshing of the two completely threw out what politeness the two alone ever possessed.
"I'm flat out broke, my apartment sucks and my clothes are shit. I mean look at this," he said while gesturing toward the neon orange shirt. "Orange was cool as a kid but, with the addition of fifty plus odd years' worth of memories, its plain embarrassing."
"Exactly how much do you need exactly?" Hiruzen asked with no small sense of apprehension.
"Not much…you know what? I have a better idea. I think my family deserves to know I'm back in the land of the living, so to speak. I'm sure they won't mind taking care of me. Provided I still have family…I do, right?"
"Well…," the Sandaime said, not too sure whether or not his sensei's reincarnation would appreciate the news he was about to relay. "Your only surviving relative would be Tsunade."
"Tsuna!" Naruto shouted. His eyes going bright and a massive smile covering his face at the thought of his adorable, once upon a time, angel of a granddaughter. "She's alive?" he asked excitedly.
"Err, yes…Tsunade is currently hailed as the most prominent medical genius in the world and is widely regarded as the strongest kunoichi in history."
Naruto couldn't help the torrent of emotions that welled up on behalf of his past as Hashirama and began to sniffle. "My baby girl is all grown up and I wasn't there to see it!" he cried.
"Y-Yes…and as Tsunade is currently out of the village on a…uh…vacation. I'll send someone to bring her back right away, as a family emergency has come up."
Carefully drying his eyes with one of Hiruzen's papers, Naruto said, "It's good to know that there are people from my old life are still around."
'And I've long had a sneaking suspicion father is still sticking around somewhere as well,' Naruto thought as he remembered doubts he had harbored as Asura.
"Well, there are still a few of us still around that you might remember. Koharu and Homura are still alive as well."
"Huh? Seriously?" Naruto asked in complete shock. "Just how old are you exactly?"
"Old enough," the Sandaime muttered.
"Regardless, it will be nice to talk as my old self to more than just you. I can't wait to spoil Tsuna all over again!"
"Before you gain any preconceived notions in your head," Hiruzen told him carefully. "I must warn you that Tsunade might be somewhat…hesitant to return with all the debts she has incurred with the local banks."
Naruto rolled his eyes. "Hiruzen, I was rich when I died. Filthy rich. I doubt Mito and Tsuna combined could spend all that money."
Tentatively, the Sandaime Hokage said, "Tsunade didn't spend so much as she gambled your impressive fortune away."
"What," Naruto iterated, his face going completely slacken.
"Tsunade…she…err…well, she inherited your love for casinos without inheriting any of your extraordinary luck within them."
"…."
"Well fuck."
"Adequate if crude," the Sandaime said.
Vigorously rubbing his temples, Naruto knew back then, as Hashirama, that spoiling Tsunade would come back to haunt him, he just never figured it'd happen after he died. Perhaps he should have listened to Mito when she said poker is not a wholesome family game.
"Hey, Hiruzen."
"…Yes."
"Spot me ten grand and point me in the direction of a nearest casino, would you?"
Two hours later, one of his wood clones disguised as a civilian came back into the room and handed Naruto a large metal briefcase before it melded back into him. Taking the heavy thing and dumping it on Hiruzen's desk with a thud, Naruto smiled.
"Be a good boy Hiruzen and set up a dummy account for me and deposit this."
Eyes not leaving the metal case, the elderly Hokage asked, "How much?"
"A little shy of 17.5 million. Tell you what, deposit seventeen clean and keep the remainder for yourself. By that grandkid of yours something nice."
With that he walked out the large office smirking, leaving a stunned Hokage behind.
'Leaving Hiruzen a gaping mess is so entertaining. I just might have to make a habit out of it.'
Naruto was stuck with quite a dilemma.
"Something wrong Naruto-kun?" A delicate female voice asked.
"No," he said, his brow scrunching in frustration. "I just dunno what to get Ayame-nee-chan."
"Why don't you get the usual," the young woman said with a touch of concern for the out of character behavior for her favorite blonde.
"Wanna try something new," he said laconically.
Truthfully, Naruto's problem went beyond wanting to try a new ramen recipe. Currently he was having an identity crisis.
Asura, having been raised a monk by a father who had reached enlightenment, was a staunch vegetarian.
Hashirama, while always having eaten a balanced diet, preferred the green foods.
Naruto was a carnivore.
After several more minutes of deliberation, Naruto turned on the bar stool, looked skyward and channeled his inner Asura by mentally giving his father, wherever he was, the bird.
Turning back around and looking at a somewhat worried Ayame, he said, with great effort, "I'll have Hakodate." He nearly choked on his own words but, managed to spit them out. He didn't have this problem with Cat last night because he had yet to meditate on his past selves. Yet, after the further assimilation, he could hardly stomach the idea of eating meat and had nearly thrown up earlier this morning.
"Could you throw in some extra green stuff?"
At Ayame's look of shock, he quickly added, "Jiji convinced me to eat more healthy."
"Sure thing Naruto-kun," she smiled. "Hey dad!" She yelled over shoulder. "Naruto wants an extra-large Hakodate with some extra veggies!"
"Eh!? What did the brat do this time?" Came a yell from the back of the kitchen.
"Nothing," she shouted. "He wants to eat healthier."
"Well, it's about damn time! Tell him congrats!"
"You heard him Naruto-kun," Ayame said with a wide smile. "Congratulations for growing a brain like the rest of us."
"Gee, thanks," he said dryly.
As he waited for his order to be completed, Naruto couldn't help but fell a growing sense of dread within the pit of his stomach. It wasn't for the chicken he was about to eat. No, he had come to terms with that. So what was it that was making him on edge?
"NARUTO!"
'Ah, there we go.' The angry voice of Cat screaming out his name cleared up everything for him. That was why he was feeling so scared. He had forgotten that he had ditched Cat earlier and that he should avoid all the usual places unless he receive her wrath. Now would be a good time to run.
As he jumped down from the bar stool and prepared to make a mad dash, he felt a strong grip suddenly fall on his shoulder. He turned to see Ayame smiling a little too sweetly for his liking.
"Uhh, Nee-chan. I need to go. Like, now."
"You wouldn't run out on us after making dad cook all that ramen for you now would you," she said in faux-kindness while pointing to a bowl of steaming ramen that magically appeared behind him.
All of a sudden, a shadow fell right in front of him in the form of an obvious irate Cat who had her arms crossed. "You're in big trouble mister."
"Well damn."
At Ayame's sudden gasp and Cat's obvious tensing, Naruto mentally groaned.
'Me and my big mouth.'
"Ow ow ow ow ow," Naruto said all the way as Cat dragged him by the ear to his classroom from Ichiraku's Ramen. They had passed through the entire village and, suffice it to say, he was thoroughly embarrassed. It was downright degrading for someone of his stature to be treated as a child!
Suddenly he felt a memory from years past of Mito dragging a drunk Hashirama from Madara's house and then one of Asura and Indra both being pulled from their ears by their mother. 'Huh. History does repeat itself. Who knew?'
As she slid the door open, Naruto looked up to see the surprised face of his chuunin instructor. He was a man of average height and tanned complexion with a long scar running across the bridge of his nose.
"Your wayward student, Umino-san." Cat said as she let go of his ear.
Immediately he began to massage his ear to help the blood flow and flooded chakra into it to reduce the sharp pain. "Ah, thank you ANBU-san."
"Behave yourself," Cat said with a small hint of censure before ruffling his hair and disappearing in a shunshin. "Hello Naruto. Why don't you take a seat," he said dryly.
Naruto took a look into the classroom filled with eight year olds and groaned mentally. This could not be happening to him. He remembered on one occasion, several clan heads had managed to talk him and Madara into giving a lecture at the academy once. The end result was…well, the Yamanaka of the time said that the children would recover eventually.
Speaking of Yamanaka, Ino yelled out. "Naruto? What happened to you?"
'Life in the bitchiest way kid.'
"What are you talking about?" he said instead.
"Y-You look different. You're taller and how come your hair is different and your face looks different too and how come those weird lines on your face are almost gone?"
'That's a lot of (ands),' he observed.
"I…uh, went through a growth spurt?"
The young Yamanaka looked at him skeptically. A little too skeptically for an eight year old little girl but, he supposed it was only to be given when being raised in a family of experts in regards to human behavior. Shrugging off her scrutinizing stare, Naruto turned towards Iruka only to groan inwardly. The academy instructor was also examining carefully through the corner of his eyes. Truthfully, while not major, his recent changes were quite noticeable.
"Take a seat Naruto," Iruka said after a couple of moments.
He walked to the back of the class where, what the rest of the class called 'The Losers' were seated. Choji Akimichi, Kiba Inuzuka and Shikamaru Nara, along with himself, were considered the bottom of the class. In truth, they were all just plain lazy. Akimichi and Nara by nature wanted to just laze around and the Inuzuka were possessed with an inability to sit still for more than three seconds. And the Uzumaki couldn't bear to listen anyone who wasn't one of them. They only stopped their hectic lifestyles to create even more chaotic fuinjutsu. Naruto smiled as he remembered what the rest of the world used to call his decedents/ancestors/cousins. 'Those crazy muthafuckers.'
"Oi, Naruto-baka," Kiba piped up and caused Naruto raise an eyebrow in his direction. "The hell have you been?"
"With your mom," he whispered back sarcastically.
"Huh?" The young Inuzuka said in absolute confusion. "Why were you with my mom?"
Naruto stared at Kiba with a flat expression before he rolled his eyes and resisted the sudden urge to get up and repeatedly slam his head into the wall. Admittedly, when he envisioned himself being able to start a new, he forgot that it involved interacting with his fellow peers. His prepubescent, mentally developing, immature peers. 'Father kill me.'
"Quiet down back there," Iruka barked out irritatedly.
"Hai, sensei." All four of them replied automatically even though only two of them were actually speaking out. They had an unwritten agreement where they would cover each other in case one of them landed in hot water. It saved the four of them from a lot of detentions in their first year.
As Iruka drawled on about the importance of formations, Naruto cast a bored glance to his left. Kiba was busy silently yapping away to Akamaru, his faithful companion and past him, Choji was happily munching on a bag of chips. Turning to his right, was Shikamaru, whose head and eyes were slowly drooping into a state of slumber.
Craning his neck to see past Shikamaru, Naruto glanced Shino Aburame sitting in the corner all by his lonesome self. He snorted to himself. The Aburame were a stoic lot. Not to mention utterly creepy. He remembered how many people had reservations when the Aburame wished to join Konoha initially. Ultimately, he and Madara decided to accept them as their usefulness outweighed their eccentricities.
The Uchiha patriarch even bedded an Aburame kunoichi at one point in his promiscuous conquest of the human race. According to him, the women of the clan could use their Kikuchi to manipulate their hormones for a magnificent rush of endorphins and adrenaline, resulting in multiple orgasms. Personally, he drew the line at involving insects during sex. Madara on the other hand…
'Sweet Shinju…the man was such a slut!'
His eyes trailed down to a few seats in front of Shino where, Hinata Hyuuga sat, paying rapt attention to their chuunin instructor. She had perfect doll like feature and pale skin that, rather than making her look unhealthy, only accentuated her delicate frame. A frown passed his face, as a distant memory, from another lifetime, briefly skittered across his mind. At one time in history, the Hyuuga and Uzumaki were embroiled in a few that would have put the Uchiha and Senju to shame. Yet, it seemed to lie forgotten in the endless sands of time now.
When the Hyuuga had approached them, all those years ago, to join Konoha, needless to say, everyone was shocked. The clan leaders of the Uchiha and Senju had debated for months on whether to approach the Hyuuga with an invitation to join the village and if so, just how to go about it. So, when one day, a delegation of Hyuuga arrived and wished to negotiate their assimilation into the growing power that was Konoha; even he had been suspicious, much to the pleasant surprise of Tobirama and Madara. Long weeks of compromising and espionage on both sides finally saw the details of the agreement hammered out and Konoha gladly opened its arms to renowned clan.
Unfortunately, the majority of the clan was a bunch of stuck up pricks not to mention, both he and Madara had been absolutely horrified at the way they branded their own members. And it had been an utter nightmare trying to restrain Mito when she realized the [Caged-Bird Seal] was a stolen design from the impressive list of forbidden creations of the Uzumaki. After a lot more negotiating, and heavy drinking on his part, he and Madara managed to settle the whole thing and convince the Uzumaki to not declare war on the recently Konoha-aligned Hyuuga.
Naruto shook his head when he thought of the Hyuuga. Unlike the Uchiha, Senju and Uzumaki, the Hyuuga were not descended from the two brothers, Asura and Indra; rather, from their uncle. The Hyuuga always had their own set of rules and their damnable pride that went with it.
He looked away from Hinata and his eyes settled on the back of the head of the girl who had immediately questioned his new appearance. Ino was loud, boisterous and prone to throw in her opinion even when it wasn't asked for. Very much akin to his current incarnation. Perhaps it was something to do with the blond hair? Admittedly, back in the day, when his father still preached Ninshuu, there were very few blondes on the continent.
The Yamanaka were a relatively young clan during the founding of Konoha. Having been around for, perhaps a century or so, they managed to gain a solid reputation as information brokers that resided in the southern coasts of Fire Country. An elder from the Senju had recommended that they approach the clan and, after a general consensus with the rest of Konoha, he had dispatched Tobirama to negotiate with them.
It had been rather humorous when a disgruntled Tobirama returned with a beautiful and voluptuous Yamanaka on his arm. Even more hilarious, was that she was the Yamanaka clan head and decided that the Yamanaka would only join Konoha if she obtained Tobirama's hand in marriage. So, with the vindictive pleasure of an older brother, Hashirama sentenced his brother to marriage for the good of the village. Of course, that didn't end well when, much to Tobirama's pleasure, the Yamanaka clan head never showed up to the signing ceremony. So he did what he always did when he panicked.
He ran to Madara's house for a drink.
Luckily, or rather unluckily, when he arrived there, he found the Yamanaka clan head there as well….naked….and panting…..on top of Madara. The stupid Uchiha asshole had a shit-eating grin on his face and told him to, 'Shut the damn door.'
It all turned out well in the end and it was perhaps the only time in history where Tobirama uttered the words 'Thank You', and to Madara no less yet, Hashirama couldn't help but feel that somehow he had been cheated out of the whole ordeal.
Naruto chuckled as he went through the memories of his past lives. He had to admit, he had lived some pretty crazy lives in the past and that all of them were pretty badass. He turned his head towards Shikamaru when he felt someone nudge him in the ribs. The lazy Nara had a questioning look on his face at the fond grin on Naruto's lips. Naruto simply shook his head to silently signal 'nothing.'
Shrugging his shoulders, Shikamaru put his head back down on the desk much to Naruto's amusement. "Something funny back there Naruto?"
Naruto turned to see Iruka glaring at him with narrowed eyes filled with obvious irritation. The chuunin obviously could tell that the young boy was not paying attention to his lecture. "Nothing, sensei," was his immediate reply.
"Really, then?" Iruka said. His eyes narrowing even further in disbelief. "Then maybe you can answer my question, hmm?"
"Ahh…hehehe…what question exactly?" Naruto said while rubbing the back of his head sheepishly. Truthfully, he knew exactly what Iruka-sensei had asked. Even if his thoughts were somewhere else, he was very capable of splitting his attention toward numerous points. It was a necessary aspect of a shinobi. He just didn't want to break from his old personality too quickly unless he ended up rousing suspicion.
"Idiot!" Iruka said, his head swelling to impossible proportions.
Naruto blinked.
'Perhaps he's part Akimichi?'
"Pay attention!" Iruka's voice struck him in full force and he quickly inserted a pinky to clean out any possible debris from his ear. "Now," Iruka said after deflating his head. "Why did the First Hokage pass a law where, clans could keep shinobi independent of Konoha's military force and could be employed privately?"
"So they would stop bitchin and whining at him." Naruto said with absolute certainty. Of course the moment he finished his sentence an eraser impacted his forehead and caused him to fall out of his chair. The rest of the class broke down into fits of laughter.
"Ow!" Naruto exclaimed. "What was that for Iruka-sensei? I answered your damn question!"
His use of colorful language earned him another make-shift projectile to the forehead.
"OW!"
"Baka!" The scarred chuunin yelled. "The First Hokage was great and honorable man! Don't talk about him like that! Now listen up!"
As his voice sharpened at the end, the entire class quieted down. "The real reason the Shodai passed that law was because the clans' had large amounts of land they owned back then. So in order to properly maintain and protect those properties, they requested that some of their shinobi remain within solely the clans' control. I suggest you write this in your notes as some of you seem to have trouble remembering details."
'Che…you asked why I passed the law idiot! Not what it was!'
"Naruto-baka, you need to start paying attention or else you're gonna be in big trouble out in real life one day," Ino said with an air of haughtiness.
"Yeah," said one pinked hair girl. "Why can't you be cool like Sasuke-kun?"
Naruto looked down at the girl who was glaring at him as if he just committed some unredeemable sin. What was her name again? Putting his finger to his chin, he sank deep into his thoughts and completely ignored the pink girl who began lecturing.
'Oh that's right! She's Sakura-chan…and I have a fuckin crush on her…'
Naruto fell out of thoughts that ended on a sour note and looked at the girl. Wasn't she the girl that he saved from a bunch of bullies last year? And of course she decided to return the favor by becoming a bully.
'Cunt,' he thought.
Eventually, Iruka told her to be quiet and restarted his lecture. The rest of the class went on without a hitch and Naruto silently tuned everything out in his boredom.
Operatives Newt and Owl were both returning to ANBU headquarters, via Konoha's rooftops, after picking up the hourly village logs from the main gates of Konoha. Like always, Izumo and Kotetsu manned the gates and bickered with each other over the most asinine things. Despite the comedic performance the two put on at every opportunity, they were some of the best shinobi within the village and considered the strongest chuunin currently.
"Hey Newt, stop for a sec." Owl said.
"What is it? I want to get these logs in and then head out for lunch. The Akimichi opened up a new restaurant and I wanna check it out."
"Yeah, yeah, but check this out," Owl said, pointing down to the market square filled with vendor stalls.
Newt jumped over next to Owl and followed Owl's finger to where he was pointing to. His line of sight ended up falling on a familiar short blonde. Newt blinked a few times as he saw the small boy look around with all the curiosity of an eight year old.
"…Didn't we just see him walking hand-in-hand with Neko-taichou on the other side of town?" Newt asked incredulously.
"Yup," quipped Owl.
"Damn," Newt laughed. "That is one scary kid."
"Hey, check out his face. He's got that look in his eye," Owl said.
Newt quickly located the mischievous glint in the boy's eyes and shivered. The last time he saw that look, Ibiki ended up covered in pink glitter that didn't wash out until after three days. The kid was merciless with his pranks. And the worst part? They never figured out how he ended up pulling them off even with a twenty-four/seven detail on the kid. The kid may be a loudmouth prankster but, when he went around proclaiming he would be Hokage, the ANBU believed it.
"What are you doing," Newt hissed when Owl put on a henge of a civilian.
"I wanna see what he's got planned. Come on, you know this is going to be good," Owl replied.
Newt sighed. There was an unspoken tenet in ANBU that had come into play in recent years. When it comes to Naruto, the rules become more of a set of guidelines than actual governing laws. So with a great sigh, he joined Owl as he jumped down into the market square while putting on his own henge.
By the time the two of them reached the kid, he was already surrounded by a small crowd with a merchant yelling at him from behind his stall. The merchant was scrawny and had a dark complexion with a balding head.
"Get lost you stupid brat," the man said angrily in a nasally voice. "No one would anything to a worthless brat like you!"
"Who you calling worthless you ugly piece of shit!"
Newt and Owl could both feel their jaws fall behind their masks. The usual Naruto was loud and energetic, but he was never vulgar! Hell, he was too young to be vulgar! Apparently the rest of the market thought the same thing as their jaws were also touching the floor.
The merchant turned red in either embarrassment or anger. Likely a combination of the two. "What did you call me you little shit?!"
"What? You ugly, retarted and deaf? Well damn, if your life don't suck! I bet your momma took one look at you the moment your ugly ass popped out the womb and dropped you in fuckin disgust!"
The merchant began to splutter in rage but didn't make a move because of the sheer viciousness written on the little boy's sneer.
"Seriously! How do you even end up with a crap face like yours? What? You took a fuckin shovel to your face? Repeatedly?!"
Owl and Newt looked at each other in downright astonishment. They were both flabbergasted that an eight year old, no matter what part of town he lived in, could speak like this. Poor Cat would die of an aneurism if this reached her ears.
"Now listen up! All of you muthafuckers! You been calling me a demon for years! Well its time I give you one, you bitch ass fuck-heads!"
Newt and Owl lost all sense of composure and became utterly terrified at those words. Did he know what he contained? Would he finally snap and turn against Konoha? Some people obviously interoperated his statement as this and began to scream, which caused Naruto to single out a particular woman who let off a shrill scream.
"Ah, shut your mouth you thong-wearing fatty! No one gives a shit what you think! So here's how shit's gonna go down from today on! You mess with me, I curse you! You dig?"
"…."
Utter silence. That's what met the Kid's proclamation. Owl had no doubt, and he knew that Newt probably thought the same but, they weren't the only two ANBU watching this little show. However, he doubted that they would be allowed to let the kid keep this up for much longer. They could only give him so much leeway.
"Umm…what do you mean by curse," a male bystander was asked dumbly from the crowd.
Naruto lost the sneer on his face and regained the usual normal expression on his face and said in an eager tone, "You know, curse! It's what demons do. They go around putting curses on people…right?"
"You've got to be kidding me…" Owl groaned. "He was doing all of that based on some random comments from people."
Despite the mask, Newt palmed his face. "This kid is going to be the reason for the next war…I just know it."
"Why you little brat!" One of the other merchants said. "You were just trying to scare us! Weren't you!"
"NARUTO!"
'Oh, shit!' Every ANBU, including Owl and NEWT though, within the vicinity thought. Suddenly the Cat themed mask of Konoha's strongest female ANBU appeared in front of the previously ranting boy with her arms crossed and emitting a dangerous aura.
"Where have you been?" She screamed. "I've been looking all over for you! What did you run off to do this time?!"
Utterly oblivious to her anger, Naruto exclaimed, "Cat!" He then proceeded to throw his arms around the waist of said ANBU much to the shock of all witnesses.
Sighing in exasperation Cat said, "Baby, what are you doing here?"
Letting go of her, Naruto stepped back and proclaimed gleefully, "This nice man paid me to play pretend with him!"
Everyone's heads snapped toward the direction in which Naruto's finger was pointing. The merchant, becoming self-conscious upon realizing just how much attention he had garnered.
"He…paid you," Cat asked tentatively.
"What," the nasally merchant exclaimed. "I did no such thing! The little brat is lying!"
"You did too!" Naruto said childishly. "Look! He even gave me all this money!"
Naruto then proceeded to pull out a wad of bills that no child should possess. Hell, Owl and Newt could only pull out that amount if they made a trip to the bank.
Cat's head slowly rotated toward the merchant and she pinned him down with a blast of pure murderous rage. However, before she could do anything, the kid tugged on her arm and began to count off on his finger.
"Fuck, cunt, bitch and shit. What do those words mean Cat?" He asked without any semblance of anything save of childish innocence.
"He didn't," Owl whimpered.
"We're all going to die," Newt squeaked.
A sudden silence descended down on Konoha as a sheer wave of malice and wrath hit every person within the shinobi village. As the very air seemed to thicken with Death itself, Naruto, seemingly, remained oblivious to it all. "Cat," he asked, tugging at her arm again. "Cat…are you okay?"
The ANBU captain's head snapped towards the direction of the two ANBU operatives, who let their curiosity get the better of them; causing their hearts to nearly fail. "You two!" She growled. Immediately they dropped their henge and fell into attention with quick salutes.
"Take him to the Hokage and stay with him. NOW!" She snarled.
"Yes ma'am!"
"Right away ma'am!"
The two ANBU grabbed the boy with all haste as they heard steel being drawn. Owl took hold of the boy's shoulder and sent both of them off in a shunshin. However, had he paid attention, he would have heard a soft, evil murmur of, "Just like the Pied Piper."
Author's Note: I'm having so much fun with this, you have no idea. Now with this chapter, I'm definitely going to get a bunch of, "Who's in charge of his body?" All I'm going to say to that is, keep reading or don't. I like being subtle with my writing so excuse me if I don't openly state everything right from the get go. For those of you who understand, much appreciated.
I'm heavily leaning towards Yugao at this point but, I'm willing to throw in maybe one or two more for Naruto. Who do you guys think I should use?
Too my fellow headbangers, who realized to whom I was alluding to within this chapter, aguante!
Hope you enjoyed
CE-NEX is out.