A.N. I think I am going insane

Disclaiming everything twilight. You are all disowned. For lyf.

Chapter 3:

I was both relieved, and somewhat dismayed and perturbed, when before Carlisle to begin to question me, Edward zoomed into the room.

He swept me up in a life threatening bear (vampire) hug that was just a step below bone breaking, but the motion also snagged my IV and I screeched in pain.

"OWWW THE HECK!" I swatted him on the head, and he rapidly let me go. At the vision rapidly bruising torn artery under the iv, I swore, that if he hadn't been a vampire and already there, he would have gone sheet white.

As Edward's freak out commenced, (which I steadily tuned out) up and including his black eyes from NOT eating in five-ever, I instead was fascinated as I watched the bruise, which had blossomed into a really ugly mess across my arm, slowly receded, healing.

As he started to declare medical emergency and reach for the nurse panic button with Carlisle right there, he got another, much less ignored swat, as I high fived his face and pulled back to giving him a dirty look.

Carlisle coughed, hiding his amusement. Except it wasn't all that hidden considering vampires don't need to cough, I turned the glare to him, and both of them froze at my next statement.

"If you guys made me immortal, so help me, age differences and super strength aside, I'll take you each over my knees and give you all the spanking of an undead lifetime."

Carlisle blanched, while Edward gaped. "What..Bella?!" Edward stammered out, his black eyes absolutely blank with confusion.

After carefully making sure my IV was set in a safe position, I started pushing an unresisting Edward out the door.

"Go, eat, make merry," I told him. "We have adult things to talk about now." I admit it was patronizing. And if he hadn't been so startled by the whole fiasco I started in the first place, he would have both overpowered me and realized I was being a total dick to him.

'Well, maybe that's a tad ungraciously hateful,' I thought. 'I mean, he did lose (almost lose? Will lose?) his 'true love'.' I decided to be a little nicer, or try. I mean, for someone around a hundred years old, genius, and in everyones head, he did have all the social grace of a severely autistic child. 'Is autism in vampires even a thing?' I wondered. I'd be nice to him, at least until I figured out what was going on.

Still, I wasn't going to play living dress up doll / tamagotchi pet hybrid for the children either. I suppose that was ungracious too, but they really did act like spoiled children with a new toy.

Edward finally seemed to realize he wasn't going to be able to put off eating anymore, and as he turned back around to say goodbye, I diverted what I knew was going to be a kiss, by reaching forward and ruffling his hair.

I hate to admit it, but if there was one thing I can say nice about vampires is they have amazingly soft hair. Why in God's name would Laurent have ever wore dreadlocks? It was like the bestest mix of bunny fur and cashmere. And I was a sucker for soft things.

So I smiled at Edward, because he really did look like a kitten that lost his toy mouse under the chair. "Go gets some omnoms, kay?" I said in my cutest voice.

(I couldn't help it, the feline vibes, augh.)

'Okay,' I acknowledged, 'He was a kitten with a really gut throbbing smile.' Nononono-

I mentally punched myself in the ovaries. No hormones. Bad hormones. Ohgod I was a teenage girl again, what the hell.

The freaking stupid feeling, eased when Edward left. I was going to have to wall up my defenses against hot men. Whywhywhy.

...and perhaps invest in some personal items. Maybe.

I was doomed.

A.N. Not pairing with Edward- but its a pretty normal reaction to an attractive guy flirting when you are a teenage girl. nopenopenope - That last part was not in the original copy, but when I was typing it came out and felt right. OTL killmenow abusing the font options yay