Control
He liked control. He considered himself to have had control of his life; he liked it that way.
He did not want other people to dictate or decide anything for him. He considered himself intelligent enough to know what was best, so why bother allowing others to think for him?
He shivered as he realized that he was no longer in control. He could not control what words came out of his mouth, what thoughts wandered through his head or what he did.
He wanted his control back, but he knew that between the actions he'd made and the feelings he knew would never go away completely, total control was gone forever.
I am specifically thinking of two "influences" that are harboring this control.
Bonus points for who can name them.