Josak looked himself over in front of the mirror, and he was a gorgeous vision like a little pink-frosted cupcake on top of a large slab of beef covered with more pink frosting and sprinkles and cotton candy swirls. He flexed his biceps a little and noted how they stood out even more now that he was wearing heels.

"That's hot," he said to the glorious vision in the mirror. Behind him, Conrad cleared his throat.

"Our carriage will be here soon. The driver has been instructed to drop us off at the side entrance. Just follow me until we get to the ballroom."

"Can I have free reign after that?"

Conrad appeared to be having spasms in his sword arm, but nodded anyway.

They made their way out of the detention dungeon and up into the mysterious shroud of night.

The mysterious shroud of night would have been much more mysterious if it hadn't been punctuated with the occasional sound of drunken retching as their carriage rolled through town. If there was one thing to be said about Her Majesty the Queen, it was that she knew how to throw a party; so much so that booze literally flowed down the streets at times, making for some very interesting trips to the market.

Tonight was not one of those nights. It was, however, boozed-up enough to produce a ralphing symphony in the lower town. Josak sighed and regretted his decision to arrive fashionably late. This was so not fabulous. He could only hope the castle party-goers were sober enough to appreciate his entrance.

As the carriage pulled up to the castle's side entrance, Conrad tensed up like he was marching off to war. Josak elbowed him in the side.

"Relax, man. I've got this."

Diva face: on.

Showtime.

That night, all eyes were glued to Lord Weller and his companion as they strode into the ballroom. The prince was impeccably dressed. However, it was the lady on his arm that stole the show. Her dress shimmered and flashed in the light. Also, her muscular arm dwarfed Lord Weller's.

There were gasps all around, and many nobles' eyes popped out of their skulls. Not literally, for that would have made a mess on the floor and would have been so un-fabulous. Lady Cecilie's parties werenever not-fabulous! They did, however, pop out enough to be cause for concern.

Josak turned to a man who had frozen in place upon their entrance. "Hey, baby," he said, moving to stroke his finger down the man's chest. "I love your tie."

The man fell over in a dead faint.

Josak gasped in mock-indignation. "Well excuse me! Can you believe the nerve of this guy? I've never been so insulted! Isn't that right, Conrad." But Conrad did not respond. "Conrad! Hey, Conrad!"

Conrad's hands were shaking; the wine glass held in his left began to crack. He was beaming eye-lasers across the room at a happy couple. Upon examination, Josak noticed the man's double chin and knew that there was trouble brewing.

"Ooookay. I'll just leave you to your pissing contest, then. Don't wait up on me."

Josak scurried - well, not scurried - glided elegantly across the room.

Then there was a fireball, and a chandelier burst into flame. Josak was beginning to think that he wasn't needed; the party had always been destined to go on a rocket slide to hell. Miraculously, guests on the other side of the ballroom, where Conrad was, continued to dance, oblivious to the rogue mage in their midst. Josak knew this because he shot a quick glance in that direction and found, quite worryingly, that Conrad had done nothing but glared hate lasers at Chinzilla for the better part of ten minutes.

Then Josak turned toward the source of the maryoku, as did many others who were not screaming, and found it to be a little blond bratling whose cheeks were so red with anger it was like he was a steamed lobster come back from the grave to exact vengeance on the kitchen staff.

Said bratling had his arms around another man in a chokehold and was proceeding to squeeze the life right out of him.

"Whoa there, little guy." Josak laid a hand on his shoulder. "I think he's turning blue."

"How dare you speak to a prince in this way, you… halfbreed!" said the brat. He did, however, let go of his original target, who crawled away hacking and gasping for air.

Josak brought his hands up in the universal symbol for I-don't-know-what's-going-on-but-I-swear-it-wasn't -me. He had no idea how the littlest prince even knew what he was, but perhaps it was some sort of maryoku thing, like he could sniff out human blood or something.

This was the second prince that Josak had met, and it was far from being a pleasure. Conrad's little brother really was every bit as fantastically racist as Conrad often lamented. But Josak, being the easy-going guy that he was, shrugged it off in favor of looking for more fun, more things he could infect with the ridiculous amount of rainbow fabulousness he'd brought with him.

Josak's rendition of the can-can was a rousing success, inspiring cheers and jeers from what seemed to be the entire ballroom. In between his equally successful can't-can't and his specialty, the don't-know-if-can, Josak worriedly glanced out a window in search of Conrad, who had gone missing.

He caught a peek at the clash of swords between Conrad and his rival in love. Not exactly the best situation, but it wasn't so dire at the moment that Josak would feel the need to rush out to intervene until after his high-kicking dance finale was complete.

"Thank you, thank you!" He bowed, roses landing neatly at his feet, then slipped into the shadows and out to other parts of the castle.

He'd seen Conrad out in one of the gardens, but how to get there? Josak whipped his head back and forth, trying to map out the castle in his mind. It was so big as to be like a maze, and he didn't know how to get anywhere except back to the main entrance, and that only vaguely.

In a few minutes, Josak discovered that the most frustrating thing was that he seemed to be heading up higher and higher and yet there were no stairs down. Who designed this castle? He was so lost that he'd resorted to following the rightmost wall in hopes that it would lead him back to where he came. He'd accidentally gone up a tower and was just now finding his way back down. Once in a while, he would peer out a window, and occasionally that window would show him glimpses of a moonlit duel.

The next window he came across was also a Conrad one, so Josak figured he was at least headed in the right direction. But wait! There, a flash of silver hair, glinting dramatically in the moonlight! It was Instructor GunGun-sama, come to break up the fight? Oh, the drama! Why couldn't Josak have been down there?

It was as Josak was cursing his bad luck that he heard a soft mew. There, in a darkened corridor, was a tiny kitten. It toddled unsteadily across the stone floor.

"Huh. Guess it's just you and me, little guy." Josak plucked the kitten off the ground and settled it into his fake-cleavage before returning to watch the events unfold.

Chinzilla fell to the ground and coughed up blood. (Go Conrad!)

A harsh whisper echoed down the halls. "Here, kitty kitty kitty~ Here kitty~"

"I think someone's looking for you," Josak said to his bosom-buddy.

Julia bitch-slapped Conrad.

Footsteps rounded the corner and stopped. There was a tall man in green standing before Josak. He had a very commanding presence, and he grunted in disapproval.

"Guests shouldn't be in this part of the castle. Wait here and I'll escort you out once my errand is done," he said.

Josak was quite amused at this turn of events, so he said, coyly, "Excuse me, sir, I think I've found your kitten."

The man turned around once more and leveled a glare in Josak's general direction. His forehead was wrinkly and his face was frowny, but overall he cut a dashing figure. Josak reached into his boobs to retrieve the man's kitten.

"My apologies," he said, as the furtively snuggled the kitten. "Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Gwendal von Voltaire."

"Von Voltaire?! As in… Crown Prince von Voltaire?"

Gwendal frowned. His eyes narrowed in suspicion. "Yes."

"Huh. Wow. Er, I mean, it's an honor to meet you, Your Excellency."

This was the third prince Josak had ever met, and the only one who actually had the bearing of one. Barring kitten-related eccentricities, of course.

"And you?" Gwendal prompted.

"Oh, sorry! Where have my manners gone? I'm Josak Gurrier, a friend of your brother Conrad - I mean, a friend of Lord Weller." He jerked his thumb toward the window where Conrad's drama was unfolding below.

Conrad was making out with Instructor GunGun-sama.

"I see," Gwendal said. To his credit, his eyes only flicked over to Conrad twice.

"That's… That's it? Ah, not to seem ungrateful or anything, but you… So you don't care that I'm, ah, partly human?"

"Why should I? My brother is as well."

Said brother was busy playing tonsil hockey with a man twice his age.

"Yeah, but you hate him, right?"

Josak deeply regretted saying this as soon as it was out of his mouth. When Gwendal heard, his expression turned dour.

"No," Gwendal said, "that's my other brother, and he's just being overly dramatic."

"From what I've seen of him, drama seems right up his alley..." Josak mumbled.

It was also right up Conrad's. Maybe it ran in the family. Conrad was writhing below Instructor GunGun-sama.

Gwendal frowned again, which twisted his face up fiercely. His hands, however, cuddled the kitten closer and started stroking its ears again. Josak thought he was starting to understand this man, and it was not the forehead wrinkles or the glaring that conveyed his true emotions. Rather, it was the kitten cuddling, which, at that moment, was saying that Gwendal was upset that anyone would insinuate that he not love his brothers, even if they did embarrassing things like break chandeliers with fireballs or get naked in the gardens.

"Hn. He also hates wool stockings passionately enough to set them on fire. Wolfram has yet to set Conrart on fire, so I assume that his 'hate' for Conrart is less than his hate for wool stockings."

"The rumors about you were wrong then, huh?"

Rather than answer Josak's inquiry, Gwendal changed the subject in a way that Josak found highly attractive.

"How did you infiltrate the castle's inner quarters in those heels? Do you need a job?"

With Gwendal's help, Josak finally exited the castle just as the bell chimed midnight. Conrad was waiting for him at the entrance, sporting a split lip and the happiest shit-eating grin he'd ever seen on his friend's face.

"So you're a spy now."

"Yup. Man, Geoffrey's gonna be so jealous once he hears about this!"

There was companionable silence between them for a while, until Josak returned the favor of asking.

"So you lost your girlfriend."

"Yes."

"And you gained a black eye."

"Mm."

"And a boyfriend, too. I guess this is happily ever after."

The two friends rode off into the sunset. The beautiful orange and pink hues shone through the darkening tree line and glinted off Josak's glass heels in their stirrups. They were fabulous, just as Cinderella's new life would be.

He held out his hand for another epic bro-fist.