As promised, here I am to give you %#!$ dating advice. Unfortunately for you, you are not as stylish and as good looking as I am. I have decided to do a good deed and give you some tips.
First, you need to find someone you like. Girl, boy, titan, whatever. Once you find that someone, you need to tell them you like them. And don't just tell them you like them. You have to TELL them you like them. Be frickin' assertive. The best way to do this is burst in and let them know. I mean, literally burst in. Get yourself some 3DMG, burst into their house, and use a smooth pickup line.
Here is the list of Heichou Approved Pickup Lines: "Gurrrrl, you are a fine piece of $#¡%." "Right after cleaning, you are on my to-do list." "Did you clean your pants with windex, because I can see myself in them." "I heichou less than everyone else." "I can protect you from the titans at night." "I'm Levi.**"
**This pickup line is 100 percent guaranteed to work every time. If for some reason it doesn't, stare at them intensely without saying anything until they agree to go out with you.
Now that you have secured a date, find someplace to go on that date. For some reason, whenever I take someone on a date to a cleaning product store, they are always bored. What gives? Cleaning products are exciting as &!#%. Anyways, dinner for two is always nice, however if you're with a girl (sometimes guys get this way too), eating sometimes makes them feel fat. (Tch, they're probably not really fat. Stupid piece of $#¡% searching for a compliment.) This is why the ultimate place to go out on a date is somewhere you can kill titans. While you're waiting for a titan to come, you can talk with your date, and when you finally get some titans to appear, you can show off how awesome you are at killing titans to your significant other. Also, make sure they don't get eaten. This kind of puts a damper on your relationship.
Onto the talking topic of my dating advice. Let me just say, it can be hard talking to someone on a date when you aren't as accomplished as I am. These are the do's and don'ts of talking on a date: Do tell them interesting facts about yourself. Don't tell them uninteresting facts about yourself (such as Eren's: "I can put my whole fist in my mouth. Wanna see?"). Do talk about how nice the other person looks. Don't talk about how nice that person who just walked by looks. Do ask them about their life. And lastly, don't go on and on about your own life. That just gets freaking annoying.
If you do everything right on your date, you should at least get an awesome make-out session. Sometimes you get more, if you know what I mean. Even if you just screw one thing up, just one tiny thing, you could end up forever alone. For, like, forever. Good luck with that.
Thank you for reading this chapter of Heichou Time. Next time, I would like to answer some questions you peasants have.
Until next time. Heichou out.
Author's Note: Because Levi will be answering fan questions in the next chapter, it would be great if you could private message me (or simply write it in the review) some questions you want to have Levi answer. Thank you, and thanks for reading!