Part 3
Eragon: Brom said the time of the Rider's is now, so off you go!
Saphira: I can fly?
Audience: She can fly?
KM: Can we stop with the Peter Pan dialog already?
Saphira takes the sky and flies away.
Eragon: She's gone. (Gets all teary eyed)
Audience: Aw.
SF: What, the movie's over with already?
KM: Wow, I heard it sucks but I didn't think it was this bad.
Stefen Fangmeier: Wait for it.
Eragon: Ow! WTF! (Stares down at his hand as it starts glowing)
Magically Saphira grows five sizes, roughly cutting out atleast half of the damn book length.
Eragon book readers: WTF!!!
Stefen Fangmeier: Hey, I saved you all the headache of hearing Eragon bitch about walking everywhere. You should thank me!
Eragon book readers: No!
Stefen Fangmeier: Fine then, no Murtagh.
All: What?!
Eragon: Who?
All: Fine, you win.
Stefen Fangmeier: Though so (Grins)
Eragon: Wait, who the hell is this Mur-Tug guy?
Murtagh: Yeah, who is he?
All: IT'S MURTAGH!
Eragon: Whatever! Who the hell is that?
Saphira: Ah-hem! Hello, fully grown blue dragon to your left blond!
Eragon: What? (Turns head) Oh.
Saphira: Hello Eragon. I am Saphira, I know it's odd that I already have a name and that the audience will never know the full story behind it but, I am your kick ass dragon and you are my little - starts - off - kinda - whiney - but - will - soon - grow - up - too - be -the - world's - best - rider.
Eragon: I'm sorry, are you talking to me or the voices inside my head?
Saphira: Why did I pick him again?
Christopher Paolini: You got me. He wasn't this dumb in the book.
Eragon fans: Yes he was.
Eragon: Who the hell are all of you people!
Eragon fans: We're your fangirls. Duh.
Eragon: Oh…wait; are you the ones that stalk me 24/7?
Slash fans: Nope, that's us.
Eragon: Riiight. Um, moving on.
The movie shifts to Eragon causally walking through his village towards Brom's house
Brom: Dammit fangirls, I told you to leave me the hell alone. And stop shipping me with Eragon dammit!
Brom and Eragon shippers: No!
Eragon: Hi, I was wondering if you could kindly tell me about dragons and their history and junk for no particular reason.
Brom: Sure my little jail-bait, come right on in. That's it; bring those cute-but-barley-legal-buns in here.
Eragon: What?
Brom: (Blinks) Oh hell, the slash fans are screwing with my head again.
Slash fans: No we're not! (Hides the mind-control device).
Brom: Anyway, yes. A long time ago the Dragon Riders ruled over the world, until Galby and Morzan blew everything to hell.
Eragon: Morzan? I know I've heard that name before…
Brom: I'll bet you have…
Eragon: Huh?
Brom: I mean, it's late. Go home boy before the slash fans start screwing with my head again.
Eragon: Wait, how come a random, village drunk/story teller knows so much?
Brom: Stick around and I'll show those cute little bon-bons more things I know about (Sexy wink)
Eragon: Okay, not weird at all.
Brom: (Shakes fist at the slash fans) Stop it!
Eragon/Brom shippers: Oh come on…let us have some fun.
Eragon: Like ew. How about someone my age?
KM: Fine. Murtagh it is then.
Eragon: Who's that?
Brom: Never you mind, now run along and leave me to my fics.
Eragon leaves Brom's house and on his way home he encounters the Ra'zac.
Sloan: He lives at the farm down the road! I swear that's all I know.
Ra'zac: I'm sorry, your answer must be in the form of a question (Stabs him with a hook)
Eragon: Fuck! (Runs away)
KM: Smart move there genius.
Saphira: Eragon, it's you they're after!
Audience: No shit, really?
Eragon: I guess this is a bad time to mention that I'm afraid of heights.
Saphira takes to the air with Eragon and after a long, humorous bickering battle she tossing him on a haystack near his farm.
Eragon: Uncle! No! (Cries)
Audience: Now that's a shame.
KM: Oh come on, we all saw that one coming!
SF: Typical hero's journey movies.
Saphira: Eragon, I'm sorry.
Eragon: Go away!
Saphira: (Shrugs and flies away)
Brom: Hmm, that's odd; did you feel that sudden draft?
Eragon: What are you doing here?
Audience: That's what we wanna know.
KM: Oh come on people, it's obvious.
Stefen Fangmeier: One more plot point and you're outa here!
KM: Fine. (Grumbles)