Chapter 3
Broken?
Kurt is standing in front of his wide open flung window, his own arms wrapped tightly around him, when Blaine reaches the room.
For the next minutes it does not seem to matter what Blaine says, Kurt keeps shaking his head at best half listening.
The air in the room growing increasingly icy, Blaine steps forward and, pressing his chest to Kurt's back, wraps him up in his arms.
The speed at which Kurt freezes, all previous movement instantly ceasing, is scary; and Blaine cannot help but notice the shallowness of Kurt's breathing. So, heavy-heartedly he lets go, moves around the boy ... to look at him.
"Kurt."
"I don't know what I was thinking," Kurt gets out, barely.
"Did I do something wrong?" Blaine asks, worried.
"No one is supposed to know."
"Is this about your dad? He does not know, I swear, I told him nothing except what I said downstairs."
"He can't know," Kurt whispers brokenly.
"Why, Kurt?" Blaine tries hesitantly. "I'm sure he would want t... ."
Kurt cuts Blaine off, "He has done nothing wrong."
"You have done nothing wrong either, Kurt. I promise."
"But I have. He would be so hurt if he ever found ... found out" Kurt whispers the next words, "... that I'm hurting myself. And it hurts, knowing that knowing this is not ..."
"Is not what?"
"... is not enough, knowing that is not enough for me to stop. Why isn't it enough? What's wrong with me?"
'I don't know! Nothing. Something?' Blaine thinks but what he says is, "Can we try to figure it out together? What you ..., why you ...? Damn it, Kurt, PLEASE can I just be here for you?"
"I know I called you ... so, do you really want that? This ... this mess?" Kurt whispers brokenly.
"I want you to only want good things for yourself. I want you to feel safe and happiness. As much as possible."
"I want to want that to," Kurt says sadly. When Kurt looks up at the boy standing in front of him, there are barely eyes to see, hidden behind lids sunk with exhaustion and filled to the brim with tears.
Blaine knows before he does it, the sense buried deep somewhere at the back of his mind, it is irresponsible, but he cannot regret the impulse, and damn it, he is seventeen, he cannot do everything right, especially at his first try. And this kiss is, after all, one such try. A first, ... ever.
Kurt's eyes are wide, all his features marked by shock when their lips disconnect again after their first meeting in more than song.
"Please say something, Kurt. Anything," Blaine pleads swallowing hard.
The tears are still breaking open on his cheeks when, taking a step back, Kurt chokes out, "Why would you do that?"