They cry in the dark, so you can't see their tears. They hide in the light, so you can't see their fears. Forgive and forget, all the while. Love and pain become one and the same in the eyes of a wounded child.
1918:
The abuse for Jamie and Esme was getting worst by each passing day. Every day now Charles beats Jamie. He mostly does it when Esme isn't home when she can stop him. Jamie wasn't the happy boy his mother knows and everyone else. He is nine years old and wishes for death. Esme tries her best to help Jamie out but he doesn't want to talk about it to her. He is pushing her away when she is the only person that cares about him right now. Esme couldn't deal with the abuse anymore either. She was barley sleeping at night and was always worrying about Jamie. She feels like she fails him as a mother and that Jamie will start hating her for all of this. Her biggest fear is one day Charles will kill Jamie. She doesn't want to lose him. Esme knew they need to get out of this before something bad happens to the both of them.
The only good news they have is that Charles will be going off to fight in War World 1. So they get a break for a while. Charles was leaving today while Jamie was at school. Jamie was actually happy to come back home because he won't be there. It will just be his mother and he like it used to be before she married Charles. Close to 12:00pm Charles says goodbye to Esme and leaves. She felt actually glad he was gone until he comes back. Right now she was going to try to make up to Jamie and do things with him, just like it used to be.
Jamie comes home after 3pm and throws his bag in his room, looking for his mother. He finds her in the kitchen, cooking. She turns around with a smile on her face and sees Jamie standing near the doorway.
"Come in sweetie and sit down."
Jamie didn't know why she decided to cook food right now when they usually eat around five for dinner. He shrugs his shoulders and sits down while she puts food in front of him. Jamie usually didn't eat a lot at dinner or breakfast because he couldn't stand to sit at the same table with Charles. Jamie picks his fork up and starts eating his food and his mother sits across from him and has a plate of food also.
She looks up at Jamie and can see he was happy for once in his life. He looks up at his mother and she takes a hold of his hand from across the table and looks deeps into his green eyes that made him look more and more like his mother every day.
"Jamie, I'm truly sorry for everything you have to go through with Charles. I never wanted this life for you. I wanted us to live a happy life, show you that I can be the mother everyone that I couldn't be. I haven't protected you like I should have and I'm sorry for that. I failed as your mother."
Jamie puts his fork down and squeezes his mother's hand. Even though Jamie should be angry with his mother for marrying Charles and letting this happen Jamie wasn't angry. He was angry with Charles and Charles only. Esme was his mother and Jamie knew how hard she wants to make this life good for him since she had him when she was just a teenager. Everything she said about herself wasn't true and Jamie was going to tell her.
"Mama, I love you. I'm not angry with you. You didn't know Charles was going to do this to us. All the times you comfort me and try to stop him are you protecting me. I wouldn't trade you for the world. I could have been born to a mother that didn't care about what he is doing to me. That could care less if I die. You try your hardest to stop this. You didn't fail me. I'm happy to call you my mother."
Esme has tears in her eyes after hearing what Jamie just said. He was truly a great boy and Esme has raised him right. Esme expected him to agree with her not disagree with her. Jamie was truly a remarkable kid. Esme was happy about the way he is turning out because he can be one of the worst kids ever because of everything but he is still the sweetest boy ever and Esme loves her son even more now if that was possible.
She leans in and takes a hold of Jamie and hugs him with all her strength. Jamie hugs her back and is tearing up in her arms. After a minute passes by Esme let's go of him and pushes his messing curly hair out of his face and sees the smile she hasn't seen in almost a year. She kisses the top of his forehead and wipes his dry tears out of his face.
"I' am truly proud of the way you're turning out Jamie. Anyone would be glad to have a son like you."
"I'm just like my mother."
Jamie and Esme laugh together since it was true. After they are done talking they go back to eating their food. Jamie and Esme clean off their plates together and talk for the rest of the night. Esme was happy to have this moment with him. They missed out on so much as mother and son because of Charles.
A little bit after 11 at night Jamie falls asleep on the couch in his mother's arms. He can finally sleep and feel safe for once.
6 Months later:
Jamie and Esme were enjoying their time by themselves. Jamie's birthday was last month and he is ten years old right now. They celebrated his birthday and Jamie was happy with the way life was going but they both knew it wasn't going to last long since Charles was due back this month. Jamie and Esme were going to not think about and try to enjoy their time together before he gets back.
Jamie was in his room reading a book when he was hearing loud voices coming from the living room. Jamie's eyes became wide and his body starts to feel the fear he hasn't felt in months. He throws his book on his bed and jumps from his bed and to the door and locks it. He puts his ear to his door and hears yelling and someone being pushed to the ground.
Jamie knew what was happening. Charles was back and was making up for lost time. Jamie thought they had more time. Jamie doesn't dare leave his room. He didn't know if Charles knew he was home and if he thinks he isn't home, he is going to leave that way.
Jamie shuts his light off and makes sure his door is locked where he can't get into his room. He was free from the beatings and was finally healing inside and outside but now all of that is going to come back and this time worse than before.
Jamie was hearing his mother crying and begging for him to stop. Just hearing her screams right now was making Jamie cry himself. He slides down the door and puts his knees to his chest with his hands over his ears and starts crying, trying to block out his mother's screams. It was killing the ten year old inside. Everything is worse than before and the fragile ten year old wanted it to be over with. After an hour all Jamie hears now is his mom crying. He lowers his hands from his ears and moves away from the door. He was hearing his boots coming towards the door to his room. Jamie crawls to his bed and sits on the ground, hoping he doesn't try to get into the room.
"I know you're in there you little freak."
Jamie has tears in his eyes but also anger from all the names and beatings he had to take from him. He keeps trying to get into his room and Jamie starts fearing for himself and for his mother. He gets up from the floor and goes to his closet where his clothes are and where he hides special things he doesn't want Charles to destroy on him. Jamie gets a box from the far end of the closet and opens it. He takes out a Black Hand gun that he stole from a store to keep him and his mom safe. His mother never knew he did this and knew he wouldn't kill Charles with it but it will scare him.
Jamie was taught from an older boy's father how to handle this gun and load it. For being only ten he knew how to do things other kids his age can't. He was really smart and knew if he did kill him he would be going to jail. Jamie leaves the gun on safely and holds it in his hand, ready to open the door.
"Come out here you little freak or it will be worse for you."
Jamie is shaking when he takes a step to his door and he unlocks it with the gun in his hand and he raises it when he opens the door. Charles sees the gun pointed at him and he was actually showing fear for once. Esme looks up and she panics when she sees her own son holding a gun to Charles. Esme couldn't believe this. Her own son wouldn't even hold a gun, let alone kill someone with it.
"Jamie, what are you doing?! Drop that gun!"
Jamie looks over at his mother and ignores her. He was going to scare Charles, not kill him. He was a killer and he wasn't going to cause more pain to his mother if he goes to jail for doing that.
"You think you're all tough now, don't you? What you going to do boy, kill me?"
"I'm not afraid of you; if I have to kill you I will do it."
Charles laughs in Jamie's face but Jamie wasn't laughing.
"You don't have the guts to kill me. Do what your mother said and drop it because you can't do anything with it."
"I'm not going to drop it because you deserve to die. I'm all my mom has and I will protect her and myself from you."
"Jamie Evan! Drop it right now!"
Esme yells to Jamie. Jamie sees her eyes pleading with him but he knew if he did drop it while Charles was right there he would take the chance and hurt him. Jamie has tears coming down his face and his whole body was shaking right now. Charles walks away from Jamie and decides to leave the house. When Jamie hears the door close he was happy he was gone for now but wasn't happy with what he did. Esme gets up from the floor and runs over to Jamie and hits the gun out of his hand and holds Jamie in her arms. She didn't know what he was planning or if Charles would take the gun from him and kill her son. Esme makes Jamie look at her and sees his eyes that he didn't want to do any of this. He was in fear for the both of their lives and he did what he thought was best.
"Jamie, what were you thinking? Where did you get that gun from?"
"I wanted it to stop mama. I'm sorry I just wanted it to stop. I thought if I scared him he would run off. I stole it from one of the stores mama, I'm sorry."
"Jamie using a gun to scare him isn't the answer. He could have gotten it from you and try to kill you. You are not like this. I know your sorry baby but you didn't need to do this. I promise no matter what it takes I will get us out of this."
Esme holds him close to her trying to comfort him. She never knew this was how bad it was for him. He was changing. Jamie at ten would have never try to use a gun to just scare him. This was worse than it was before. Esme knew she needed to leave with Jamie before something bad happens, before Jamie tries to actually shoot him if he goes too far.
2 Weeks Later:
Esme has decided it was time for them to leave tonight. She found out yesterday she was pregnant with Charles's child and Esme wasn't going to have any more harm come towards Jamie or the new baby. Jamie was told by his mom they were leaving tonight but not about her being pregnant. They are going to west to live with Esme's cousin. Jamie was packing his things since they are leaving before Charles gets home from work.
Before 8:00 Jamie brings the last of his bags out of his room and into the living room where his mother was. They take all of their bags and go outside to the car. Esme puts the bags in the truck and takes Jamie and puts him in the back seat of the car. She closes the door and her hands are shaking with the keys while she opens the door to the front seat. She fumbles with the keys in her hand and gets them into the ingestion. She starts the car and drives off without looking back at the life she wishes she never had in the first place.
Life will become better for the two. Esme was determined to make everything better for Jamie and her other child she is carrying. It will take a few hours at the most to get to the west but no matter what Esme wasn't going to come back to this hellhole.
The next morning they arrive in the west at Esme's cousin's house, Juliana. Esme explained the situation to her and she told Esme she can stay here with Jamie. Juliana hasn't seen Jamie since he was only three years old. He was ten now and doesn't know if he remembers her. Jamie gets out of the car and sees his mom's cousin coming outside to greet them. Jamie kind of remembers her and was happy he was here and in a safe place. Juliana walks to Jamie and hugs him and knees down to him, holding both of his hands.
"I missed you Jamie. You probably don't remember me but I do remember you. Everything will be better here."
Jamie nods his head at her and Esme brings the bags into Juliana's house. Juliana puts her arm around Jamie and they walk into the house together. Jamie is showed his new room which he did like. Esme leaves him to unpack while she goes to talk to Juliana.
Jamie's feelings towards all of this were mixed. He didn't want to start off in a new place with new people and a new school. For the ten year old life was changing too much for him. He knew they were away from the abuse and Charles causing nothing but pain in their lives. Jamie just hopes they don't have to run again because he wanted to stay in one place.
Jamie will try to make the best of this. Try his hardest to be a ten year old and to get past what happened. It will take a while but it doesn't matter as long as he gets back to his old self.