Just your Standard Neighborhood Assassins
"You were wonderful my маленький ястреб (little hawk)." Natasha said as she and Akilina walked hand and had up the front walk. Akilina was five years old and was almost a mirror image of her mother; in fact the only thing she seemed to have gotten from her father, Clint, was her love of birds. The two of them were coming home from Akilina's first ballet performance. Akilina had been taking dance since she was two but, her teacher had finally thought her ready for public performance just recently. She along with Natasha had been so thrilled when they got the news that she would get to be one of the four swans in the studios performance of Swan Lake that it was all they talked about for a week.
"Mrs. Barton, I'm glad I caught you!" called a voice Natasha knew all too well- and that killed her happy mood-. It was that of their overly perky and nosey neighbor, Mrs. Jenifer Grant.
"Дерьмо (crap)" Natasha muttered under her breath. "Mrs. Grant, what can I do for you?" she asked in a clearly fake happy voice as she turned to face Mrs. Grant.
"Well, I've been meaning to invite you and your husband to dinner. A kind of welcome to the neighborhood, I know you have been here two months but still it's never too late to make official." Mrs. Grant said in her perky voice.
"I don't know I would have to ask Clint." Natasha said. She was not too thrilled at the idea of spending a whole night with this woman.
"Well, I know you two are busy, the way you go out almost every night." Mrs. Grant said clearly fishing for information. Natasha decided to throw her some just for the fun of it. She knew that Mrs. Grant was the kind of person that would have a heart-attack if she knew half the thing that she and Clint had done over the years, plus she loved to mess with the overly perky women.
"Well, our jobs keep us busy." Natasha said with a grin, hoping that the woman would take the bait.
"And what is it that you and your husband do?" Mrs. Grant asked clearly intrigued about finally getting something on her extremely secretive neighbors.
"Well, we . . ." Just then Clint pulled up on his bike. He had ridden separately to Akilina's performance because he had had to run into town and pick up the new bow he had ordered. He had been meaning to teach Akilina how to fire one but, all of his had too high of draw strength. So he had to special order one that Akilina would be able to handle.
He dismounted and walked over to Natasha and Akilina with the black bag-the new bow was in- slung over his shoulder. "Hey, в виде сердца (sweetheart)" He said as he wrapped his arms around Natasha and drew her up into a kiss. When their lips parted Natasha looked at Clint and in an instant he was caught up on what was going on and what her plan was.
"I was just telling Mrs. Grant, here what we did for a living." she said in the same fake voice she had been using.
"Oh, really!" Clint said with mock interest "Well, Mrs. Grant me and Nat here are assassins." He said with a straight face, after a minute both Natasha and Clint laughed a little too hard to be real.
"No, were fitness trainers." Natasha said composing herself and said in a serious tone.
"Well, I must be going now. Remember about what I said about dinner." Said Mrs. Grant as she fled back to her own home not knowing what these people might do or say next, but not wanting to find out. Once she was gone Natasha looked at Clint and said in her mother tongue
"Какая крыса. (What a rat.)" then walked in to the house with Akilina with Clint close behind. Once inside with the door locked firmly behind them, Nat told Akilina to go and change because she still wore her swan costume. She then then turned to face Clint.
"Did you see the look on her face?"
"Yeah it was pretty good." Clint said as he set the bow on the ground.
"But, seriously we shouldn't have done that. What if she truly believes it?" Natasha said in a serious tone.
"Nat, the world is full of Mrs. Grants. They would say anything if they thought it was a good enough story. She probably already thought we were spies or that I had you and Lina trapped here against you wills. No one ever believes them, trust me." Clint said as he took Natasha in his arms "Now, a much more important question what do you and Akilina want for dinner."
The next day Mrs. Grant cornered Natasha as she was on her way to the gym.
"Tonight, I'm making pot roast and the Herons are coming over you and your husband should come." Mrs. Grant said although it sounded more like an order then a request.
"I'm afraid that we would not be able to get a sitter for Akilina in time." Natasha lied, she real did not want to go to this women's house.
"Well, then bring her along. I'm sure I can find some of my kids' old toys for her to play with. Come around seven." and with that Mrs. Grant headed back to her home. Natasha just stood there for a moment wondering how on earth a suburban housewife had managed to rope the Black Widow in to coming to dinner.
By the time Natasha got to the gym Clint was there. Normally he would go to the local archery rage and then meet her at the gym. Though they told people that they were trainers-and they spent enough time at the gym to be trainers- they were in fact unemployed. S.H.I.L.D had a very good retirement plan, due to the fact that most of their agents never reached retirement, so they were well provided for.
"What took you so long? I thought maybe you had found some real fun. "Clint said with a smirk.
"No that Grant woman cornered me." Natasha said as she wrapped her hands with boxing tape.
"Don't tell me we have to move again." Clint joked as he and Nat squared up on the mat.
"No, it's worst we have to go to a dinner party."
So that night at seven the Bartons went to a dinner party. Natasha wore a black dress, and Clint wore a royal purple dress shirt and dress slacks. Little Akilina had her hair done up in pig tales and wore a red dress to match them. Normally people bring wine to a diner party, but not Natasha, she brought the best Russian Vodka she could find.
"Why did you bring Vodka, most people can have a shot before they pass out?" Clint asked as they waited for someone to open the door.
"If you don't want me to kill that woman tonight then, I'm definitely going to need more than just a shot of Vodka." Natasha said as she rang the doorbell again. After Nat rang the bell a few more time Mrs. Grant finally came to the door.
"Oh, don't you all look nice I feel like I have dressed up more." Mrs. Grant said as she opened the door. Natasha wondered how she could have dressed up more, she was already wearing a nice dress and a ton of jewelry plus make up that would have worked at a night club.
Throughout the entire dinner Mrs. Grant kept asking Clint and Natasha questions. For the most part they stuck to short one word answers but, every now and then they would throw something out just to mess with her. But, once dinner was finished and the bottle of Vodka was opened they started to be a little more truth full with their answers-though it did take a few shots-.
"So how did the two of you meet?" She asked.
"We meet in Russia. Clint was there on business." Natasha started.
"And when I laid eyes on her I was intently in love." Clint fished. Just then Akilina came up and tugged on Natasha's sleeve.
"Yes, маленький ястреб? (Little Hawk?)" Natasha asked as she bent down.
"Как поздно мы остановились? (How late are we staying?)" Akilina asked. Akilina had never been like other children, she never complained or wined but, she was getting tired-due to the fact that it was way past her bed time- and she wanted to go home and sleep.
"Не то, что гораздо больше времени. (Not that much longer.)" Natasha replied.
"She's such a beautiful child and such an unusual name. What does it mean?" Mrs. Grant asked Clint while Natasha spoke to Akilina in Russian.
"It means little eagle in Russian." He said as he smiled at Natasha and Akilina. He heard every word they said and was glad that he and Nat would have a real excuse to use to get out of there.
"How sweet," Mrs. Grant said with a smile "So where are you from Clint. I gather Natasha is from Russia but, clearly you're not?"
"Well, you here and there." Clint said as he tried to skirt the topic.
"You know we better get going. It's past Akilina's bed time." Natasha said in an attempt to leave. She knew that Clint did not like talking about his past and she could see him tease at the idea of having to talk about it.
"Stay just a few more minutes." said Mrs. Grant clearly wanting to keep them where they were.
"Natasha is right we should be going, come on Akilina its time to go." Clint said as he stood up to leave. He was distressed by how much Mrs. Grant wanted them to stay, it did not feel right. Plus the idea of having to talk about his past had put him on edge. After a few more minutes of telling Mrs. Grant that they real had to go they finally made their escape.
When they got back home everything seemed completely normal. But, once Akilina was in bed and Clint and Natasha were in their room getting ready for bed they heard a crash. Instantly they both grabbed the gun that they kept under their pillows.
"What was that?" Clint whispered to Nat.
"I don't know, but it's not Akilina she was asleep when I checked on her."
"So then we must have a burglar. Finally some action, I was starting to get bored." Clint joked as he and Natasha snuck out of their room to see what it was. As they peered around a corner they saw a finger dresses in black helping two companies through a window.
"Go, and protect Lina." Clint whispered and as if in silent agreement of the plan Nat gave him a quick kiss, then went off to Akilina's room. Clint stepped out from behind the corner as the last figure in black came through the window and said
"You picked a bad house to break into fellows. Didn't you hear we're assassins!" he held his gun up ready to shot. Though he normally used a bow and arrow his aim was just as acuity with a gun. The three fingers fired on him. Clint dove to avoid being shot. But, not before firing three extremely well placed shots. The figures fell to the floor with a thud, all three dead with a signal shot to the heart. As Clint stood up he yelled to Natasha and Akilina "It's all right!" a minute later Natasha appeared with Akilina at her side.
"Why did you get all the fun?" Natasha said as she took a step closer to Clint. She spoke like the old widow, the one that loved the thrill of battle.
"You can deal with them next time." Clint said as he inched closer to Nat he was about to kiss her when there was a tug on his pant.
"What's wrong with them, Daddy? "Akilina asked as she tugged on Clint's pant leg.
"We should call the cops." Natasha said stepping away to get the phone. Clint bent down and picked Akilina up.
"Daddy, just shot them, Lina, they were bad people you see." Clint said as he carried her back to her room.
"Did you use your bow?" Akilina asked clearly not fazed by the fact that her father had just shot three people.
"No, I didn't have time to get my bow. I had to use my gun." He said as he set her down on her bed
"Oh," she said clearly disappointed "you know daddy I think I would have liked it better if you had used your bow."
"And why is that?" Clint asked
"Because its quitter." Akilina said.
Once Clint had gotten Akilina back to sleep he walked into the kitchen were Natasha was still on the phone with the police.
"Yes, officer my husband just shot three people! Yes they fired at him first!" she said clearly getting annoyed at the officer on the other end of the line. Clint could tell that they would not be getting any sleep that night. So he started to make a pot of coffee, as it was brewing he looked through that days mail which still sat on the counter. At the bottom of the pile sat an envelope with Fury's hand writing. Clint looked up at Natasha and mouthed
"What's this?" Natasha just shrugged as she continued to tell the officer on the phone what happened. Clint ripped open the letter and inside the envelope, in addition to the letter was a key. Clint took the key out and held it as he began to read the letter. . .