"Talitha, these will make you fall asleep. If you fall asleep, they'll take you to a place where you can get better."
Shepard's voice was low and calm, as it had been all the way through her conversation with the escaped slave. There was a silence, then a soft shuffling sound. From his vantage point on the far side of the crates from Shepard and Talitha, all Kaidan could see was a narrow, sideways view of the girl's back. Her shoulders jerked convulsively in a swallowing motion, and he let out a silent sigh of relief. Once again, Shepard had taken on a potentially disastrous situation and managed to resolve it without violence.
"Will she have bad dreams?" Talitha's voice, so shrill and desperate earlier, was now a near-inaudible quaver.
"You'll dream of a warm place, and when you wake up, you'll be in it." Shepard promised.
"She'd like that." Talitha's voice was becoming hazy. "It hurts when she...when I...remember...me. But she wants to...remember..."
The gun fell from the girl's hand to the deck with a clatter, and a moment later she disappeared entirely from Kaidan's view as she collapsed. There was a soft thud as Shepard caught her, followed by a series of scraping noises, presumably the commander manoeuvring her burden into a more comfortable position. Then silence. He waited for the click which would signify that Shepard had turned her radio back on. Half a minute went by, then a full minute. What was taking so long? Should he go and look, or was it just that Talitha wasn't fully unconscious yet? He would have expected those knockout drops to put her straight to sleep...
"What's the situation up there, LT?" Ashley's voice sounded impatient in his ear.
"I'm not sure." he replied slowly. "Stand by."
Making his mind up, he slid along the line of crates until he was at the opposite end and could peer cautiously around the corner.
There was nothing wrong that he could see. Talitha was sleeping peacefully, her back propped up against one of the crates. Shepard was just standing there, staring down at her. If the situation was resolved, why on earth hadn't she turned her radio back on and given orders to shut down that sniper?
"Uh...ma'am?" He moved around the last crate and started to walk towards her. A couple of steps in, she seemed to register his presence and slowly turned her head to look at him. What he saw in her face stopped him dead in his tracks.
It was as if the terrified sixteen year old facing the batarian raiders had somehow returned and was staring at him out of the grown woman's eyes. He'd never imagined that Shepard...his Commander Shepard, always strong, calm and decisive...could look so lost and vulnerable.
"It could have been me." She sounded so strained as to be virtually unrecognisable from the soothing presence she had been only a few minutes earlier.
"Even worse, it could still be my family. My little sisters...I never looked, you know. I ran away and didn't go back."
Kaidan hesitated. In the face of this kind of grief, this kind of guilt, what could he possibly say? One thing was certain – he had to say something. Just standing there silently like he had before was not going to do any good.
Ashley's words floated across his mind. She's tough, you know that. I just think...even someone like Shepard needs backup sometimes, right?
"Shepard...there wasn't anything you could have done for them. No one blames you. You were only a kid yourself." he tried, echoing what the commander herself had said to Talitha only few moments ago.
She didn't reply, just stared at him. He had a feeling she had barely heard. She was completely engaged in the struggle within her own mind, trying with all her might to regain her precious control and force the resurgent memories back where they belonged. Kaidan had no doubt that she would win out in the end...didn't she always? But to see her looking so desolated still caught at his heart and squeezed it unmercifully. Rational thought faltered and in that instant instinct took over. He closed the remaining distance between them in two strides and wrapped his arms around her, enfolding her in a compassionate embrace.
Even considering that she was clad in light armour her body felt stiff and unresponsive. When his brain finally caught up with what he had done, he had a few endless-seeming seconds to wonder if he hadn't made a terrible mistake. In the next second, a strangled noise escaped from Shepard and she suddenly relaxed, almost catching him off balance. Her hands came up to grip his shoulders and she buried her head against his chest. Kaidan cradled her close, murmuring consoling nonsense as she clung to him, shaking uncontrollably.
The part of him that had been so outraged on her behalf earlier had to wonder, seeing her like this, just how long she'd been keeping her memories of Mindoir repressed. Had anyone had even tried to comfort the scared girl she had once been, or had they simply handed her off to the doctors and scientists who had developed her biotic potential? Surely someone must have cared about her, and not just what she could one day be capable of? Perhaps one day he would ask her about it, but for now...well, he was here. And he definitely cared. A hell of a lot more than I'm supposed to.
Another portion of his mind, which he was trying his hardest to ignore, was busily – and inappropriately – cataloguing just how good it felt to hold Shepard in his arms. It kept trying to make the jump to imagining how much better it would be to hold her when they weren't both wearing hardsuits, but he did his level best to stomp that thought before it got started. Stop it. Backup, remember? She's hurting right now, and I'm just a handy supportive shoulder. That's it, nothing more, no-
"Damn it...LT, don't you dare disappear on me as well! What the hell is going on up there?"
He wasn't sure whether to be annoyed or relieved when Ashley's frustrated voice blared over his suit radio, making him jump a little. Shepard evidently sensed the change in his body language and tilted her head back to look up at him. The shaking had subsided, but for a few moments the vulnerability was still there. Kaidan gazed down at her, opened his mouth to say something and then realised to his embarrassment that he actually had no idea how long they'd been standing there wrapped around each other. His confusion must have been obvious from his goldfish-like expression – her mouth quirked infinitesimally in a faint smile before her usual calm finally reasserted itself. She loosened her grip on his shoulders. With a pang of reluctance, he let go of her and stepped back to a more professional half metre away.
The click that Kaidan had been waiting for echoed over his radio as Shepard reached up and turned her own back on.
"All clear, Chief." she said, with hardly a tremor. "Our target's down and sleeping. If you could ask the Lieutenant to call off his sniper, then we can wrap this up."
"Yes ma'am, heard and understood."
The relief in Ashley's voice was unmistakable, but she didn't ask any further questions about what had caused the delay, and Kaidan suspected that there would be no future mention of it either. Sensitivity and compassion, indeed.
"Um…if we're done here, ma'am?" He gestured towards the ramp.
"Of course, Lieutenant." Shepard made as if to walk past him and then paused, glancing sideways. She seemed to hesitate for a moment, then inclined her head and upper body in a slight but formal bow in his direction. Her eyes met his again for a mere instant as she straightened, then suddenly she was past him, picking up stride and rounding the crates on a direct course for the two officers waiting by the Normandy's hatch.
Caught flat-flooted, Kaidan blinked, then turned to follow her. Moving more slowly, he was able to observe as she reached Girard, nodded to Ashley and then started on a crisp situation report. Just like that, the armoured shell was back in place. No one would have any reason to question that Commander Shepard was in full charge of the situation. He was abruptly aware of just how much trust she had placed in him, allowing him to see the emotional scars that Alliance heroes of Elysium weren't supposed to have.
Reaching the group outside the Normandy, he settled into place slightly behind and to Shepard's right, nodding to Ashley on his left. She grinned at him and winked irreverently before turning her attention back to the conversation in front of them. Kaidan felt his own lips stretch in a small smile as he focused his attention forwards.
Got your back, Shepard. Got your back.