15

Kathryn Freeman10

Greetings ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to About Her: The Rants and Monologues of Naddie P1. ! Today, I wanted to do something different with this piece. The Tightrope is a prequel of Naddie's life with her step-father during her eighth year of middle school. I needed to do this piece because the next short story, Pulling My Weight, is about a road trip that Sylvia Rose, Kathleen, and Naddie take to New Orleans, Louisiana and it's focused on the mental damage that Domingo and their real father, Dionysus put on them.

Warning: {THIS CHAPTER IS DEPRESSING; There is some strong language, abuse, mentions of drug use, and violence that some readers may find offending but if you can sit through Fringe, Vampire diaries, True blood, The Tudors, Family guy, South Park, and etc. I think you'll be just fine.}

The Tightrope

"When you get elevated; they love it or they hate it; you dance up on them haters; keep getting funky on the scene; while they jumping round you; they trying to take all your dreams, but you can't allow it. Cause baby whether you're high or low…Whether you're high or low, you got to tip on the tightrope" – Janelle Monae.

Dedicated to my Aunt Diane and my Uncle Sherman; you both are my angels

~…..~

Five years ago from Sincerely, Naddie:

I could still feel the sticky tears falling from my eyes and the loose snot dripping from my nose. As lay on the bed staring at my ceiling as the moon light shines through the closed window, I could still feel the pain on my lower back. Domingo came home drunk again from the Azure Skies bar in Charleston, South Carolina, he's been doing that ever since Mom died. Kathleen and I over cooked Mom's Kefta Mkaouara, which are Moroccan meatballs with sunny side up eggs on top, and then we forgot to buy Domingo his beer.

The moment he came in, we could smell the alcohol under his breath, and the sour odor that came from his skin. When he found out about our mistake, he told us to go downstairs and to lay on our stomachs as he pulled out his belt. I could still hear Kathleen's sobbing as he continued to beat her, and after all the screams and shouts for mercy, I got angry. I turned to grab his belt, but suddenly the belt wrapped around his leg and slammed him against the wall. Before I could register what had happened, Domingo flew at me with his hands clenched and plummeted me to the ground with an unearthly rage. I didn't scream at first, I wanted to show that I was strong enough to stand up to him, but who was I kidding I was the weakest person in the world. I finally began to silently cry. Terms like: Freak, Bastard, Whore, Worthless Bitch, and Dirty Git shoot out of his mouth as he beat me. I was nine, I didn't know what half those words meant, but I knew they were powerful.

I pulled myself out of bed, and stared at my dark room. The blue, purple, and yellow walls glowed from the moonlight. I could faintly see my bookshelf, the boards, the dressers, and chairs, but the darkness pulled in the other objects. I tiptoed towards the door and slightly opened it, so I could exit. I could feel the carpet under my bare feet as I quietly ran down the hall. I stopped when I heard horrible sobs coming from my parents' room. I looked through the crack door to see Domingo, holding a picture of my mom, Sofie, as he rocked back and forth. I couldn't bring myself to comfort him, and continued to quietly run to my sister, Kathleen's room.

When I opened the door I was hit with the smell of D'Amore perfume from the broken vase on Kathleen's dresser. I closed the door and walked to her bed, avoiding the torn up posters, and broken jars. Kathleen was sound asleep, but she was shaking violently. I slid under the covers and curled into her arms, she must've known I was there because she immediately wrapped her arms around me, and her shakings stopped.

"I don't think it's going to get better, mouse. He's been doing this for so long and for what", Kathleen sobbed.

There were no words of hope I could say, we've gone through this for two years; Mom was gone, Shawn already ran away from home, and we couldn't lose each other, not now.

"Kathy, you promised me that you'd stay", I begged her earnestly. "Please, don't leave".

Kathleen stared at me with her dark pools of amber eyes, and sighed, "I'm not going anywhere, Valerie. It's just a boarding school and I'll come home to see you", she whispered assuring.

Worried that this may be the last night, I immediately fell asleep in my older sister's arms.

~….~

Three years later

The sound of sizzling starts as the chopped onions and tomatoes hit the pan. I beat the eggs until they are fluffy, and add pinches of salt and pepper for more taste. I always start the breakfast ritual at four-thirty every morning, and I've grown use to not seeing the sun. This is the same schedule every morning, make Domingo breakfast, have breakfast with myself, get ready for school, go to school, come home, make Domingo dinner, have dinner with myself, study and do homework, watch the BBC news, and finally sleep. Even though summer break has begun, I don't have much freedom, and if I do otherwise then I will be punished. I continue to make the Klefta and Eggs Tangine with onions and tomatoes and pull out the homemade bread from the stove. I immediately set up the table, and open the curtains to let the air in. I sweep the floor, wash the dishes, and reassemble Domingo's beer. After I complete the breakfast, I sit at the table and stare at the clock for hours. My eyes immediately become heavy, and drift to Morpheus' spell.

I wake up from a violent shake, and look up to see Domingo. He has dark caramel skin with scars, and blown cinnamon hair. He is too buff, and his back and arms are decorated with tattoos with symbols or names like "Lana" or "Cara". Domingo used to be attractive, but now he looks like an overgrown gang member. He reeks of smoke, sweat, and that pungent sour smell. He has yucky chest hair and a head like a bull. His eyes are a deep cinnamon brown and nose is hooked. He rarely wears proper clothing and sticks to his jeans and white t-shirt.

"You, cook, girl", he asks in a dangerous tone.

"Er-Yes, Sir", I reply timidly and walk over to the stove.

I pull out his plate of Klefta and Eggs Tangine with a homemade bun and sit it at the table. Domingo pushes past me and begins to eat the food carelessly. I stand and stare at him waiting for him to take notice. He finally looks me up and down, "What is it, girl", he orders in a smug tone.

"Well, I got news from that High School called Cardinale, yesterday. They gave me a scholarship to attend; a full ride, Sir. I was wondering whether I could go to the school and sign up for classes. It's in Charleston, not that far from your bar, and I can get rides home with Rasu and Nuala, they don't mind." I explain to him.

Domingo stares at me for a long time, "The Klefta's salty, Girl. You cooked the damn shit wrong again", he replies coldly.

"Oh", I whisper.

Domingo continues to eat the Klefta, "Oh, that's all you going to say, oh. Cook the damn thing right. Tonight, I'm having someone over, cook it right or your skinny ass is going outside", he shouts with rage.

The doorbell rings simultaneously, Domingo walks over to the door and opens it. A woman walks in with a deep low cut shirt and a tight skirt. She has blonde hair and visible tattoos. She runs to Domingo and kisses him passionately.

"Hey, baby", she says in a seductive voice.

"And you too, let's go, Cara. Naddie cook and don't leave the house." Domingo says and with that he leaves the room.

I turn and stare at the food I made him, and then at the Cardinale High School pamphlet. I didn't know whether it was the Klefta or the fact that he disregarded my scholarship, but I picked up the plate of food and throw it away." I still don't understand…Why he hates me so much", I think to myself.

~ ….~

2 hours later

I sat at the table reading Harry Potter as I made my version of Domingo's Klefta. I put the same food I made for him this morning into the pot of the meatball Klefta along with some other necessities, like his beer and some mushrooms. I watch as the meal boils and the aroma of meat, onions, and mushrooms fill the air. When I finally decide it is done, I turn it off. Domingo was going to like his meal tonight. The door bell rings again for the third time today, and I was fed up. I march to the door and open it.

"No, he doesn't have the money for the coke; HE'LL NEVER HAVE THE MONEY FOR THE COKE, SHADES. MESS WITH SOMEONE ELSE", I scream.

I look up to see Missy Scott, our neighbor, she looks a little rattled, "Oh, Mrs. Scotts, I'm sorry", I whisper in shock.

"Its fine, Naddie. I was wondering whether you'd like to come over for some tea. My sister, Queen, and my niece, Janelle left, and I was…lonely", she explains with a saddening smile.

Missy Suzanne Scott was an elderly African American who was frail, but strong in heart. She has short white curly hair and beautiful golden brown eyes. She always smiles, and I never knew why she'd always do that, because her life story was sad. Missy Scott was a beautiful teenager living in San Jose, California during Pre-World War II, and she was in love with a boy named Curtis Frank. Curtis Frank was an attractive white man who had recently joined the marines and had an outstanding education. Missy and Curtis were always in constant turmoil, because interracial couples weren't exactly the thing those days, but they stayed together. Curtis was then sent to a base in Pearl Harbor, Hawaii, and they wrote to each other every day. December 7th, 1941, Curtis drowned in the USS Arizona and the last letter Missy received was, "I'm coming home to you, Missy. I love you"-your love who sends his love, Curtis. After that day, Missy never married, and never had children; she said it was too painful.

I stared at her and then at the finished pot of "Beer Klefta", "I'll come over", I reply with a smile.

Mrs. Scott looks relieved, "Oh, Naddie, your shoes", she points out with caution.

"It's alright", I assure her. "I walk barefoot outside all the time".

Missy Scott's house is beautiful, the house is a calm yellow with a light brown roof. The porch had a swing and a little table with pots of flowers. The grass was greener than our other neighbors' houses and the grape vines decorated a wooden fence.

"Mrs. Scott, you make wine", I ask with curiosity.

"Oh no dear, the original owners of the house made their fortune with homemade wine", she explains, "Oddly, enough, the vine stopped growing for a while. It started growing when a little black girl wearing a sun dress moved into the house across the street. Funny enough that was you, Naddie. Since then they grew with life, and I must say they are difficult to tame, but no one can tame youth, Naddie. Remember that".

I smile at her, and then I thought about my youth and how Domingo was trying to tame me. Then I realize Domingo couldn't tame me, and no matter how hard he tries; he never could. Mrs. Scotts walks me into the patio and hands me some cups and plates. As I set them up, she brings in her homemade passion fruit tea and homemade German Chocolate cake. We sit down and stare at the ocean as we eat.

"What high school, do you plan to attend, Naddie", Mrs. Scott asks.

"Oh", I muse, the question puts me off guard so much that I burn my tongue. "I wanted to go to Cardinale high school, but Domingo- er my father really doesn't want me to go there…I guess—I don't know where I'm going", I stutter.

"I've never understood why Domingo doesn't let you go anywhere, but if he was hurting you, you'd tell someone, right", she asks.

I now know why she asked me to come over for tea; she heard the yelling, crying, and screaming from our house. If it was that obvious, then why hasn't anyone done anything about it?

"What does your real father think, Naddie", she asks. "I'm sure he's exited for you, isn't he?"

"Oh, I've never met him, before. I don't think he cares", I immediately say.

There is an uncomfortable silence between us, but Mrs. Scotts smile made the situation less awkward, "You look like him. I can see the resemblance", she says with a bright smile on her face.

"I-I do, I thought I just looked like my mom", I reply in confusion.

"Oh, yes. Your father had dark violet eyes and almond shaped eyes just like you. You both walk the same way, too. Your head is always up and it shows dignity. Oh, and the curly hair. He was a handsome young man and he always looked at your mother, Naddie. I can see Sofie in there too, and your never truly alone; all you need to do is look into the mirror and they are always in here, Naddie. You remember that", she explains as she places her hand on my chest.

"Well, Mrs. Scott, thank you", I say with a smile.

"Oh, sweetheart, you should smile more; you're starting high school, Naddie. This is the beginning of a new chapter, it's going to get you into a good college and start you off in life", Missy Scott shouts with pride.

"Yes, It's a new chapter of memories", I reply with enthusiasm.

We both begin to laugh and cut come more cake. The sky was unbelievingly clear, and I didn't notice the grape vine grow a little taller and sprout more grapes.

~….~

Later on in the Evening

After a long afternoon of peace and quiet with Mrs. Scott, I finally head home. As I walk over to my house at the end of Ocean view lane, I notice how our house was a symbol of family and loyalty. I begin to recall the better moments of this house. Mama reading stories to us, her cooking, and her constant teachings of life. I suppose she was devastated when my father and she broke up, but she didn't give up on us. If she saw me where I was now, she'd be so disappointed in me. I've let this man beat me, use me as a trophy, and try to sell me to his home boys. Tonight will be the last straw; I am going to put my destiny in my hands, I am going to stop feeling bad about myself, and I am going to move on. Mamma's gone and she's at peace, but she wants what's best for me, not for Domingo, but for me, Kathleen, and Shawn. The beatings will be over; I will end it.

I did my last duty for Domingo and made him a nice healthy meal. I sit at the table and stare at the sun through the last glass window. I can't help but think whether I'd be alive after tonight, and then the cold shiver down my spine blasts me into reality. I hear the door unlock and voices from outside. Domingo and a girl walk into the kitchen to see me sitting in the chair and staring right back at them. Domingo wore the same clothes he wore this morning, a t-shirt, jeans and boots. He smells like beer and that sour smell again, he must've been drinking again. He looks me up and down with the same smug look, but this time I don't falter.

"Where's dinner, Girl", Domingo asks me in a dangerous tone.

"It's in the oven", I reply coldly. "And the bread from this morning is in the oven too".

Domingo face began to turn red, but he quickly shook it off. He probably didn't want to hit me in front of the tenth girl he brought home this week.

"Serve it up then", he orders in anger.

"You know where the plates are and you know where your liquor is", I say. "Enjoy the food. I'm not hungry".

I immediately get up and walk upstairs to my room. As soon as I get inside the room, I lock my door, and put on some sneakers. I know he'll be upstairs soon enough, so pull out my jacket from the drawer and slip it on. I then begin to pack up my clothing and money from my piggy bank. I sit on the bed and stare at the door as I hear loud commotion down stairs from Domingo. Finally, I hear the door slam, and a rush of footsteps up the stairs. He busted down my door in fierce rage and runs at me. I immediately dodge his right hook and run downstairs as fast as possible to the kitchen. I can hear his screams as he races after me, and in raw fear I grab the butcher knife. He stops and stares at me as he breathes hard and clenches his fist.

"You little bitch, when I say that YOU MAKE A MEAL, YOU MAKE THE FUCKING MEAL", he screams.

He jumps across the table and pushes me to the ground. The knife slides under the oven as he punches me in my gut.

"GET OFF ME, DOMINGO. IF MY DADDY WAS HERE, HE'D NEVER LET YOU TOUCH ME NEVER", I scream as tears rim my eyes because of the pain.

He grabs my head and slams it against the wooden floor. I begin to hyperventilate, he's going to kill me, and I can feel it. I feel blood pouring out of my mouth and nose and an overwhelming pain in my stomach. I grab the butcher knife from under the oven, turn over to face him and slash his face in terror. I hear a violent cry and see Domingo holding his face in order to stop the blood from rushing from his face. I don't help him and run to the phone to call 911. Suddenly I feel a cold item slamming the back of my head. The last thing I hear is glass and the last thing smell is liquor.

~…..~

Early in the Morning

"GET UP", I hear a voice coming from above me.

I look around my surroundings to find myself in the basement, and look up to see Domingo. I see the ugly long scar from his forehead to his chin. He drags me up the stairs ignoring my screams of pain and throws me on the living room floor. Domingo sits a chair in front of my heavily damaged body and sits in front of me.

"So, you wanna know about your daddy, huh", he grunts as he pulls out the bible from the bookshelf. "I'll tell you about your father".

I am still hyperventilating and struggling to get up but I can't even feel my stomach. He's smiling at me like this is fun for him; he really is a psychopath.

"Your daddy has a thing for attractive young ladies, and when he saw your mom, he wanted to get in her panties. He did, faster than you imagine. Your mom was twenty-three when she gave birth to those two bastards. He came back for more and more, until he got tired of her. You see, your daddy ain't no hero, he was married with a family and children; your mom was his whore", he rants as he smiles at me trembling with brutal realization. "Oh, this is the best part: He left your mama when she was pregnant with you. He didn't give a shit about you, no one gave a shit. Your mama considered an abortion; it wasn't lala land, Girl. She suffered while you were in her belly, and she almost died because of you".

I start to sob horribly, and look out at the window. I begin to notice a long silence as if something ancient was staring at me and my confidence is destroyed. Domingo laughs at my ridiculous form and I feel this strange inhuman grief. I take all the energy left in me to stand up and stare at him. I start to tremble, but embrace my new personality. His smile disappears from his face and he is surprised from my strong hold on my stature.

"I'm going to explain something to you, your girl, is gone. You will not beat me like that again! All this time, I've done the things you want me to do and you beat me, but now let's get the record straight", I tell him calmly.

"Bitch, you fucking-

"SHUT UP, Do you see what you've done to this family? THIS IS WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO THIS FAMILY", I shout as I point around the area of the room.

"I NEVER GAVE A DAMN ABOUT YOU, DOMINGO. AFTER THE KNIFE, I WAS GOING TO LEAVE YOU TO DIE. I WAS YOUR DAUGHTER, I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME AND NEVER WOULD'VE HURT ME", I screamed as I look at him in the eye. "YOU'RE DRUG DEALER, YOUR GANG, and YOUR WHORES—LOOK AT THE STATE OF YOU. I WANT TO HIGH SCHOOL AND IF YOU HADN'T SPENT MONEY ON THOSE WHORES AND DRUGS; WE WOULD HAVE THE MONEY TO AFFORD IT".

Domingo's face looks different; it is an emotion that I've never seen before.

"I've tried so hard to be strong for her and I talk her all the time and cry myself to sleep. Sometimes the past can destroy the now, and you won't let me…you won't let me move on", I explain as I allow the tears to fall.

He stares at me with the same look and starts to get up and walk over to me. He reaches his hand out to touch me, but I push his arm away.

"I can't do this with you anymore, it's too painful. Any chance of happiness will disappear if I stay here, and it's time for me to go, because I'm ready to move on", I say to him with a passion that I've never felt.

"And I pity you, and I'm sorry that mom's death is my fault", I whisper and turn to go upstairs to grab my things.

Domingo ran up the stairs after me, "HOW DARE YOU, YOU AIN'T LEAVING. YOU'RE STAYING HERE-YOU'RE GONNA SUFFER WITH ME", he screams in agony.

I enter my room and grab my suitcase. I look up to see him standing at my door with a look of terror. I shake my head and walk past him without a flinch.

"FINE, THEN GO. LEAVE YOUR DADDY, THEN. LEAVE", he screams at me.

I stare at the long trail of blood on his face and silently cry; I was like my father. I grab suitcase and put it on like a back pack and I quickly walk to the open door and close it. I initially plan to walk to Missy Scotts house, hoping she'll take me in, but seeing what he did to me last night stops me. I run to the garage and grab my red bicycle and drive away. The moment I start to ride the bike I see Domingo running out the house after me.

"Valarie, come back", he screams in anguish.

I knew it was a trick and I continue to ride away from him. He gets into the car and drives after me. I start to ride the bike faster as his car gains speed.

"Valarie, stop the bike, now", he shouts.

I don't listen, I ride towards the small town and dodge the car as I swerve onto the sidewalk. Domingo couldn't do the same as I, and starts to swerves towards the bank.

"VALARIE, I'M SORRY" and then CRASH.

I stare at the totaled car and his unconscious body. I didn't stop to see if he is alright, it hurt too much, and continue to ride my bike to Rasu's home. Her mother will understand, because she always knew something was wrong with me. I wonder whether I'll forgive Domingo for the things he's done to me.

~…..~

Epilogue

It's strange that my life should begin in such a terrible place, but for one summer, I had peace and I will apologize to no one. He was said to have lived in his filth for the last few months he was alive. During that period, I lied to some many people about who I was, and saddened by the guilt of my mother's death. I didn't think I'd make it until I met "them"; my father really did abandon my mother, my mother really did consider the abortion, but the love that she had for me lives on through me. Domingo died two days before I'd return home and I tasted my bitter-sweet freedom. I guess in the end it didn't matter what happened in the past, but to wonder about the future. I remember that I was just a kid then, but I learned more about a life of meaning. I give thanks for Missy Suzanne Scotts, my angel, I will stay elevated, continue to reach my dreams, and tip on my tightrope.

~…..~

The End

Music for this chapter: "Tightrope" by Janelle Monae, "No One Will Do" by MJB, and closely linked with "Runaway Love" by Ludacris.

I am very sorry about this chapter, but life isn't always bright and happy. It is always important to know where a hero comes from and this is where Naddie's origins began. I thank all of you for your reviews, hits, alerts, and favorites.