Chapter 3 "The gift"

I was a little nervous as we ran toward the meadow. I had no idea what I would think about while he read my mind. I was afraid that once I realized he was reading my mind, I would freak out and try to hide everything. He would see that, and then demand to know what I was hiding. Edward hated it when I kept anything from him. He claimed he just wanted to know everything about me.

And there were also a few things that I most definitely didn't want him knowing. Well, one thing, actually. When Edward had changed me, several months shy of a year ago, I pretended that I was unconscious for the transformation aspect of it. I didn't want Edward to know the amount of pain I was in, for it would crush him. Edward actually enjoyed me being a vampire now and he had actually told me a few months ago that he had no regrets anymore about it. If he knew about what really happened, that would surely change.

So I had to be careful about what I thought about. I thought about what Alice said when she told me to "give him both," and was preparing to consider whether it was really worth it or not when an idea suddenly popped into my head. Why not give him both at the same time? Him tasting my blood would be such a sensual experience for me and for him that I wouldn't have the space to think of anything else, even with all the room that I had in my head since becoming a vampire.

I was decided. The realization made me giddy while I ran, hand in hand with Edward. I started to giggle and he noticed.

"What is it, love?" He asked, smiling. I knew, because he told me all the time, that my laughter was one of his favorite sounds in the world.

I giggled a bit more. "You'll see. You are going to love your present!"

He eyed me, and then smiled a smile I knew all too well. He thought I was talking about sex, or something sexual in nature. Of course, I didn't doubt that the afternoon would consist of a lot of that, too, as we were still newlyweds. But I had a feeling that what I was about to give him would hold his attention for quite a while before he even thought about any of that. "I can't wait," he said simply, with a wide grin on his face.

"I think you'll be pleasantly surprised, Edward." I left it at that.

We were arriving now, and I let out a gasp as I surveyed the small meadow that surrounded us. I hadn't seen the meadow since I was human. It was breathtaking. I noticed that the sun was peaking out of the clouds every now and again and it brought back all the dim human memories of when Edward took me here the first time. Only this time, I sparkled too.

"Beautiful," Edward murmured, looking at me like he was ready to pounce. I laughed, but I knew if I let him get started, I would decide to forgot the presents altogether. I was nervous enough as it was.

Just then, a small package caught my eye. It was sitting over toward one of the trees, and Edward's back was facing it so he hadn't noticed it yet. I knew Alice had put it there on purpose, to give me some time to work up to it. I planned to thank her for it, knowing she would see it coming as soon as I did, as I noticed the wind was blowing in such a way that Edward wouldn't smell it until it was time as well.

"Wait, Edward. I have something I want to give you first." I said in as calm a voice as I could manage. The way he was staring at me was making my knees weak, even though it was nearly impossible for a vampire. Aside for the speeding heart and the blush, Edward could still bring out all my old human reactions whenever he was near me.

"Okay," he resigned. "What is it?"

"Sit down," I said, unsure of where to start.

He sat down slowly, crossing his legs Indian style, eyeing me curiously. I decided to play it out a little longer, to see if he would be able to guess what I had in store. I sat down facing him, sitting the exact same way he was, so that our knees were touching. I took his hand in mine, and traced patterns along the skin of his hand, just like I did the first time. He smiled, remembering.

"Okay. So I have been thinking for a long while what I could possibly get you for your birthday that could even remotely display the amount of love and gratitude I feel toward you."

"Gratitude?" he asked quietly.

"Yes, gratitude. You've given me this amazing life and made me the happiest person in the world. I know it wasn't easy for you. You sacrificed a lot in order to be with me, even when I was human. I don't know if you realize how much I really love this life, Edward. I feel like I was born to be a vampire, born to be with you for eternity." I paused there, letting it all soak in.

"Bella…" he began before I put my finger to his lips.

"Let me continue. Like I said, it seemed like you had everything you ever wanted, so I had no idea what I could possibly give you. Then it came to me. I knew there were two things that you had always wanted, and I could never give you, because both were utterly off limits. Do you know what I am talking about?"

He looked at me confused for a long moment. When it was clear he had no idea what I was talking about, I tried again.

"There are two things that I know that you want more than anything…have always wanted, even in the beginning."

"Bella, I have everything I could have ever asked for. You have given them all to me. I have you as a wife, I have a daughter, a beautiful family. I have love and meaning and happiness. I have peace with myself – you gave me that too. I no longer loath myself because of you. What else could I ever want?"

I stared at him for a second, not realizing that he felt at peace with himself. He never told me that. If it were physically possible, I would have tears streaming down my cheeks.

"Close your eyes, Edward. Wait here, I'll be right back." I said, standing up and darting across the small field, grabbing the package, and sitting back down as I was before.

"What is… that?" He suddenly said, opening his eyes. "Bella! This smells like…" he paused, looking at me. "…you." His eyes burrowed in confusion.

"I sure hope so, or something had to have gone horribly wrong!" I laughed.

"What is it?" Edward asked.

"Open it."

He very carefully and slowly tore the paper and pulled it away from the package. His eyes never left mine. While he did that, I spoke.

"So there are two things that you have always wanted, but were off limits to you," I said, repeating what I had already told him. "My blood…and my mind."

He had the package open almost the same instant that I said the word blood. "Bella…" he said in disbelief. His mouth dropped open and he didn't say anything else, as he stared at the glass jar of blood that was wrapped in newspaper inside the box. Alice had heated it up so it would taste alright, and then put hand warmers inside the box to make sure. I knew that cold blood was disgusting. I took a breath through my nose and smelled my own blood for the first time since becoming a vampire.

It shocked me a little that I found myself drawn to it. Although the temptation was easy to ignore, for it didn't sing to me like it did to Edward, it still made my mouth swim with venom. This was the first time since becoming a vampire that I had actually seen blood, and not just smelled it when I came in contact with a human.

"Bella, do you like the way you smell too?"

"Yeah, I guess I can see the draw it had to you," I laughed. He looked at me for a long moment, and then sighed. "Well, aren't you going to try it?" I asked him.

"You want me to…drink it?" he asked. "Bella, I don't know if I can do that…"

"Why not?" I couldn't believe it. "Its no longer dangerous – I am a vampire now!"

Suddenly I realized that when he said he had peace with himself, that meant that he was still learning to have peace with himself. That there was still parts of him that still thought about things the same way as before. I had to get him to realize that this was different now. That my blood was no longer the taboo for him anymore. I knew it was difficult for him to let that go because he had thought that way for so long. Especially when his desire for my blood was always linked with my death. But it wasn't that way anymore.

"When did you do this?" he asked quietly, still obviously internally debating.

"After we got engaged. Carlisle and Alice helped me. Both of them thought it was a wonderful idea."

"Carlisle helped you?" He asked, surprised. I knew that was the key. If his father was in on it, then it couldn't possibly be that bad.

"Yes, he helped me. He said it would be a wonderful thing for you to experience, once I was changed and you were free from your torment over resisting my blood. He thought it would be…freeing."

"Bella, I can't tell you how much I appreciate you doing this for me. I really can't. But…I don't think I can drink this. You see… your blood has always been my lifeline. If I drink this now…it'll be gone…"

"Oh don't worry about that, Edward. I kept a small amount to give to you later. Alice's idea. It is sealed in a small vial attached to a chain in our cottage. Alice said she'd sneak it in there after we left today."

He leaned in suddenly to kiss me. "Thank you Bella," he said simply. He started opening the jar and he'd almost got the lid completely unscrewed when I remembered.

"Wait, Edward. Not yet." He stopped and moaned. He was already anticipating what it would taste like, you could tell. "Remember, I told you two things that I wanted to give you today. I think you are going to like the second one even more than the first."

"Your blood…" he paused, his eyes suddenly wide. You could tell he was too shocked before to put much thought into it when I had told him the second thing. "…your mind? What do you mean, Bella?"

"Well, I have to admit, there is something I have been keeping from you, Edward. You see, when I was learning about my shield last winter, Zafrina had me practice…taking it off … for a while. To see if I could strengthen the…muscles so to speak."

"Does that mean…" he didn't finish his question.

"That means exactly what you think it means Edward. I've been practicing it all this time, trying to perfect it. I think I've figured it out enough now. When my shield is gone, I'll be just like everyone else, for as long as I can hold it away from my mind."

"Oh my god, Bella!" He exclaimed. "I could read your mind?" He asked again, like he was afraid to let it sink in unless it was the absolute truth. I knew he would react this way, and it made me giddy inside. I knew that there was nothing Edward wanted more than to be able to read my mind.

"Yes, Edward. You will be able to read my mind. Now, you can't touch me while I am doing this, because it still is difficult for me. I was hoping we could try it for the first time… while you are tasting my blood."

He looked at me in anticipation, not saying anything at first. Then, he seemed to realize I was waiting for a response. "Yes, absolutely!"

"Okay, then. Lets do this." I said, wondering how to begin. It was like we were waiting to see which would begin first. Be both smiled.

As he lifted the jar up to his mouth, he watched me. He paused as I worked to lift the shield out of my mind. His eyes never left mine the entire time. I concentrated on him and my feelings for him as he drank the blood, ever so slowly. I tried to ignore the feeling of exposure as much as possible, focusing only on him. I thought of what I normally thought of whenever I watched him, and I showed him how beautiful he was to me.

What I didn't expect was how good it would feel to let him see me that way. It was like a whole new level of intimacy. I was sharing with him something that no one else on the planet has ever seen. Something deep within myself – the essence of my very being. My soul. It was all out on the table for him now. I felt closer than I had ever felt to him, and I felt my love for him grow exponentially.

Another thing I didn't expect is for him to be so calm about it. I knew that the blood stopped being a temptation for him ever since after he went to Italy, thinking I was…. I stopped at that, not wanting to spoil this time by causing him to think of less than happy moments in our history. I immediately directed my thoughts back to him and how exuberant his face looked.

When it was over, I could no longer hold it up anymore due to the intensity of my emotions. I sighed as the shield wrapped securely around my brain once more, and then I leaned into Edward's chest. He set the empty glass jar down on the grass and wrapped both arms around me tightly. He took at deep breath.

"That was … I have no words to describe just what that did to me Bella. No words… you are so beautiful." He buried his face in my hair, the way he did back when I was human. Back when we were in this very meadow. I felt calm, loved and in love.

Suddenly, he pulled my face to his and kissed me deeply. I chuckled as I could taste my blood on his lips. I licked them – having tasted human blood for the first time since becoming a vampire. He laughed.