Chapter Three: Dirty Little Secrets

EPOV

Dawn and Audrey left soon after Aubrey did. They asked me where she had gone. I told them what had happened and Audrey said, "It's not your fault. You did nothing wrong." before running out the door much like Aubrey had done.

"You should still call her." Dawn said once Audrey was out of sight. "She wouldn't have given you her number if she didn't want you to call her."

"Then why did she leave the bar like I had burned her?" I asked with a hint of hysteria in my voice.

"Because of the shock you felt. She felt it too." Dawn said nonchalantly looking out the door.

I just stared at her blankly trying to make sense of what she was saying.

Dawn sighed before continuing. "Look, Aubrey is the best one to answer that question fully for you. But, I'll tell you this: she fears love and a sudden shock when casually touching someone is supposed to mean love. At least, to her." Dawn told me before turning to leave the bar.

"Why does she fear love?" I asked.

Dawn turned around and looked me up and down. Finally, she answered, "She'll have to tell you that." And then she was gone.

Well, I thought. That wasn't the answer I was looking for.

I understood fearing love. I did too. A girl named Isabella Swan stole my heart in high school. She didn't know me, I never got the courage to go and talk to her, and she moved to live with her dad before I had a chance to get to know her.

After she left, I started partying really hard. I was out every night at some party or club and I missed a lot of school sleeping off hangovers.

A new girl came to school once Bella left. Her name was Jessica. I asked her out and we started going to parties together. She made me forget Bella. I fell in love.

One night, the cops showed up at one of the parties we were at. We left the party and were running down the street when the cops caught us. Jessica had eight grams of marijuana on her at the time. When the cops found it, she blamed it on me. She said I made her hide it.

I was sent to jail. Just for four years since I was young, but I got out early because of good behavior. That and the fact that my family is rich so it was mostly me being bailed out.

In all, I stayed in jail for two months and three days. I never told anyone that I had been in jail. When Emmett and Jasper asked me where I had been, I told them that I was staying with my grandparents even though they knew my grandparents were long dead. They never asked and I never told them. I stopped going to parties and bars and they never pressured me into going.

It was my dirty little secret but I would tell Aubrey about it if it would make her feel better. I would tell her that she wasn't the only one who feared love. We had something in common.

By 12:00 tomorrow, I decided, I'm going to call Aubrey and see if she wants to get together. Maybe go out on a date. Maybe, then I'll get to talk to her about what happened.

BPOV

When I got home and was able to think straight, I called Alice. Immediately, she three-wayed Rose and I told them my problem.

"So, you're scared to fall in love again because of Jacob?" Rose asked me confused even though she knew the answer.

"Yes." I clarified.

"Well, how do you know that you really do love Edward? You've only known him for, what? Five hours at the most?" Alice stated in her brainiac voice.

"How do I not know?" I countered.

"If I recall correctly, Alice, I heard you say you were in love, tonight." Rosalie teased.

"Shut up, Rose. We're talking about Bella right now." Alice snapped, putting the subject back on me. "I mean, Bella, honey, he doesn't even know your real name."

"I know, I know." I said, "But…"

Just then my doorbell rang.

"Hold on, you guys. Someone's at the door."

The second the door was opened enough for me to see who was at the door, I dropped my phone.

"Jacob…" I breathed.

I could faintly hear Alice and Rosalie calling my name through the phone receiver, but I didn't care. Jacob was here, in my apartment. I didn't know why he was there and I didn't know how long he'd be staying. But he was there. And I was happy.

"Can I come in?" Jacob asked me with a shy smile.

"Yes." I answered, stepping back so he could come in.

He walked into my living room and sat on the couch. His hair hung down to his shoulders just as I remembered it. His eyes shone bright against his russet skin as he watched me watch him.

All of a sudden, the memories started flooding into my head. Every memory that I refused to remember or think about was suddenly crystal clear, right there in front of me, forcing me to remember.

"Bella!" I heard Rosalie and Alice scream at me from the phone still on the floor.

I bent down and picked up the little purple rectangle and put it to my ear. "I have to go." I said never taking my eyes off of Jacob.

"Why?" Alice whined trying to figure out what was going on. I just hung up without answering.

"What are you doing here?" I asked Jacob. It amazed me how he could just walk through my door and sit down on my couch like nothing had happened between us.

"Can I not come visit a friend?" He asked me innocently.

I glared at him. Since when am I his friend? I thought.

Suddenly, I was captured in a memory.

After I left Phoenix and moved to Forks, Washington, my dad introduced me to Jacob. We got to know each other after a while and began talking on the phone every night and seeing each other every weekend. One day, he asked me out.

I knew all about him. How his relationships were not based on truth and how he had an expiration date on his love. I also knew that he knew that he had me wrapped around his finger from the moment my dad introduced us. Anything he wanted, I would run and do it to make him happy. The day that he asked me out I already knew that he would do me like the others, yet I took a chance.

Saying that our relationship went great would only make me feel better because I am lying to myself. He knew that I loved being by his side. My mind would only be on him when we took a quick pause from each other. I started to realize that my feelings for him were slowly growing but his were starting to subside. So, we ended our relationship.

The day he pushed me away was the day that I agreed to crush my own heart into unfixable pieces. I wanted to yell at him for making me waste my time on him and for letting me trust him. I fell for him so hard and so fast thinking he would catch me but he just let me fall. Then, I was on my own, left to pick up the pieces. I put my walls and defenses right back up and went back to being the girl that no one really knew.

Being friends was too much for me. With anger in my eyes and tears ready to reveal themselves, I placed my hand across his face with heat in every second they touched. I was so mad at him for flirting with my best friend right there in front of me. I made a cover story for it so he wouldn't think of it as me still having feeling for him, though.

He stopped talking to me afterwards. I tried to apologize three times but he wouldn't hear it. After that, I just gave up. I figured it would help me get over him if I didn't talk to him, but it didn't. I hated the feeling of knowing that I was the center of all his hate.

Before I left for college, I saw him all the time. Eventually I learned to ignore him. Sometimes it was hard, though. I couldn't help but notice him. I always found myself looking for him. Even when I told myself I didn't want to.

"Bella?" Jacob's voice brought me back to reality. "Is everything okay?"

And just like that, I was mad. REALLY mad. "Everything was fine until you showed up." I replied in a cold, icy voice.

Jacob looked at me surprised like he never would have expected me to say that. Then his gaze turned just as cold as my voice had sounded.

"I just thought I would come and try to make amends with you. But I guess that was a bad idea." Jacob snapped.

"It was a bad idea." I said before opening the door again. "You can leave now." I waited for him to get up and walk out of my life for good this time.

Slowly, he got up and walked over to me. "I'm sorry." he whispered, barely audible. "Really." Then he was gone.

I shut the door and turned my back to it. The guilt started taking over me. That was one of Jacob's natural gifts. He could make you feel guilty about anything. Even something that he did.

I could feel the warm sensation burn my eyes and I ran to the bathroom locking the door. Looking in the mirror, I saw the weak girl that I never allowed myself to be anymore. Crying over Jacob is what I used to do when I was young and foolish. Now I was older and stronger and I knew that I shouldn't be crying over any boy, especially Jacob. But I couldn't bring myself to stop.

I don't know how long I stayed locked in my bathroom but by the time I came out, I had four missed calls. One from Alice, one from Rose, one from Jacob, and one from an unknown number.

I didn't call them back.