Date Written: January 21, 2007

Kalili: YAY! Fai is using up all of my thousands of cake mixes!

Fai: Who knew that cakes could come from a BOX? It's AMAZING!

Kalili & Fai: YAY FOR CAKE BOXES!

Kurogane: -slamming door open- There you are, you idiot! Do you have any idea how much the kids have been bugging me about finding you!

Fai: Yay! Kuro-puu was worried about me!

Kalili: Good thing he's here, too, 'cause this is a Kuro/Fai chapter!

Kurogane: WHAT! -begins chasing Fai and Kalili around-

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

Snow White

Long ago in wintertime, a queen sat by a window sewing. The snowflakes swirled down through the sky past the frame of the window, which was made of white ivory. Suddenly, the queen pricked her finger with the needle and three drops of blood fell upon the snow. The colors were so strong and beautiful that she thought at once, If only I could have a child as white as snow, as red as blood, and pure as ivory.

Soon afterwards, the queen gave birth to a son who was as white as snow, red as blood, and had hair as pure as ivory. He was called Fai (reasons unknown, since everyone was saying she should call him Snow White), but when he was born, the queen died.

After a year had passed the king took another wife, Yuuko. She was very beautiful, but-

"Wait a minute, stop the story!" Kurogane commanded, stomping into the scene. "What the hell is she doing here? She's not traveling with us!"

"Yes," Yuuko said, a smirk appearing on her face. "But since Fai is playing Snow White, and Sakura would be the worse evil queen of all time, the job was given to me. Unless YOU want to be the evil queen?"

"NEVER!"

"Then I suggest you go back to where you were waiting for your entrance or else we'll be forced to start this all over again." Growling, Kurogane did as suggested.

Anyway, she was very beautiful but so proud that she could not bear to think that anyone might surpass her. She had a magical looking glass, that she called Watanuki, and day after day she stood before and admired herself, saying:

"Looking glass, looking glass, on the wall,

Who in the land is fairest of all?"

And the glass answered:

"You are, I guess."

Then the queen was happy, for she knew that the mirror spoke the truth since he didn't want to extend his sentence of being her mirror.

But Fai was growing up and each day he became more non-masculine/beautiful, and had grown a fondness for women's clothing (not that anyone was complaining). And when he was seven years old, he was as beautiful as the morning and far more beautiful than the queen (the word "pedophilic" suddenly came to mind there…). Then when the woman stood before her looking glass and said:

"Looking glass, looking glass, on the wall,

Who in the land is fairest of all?"

It answered:

"… Weeeeeell, you, Queen, may fair and lovely be,

But, uh, Fai, ya' see, is fairer still than thee… You okay?"

"Oh, fine!" Yuuko said. " Yes, I'm a little bit perturbed, but honestly, I'm a woman with a killer rack! It's not like Fai is capable of converting people! Right?"

"…"

The queen was horrified. She whirled around and left the room and her heart was filled with envy. From that day, whenever she looked at Fai, Yuuko hated him more. At last she could neither eat nor sleep, so consumed was she with hatred for the boy. Then she called to her side a huntsman and said to him, "Take the child into the darkest part of the forest. I can no longer bear the sight of him. Kill him and bring me back his lung and liver so I will know that he is dead."

The huntsman obeyed and took Fai away. But right before he was about to strike, he looked at Fai and how he was just smiling and blissfully unaware as to why this stranger had taken him into the forest, he found that he could not kill him.

"Run away, child," he said. "I will not hurt you."

"You were going to hurt me? I just assumed you were going to kill some animal, you being a huntsman and all. But why?"

"Queen Yuuko. She is extremely jealous of your beauty and wants you dead. You must run into the forest and never come back!" He thought the wild animals would soon kill him, and yet he felt a stone had been rolled form his heart because he would not be the one to do it. So that makes it all better, huh? Just then, a young boar came running by, so he stabbed it and cut out its lung and liver and took them to the queen. The cook had to prepare them for supper, and the queen ate them, certain now that Fai had been killed.

(Backstage, Sakura and Syaoran were told to leave for fear of possibly damaging their young minds even more.)

But now the child was all alone in the forest, with the great dark trees arching above him. He was terrified after realizing that yes, it is rather flattering to have someone so jealous of your hotness that they want to kill you, but dieing is also a bad thing and began to run. He ran over rocks and through brambles, and the wild animals saw him but did him no harm.

He ran as long as he could and as far as he could, and at evening saw in the distance a little cottage with sparkling windows and a red tiled roof. He was tired and so he went there to rest. Inside, everything was small, but neat and clean and pretty. A table with a white cloth had been laid for supper, and Fai saw seven plates and seven spoons and seven cups. Against the wall stood seven little beds side by side.

He was so hungry and thirsty that he threw all common sense and good etiquette aside and ate some food from each plate, and drank a drop/all of (the) wine from each cup. Then as he was weary/drunk, he lay down upon each bed to find a comfortable one, and the seventh bed was just right. He pulled up the white coverlet and soon fell fast asleep (though, it was rather hard with a large portion of his body hanging off the end).

When it was dark, the owners of the cottage returned. They were seven Mokona dwarfs who mined for copper and gold deep in the mountains. They lit their seven candles and saw that someone had eaten their food and drunk their wine and lain upon their beds. And when the seventh Mokona dwarf came to its bed, he saw Fai sleeping there. It called to the others and they gathered around and held up their candles so that the light fell upon his face. "Pretty! Pretty!" they sang. They did not wake him but let him sleep without disturbance.

At dawn, Fai awoke. He was freaked out when he saw the Mokona dwarfs, but they treated him gently and asked him his name and how he had come to be there. "My name is Fai," he said and told them all about his soap opera… how very OOC.

The Mokona Dwarfs felt so sorry for the boy who had come so near to death, and they agreed that he should stay in the cottage. "If you will take care of our house and have our suppers ready at night, you shall want for nothing," they told him (okay, so maybe they didn't feel TOO sorry for him). Fai was happy then and said he would do all that they asked (anybody else's feminist radar going off?).

Each morning they went off to their work in the mountains and each evening when they came home (both ways singing "Hi ho! Hi ho! It's off to(or home from) work we go! Hyuu, hyuu, hyuu, hyuu, hyuu, hyuu, hyuu, hyuu! Hi ho! Hi ho, hi ho, hi ho!"), the supper was hot and the house was sparkling. But the Mokona dwarfs warned Fai that he would be alone all day and must let no one in. "Beware of your stepmother," they said. "She will soon know you are here and then she will come after you." Fai agreed without questioning HOW she could find out unless the Mokona dwarfs were actually Mokona rats.

Although the queen believed Fai was dead, it was not long before she went again to her looking glass and said:

"Looking glass, looking glass, on the wall,

Who in this land is fairest of all?"

And the looking glass answered:

"… Ooooh, okay. Deep breaths, and you might want to sit down.

-clears throat- Over the hills where the seven Mokonas dwell,

Fai is there, alive and well,

And none is so fair as he… You're not going to extend my sentence, are you?"

Then the queen knew that the huntsman had betrayed her and Fai was still alive.

Her envy sprang up again, stronger than the first time, and so she was determined to kill the boy herself. She thought and thought about how to do it, and then she painted her face and dressed herself as a pedlar woman. No one would have known her as she set off through the woods, hobbling on a stick. When at last she came to the dwarfs' house, she knocked upon the door. "Pretty wares to sell! Pretty wares to sell! Have your man comin' back to you in a heart beat!" she cried.

Fai looked out the window and saw that it was only an old pedlar woman who was holding up a bundle of apron ties woven in bright silks. Surely I can let her in, thought Fai, and he unbolted the door and bought the pretty ties.

"Don't you see, child, you must lace yourself more tightly," said the old woman.

"But I'm not wearing an apron tie."

"Dear God, are you into heroin chic, or something?"

"No, I'm just naturally thin!"

All the more reason for me to kill you, thought the disguised queen.

Fai suspected nothing, but stood before her and let himself be laced with the new ties, though he really thought that he didn't need it. But the old woman laced him so tightly that he lost his breath and fell down as if he were dead.

Not long afterward the seven Mokona dwarfs returned. They were frightened when they found Fai pale(r) and motionless upon the floor. But as soon as they lifted him up they saw that he was laced too tightly and they cut the ties with a knife. Then the boy began to breathe again and soon recovered (no noticeable brain damage was reported).

When he told them what had happened they said, "But the old pedlar woman was the wicked queen who would do anything to be rid of you!"

"Really? … Hey, how did you things know when you haven't seen neither the queen or the pedlar woman?"

"… Never mind that! Just don't let anyone else in!"

"What about the seven of you?"

"Hmmm, you're right," one of the Mokona dwarfs said.

"One of us Mokonas could be the queen in disguise," said another.

"How will we figure out if all Mokonas are real Mokonas!"

The Mokonas stared at one another, the little wheels in their heads turning. Suddenly, they all broke out into giggles and said, "All Mokonas are real Mokonas! Group hugs and kisses on Fai!" And so it was, with much drinking following. (1)

As soon as the queen reached home, she went to her glass and said:

"Looking glass, looking glass, on the wall,

Who in this land is fairest of all?

And you better think before you say it."

And it answered:

"Okay, wait one minute… Aw, come ON! Right, so

Over the hills where the seven dwarfs dwell,

Fai is there, alive and well,

And none is so fair as he. Sorry."

When she heard this, the queen was struck with fear, for she knew that Fai had not been killed. The queen had some knowledge of witchcraft and decided to make a poison comb. She hid it with several others and then disguised herself, taking the shape of a different old woman, though they kind of look the same (no offense to the elderly). She set off across the seven hills to the house of the seven and knocked upon the door. "Good things to sell! Good things to sell! Well, I guess it depends on what your definition of good is," said the queen.

"What was that?" Fai asked, leaning slightly out the window.

"Nothing! But I have some lovely combs to sell!"

"Oh! That's perfect because I have so many tangled locks and- wait a minute! Sorry, I can't let anyone in. Go away, please!"

"But you must only look," said the old woman and she held out the poison comb for Fai to see. It was such a pretty comb, so delicate and fine and shiny, that he let himself be persuaded to open the door. Plus, he really needed something to comb his hair with since the Mokona dwarfs' hair wasn't effected by humidity (2) and therefore didn't own any combs at all. Had he known he was going to be forced into the woods to run for his life because he was so freakin' gorgeous, he would have packed.

"Now, child, I shall comb your hair properly," said the old woman and she ran the comb through Fai's white hair. At once the poison took effect and Fai swooned to the floor. "That will be the end of you," said the woman and she went away.

But it was nearly evening and soon the Mokona dwarfs came home. When they saw Fai lying as if he were dead, they suspected the queen and searched until they found the poisoned comb. Scarcely had they taken it from his head when Fai awoke and told them what had happened. Then they warned him once again to take care and to open the door to no one. Dumbass.

The queen, at home, went to her looking glass and said:

"One more try. Looking glass, looking glass, on the wall,

WHO IN THIS LAND IS FAIREST OF ALL?"

Then it answered again:

"-sigh- Over the hills where the seven dwarfs dwell,

Fai is there, alive and well,

And none is so fair as he… Please don't break me."

When the queen heard the glass say this, she trembled and shook with rage. "Why doesn't he stay dead?" she cried. "Fai must die, even if it costs me my life!" She went into a secret room high at the top of the palace where no one ever came, and there she made a poisonous apple. The shape was perfect and the outside shone red and white. It was so tempting that anyone who saw it must long for it, but whoever ate a piece would surely die.

The queen dressed herself as a peasant's wife (wasn't aware there were different fashions between pedlars and wives) and painted her face. Then she went over the seven hills to the seven Mokona dwarfs' house and knocked upon the door.

At once Fai looked out the window and said, "I dare not let anyone in. You would not BELIEVE the trouble I've been having with old ladies these days!"

"I shall stay outside then," said the peasant woman, ignoring the old lady comment. "Only taste one of my apples. They are so fresh and sweet."
"Sorry, can't."

"What? Are you afraid of poison, you silly child? Ha ha ha!"

"Eh heh heh heh…"

"See, I will cut the apple in two. You shall have the red part and I will take the white." The apple was so cleverly made that only the red part was poisoned, but when Fai saw that the peasant woman was unharmed, he could no longer resist and held out his hand for the fruit.

The moment he bit into it, he fell dead upon the ground. The apple's poison had done its work. "White as snow, red as blood, pure as ivory!" the queen cried. "Now stay dead."

When she went home she said to her looking glass:

"Looking glass, looking glass, on the wall,

Who in the land is fairest of all?"

It answered:

"… Thank God. Thou, O Queen, are fairest in the land."

At last her envious heart was glad.

(3) In the evening, the dwarfs found Fai lying on the ground. He did not breathe or move, and though they undid his apron ties and washed his face with wine and… more wine, it was no use; he was dead. So they laid him upon a bier and all seven watched and mourned him for three days' time.

They were going to bury him, but his white hair shone and his cheeks were red (barely) and pretty as if he were still alive. "We cannot hide him in the dark ground," they said, "It's too scary!" So they had a coffin made for him of transparent glass for all necrophiliacs to have some fun with. They laid Fai in it and in golden letters they wrote his name and that he was the dau-er, SON of a king. Then they put the coffin out upon the hill and took turns watching it, one at a time. The poor things were so emotionally attached to him. Cuuuuuute!

Fai lay for a long, long time in the coffin and he did not change, but looked as if he were only sleeping, for he was even now white as snow (well, DUH!), red as blood, and pure as ivory. It was quite a surprise that a cult didn't come around to worship this "miracle."

(4) Then it happened that a king's son, Kurogane, came into the forest and saw the coffin upon the hill. He knelt down before the beautiful Fai and read the golden letters. He was about to leave, but he was quickly attacked by the Mokona dwarfs.

"You can't have Fai!" they shouted, bouncing all over the poor guy. "We'll miss him too much!"

"Seven?" he growled, before throwing one of the Mokonas off of his face. "Whatever! I was just leaving anyway!"

"Wait a minute!" the head Mokona dwarf said, holding up one of its stubby paws to stop Kurogane from going any further. It then turned to the other Mokonas and continued, "This might be Fai's true love!"

"What the hell?" The Mokonas didn't hear Kurogane, though, because they were too busy dancing around him and singing "One day, Fai's prince will come!"

"KNOCK IT OFF!" he finally roared, kicking the poor Mokona dwarfs across the forest. "I'm leaving!"

"But you have to save Fai!"

"How can I save him if the guy's already dead? There's no logic!"

"Just do as the movie did!"

"Movie?"

"Yes!" the lead Mokona took charge again. "In the movie, Snow White is woken up from a kiss from her true love! Since you're here and nobody else has come, you must be the one to kiss Fai awake!"

"YAY! KISSY KISSY!"

"Like hell, ya' bunch of meat buns! Who's great idea was it to make SEVEN of you, anyway? I should kill them! And why did you talk about the movie? What's the book say?"

"Uuuuh, the same thing…"

"You're lying. Tell me the truth, now!" He quickly grabbed lead Mokona by the ears and glared at it.

"Okay," it sighed. "You beg us to let you keep Fai and his coffin and on the way back to your palace, your carriage hits a bump and it makes the poisoned part of the apple come out of Fai's throat."

"… I honestly don't know which is more disturbing. Right, since I can't leave this place until we finish the story, I'll just give him the Heimlich."

And so it was done. But sadly, unsuccessful. After about an hour of this, Kurogane was running out of patience and Fai's stomach was probably covered in bruises.

"We didn't know you were such a fan of foreplay, Kuro-rin!" the Mokonas were saying.

"Shut the hell up!" Kurogane shouted, dropping Fai back to wear he was originally laying. He then sighed in frustration. Knowing full well that unless he wanted to be stuck with seven Mokonas for an eternity he would have to kiss Fai, he gulped down his last bit of bad ass ninja pride.

Glaring at the Mokonas to make sure they didn't have any cameras on them (though, those jewels on their foreheads probably worked that way), Kurogane turned to Fai, slowly leaned down, and brushed his lips against the other's. As he pulled back, he looked into two perfectly blue eyes. He was then pulled back down for another kiss, this one with much tongue.

"Cut it out!" he yelled after finally getting free and wiping his mouth.

Fai grinned, saying, "I was still half asleep. Anyway, where am I?

Growling, Kurogane rolled up his sleeve and read his mandatory lines, "You are with me. Please stay with me and we shall be… married. I (damnit) love you more than anything on earth… Damn, I'm supposed to have just freakin' met you!"

"The original prince must have been a necrophiliac. But yes! I will marry you, Kuro-love!" Fai then jumped into Kurogane's arms, bridal style, and all the birds, animals, and rodents of the forest came to joyously celebrate this union by singing and merrily dancing around the couple with the seven Mokona dwarfs! (I don't think I need to describe the look on Kurogane's face at that moment.)

All the people from the king's land and the lands that bordered upon it were invited to the wedding feast, and among these was Yuuko, Fai's evil stepmother.

When she had dressed herself in her most splendid gown, she went before the looking glass and said:

"Looking glass, looking glass, on the wall,

Who-"

"Fai! Okay? It's Fai! GET OVER IT!"

When she heard this, the queen uttered a curse, but her envy and curiosity were so great that she went to the wedding feast to see her rival. And when she saw that it was Fai, she stood rigid with rage and terror. But iron slippers had been heated in the fire, and now they were brought to the queen with tongs and set upon the stone floor. She was forced to wear the red-hot shoes, and danced and danced until she fell down dead.

And they lived happily ever after!... Seriously, that's how it ends.

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1.) That part wasn't in the book. I just thought that it was cute! Was it?

2.) I'm not the only one who thinks that Fai's hair is effected by humidity, am I?

3.) Okay, at this point is where my typing may have gone downhill. I slashed up two of my typing fingers with a steak knife, then sliced my thumb with another knife at this restaurant the next day (this took three days to finish writing). Also, I don't use my right index finger cause I broke it a few years back and I just got into the habit of not using it. So, I'm sorry!

4.) And here is where it pretty much goes down hill, staying true to the original story that is.

A/N: I'm still debating what to do for next chapter. Jack and the Beanstalk, perhaps?

You know what to do!

Please leave a review!

As always, CONSTRUCTIVE criticism is welcomed with understanding.