Chapter 3: Where should an actor draw the line?

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And thus my conclusion; I was screwed!

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Turns out Kristen Stewart doesn't exist in this fucked up world I was in. I figured that after many hours searching the internet and trying to sign in to any of my accounts; e-mail, Tumblr, Tweeter, Facebook etc.

I don't exist.

I wasn't sure what I was feeling. I think I was frozen inside, numb from the shock or something. I don't think I actually accepted what I was seeing. Proof or not it was illogical. Impossible. So I didn't believe it.

I mean, c'mon… would you?

I didn't think so…

And so I convinced myself it was a dream or something. A very realistical one, but a dream, nevertheless. I convinced myself that I'll wake up and we'll all laugh I fell asleep in the first place.

And so when Billy… sorry Charlie… came home I played Bella again and made him diner, because he'd poison himself other ways if Stephenie Meyer was to be believed. And then I went to bed and prayed I'll wake up for real when I did.

I didn't.

So I convinced myself it was some sort of a fluke; maybe if I fall asleep enough times and try to wake up in the real world, I would. And I grinded my teeth and kept my act up… though it was slipping. I grew quickly agitated like I was on some powerful PMS all the time and I think everyone noticed my depression and black humour.

I learned a lot how Bella was supposed to be from mistakes I made, but we were just so different. I felt like a caged animal trying to live by her personality. It was non-stop and it was killing me inside; it wasn't me.

Also people I knew from my world were different in this one… I was alone, because I didn't really have friends here. Bella did.

And on top of that; I had to go to high school again! I have just one word for you: drama. I couldn't believe I was like this just a few years back. It was stupid; they fought for nothing like it was the end of the world or something.

But I paid them no mind. I found pleasure in screwing with Bella's reputation; acting like a wild child, getting detentions, having an I-don't-give-a-shit attitude, my marks slipped, friends thought I was crazy (but surprisingly they stood by me anyway - I was impressed with that at least), I didn't act that clumsy in gym,… I tried to put some of me in all of this but it wasn't working, because this wasn't really me either. And it wasn't my life, so it didn't matter what everyone thought of me here.

But it hurt the most when I had to pretend about Charlie and Renée being my parents. They weren't! They had no right acting like they knew me! I wasn't Bella fucking Swan! I was me! I was still Kristen Stewart! But really… I wasn't, not anymore. And no matter how hard I tried showing everyone I wasn't Bella… I was still Bella for them; even if I was a crazy one…

Weeks passed and I was still in this dreadful high-school-nightmare pretending (poorly) I was someone I wasn't. Nothing new happened, either. I knew about the La Push and the dance and if this really was anything like the books or movie I knew Robert… no… it was Edward here… I knew he'll stop ignoring me any day now. But really… he wasn't the friend I was craving anyway. None of them were.

I felt like I was the lone survivor; everyone I knew wasn't with me anymore or reachable in any way and it was depressing. Even if I theoretically could befriend Bella's friends here and 'move on' I didn't want to. It felt like I would be betraying my real friends from my real world for fictional characters that will probably disappear the moment I wake up. Then again, I had no idea when that'll be…

After weeks of hoping I was losing my faith. Because, seriously, who was I kidding?! This couldn't be a dream just as much as it couldn't be real!

Well there was at least one thing I was right about…

Just after Michael – Ugh, Mike – asked me to that dance I wasn't supposed to go to and I told him he should go with Jessica (maybe it came out more like an order but whatever…) Edward decided to speak with me. 'Who's the prophet now' I thought as I turned to him.

Instead of playing it 'Bella-style' I just raised my eyebrow at him questionably, showing just a mild, polite interest to what I knew he's going to say.

"I'm sorry." My eyebrow rose a bit higher. "I'm being rude, I know. But its better this way, really." He said seriously following the lines in the book. I was on a verge of bursting out laughing, but I contained myself and decided maybe I could have some fun with this fake Robert… the real one would get it for sure. I let him speak the next lines so I could respond like I wanted to.

"It's better if we're not friends. Trust me." He said and I smiled while his eyebrows came together when he saw that.

"Alright my new best not-friend who saved me from being squished in a van sandwich." I was chuckling, unable to hide my amusement. "You still didn't answer my question of how you did that, by the way, but I think I figured it out pretty good." I gave him a half-smile while his eyes hardened. "But I have to ask; Why did you do it? Seriously… why risk it for a not-friend like myself?" I was careful to specially emphasize the 'it' in that sentence. Leaning back on my seat I comfortably waited for his answer.

I practically saw the wheels in his head turning while he thought about it. There were small changes in his expression that I would miss if I weren't used to read them from Robert daily. There were confusion, concern, anger, interest and not a small bit of frustration – probably because he couldn't read my mind. I enjoyed the view while it lasted for just a few seconds later he seemed to have come to a decision and his face adopted a blank mask only his eyes telling how frustrated he still was.

"I'm not sure." He confessed.

"Do you regret it?" I asked simply, already knowing the answer but still…

"No!" He said decisively.

"Then what's the problem?" I leaned towards him and noticed he held his breath and leaned just a bit away from my … scent, I suppose.

"Problem?" He asked confused.

"Yeah, what's the problem with being friends?" I clarified. Who knows… maybe he'd provide some amusement if he speaks to me. Though I doubted he'd come anywhere near Robert I know. He was too much 'in control' of himself all the time like he had a stick up his butt or something.

He opened his mouth to reply and closed it again. So much for a straight answer… Of course I knew why he believed it; I just hated pulling it out of him like teeth. I sighted and stood up:

"Listen; find me when you're ready to talk about it. I'm sure you know how." I gave him a meaningful look and lightly touched my nose. It could've been easily mistaken as just an unconscious gesture, but I saw his shoulders tense up and a corner of his lips twitch downwards. "I have a gym class I have to catch." At that I grabbed my bag and exited the classroom ready to relax and let out my own frustration of being stuck here in the next class.

It worked for a bit, but you know… until the problem is gone, consequences always reappear. I took my time going to my truck fishing my keys out of my bag in the process. When I looked up I saw that Justin – God! When will I get this right?! – Eric was already by my truck waiting for me. I knew what was coming and I started an internal debate; to follow the script or not to follow. In the end I made the decision on the spot.

"Hi, Bella." He greeted happily, but nervously.

"Hi, Eric. What's up?" I acted like I didn't notice. He scratched his head nervously and I bit the inside of my lip not to smile at the gesture; I suppose some of Justin's personality and habits were in Eric, nevertheless.

"I was wondering if you were going to ask me to the ball…" He decided to go right to the business. I took a moment to ponder his question looking at his hopeful face and then sighted:

"Oh, what the hell… alright Eric; Would you like to go to the ball with me?" Why shouldn't I have some fun, huh? I was the one stuck here so why shouldn't I make it more bearable? And besides… Bella's excuse was her clumsiness… I had no such problems. I saw Eric's face light up at my words and he beamed at me:

"Really? Yes! I'd love to!" I returned his smile and nodded my acknowledgment. "So when you decide what to wear make sure to tell me so I know what to buy for myself. Oh and would you like a corsage too? What flowers do you like? When should I pick you up?" He launched into rambling all the questions I had no answers to yet. It was amusing how eager he was about this ball.

"Eric, Eric! Calm down," I said chuckling lightly, "We have more than enough time to come up with everything… but seriously, I just now decided I'll actually go so give me some time to decide alright?" I saw him take a breath and blush.

"Uh, sorry, Bella. Okay, cool! Let me know when you do then. And if you need any help or anything just call me, alright?"

"Sure thing."

"Alright… Well I better leave you so you can go home then." He said sheepishly.

"Bye, Eric." I smiled at him and waved.

"Bye." He waved back and made his way to his car, turning around every now and then looking back at me. I shook my head in amusement a smile still playing on my lips. And that's exactly the moment Edward – there I did it! - chose to walk by. But, unlike in the book, there was no amused smile on his lips just a contemplating expression on his face. As I was reaching for my car door I heard quick steps nearing me from behind. I should've known he'd come too.

"Hey, Bella!" I heard Tyler's voice and turned around with a smile.

"Hi, Tyler. Here to ask me to the ball I was supposed to do the asking to, too?" I asked jokingly though I knew it was really what he was here for.

"Huh," he shifted a bit uncomfortably, "Yeah, actually." He confessed. I played surprised and then changed my expression to a more sad one but not really remorseful; acting skills while acting.

"Sorry, I already asked… well more like accepted, really… I'm going with Eric." I told him and shrugged. "He just asked me, actually."

"I guess I should've been quicker then." He murmured. I wasn't sure if I was meant to hear it or not but the next part he said louder: "It's alright. We still have prom." He said hopefully and when he didn't get any real response from me except a nod he said goodbye very similarly as Eric did just then and left for his car.

Later when I got home Jessica called me and we talked about the dance; Mike finally accepted her invitation and she was ecstatic about it. I told her about how Eric asked me instead of letting me do it and we laughed. She was genuinely happy we were both going now and talked animatedly for about five minutes before she said she had to call the others to let them know she was going with Mike. I had no doubt the news I was going with Eric will spread like a wildfire in the process. I was happy with my resolve to take the best I could from the Situation though, which meant not following the script anymore.

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Bonus scene:

Before I went to sleep I was thinking about how this day went in the book. One particular moment got my attention and I amused myself with thinking how I would react if it came to that. I suppose everything would be a bit different if I haven't accepted Eric's invitation to the ball…

"I'm sorry, Eric. I'm going to Seattle that day." I imagined myself saying.

"I know, Mike said so. I was just hoping you were letting him off easy." Actually I was pretty sure I ordered him to go with Jessica…

"No, sorry. I'm really going." He was sad when we said goodbye and I heard a chuckle when he left. It was Edward being amused I had to turn down two guys already. I ignore him to get into my car, annoyed. And then just as I was about to drive off he cuts me off with his car and stops there waiting for his vampire family.

I get really annoyed with everything piling up and grind my teeth. Wrong move, Eddie boy. And the worst timing, too. I had no idea I was so angry until I found myself stepping on to the gas pedal. Hard. And crashing into his shinny Volvo, before Tyler had a chance to come over. There was shock on everybody's faces (Edward's was especially bewildered at my actions) and my flashed with satisfaction before I turned around and stuck my head through the window.

"Sorry, Eddie. Didn't see you there…" I shouted to him, playing concerned. "You alright?" I saw the damage I did to his car with glee and the best part - my truck was almost untouched in the process! Yeah, I loved my bad reputation :D (A/N: Avril Lavigne anyone?)

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Bonus scene never actually happened; just Kristen's imagination and musings. Hope you liked this chapter :D Tell me how I did.