"Quite a room you've got here," said Bo, after following Baby upstairs and into her bedroom. It was a small room with one dirty window that had pink, frilly curtains over it, and it was packed with all kinds of odd things. There were animal skeletons and deformed dolls on shelves and tables everywhere, a cluttered vanity against one wall surrounded by photos of old movie stars, and a large poster for the film Creature From The Black Lagoon that covered one whole wall near the door.
"It's the best room in the house," said Baby, as she took off her long, wet, brown coat. underneath she was wearing a wet, pink, halter top that clung to her obviously braless chest like semi-transparent tissue paper, along with a pair of cutoff jean shorts that were so short even Bo's cousin, Daisy, would have thought twice about wearing them. She threw the coat over an old wooden chair and walked over to a dresser where she pulled out a pair of men's denim overalls from one of the drawers. Then she turned to Bo.
"Strip!" she said. It was more of a demand than a suggestion.
Bo smiled and began to unbutton the yellow, western-style shirt he was wearing, revealing a blue t-shirt underneath. He took off the yellow shirt and dropped it on the floor. Baby twirled her finger indicating he should move faster. He smiled even bigger and pulled the soaking wet blue t-shirt off over his head.
"Looks like all that work on the farm paid off," said Baby, regarding Bo's lean, yet toned, tan body. "Now the jeans."
Bo chuckled. He had never met a girl this forward before back in Hazzard County. He bent down and tugged his cowboy boots off first and then unbuckled his big belt buckle. He pulled his jeans down and stepped out of them so that he was now just standing in front of Baby in nothing but his socks and underwear.
"Them too," said Baby, pointing at his briefs.
"Whatever you say, darlin'," said Bo with a laugh. He took off his socks first and then his briefs.
"This is my rodeo," said Baby. She advanced towards Bo, backing him up against her big brass bed.
"You like cars, right?" she said. "Well let me show you how well I drive stick."
With that she shoved him down hard on to the bed and jumped on top of him with a loud "Yahoo!"
Meanwhile, back in the barn, Luke had popped the hood of The General Lee and was checking the oil. Rufus was over at a work bench looking for something in the pile of tools he had there.
"So you said you used to be a mechanic?" said Luke, trying to break the awkward silence they'd been sharing.
"Yeah," grunted Rufus.
"What happened?" asked Luke.
Rufus stood still for a moment and looked like he was either annoyed or just thinking. Finally he said, "Had to quit."
"Mm hmm," said Luke. Getting conversation out of this guy was harder than getting a donkey to play piano.
Rufus suddenly turned around from the bench holding a tire iron and began to walk towards Luke.
"You got a jack?" Luke asked, looking around and not seeing one anywhere.
"Don't need one," said Rufus, and right at that moment the barn door farthest from The General slid open hard, and there in the rain stood the silhouette of a man who must have been at least ten feet tall. He stood there for a moment and then he shuffled into the barn with a limp and Luke could see that he was wearing a leather mask that covered most of his misshapen head and that his neck was bent at a grotesque angle giving him the appearance of a hunchback. He was wearing a dirty, white t-shirt with "Stupid Cupid" written on it in red letters and a pair of pants that appeared to have been custom-made from some kind of tent. The giant walked over to The General, bent down, and grabbed the right side of the car at the bottom with his huge, veiny hands and lifted it three feet off the ground without so much as a groan. Luke just looked at the creature and gulped.
"Uh... uh... who...?" he tried to say.
"That's my boy, Tiny," said a woman's voice from behind Luke. He turned around with a start to see Mama Firefly standing in the open barn door holding an umbrella in one hand and some clothes in another.
"Him and Rufus and Baby is all my children," she continued as she sauntered into the barn. Rufus began to unscrew the lugnuts on the back right tire of The General Lee, while Tiny continued to hold it in mid-air with no sign of discomfort.
"I know what yur thinkin'," said Mama as she approached Luke, "How could someone as young as me have three grown children. Well, I actually have four. Otis is out hunting at the moment but he'll be home soon."
"Ma'am," said Luke. He didn't know what else to say.
"You can call me, Mama," said Mama in a low, sexy voice. She handed Luke the clothes. He looked at them, a pair of grey workman's coveralls with brown stains all over them, and then back at Mama. "Thank you kindly, Ma'am, but I think I'll just stay in what I have on."
"But you're soaking wet," said Mama, gesturing at Luke's clothes. He was wearing a blue and black checkered shirt with a denim jacket over it and blue jeans with cowboy boots. All still wet.
"All the same, Ma'am, I'm fine," he said.
Mama Firefly gave him an irritated look, but then shrugged. "Whatever grabs your apple," she said. She walked past Luke and sat down on a stool nearby, crossing her legs at the knee as she did so. Luke briefly caught a glimpse of her undercarriage and saw, much to his chagrin, that Mama wasn't wearing any panties.
"You, uh, said your other son is out hunting?" said Luke, trying to think of something to talk to this woman about. "Isn't it kind of a bad night for that?"
"Not for the particular kind of prey that Otis is lookin' fer," she said, dropping her umbrella next to her. "You ever heard of a Skunk Ape..."
"Luke," said Luke.
"Luke," finished Mama.
"No, Ma'am, I don't believe I have," he said.
Rufus had gotten all the nuts out of the lugs and with one big yank, he pulled the tire off The General Lee. Mama began to clap moronically.
"Ain't my boys big and strong?" she said with pride.
"I guess that's how ya grow 'em here in... where exactly am I, if you don't mind me asking?" said Luke.
"Just outside Ruggsville, Texas," answered Mama. "Far off the beaten path."
There was something vaguely threatening about everything Mama said, and Luke was beginning to become uneasy here with her and the two bruisers next to him.
"Well," said Mama, hopping off the stool and grabbing her umbrella again, "Once you boys are done with that ol' tire, why don't you come on in and get some dinner. Grampa's almost done fryin' up the chicken."
She sashayed towards the barn door, brushing up against Luke as she went. She looked him right in the eyes and licked her lips. Luke could see her yellow, stained teeth beneath the heavy red lipstick she wore.
"Grampa's chicken is to die for," she said to him, and then she began to walk out of the barn, turning once more before she left to give Luke a wink, and then she disappeared into the rain.
Luke just stood there still holding the dirty coveralls she had given him, not really knowing what to think or say. He looked over at Mama's boys, one of whom was putting a new tire on The General and the other one who was holding it up.
"Lovely woman," said Luke, with a distasteful look on his face, like he had just eaten a lemon.
Neither brother acknowledged him.
Back up in Baby's room Bo's hands and feet were tied to the headboard and footboard of baby's bed respectively. He was buck naked and Baby was on top of him, riding him cowgirl style. She was primarily naked too, except for her straw hat and cowboy boots. Both her and Bo were glistening with sweat.
"Yee haw!" exclaimed Bo with delight.
Baby moaned and screamed and made noises like an animal. She was becoming wilder and wilder to the point where it began to scare Bo a little. Then suddenly she began to sing in a loud, screechy wail.
"I've written a letter to Daddy! His address is heaven above!"
Bo looked at her like she was crazy.
"I've written, dear Daddy, I miss you, and wish you were with us to love!"
"Oooh kay," said Bo.
Baby leaned down and grabbed a handful of Bo's thick, blonde hair and began tugging on it as she rode him harder.
Bo started to groan; half from pain and half from pleasure.
All of a sudden the door to baby's room flew open with a bang!
"What the hell!?" Bo ejaculated.
"Where's my goddamn catheter!?" shouted the little, hairy, old man who stood in the doorway.
Baby didn't so much as attempt to cover her bare breasts or even stop gyrating on Bo's crotch. She just looked at the old man and said, "Grampa, get the hell outta here, can't ya see I'm busy?"
"Why are people always touching my fuckin' things!?" shouted the old man. He grabbed the door by the handle. "And dinner's ready by the goddamn way." With that he left and slammed the door shut behind him.
Baby looked at Bo and he looked back at her. Neither said anything, they just continued with what they were doing. Bo was a little bit freaked out, though.