As Bridge arrived back in his dorm room, tears were already beginning to stream down his face. He couldn't believe what he'd just done. Was it even him? Had he somehow been possessed? Looking down in horror at his red, swollen knuckles, his heart sank as the memory of the fight came back to him. Every blow, every moment came racing back to him in vivid detail. The one that hurt the most, however, more than any attack his enemies could ever lay upon him was the moment he hurt her. Letting out an anguished cry, he slammed his fist through the glass coffee table, shredding his hand.
"Bridge?" Z called from outside the door. "Can I come in?"
He couldn't face her like this, he was a wreck! His shoulder hurt like hell, and he could only sit and watch blood drip from his hand to the floor, the hand that had dared to strike her, dared to hurt her.
"Bridge. Sky wants to talk to you." She called through. Bridge got up, opening the door and allowing her in.
"Of course he wants to talk to me." He yelled, turning away from her. "He's probably going to fire me!"
"Bridge, your hand!" She gasped, taking his wrist and inspecting the injury. Seeing the shattered table, she knew what must have happened. She picked up a shirt and wrapped it loosely around his hand. "We're going to the infirmary." She announced.
"I'm sorry." He sobbed, turning to face her. The swelling of her right cheek informed him that she was going to have one hell of an impressive black eye in the morning. "I would never hurt you. You know that, right?"
Z nodded, somewhat more concerned by Bridge's own condition than her own. "I know. You lost control in the middle of the fight."
This did little to console him. He knew he was in the wrong. He knew he should just have left Mason be, but the thoughts of his splintered team, the mockery of those he cared about had driven him over the edge. "I don't deserve to be in SPD." He wailed, collapsing onto the couch. "It's probably best I'm relieved of duty."
"Don't be an idiot." She snapped, glaring him in the eye. "You're as important as any member of the squad, sometimes even more so."
"Sure." He sniffed, wiping his face. "Jack was the marksman and the great battlefield leader. Sky was always the strongest fighter and the tactics guy. Syd always came through in a fire fight, and you pretty much always knew what to do. I'm just the weird one who stands on his head and can't hold his fingers steady when he says 'buttery.'" He winced as his fingers flexed, aggravating the injury to his hand.
"Why do you do this to yourself?" She asked, a few tears welling up. "Why can you never just accept that you're an important member of the team? Why do you keep punishing yourself for not being Jack, or Sky or…"
"Because that's who I need to be!" He interrupted her. "I need to be Jack, AND Sky, AND Kruger AND me."
"What are…"
"Damn it Z, I'm systematically losing everyone and everything that's ever mattered to me!" He spat aggressively, the tears now flowing freely. "And there isn't a damn thing I can do about it!"
As she hugged him, he wept hysterically onto her shoulder. Months of pressure, so many painful months of pushing himself to cope, and now, at last someone understood.
After cleaning himself up, and getting his injuries properly attended to, Bridge and Z finally reported to the command centre, where Sky had been waiting far longer than he had anticipated.
"Want to tell me what's been going on?" He asked. "One minute you're training 24/7, putting the whole base to shame, the next you're going completely insane and putting cadets in the infirmary!"
"I'm sorry." He breathed, barely audible as he stared at the floor.
"I'm not looking for an apology!" Sky retorted, pacing the room. "That much I just expect. I was looking for an explanation!"
Bridge just shrugged. Z shifted uneasily beside him.
"Permission to speak sir." She requested.
"You'll get your turn." Sky informed her. Z bit her lip as she tried to rein herself in from just blurting out everything Bridge had told her.
"Kat has informed me that some items went missing from the armoury." He continued. "And from the medical bay. Items that I believe you took."
Sky just nodded weakly, confirming what Sky had said.
"She also informed me that training logs have been tampered with. So that YOU could log more than the hours covered by our safety regulations." Again he nodded.
"Damn it all Bridge, are you going to say ANYTHING!" He shouted. Ridge just looked down at his boots.
"Permission to speak NOW sir!" Z interjected, by now her patience with the situation wearing thin.
"In a damn minute!" He commanded. "Bridge, you're leaving me no choice. I want to help you, but I can't if you don't tell me what's going on." He sighed, shaking his head, thoroughly defeated. "Turn in your morpher. I can't risk keeping you on active duty."
"Sky!" Z protested, only to be silenced by a gesture from Sky. "I'm sorry. For your own sake, I'm suspending you from active service. The command centre, the gym and the lab are off-limits until further notice."
"Thank you sir." Bridge barked, his eyes a little watery. He tossed his morpher on the table in front of Sky, before aggressively ripping off his uniform jacket and throwing it down onto the floor. "Am I dismissed?"
"Bridge. I don't want to do this." Sky called after him as he stormed out of the command centre. "I need you to take a break. Bridge, come back!"
"Go to hell Sky!" Bridge screamed as he left.
"Permission to speak candidly sir!" Z snapped.
"What?" He asked.
"You're a complete ass!" She began, sniffing back a tear. "Can't you see what he's been doing to himself? Do you not know what he's been through?"
"We've all been through a lot Z." He answered. "We don't all have the luxury of going insane in the process."
"Just look at what he's been through." She begged him. "First, Jack leaves and he starts training harder."
"So?" He asked.
"Then Kruger leaves and he starts pushing himself even harder." She screamed. "Don't you see! He's been tearing himself apart inside and out to cover."
"What are you talking about?" He inquired, the confusion evident in his face.
"I've been telling you for months he's been pushing himself too hard!" She snapped, tears forming in her eyes. "And now I understand why." She took a deep breath as she prepared to explain. "Not only has he had to cope with everyone leaving, Jack, Kruger, you…"
"Me?" He asked. "I'm still here!"
"Are you really?" She hissed aggressively. "When was the last time you complimented him? When was the last time you spent time with him." She looked deep into his eyes. "When was the last time you had a conversation with him that wasn't about SPD, or end in some form of official order?"
Sky went to answer, but found himself unable to.
"Not only has he had to lose some of his best friends." She sobbed, now unable to hold it in. "He feels like he isn't good enough. He feels like he needs to carry the team. That's why he's been training so hard! He's trying to single-handedly replace you all and it's tearing him apart!"
"Not good enough?" Sky remarked, taken aback. "He's one of the best agents we've ever had! Most of us owe our lives to him several times over. How could he…"
"Damn it Sky!" She screamed. "I know how you feel about him. But have you ever told HIM that?"
Again he found himself unable to answer. It was true that he had taken him for granted lately.
"You've got a lot more invested in this than concern for a team mate." He observed, wiping his eyes as he realised his failure to help his friend. "Haven't you?"
"I'm going after Bridge." She answered, trudging out the door.
"Z."
"With all due respect sir." She sighed. "If you don't like it, fire me."
Z found Bridge sitting on a bench outside the SPD building, his head held in his hands. He didn't even notice the heavens opening as rain cascaded down, soaking him through within seconds. Z came over to his side, placing an arm around his shoulders, catching his attention.
"Z, I'm so sorry…I…"
"Hey, I'm pretty tough." She said soothingly, pulling him close. "I suffered worse when I got between Syd and the shoe store during the January Sales."
Bridge laughed a little at this thought, and he felt his heart lift as Z smiled back at him.
"I've missed that." She giggled, seeing him smile for the first time in months. "You should do it more often."
"Haven't given myself much reason to smile lately." He remarked.
"Well, let's see if I can think of a way to make you smile." She replied, moving closer, pulling him into a deep, loving kiss.
"Z, I had no idea." He responded, pulling away a little. Surveying her once more, he realised what he'd always known. He loved her.