AN: For those who possibly have ALL of my fics on their alerts, you'll probably see this message a few times. I apologize. Any important updates related to the fic will be up top.
So, I've been silent for a little bit. There's a reason for this. I've been trying to get my novels published and finally, after a lot of hard work, networking, and what have you, I've accomplished my lifelong dream.
I am now an author with Silver Publishing. My novel, Destined was accepted. There are no words to express how I feel about this beyond "Excited as fucking hell." There will be more on my profile, for those interested, but the bottom line is that fanfiction will be taking a back seat for a bit while I go through editing. I have a lot of work ahead of me. I am not giving up on fanfiction. But it doesn't pay the bills, and it certainly isn't mine, unlike my own works. Just expect really, really, really slow updates.
I hope you guys who love my fanfiction will give my novel a try and thank you all so much for your patience so far. I appreciate it.
xxxxx
3
"No." his voice was firm. "You will not use her as a pincushion; I should kill you for even suggesting it."
Neji sighed. He could do all of this without her, but he'd rather have someone physical to work with. They were already talking about making him a genin which meant that if he could learn these techniques before the chunnin exam he would definitely make it.
"It's not like she's not going to be doing the same thing to me tomorrow." He tried to reason with the redhead. Training Hinata was extremely difficult because of Gaara's extreme desire to protect his…wife.
The Kazekage was a bastard to trick them into signing a marriage contract at the ages of five and six.
"Why can't she do it to you today?" Gaara crossed his arms and glared.
He really wished Hinata would hurry up and stop digging in her bag off in the distance "Because I have to make sure I've done it right so I can show her exactly where she needs to strike tomorrow. These are not easy techniques, they're secret techniques from the main house and Hinata-sama already has the principle down as well as I do."
Maybe leaving was better for her after all. She has much more self esteem because of Gaara practically worshipping the ground she walks on, she's getting training and we don't scold her whenever she does something wrong. She's actually…really good. It'll be good to face off with her if we both go to the chunnin exams at the same time.
"Furthermore," Neji concluded "Hinata-sama wants to do it this way, it was her suggestion in the first place."
Shock and anger fill the younger boy's green eyes and he turns to Hinata as she's walking up towards them. When she sees his expression she stops, obviously worried. Neji listens to Gaara express his extreme dislike over the fact that her cousin was about to practice the sixty-four palms technique on her, rendering her immobile for probably the remainder of the day. She smiles her 'I'm cute so I'm going to do what I want anyway' smile – that even Neji wasn't impervious to at times – and reminds him, once again, that she has to do this so that she can become strong and that this is an unfortunate part of it.
Then the couple lock into a staring contest. Gaara will not leave the room without Hinata; wherever he goes she goes and vice versa. It is very obvious that the redhead knows he's lost to his other half and wants to leave – he's mad as hell which usually means he wants to either go maim or kill something – but cannot. Instead he will have to take her to their room and nurse her for the rest of the day.
Someone's going to die within a week. Neji thought to himself, looking at how tense and upset the unstable demon carrier was getting. Maybe some foreigner will get stupid and attack us so we can sic the little bloodsucker on them.
"I refuse to watch this." Was Gaara's final words to Hinata as he walked over to his usual spot on the ground, actually creating a sand dome around himself and Neji has to keep from laughing. Gaara was actually throwing his version of a tantrum. He supposed he understood. It wasn't like he personally wanted to hurt his cousin either, but doing this would be so much more helpful. If he could do this, the Kaiten would be next. That was the most difficult one of them all.
Her expression is sad as she walks over but there's the determination in her eyes. She does this all for Gaara, Neji wonders if the redhead understands that. She's willing to do whatever it takes to be strong for him because he is all she sees.
No, he knows. He's just scared. His lives to protect and love her, without her he would cease to have a reason to exist. Then he would really become dangerous. It's probably a terrifying concept for him.
Hinata assumes a defensive stance and activates her Byakugan. The purpose was to strike at a moving target once they were in range; it'd be useless if she just stood there, no other enemy would do that.
"Alright," Neji activates his Byakugan and moves into an offensive stance "Are you ready, Hinata-sama?"
She nods and her form doesn't even waver. Inwardly, he smiles. Yes, leaving the Hyuuga had been the best thing for her.
He charges first and they move into a series of strikes and kicks. She is fighting him seriously, as he asked, and he is impressed at how far she's come with training from, of all people, branch members. He finds the irony highly amusing.
She almost gets him on the side due to allowing his thoughts to go off of the fight. He reorients himself, pushing her back far enough. When he sees his opening, he takes it. It is performed flawlessly, pressing into the points with uncanny precision. He can see how the points he hits locks away chakra flow in other parts of her body.
When she hits the ground the redhead is up and stalking over towards them, death in his gaze. Would he really kill him even though they had agreed…
With a hate filled glare at Neji, Gaara shifts his sand so that it is carrying her, floating behind him. Before he leaves he glares once more at Neji.
"You will not do this to her again." It was a clear threat and Neji wants to tell him that he doesn't have to nor does he want to, but it doesn't matter in the long run. As long as Gaara didn't flip out and try to kill him he could glare all he wanted.
xxxxx
She watches him as he paces around their room, obviously upset. It hurts to move any part of her body but she manages to roll to her side and watch him. Whenever he glances at her there's a mixture of anger, concern, and fear in his eyes. Whenever she tries to talk to him he glares at her and she remains silent. He looks like a wild animal in a cage waiting to pounce on someone.
If she could, she'd get up and give him a hug and tell him that he doesn't need to worry. He hates her sparring because there's always the risk that the person could be an assassin and kill her. He would be unable to do anything about it and it absolutely terrifies him. Gaara trusted no one but her and even then she has had to prove herself to him often, or else he'd believe she was betraying him. If he ever felt that way, he would kill her, she understands this. It is her small fear, because she does not wish to die, but she loves him and will not leave him either. All she can do is hope that if something ever did happen he would believe in her.
Rolling over with her back facing him she closes her eyes.
"I'm cold." She says softly.
The pacing stops. She can feel his gaze on her, burning holes through her back. She curls up tighter in a ball and then he is there, arms coming around to pull her into the safety of his arms. His grip tightens to the point of discomfort.
"I hate it." He tells her and she says nothing. They have these arguments often, it is usually better for him to calm down on his own "You can't trust them, family members will betray you too."
He is speaking from personal experience.
"I'm the only one you can trust." He tells her "I'm supposed to protect you but…look at you!" he doesn't shout very loud but she flinches anyway and he immediately calms down, his hand brushing over her shoulder length dark hair "I'm sorry." He says immediately "It's just…whenever I see you hurting or in pain it hurts so much I can't stand it." His face is buried in her neck "I don't know if I can take much more of this Hinata-chan. It becomes harder and harder for me every time you're hit or something goes wrong."
She raises her arm and places her hand on top of his. "I can endure any pain if I know it will protect you in the end."
"But I don't need it!" he continues to argue "No one can hurt me, no one can touch me unless I allow it. Hinata." He is pleading now, dropping the suffix and beginning to kiss the back of her neck. "Just let me protect you. We exist for each other, to love one another. No one else, nothing else."
He is only like this when he is alone with her. With her all of the walls he's built around himself crumble and she is his life. She validates his existence, he lives only for her. Hinata understands this, she understands because she feels the exact same way.
"Just…a little more time Gaara-kun," she says eventually "I'm so close. I'm so much s-stronger now so…please have faith in me."
"I do have faith in you." He is lying, because deep down he doesn't fully trust her, even though he thinks he does. "I just…hate it. I hate seeing you hurt." There's a sigh from him and she almost does give in. But she knows that all of this will come in handy some day. Some day, she will have to protect him, she can feel it. He won't believe her though, because he's never been hurt before in his life, so how could he believe any differently?
Gently he turns her around to face him and there is something different about him, something she's never seen before. It is not bad, she doesn't think, but it is definitely severe.
"Do you love me, Hinata?" he asks and there is a stabbing pain in her chest. It is there every time he asks her this question, because he shouldn't even have to ask it, he should know and believe.
So when his eyes widen in shock she realizes it's because she's crying. Looking up at him she wonders if he can see how much that question hurts her when everything she does is for him. How long have they been together? Half of her life, three years of it she was too young to even remember. Ever since that day five years ago he has been her world. Wherever he goes, she goes. He dislikes having her out of his sight because he knows he's the only one who can protect her. She knows nothing else beyond this life with him, she cannot imagine being like this with anyone else.
His gaze is as sad as hers as he wipes away her tears "Please don't cry." He says softly "I don't want to be the reason you're crying."
"D-do you believe t-that I love you?" she asks him and the question catches him off guard. Something comes over his face. They have sworn to tell no untruths to each other, although he gets by this by simply not telling her things. If he lies to her…well, he won't lie to her.
"I…want to." He says eventually and realizes how bad it sounds. His hand moves along her cheek "I'm sorry." He says "You're always asking me to believe in you and trust you and I…"
She gives him a sad smile and tries her best to move closer to him despite the pain "It's okay. I'll say it as many times as you need me to, Gaara-kun."
"No." he says and her head snaps back so fast she almost bumps into his chin – which would not have been comfortable for the sand would had blocked it and then she'd have a headache on top of everything else. He looks her in the eyes and frames her face in his hands. "I won't doubt you again." He promises and then he does something he's never done before. They have kissed before, on the hands, forehead, cheek. Gaara has a thing for kissing the back of her neck, but they have never kissed on the lips. It feels strange because he's pressing against her with more force than needed. Still, it is their first kiss and when he pulls away both of them blush horribly.
Even though they're ten –well, Gaara was eleven and Hinata's birthday was at the end of the year – they understand that 'friends' do not do those things. Boyfriends and girlfriends do and they understand this concept. It has never been an issue…until now.
Neither of them know what to say to the other, they both look shocked and embarrassed. So instead she merely moves in and buries her face in his chest. He holds her and she eventually falls asleep. They never discuss it.
xxxxx
"My, what pretty eyes you have little girl."
Complete and total fear moves through Hinata as she looks up at this pale man with the snake eyes and long black hair. His hand moves under her chin to tilt her head up. She is so scared that she is practically shaking.
How did this man know where to find her? How did he know that Gaara would be gone?
He leaves her behind when he hunts. It is not often and over the years it's become less and less with her around, but the bloodlust eventually becomes overwhelming and he must appease Mother. He hides her when he does this, so that no one can find her. Somehow, this man had known where she was. His chakra was the darkest, most twisted she has ever sensed in her life, which was saying something as her best friend has an actual demon in his body.
The snake-like man enjoys her fear, she can tell. He thrives on hurting and terrifying others. His smile is fake and she feels dirty as his hand moves over her cheek in a gentle caress.
"So you are the one who controls the demon?" he asks her and she remains silent. Those were only rumors, she holds no more control over Gaara than anyone else. She could not command him, that was not the way their relationship worked and she'd rather die than allow herself to do something like that.
"The Kazekage tells me that you two are married, that's so cute." He doesn't seem to mind that she's not speaking, he probably enjoyed the sound of his own voice. He looks down at the Suna headband around her neck and looks absolutely amused.
"You'll be taking part of the chunnin exams then?" he asks her and she continues to remain silent even though she is terrified and even though she knows that this man could kill her easily.
"I've always been intrigued by Hyuuga eyes," he moves the back of her fingers along her temple "They're always so coveted, not many main members venture out of their little hole. You don't seem to have that problem now do you, dear?"
"I don't care if you're working with the Kazekage," a voice comes in "If you do not move away from her I will kill you and be damned what he wants."
The snake man stands up straight and Hinata runs right to her friend, grabbing his arm and burying her face in his shoulder.
"Did he hurt you?" he asks and she shakes her head. His eyes slide back up to the snake man.
Raising an eyebrow the man does not at all look disturbed "I was merely saying hello to your lovely wife here." He says it as if it is a joke, and to many it probably is. A twelve year old and an eleven year old married? Absurd. "I figured I'd keep her company since you were…indisposed."
"She doesn't need anyone but me." Hinata can feel his anger rising. He is going to attack and kill this man, she can sense it.
"Gaara. You know we don't go around killing our guests." The Kazekage walks over, his arms crossed. Despite his sarcastic words he is obviously not happy with the snake man "You will be responsible for whoever he kills and whatever he destroys if you keep provoking him, Orochimaru. Did you forget that he's central to your plan?"
Orochimaru waves a dismissive hand "Yes, yes, I'm well aware of the details of my own plan dear Kazekage." His golden gaze slides back over to the children "Besides, it's not them I want anyway in the end." With a soft, somewhat dramatic sigh he shrugs and walks past everyone, not looking back once.
"Try not to kill a legendary sannin, Gaara." His father says as he smirks and begins to walk away "Or rather, attempt to. Not even you are strong enough to defeat Orochimaru." With that he disappears around the corner.
Gaara's hands kept clenching and unclenching. Sand is swirling angrily in his gourd and his breathing begins to become ragged. He has already appeased Mother yet the rage rises again at the fact that Hinata, his Hinata, had been in danger. His eyes are almost wild when he looks at her "You are not to leave my sight for any reason. Even if I hunt."
She nods, understanding. He's always tried to keep her from seeing him kill but all gloves are off at this point. Her hands move to frame his face and as he continues to look at her his anger decreases and he much rather would have her in his arms, so he embraces her. His hands move soothingly up and down her back and she feels the tension that was there loosen.
"You will never leave my sight again." He promises "I wasn't here for you and you were terrified."
She didn't bother to agree because she knew he already felt guilty about it happening in the first place. It was not the same sort of guilt that normal people had; it was a deep and gut wrenching guilt, because she is his reason for existing. They love for each other and only each other. They have been together nearly all of their lives and they share a bond not many would be able to understand. So instead she continues to bury her face in his chest and keep her arms around him, so that he knows she isn't going anywhere.
Eventually he pulls away and takes her hand "We have a mission today." He tells her "It's moronic, an escort mission."
Which meant that if anyone pissed him off he'd kill them out of sheer boredom. Who thought it would be a smart idea to send someone not known for their patience with people on an escort mission? Well, at least Baki-sensei would be there and Gaara listened to him around fifty percent of the time. Maybe with her there it would balance out.
xxxxx
Every now and then Kankuro would get a wild hair up his ass and decide to talk back to Gaara. It is usually when he's at his most obstinate that this happens, but every time it ends with Gaara almost killing his own brother. Hinata has no idea why he continues to do this because he knows Gaara can and will kill him. She didn't want Kankuro to die, he was sometimes nice to her. Sometimes. Usually he just ignored her or looked at her really funny, as if he didn't get how she was even still alive. Had she been anyone else it would have been a good question.
No one seemed to truly understand how deep their bond was. He would never hurt her, he'd die before he'd let that happen.
"Gaara," his older brother begins, irritated "You can't just threaten our client. We're supposed to be getting him there safely, not killing him."
Unfortunately, Gaara was already in a very, very, very bad mood because of Orochimaru. He doesn't even warn his brother to back off, he merely slams a huge stream of sand right into his older brother's stomach, sending him flying back a few feet. She tenses, Baki is also alarmed.
"Gaara –" he begins but the boy turns to look at him, his eyes cold.
"I didn't kill him," the redhead says "so don't complain or I'll change my mind."
He doesn't. Instead he shoots Hinata a look as if she was someone who could actually control Gaara's actions and runs off to get Kankuro. It is such a common misconception; she cannot control what Gaara does. He does what he wants to do and she merely supports him. That was all. If she tried to control him he would feel that she was trying to use and manipulate him, which would then translate to her not truly loving him. She simply cannot do that.
So instead she walks over and takes his hand into hers, leaning against him. It calms him down and soon they are back on the path. It is completely silent for the rest of the mission.
xxxxx
They were trying to separate them and it was pissing him off. He was aware that they needed to brief them on the plan concerning Orochimaru and Konoha. They thought that by dragging those who were involved in one by one that it would justify them pulling Hinata aside and talking to her. He knows that they will tell her to do things to him that would hurt him and their relationship. While he knows it will not work – he knows she's as devoted to him as he was to her – it still was annoying.
"No." he says simply, looking up at the unfortunate jounin bastard who was about to die if he didn't back the hell off right now and stop trying to pull Hinata away from him.
The man is scared and Gaara smiles humorously at his soon-to-be prey, showing him that he knows the man is scared. He doesn't care about any of these people; none of them gave a damn about him when he was a child. They all hate him; they all wish he were dead. They want to hurt him through Hinata, his reason for existing, and the more they try, the more savage he becomes.
The man blanches "It would…only be for a minute."
"Hinata." Gaara says calmly as he looks at the jounin "Look away." He makes sure that the man's screams are too muffled to affect her. He hates killing around her, she's too pure for that, but he also cannot let her out of his sight or else they will take her or do something worse to get at or control him. It was making him paranoid and antsy. He swore to protect her, no one else in the world mattered besides her. Other human beings were worthless, weak. More suited to be prey than anything else and Mother was always hungry. Hinata was his other half, they were one in the same.
He turns to her and his rage calms as he takes her in. Lately, he is not sure why but he feels different around her. It is not a bad feeling, it's more of an intimate feeling. He finds himself sometimes wanting to kiss her on the lips or move his hands along her thin frame, things that one would do when they want to be more than friends. There are other things but he tries to ignore them, he feels ashamed whenever he thinks of her in that manner. He wonders if she is feeling the same way but is hesitant to ask. Instead he puts his arms on her shoulders and pulls himself close to her. They are almost the same height now, he is only an inch or so above her. "We go in together, alright?" she nods and he takes her hand, the one that holds the same tattoo as the one on his forehead. It is rare that he holds her unmarked hand and even rarer for her to be at his side and not hold her hand.
Together they walk in and no one else tries to convince Gaara to let them pull Hinata to the side again.
xxxxx
His eyes snap open and he immediately sits up in their bed and starts shaking Hinata frantically. "Hinata-chan! Hinata-chan, wake up! Something's wrong with you!"
Her face is paler than normal and even though she's awake she looks highly uncomfortable. "Um, I don't feel so good." She admits, her arms wrapping around her stomach.
"I smell blood." He says. Mother had been reacting to it and he had to calm her down. "You're hurt."
Hinata shakes her head, her groggy state shifting to awareness "I'm not hurt." She says and he regards her strangely; it seemed that she knew what was wrong with her "Um, I need to see Temari-chan."
They are up and out of bed immediately and he all but drags her to Temari's room, pounding on her door in the middle of the night.
"What the hell…Gaara!" the chunnin was completely confused and a little scared, taking a step or so back "Um, w-what…"
Grabbing Hinata's shoulders he pushes her in front of his sister "She's hurt." Is all he says. "She's says she's not but the sand smells blood on her."
Temari looks at Hinata and they seem to communicate without words. Giving the younger girl a sympathetic look she pats Hinata's head and leads her inside her room. Temari gives her a few things that he doesn't at all recognize and ushers her into the bathroom. The only reason he doesn't panic is because he knows her bathroom doesn't have windows.
"Is she alright?" he asks his sister, speaking to her civilly for the first time.
She actually smiles at him and it confuses him because she's always been nothing but afraid. "Hinata-chan is fine." Temari tells him "I guess I should give you a rundown."
His sister tells him that this will happen to Hinata once a month and it means that she could actually become pregnant, which she also explains with brutal truth and efficiency. She explains about how Hinata's body was going to start changing dramatically and would be completely different from his. He's noticed it a little, her chest had been looking different although he hadn't really thought anything about it at the time.
"You two are very close," Temari says straight up "The older you get the more you're going to want to be intimate if you continue to be as close as you are." It is a warning and he does understand. He knows what adult females look like but Hinata had never looked like that so he had thought that she was different. Apparently, they 'grow into' those things adult girls have.
"Will I still love her?" he asks although it should be a rhetorical question, he would never stop loving her, not even when she started changing.
"It might become a different kind of love." His older sister tells him and he doesn't quite understand what she means. He has only loved Hinata, what other love could there be?
When she realizes that he has no idea what she's talking about anymore she sighs "Just…be careful." She warns "You two are still really young but…you two are much closer than most people are."
He doesn't care about other people so he says nothing and merely waits for Hinata. As long as she wasn't hurt he was fine. Begrudgingly, he admits to himself that his sister has, for the first time in her useless existence, been helpful and informative. Now he knows that these new of his feelings were bad, their relationship was fine the way it wa, he didn't want anything else. He definitely didn't want her to become pregnant, it would split them apart and it wouldn't be just the two of them anymore. It was not at all an appealing prospect.
She comes out eventually and he is immediately by her side, grabbing her hand. She gives Temari a small 'thank you' as he drags her out and back to their bedroom. Once there they go back to bed except he has her lie on her back and his hand gently rubs along her stomach.
"Temari says that you will sometimes hurt here." He explains to her "She says that sometimes this helps."
She gives him the smile that she only shares with him and closes her eyes "Temari-chan gave me some medicine to help but…your hand feels nice. It's warm."
"I'm sorry I can't do more." He hates it whenever she's in pain and he can do nothing about it. He always feels as if he's failing her somehow. With her eyes still closed she smiles once again.
"Being here with me is enough." She says and he curls up beside her, his face nuzzling her neck. "I only need you here with me and I'll always feel better."
This was why he loved her so much. She always let him know that he was the only one in her world, the only person she truly needed beside her. Soon she falls asleep and he watches over her as he always does.
No one else mattered. No one else existed to him except her.