*disclaimer: i do not own hetalia. anyway~ i finally got this done:D horrible writers block. TT^TT why does that always happen when i write fanfiction? why not whenever i just write? ugh. please enjoy:3

"You can't do that." My fists clenched as I restrained myself from hitting something-anything. If one thing came too close to me, [just one more step, Ivan-one more step] I'm not positive I could hold myself back. Not that they thought I stood any chance against any of them-but that wouldn't stop me. "You can not do that."

This was disgusting. The idea was awful-unforgivable.

Mutinous.

"I'm afraid we must, Matvey. We have no other choice. His people need-"

"SCREW WHAT HIS PEOPLE NEED!" I screamed. "What about him? Are we just going to sit and leave him to die? What about Alfred." I shook my head crying. Why? Why had this all happened? Why couldn't they just leave the situation alone, why couldn't everything just pause for a moment and let things calm down. Let me calm down.

Everyone in the room shifted. An ominous and wretched aura hung about the closed area, it clung to the walls like grape vines and wrapped around every guest-filling lungs with a miasma that burned tears into their eyes. Constricting them like a boa.

Satan's having his fun today, isn't he? I was not amused.

I didn't want to be here. I really didn't. I was forced against my will to leave his side. They brought me there only to show me what happened-to shake me up. To frighten scared little Canada into helping the U.S. And they were right-I was scared. I was petrified, in fact. They made me leave my dying twin's hospital bed to bring me to a meeting. A MEETING. A meaningless, something-I-could-have-possibly-avoided-if-Russia-wasn't-so-damned-huge, meeting.

Did they think they could just toss me around because I seemed weak? Who did they think they were? I've perfected this façade of silence long enough and I'm sick and tired of this bullshit.

"Mathieu-you cannot really believe we can just wait here for him to get 'better', the longer we wait-the more chaos spreads. We need to act now. We need to fix this now." Was that regret in this voice? The confidence in those words was very small.

Francis stood from leaning against the pale wall. His golden locks were frayed and tangled from the mass of people he had to charge diligently through to get here. Purple and yellow bags had dug homes under his usual light eyes-which had now faded to a dark gray. His clothes were torn slightly at the sleeves and his shoes covered in red dirt.

He was supposed to be damage control.

"No….no!" I refused. I wouldn't allow this to happen. I wouldn't.

"Mathieu….we know you must be feeling…..horrible-" Well no shit, Sherlock. "-and we are all feeling the same way, but you can't expect anything to go back to normal after a crisis such as this. If Alfred remains in his current state as his country, his empire-the entire empire of America will…crumble." And Alfred will die before his country disappears…literally. Ludwig's unsaid words hung in the air. I know they all meant well-I did. I really did, but that wasn't going to stop me from questioning and refusing the ludicrous.

Because that's exactly what they were mentioning: insanity.

I crumpled into the chair behind me and let my lashes fall. Standing had become too much of a chore during these recent hours. The energy was completely gone; drained from my body.

Blinking, talking, breathing-all these things were easier when Alfred was… himself. When Alfred was with me.

When I was with him.

"Yes, Alfred?" I feigned a smile. Crying wasn't something to show in front of a broken person.

Small cracks of blood shifted on his face as his grin only grew in size. "M-Mattie…I-I w-wan'ed (wanted) to-o s-see you…" Blankets covered his torso. Blood seeped through the sheets until near the entire bed was drenched in the gross burnt crimson color. A flood of mount dragon lilies staining the sheets. There were some pale yellow spots-but they most definitely weren't urine stains-though you cannot fathom how much I wished they were.

They were up near his chest-over his lungs.

"He was brought here about three hours ago. The big tall man over there had been carrying him wrapped in a carpet." The doctor motioned towards the door. "I'm not going to go into too much detail but, he's broken most of his ribs, fractured his pelvis, three concussions, five broken fingers- missing his right pinky finger, lungs collapsing, fractured spinal cord, blind in his left eye, and his pulse is all over the place." He seemed a tad frazzled.

"N-not into detail…?" I choked. The older man shook his head, staring directly into my eyes with some sort of empathy.

"You don't want to know the rest of it." G-great.

A name was loudly announced over the loud speaker-something about emergency care-and the doctor huffed and ran out of the room.

The blank, white room. Leaving me with a horrible ringing in my ears. "Not too bad-right M-Mattie?" An attempted joke. I felt my face scrunch in agony. "Y-yeah Alfie, not too bad." I sniffed and swallowed my tears. I'm here to help him-not scare the shit out of him by crying.

"T-tell me Mattie," Blood leaked out of the corners of his chapped mouth. He turned his fractured skull to me to the best of his ability. "Why are your eyes red?"

"You know, we all loved-love him. We all care deeply for his well being and country. We're suffering as much as you are right now. We know-" Germany was such a well worded country. Even during genocide, they made their actions seem beneficial. Though I'd think anyone would agree that they most certainly were not.

"Really? Because I'm not too convinced that you are." I argued, my brows furrowed as my eyes remained closed. They all claimed to feel the same pain-yet none were showing it. Not one shed a tear. Not one shook in fear.

Francis? Yeah, sure he had looked completely fatigued and as if he'd just run forward into a pack of wild bulls-but his eyes lacked something. Their usual shining glory and lust was replaced with …worry. But I'm not sure that the worry was for Alfred. I'm not even positive it was for anyone else either. He'll claim that it was for Arthur-but is that it?

Everyone sees your good side-but masks don't fall around everyone.

Francis loved Arthur-that much as obvious-but what 'type' of love was it? Did he genuinely care for England? Or was it that he cared only because he didn't want Arthur to stop loving him in a mental fury?

You see now?

Kiku hardly showed his true emotions. Sure-he'd compliment Al when he was around…but those compliments were empty and half hearted. He was jealous of America. No matter how intelligent and well-developed Japan was, it'd never become an empire like America was. No matter how healthy Japan may be and how artistic they were-they'd never beat America. All the fights between the two countries. The bombings. The aero-fights. The insults. The lies.

Kiku's people even went to lengths of copying American culture. They were nothing but clones. Nasty, self-loathing clones. Fortunately for them, their government along with most other countries told them off. Alfred was America-and no one- no one- could be better or similar to that. Then again-not many wanted to be.

Germany has had his….times. And Alfie's helped him too. Hitler was a bitch, but Al assisted in getting rid of him too, right?

And what did Spain have to do with Alfred other than the Spanish Empire?

Then there's Russia. Russia- or at some points-the Soviet Union. Alfred knew him as both. Alfred had known Ivan more than anyone during both times. Hated him during both times. And, despite what either will say, loved him during both times. But… can Ivan ever truly love Al? Will he ever care for anyone else….can he?

All of the lies, threats, wars and spies….I'm not sure those two will ever get along.

So out of all of them…who really cared? Who is here to actually stand up for Alfred….or are they all just here for America?

Because frankly, I do not think they're both the same anymore. At least…they won't be.

"You know, you sit and talk and try to convince me about how much you care, but I've yet to see one act of affection in the slightest from any of you in these past hours! And may I remind you-they were god-for-fucking long." I hissed. My words couldn't possibly convey the emotion I was feeling right now. Fists couldn't convey the emotion.

Heavy scuffs on the carpet made their way towards where I was sitting in a frantic pattern. They stopped in front of me. There was an awkward pause before Ivan had me pinned to the wall by my throat before I could even open my eyes.

"Ivan! The hell are you doing? Hello? Hey-listen to me-"

"Nyet. You listen to me, Matvey." His voice was a very deep and coarse croak. Almost like Al's was in the hospital room, except Ivan's was strong-it had a purpose.

Maybe to terrorize the shit out of me-but still a purpose.

He was angry. "Permit me to first illuminate that you're most certainly not-nor will ever be- the only one to care for Alfred. You are not the only one wondering and determining what's best for his survival and you are not going to sit here and look down upon all of us as if we have no idea how to treat someone like a human." He shook me in his grip. "Because we do, Matvey. And we don't know how to fix Alfred right now-but I can tell you I'm working on it." I opened my mouth to say something, but his fingers wrapped themselves around my jaw to force it shut until he was finished. The rest decided to take seats behind him.

"Second, I should like to tell you that America is the one of the world's leading countries. You know well enough that out of North America, he owns that continent. His name's on it. If word breaks loose that ANYTHING has happen to obstruct something over here, then there's going to be a major issue with chaos and free war. That is why Japan has worked with the government agencies to shut down internet services in this country until further notice. France is working with America's navy, army and pilots to find the perpetrators. Places above and below us are littered with Alfred's "bugs". Ludwig has his spies everywhere and everything that I, Russia, can possibly offer-is on the table. We're all contributing to finding Alfred, Matvey. How DARE you accuse us of not caring. You must think me a cold hearted bastard of a country-" He pressed harder into my neck. He moved so that his voice was but a whispered bite through my ear. "-but I assure you-that the only difference between us right now is that I'm acting productively on my emotions."

My mind began processing the information as I thought he was finished-but his vice grip never left my face-though he himself moved back a bit.

"I'm not even sure why I'm here." I mumbled statement came from a brunette sitting in a chair next to Francis. "I mean, I care for Alfred like the rest of you-" Ivan shot him a glare which made him shiver. "-and I want to do all that I can, but….there's not much I can do. I import things. I travel. I don't go to war anymore. I can provide transportation-fast sails. Smooth plane rides. But…not much else." Watery green eyes looked up into mine from across the room. "But you, you on the other hand have so much you can do. More so than any of us-even Ivan. More than anyone. And yet….you're refusing to comply with such simple demands. What's so bad about this?" Antonio was now standing, along with France who stood up after him: a solemn look on his features.

"The Western borders and states have been swept with no trace of any immediate threats. The eastern half hasn't been touched due to several explosions after the first. People are running ramped because they do not know what's going on, and they're afraid to know what's wrong. They need a leader. The president is not going to satisfy this country alone-he needs someone there to guarantee safety, someone with a familiar face." Francis had pushed his chair out and was now slowly walking towards Ivan and I.

Ludwig, Kiku, and Antonio remained seated for a few moments before they also stood. Ivan turned back to me. "Matvey, I know you care about Alfred. I know you would do most anything for him. Whenever he's in need of a shoulder he goes to you," His face grew tight around that sentence. "And you comfort him. Right now, we are all relying on your shoulders. We are handing you a burden to carry like no other-and yet it needs to be carried by someone." He paused; looked me dead in the eyes and said, "You are the only one of us who hasn't done anything. The president is awaiting news to what we are going to do. So, Matvey-care to enlighten me?"

"Why are your eyes red?" My body froze for a second, then relaxed as I lied through my teeth.

"Oh Al, you know how allergic I am to those nasty cheeseburgers of yours." I knelt beside his bed and laid one of my hands on his bandaged forehead. Really-what wasn't bandaged right now?

He twitched. "T-THEY ARE N-NOT N-NAST-TY!" He huffed loudly. Catching his breath after a second, he thought. "Wait…you ate one of my cheeseburgers, Mattie?" He tried to move his arm up to his head so he could hold my hand, but he…he didn't have the strength to pull his arm up. I brought mine to his.

"Yeah…" I forced a smile. "And it tasted awful."

"N-no. they a-are made of a-awesome and amazing-ness and d-deliciousness and-f-fuck, I'll even say r-rainbows." His visible brow furrowed noticeably.

"Alright, Alfie, alright. I'll listen to you this time."

It was quiet for some time until Alfred spoke again. "Mattie…d-do you rem-member when we were lil' and t-this kinda' s-stuff used to happen t-to me all the t-time?" He questioned softly.

"Al, this is hardly something we could say has happened to you before…I mean, a scraped knee is one thing-but…" My words drifted off.

"I know…" he responded. "I just couldn't help but wonder how Arthur is going to scold me this time…" His lids closed slowly.

I blinked. Where-where was Arthur? What is he going to say…?

"Well…you only you can imagine…right Alfie?"

…

Several minutes flew by.

…

"Al?….AL?" I hadn't noticed the heart monitor change due to my concentration with Alfred. Oh no….ohno-ohno-ohno-ohno!

"Fuck. HELP! SOMEBODY-HELP!" I called towards the door. Something was wrong with Alfred. Something worse than before.

Was that possible?

"No! Let me in to see him. I need to see him!" I tried pushing my way through the nurses blocking the doorway to Al's room.

"I'm sorry sir, but we've been ordered by the directing doctor to not allow anyone who isn't staff into this room. It's of vital importance."

"But I'm- I'm family! He needs me!" I hollered. Do they not understand?

A man in a white lab coat drenched in blood poked his head through the doorway. "You'll only be in the way! Leave! Stop this nonsense. We have work to do and we need to concentrate. He's in a coma-you won't be needed anyway!" With that his head then retreated back behind the door separating Alfie and I….

"Leave them be, Matvey. And aside that, we need to talk." I turned myself to find bloodshot eyes.

Eyes that had been crying.

"Ivan…" He turned and motioned for me to follow him. I obliged by the gesture.

He led me to a conference room a floor above where Alfred resided comatose. I was surprised to find that Francis, Antonio, Kiku, and Ludwig were also in the room. All with discerned faces. Knowing faces.

"Mathieu, oh mon dieu, mon précieux." I was pulled into a tight hug by a mess of blond locks. The voice sounded somewhat….relieved?

"Francis…Ce qui est erroné?…" I felt him shake in my arms. I was about to begin rubbing his back in comfort when a immense pressure shot through my left shoulder.

France let go and took two steps back. He whipped his eyes and swallowed hard-refusing to look me in the eye.

"Mathieu… maybe you should sit down…" He muttered.

"Huh…? Why?" I didn't understand…what was going on?

Ludwig, Antonio and Kiku made their way to the chairs around the table in the center of the room.

Ivan released his grip on my shoulder as he too sat in a chair.

"Umm, what's going on? Why are we here?" The atmosphere was uncomfortable. The pressure of it's power was growing.

"Mathieu, we are about to ask you to do something you are not going to like." Kiku's voice was quiet. "Nonetheless, we would like you to properly consider the consequences should you choose not to do what we ask." His words held order and commands, but his tone and manner couldn't have been more opposing.

Silence filled the room again. "Okay…not much else that could ruin this day anymore than it already is…"

"Oh-we beg to differ Math-" Francis was kicked under the table. Hard, I would assume by his reaction.

"You know well enough of Alfred's condition. And you also know his social, worldly status and importance. Because these two things have intertwined, we have two options to choose from." Russia paused, taking a breath. "One, we choose one country in this room to take control of America by force. To govern it until Alfred gets better. To make sure nothing happens. But…I cannot guarantee that he will get his country back… The second choice is to have someone be Alfred, be America until Alfred gets better. This will assure the citizens of the United States that nothing has happened to their country and they'll feel safe."

What? Be Alfred? Who-who could possibly… "Matvey, we need you to be Alfred."

The room spun. Huh? Me be Alfie? But…I have my own country to run. I…I can't do this. "B-but I won't be-"

"Francis would take care of Canada during your…absence."

Francis held back a sob. Apparently he wasn't all to happy about this either.

"I…I don't…no. No. This is wrong. I can't take America from him! What-why are you even…WHAT?"

"No offense, Mathieu…but you don't really have a choice." Ludwig ran a hand through his light, blond head.

"Obviously! It seems I don't have a say in anything in this! Do you really think Alfred going to let you do this? He wouldn't even let you think about something this…this…"

"Alfred is not going to be told about this." Antonio interrupted.

"…what?"

"He is not going to be asked nor informed about the situation. He is going to know."

"But…this…they won't let you do this! The president…the president won't go for it!" I frantically scrambled for words.

"The president won't know either, Matvey. He hasn't even been told about Alfred's current condition. He doesn't know anything but what we are about to tell him. All you'd have to do is get on the phone and-"

"What-what's going to become of Al while…when I'm…him…?"

A drowning silence overtook the room. It was like a flood-swallowing everything in sight. No one answered. No one talked. No one even dared to breathe.

"…What…are…you-" I couldn't finish my sentence. Did I know what they were planning? I'm not sure. I hoped I didn't; because that would only mean that I had about a screwed up mind as they did for even thinking about it.

"Alfred…will be…'put to sleep'…"

"P-put to sleep? What…what does that even mean?"

"It means…he won't be…well…"

"ARE FUCKING TELLING ME YOU'RE GOING TO KILL ALFRED FOR THIS?"

"In a sense…yes."

"…ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MINDS?"

"Mathieu, we do not wish to hurt you but-"

"No-Francis-you just shut the fuck up. I'm not talking to you right now." They seemed alarmed at my language and manner. Really? They didn't expect his?

I turned to Ivan. Russia. The man Alfred was in love with. The man that was in love with Alfred. "You-are you telling me you're…okay with this? You're okay with putting Alfred to sleep like a dog?" I narrowed my eyes.

He remained voiceless for a period of time before he admitted, "It was my idea."

"…Come again…?"

"You heard me quite well, Matvey. I do not wish to repeat-"

"Aren't you supposed to love him? The fuck!" I scraped my fingers across the table, effectively causing them to bleed.

"I don't know what you're talking about Matvey. But you need to do this. I can always bring Alfred back. You need to fix this. There's only so much we can-" Bring Al back? After killing him? Not possible.

"NO! I won't! I'm not Alfred! I'm Mathieu! Mathieu Williams! Not Alfred F. Jones. I do not run America. I can't." I stood stubborn.

"Do you really have a choice?" Wet, blue orbs dove into mine. Francis…?

"What-o-of course I do. I have free will…"

"I mean…Alfred is in the hospital…d-dying, and his country is in Hell. His people are dying. His economic affairs are being cut off one by one because we've cut all his ties until further notice…Are you going to let your older brother suffer the consequences of his downfall when he…comes back?"

No…they can't do this. They can't play that card. It's cheating. It isn't fair.

"The only countries that know about this are the ones we informed. Which, I will add, is a very miniscule amount. No one would know the difference if you were to…step up to the plate-so the speak." Kiku added logically.

"But…we don't look exactly alike…we're two different people…I mean… eye color…and hair style…and…this is wrong."

"I can fix that, Matvey-do not worry."

"No! I don't WANT to do this. And you can't make me! I'm not taking away Alfred. Don't you see? America is Al's life. HIS LIFE. And your about to take that away from him. It's what he lives for. It's his country. You can't control what happens. I won't let you take Al." Ivan took a step towards me, cautiously remaining a safe distance.

"We can and we will. You cannot stop us. We're saving your brothers country. You'll thank us for this later."

Francis moved closer as well. "A-and…we'll do anything to make sure of that."

His eyes were hollow. Empty. He seemed as if he just left his body. He wasn't himself anymore. He wasn't thinking right. This was Alfred. ALFRED. What would England say, I wonder?

They can't do this. It's not their choice. Why are they all just going along with this charade?

I grinded my teeth. "You can't do that."

"So, Matvey-care to enlighten me?" Hot breath hissed down my neck. Ivan had his entire body pressed up against mine. Crushing me. Barely being able to breath, I tried to choke out some words-didn't work out too well.

"Ivan, Ivan-let him go. You can't do this." I van glared at Antonio. "Think of Alfred, Ivan. Would he want you to do th-"

"DOES IT MATTER? HE CAN'T EVEN MOVE RIGHT NOW, ANTONIO. HE-…he can't do anything…" Finally Ivan let go of me and moved away. His huge form slumped to the floor.

And I hate to admit it, but I felt sorry for his Communistic ass. I mean, here he was-this big, bulky, man of a man-wearing a pink scarf, with blood stains down the front of his jacket from Alfred-crumpled on the floor in agony. It was a sad scene to witness.

I swallowed and scrunched my face.

If only he were more human and had brighter ideas to solve problems. Rather than just ignoring the possibilities and putting the 'project' to sleep.

"Fine." I said moving away from them. "I'll do it. But you all better remember-and you better remember real fucking well: that in YOUR times of crisis and war, when YOU were injured and not quite capable to rule, and when YOU needed someone-anyone to save you; despite whether or not being enemies-he was your fucking Hero. And you better not expect me to take the place of him. Because I won't." I growled. "And Ivan? You're going to be the one to put him to sleep. I don't care how you get around to doing it. Ot how you do it. But I''m not allowing this to be easy for you. It was your idea." I thought about slamming the door-to add the dramatic, angry, 'I pity all of you' effect. But I couldn't. Slamming the door wasn't going to save Alfred-it wasn't even going to help him. It was only going to prove how juvenile I was; I had a little growing up to do.

But right now, Al needed me to be a Hero, and god damnit I was gunna' give him one.

Three hours later:

"Hey-C-commi, those b-better not b-be sniffles I'm hearing. Cause sniffles mean tears, and t-tears mean y-you're sad. I might just havta' knock you f-flat if I f-find out that you are c-crying over t-this." Al said in his cheeky voice.

Ivan's face softened. His big, rough hands shifted around the IV. "…Nyet, Alfred. I would never cry in front of you."

okay~3 review damnit! :O haha this chapter is prolly the longest chapter ive ever posted on here. i usually cut em up a bit but...oh well:D any suggestions on what should happen? cuz im kinda lost. TT~TT au revoir my chikadees~ "BITCHES DON'T KNOW ABOUT MY CHICK!"