I sat in the middle of the floor and looked around, my new room. It was finally done after a whole day of moving, unpacking and yelling at Bobby. He had become quite annoying through out the day. I couldn't tell you how many times Evelyn had smacked him or how many times I had hit him with his own hockey stick. Angel cheered me on and Jerry scolded him. Jerry seemed like the most put together of the four. He had his life right. He had a wife and two small kids. He came from nothing to have everything. It was nice to see that life can change for the better. Even though mine seemed far away from it. And that's what I thought about sitting out my window. I thought about my life and how tragic it had become. A country artist would love to hear my story, they would have a big hit.

"BOO!" Came a deep voice and hand around my waist. I jumped and nearly fell off the roof but Jack held my arms. "Sorry. Somehow I didn't think that would happen." he laughed and sat down next to me.

"Really? You didn't think scaring the living hell out of someone on a roof would nearly make them fall? Yeah, I didn't seem to think of that either." I said sarcastically. He laughed and lit a cigarette.

"Want one?" he offered. I pushed them away and smiled.

"I like my lungs all bubble gum pink, not black as night. But thanks anyways." I said sweetly. He shook his head and looked around.

"You can't hide." he told me softly. I bowed my head and played with the shingles on the roof.

"I can try." I whispered. He grabbed my hand and pulled me to look at him. He looked at my straight in the eyes and frowned.

"Don't try. There's no point. It's always going to be there and if you try to hide it, it'll be worse when it does find you. Trust me, I know." he told me. I looked away and sniffed.

"I don't think I can do it, Jack." I confessed. He wrapped and arm around me and hugged me.

"Yes, you can. You got Ma. Hell, you got me and my brothers now. You'll be fine." he told me and stood up.

He crawled back inside my window and I looked down at myself. It had taken me nearly half and hour to get the courage to put these freaking clothes on. The simple black skirt and black wrap top that usually went so well with other pieces now looked so dull put together. I vowed to throw them away after today. After the funeral. I sighed and crawled back inside. I walked over and slipped on my black heels and grimaced as I looked in the mirror.

"I look horrible. Why do funeral's have to be so depressing?" I muttered to myself. I looked in the corner of the mirror and saw Evelyn standing there. I bit my lip and wiped my tears away. She walked over and laid her hands on my shoulders and smiled sadly.

"It'll be okay." she said softly. I nodded and turned around.

"Everyone keeps saying that and each time it sounds further away." I whispered. She patted my cheek and smiled.

"But it will." she said and hugged me. I hugged her back and grabbed my purse when we pulled away. "Ready?" she asked.

"Not really but yeah." I laughed. She nodded and we made our way downstairs. I nearly dropped my jaw when I saw all of the boys wearing slacks and button up shirts.

"Bobby cleans up nice, huh?" I smiled. He gave me a glare and grabbed my shoulder.

"I only plan on doing this once. So don't get used to it." he told me. I laughed and turned around. We walked outside and I saw two cars.

"You can ride with me if you like." Jerry said walking up behind me. I nodded and walked with him and Evelyn to his car.

"So she's too good to ride with us. I see how it is Emilie." Angel yelled getting into Bobby's car. I smiled and closed my door.

We drove in silence to the cemetery. I kept seeing Evelyn and Jerry shoot me glances from the front and sighed. Every mile we drove got closer and closer to the thing I dreaded most in life. I was losing another parent for good. I knew death was out there and I knew that one day Abigail would be taken from me, I wasn't naive to not believe that. But why now? Why so soon? And why a car accident? I didn't understand but when have I ever understood when my family was ripped from me. It's happened too many times and I was afraid it would happen more.

"Emilie, we're here." Evelyn said. I broke my thoughts and stared out the window. There was quite a few people here, most likely Evelyn and my mom's friends from work. I went to grab the handle when the door opened. I smiled at Jack's face. He laid one arm on the top of the frame and looked down at me.

"You're riding with us on the way back. I need company." he smiled. I laughed and nodded my head. I stood there in the door for a minute until he held a hand out. "It's time to go." he whispered. I swallowed and stared at his hand.

I don't wanna see, I don't wanna see anything
I don't wanna be, I don't wanna be lost again
I don't wanna walk, I don't wanna walk far from You
I just wanna live, I just wanna live like You do

"I can't." I whispered. He kept his hand out and stared at me.

"Yes, you can. And you need to. Abigail needs a goodbye from you of all people. I'll be right next to you and Ma will be on the other side." he told me.

I slowly grabbed his hand and he wrapped his fingers around mine. He moved back to help me out the car. I stepped out and sighed when my feet touched the ground. I looked at Jack and he nodded. I let his hand go and walked up to Evelyn. I grabbed her hand and we sat down. Jack did as he said, he sat one side while Evelyn sat on my other. Angel, Bobby and Jerry stood behind me. Everyone got in their places as the minister said he words. They were all a blur though. I wasn't paying attention to him. The only thing I saw was the gleaming silver casket in front of me. The one that held my mother.

As I stumble to the light of grace
You said You'd always have a place for me
Got a little scared, got a little scared in the woods
And everywhere I turn, everywhere I turn nothing's good

Memories started flashing through my eyes as I stared. The first time I had met her. The look in her eyes when I first called her mom. They way she held me tight when I woke up in the middle of the night. The way she was so patient when all I could do was think about was Charlotte and Charlie. She had it all. She was everything. It felt good to have her in my life and now she was gone. Now I could only hope that my life would still be okay with just memories of her.

Then I saw a little light, saw a little light shine for me
And I found a little path, found a little path at my feet
As I fumble with the gift of my free will
He says hush now, listen to my voice, be still

I felt Bobby's hands on my shoulders as they started to lower her into the ground. My heart dropped lower with each crank of the lift. I watched as the casket slowly went deeper and deeper into the ground until it was completely gone. I shook my head and stood up. Evelyn grabbed my hand and squeezed as a few ladies came over. They talked about how amazing she was and how much she would be missed, like I didn't know that. But they talked and I nodded. And when they left so did I.

I walked away from the group of people and made my way over to a tiny brush of trees. I stood behind a tree so hopefully no one would see me and closed my eyes. I took deep breaths and let the serene feeling take me over. I was almost there when I heard his voice.

My refuge, my Father
The only Living Water
I'm weary, I'm broken
I've cracked my heart wide open

"You okay?" he asked. I laughed and looked over at him.

"I'll be fine if everyone quits asking me that." I told him. He nodded and leaned on the tree.

"I'm not okay, Jack." I whispered after a few minutes. "I feel like I'm falling and there's no ground to catch me. I've had to bury my parents before and I'm tired of it. I'm tired of losing everyone I care for. Losing everyone I love and need. It's making life unbearable." I cried. I sat down on the ground and cried into my hands. He sat next to me and pulled me to his side.

Unholy, unworthy
And still You reassure me
You knew me
Before I new myself
I don't wanna be, I don't wanna be lost again

"I know, trust me. I haven't had any parent's to bury mainly because I've never had any. Evelyn's been the only one who actually cared. But Emilie, you have to let us help. We've been through it all before." he told me. I sighed and lifted my head to look at him.

"How many homes did you have?" I asked. He laughed and lit a cigarette.

"Too many. I had at least two a year." he told me. I nodded and looked at the ground.

"How did you get to leave?" I asked softly.

"I'd run away. I'd get in trouble and they'd move me." he said exhaling the smoke.

"Why did you run?" I asked again. He looked over at me and smirked.

"You sure are full of questions." he said. I blushed and he continued. "I'd get tired of the beatings and run." he finished softly.

"I'm sorry." I whispered. He shook his head.

"Not your fault. Did they ever hit you?" he asked me. I sighed and sat up straight.

"A few did. Nothing horrible though." I confessed.

"No matter how hard or how much they do it, it's horrible." he growled. I looked over and tilted my head at him. His eyes were darker now.

"Maybe we should get back." I said standing up. He nodded and stood up. I laughed and looked up at him. "I didn't realize you were so tall." I told him.

"I didn't realize you were so short." he laughed. We walked off and met back up with Evelyn.

"Are you okay?" she asked as I walked up. I nodded and saw Jack walk off to Bobby's car.

"I'm fine, a little tired but fine." I told her. She smiled and waved the boys over.

"I'm ready to leave. So let's go." she said. Before I could even take a breath Jack grabbed my arm and pulled me over to Bobby's car. I laughed as he playfully shoved me in the backseat.

"Are they that scary, Jack?" I teased. He looked over at me and smiled.

"Bobby and Angel are horrible." he laughed.

And soon I figured that out. As time went by the days got easier and less empty. I got closer to all the boys and even closer to Evelyn. I'd babysit Amelia and Daniella for Jerry and Camille to make a little money. Angel found out he would be deployed in six months and I held Evelyn as she cried that night. Bobby was home less and less and when he was home he slept or drank himself stupid. At times I felt a little alone. Everyone was older and had things to do. I was barely 18 and home schooled. God, I needed friends and a life.

"So did Abbi school you?" Jack asked after staring at me for a few minutes. I was sitting on my bed doing some math work when he appeared at me door. I looked up and nodded.

"Yeah. But after a while I started doing it myself." I muttered trying to concentrate. He stood there and stared at me.

"You don't have a life do you? You've been here two weeks and you haven't been out once." he told me. I sighed and threw my pen down.

"Don't you have better things to do than sit around bugging me?" I snapped.

He glared at me and walked out slamming my door behind him. I threw myself back on my bed and sighed. I got up and walked to my door. I opened it and heard a faint strumming from Jack's room. I walked over and knocked on the door. I heard the strumming stop and then his door swung open. He leaned against his door and glared at me. I crossed my arms and stared at him.

"I'm sorry." I apologized. He stared at me for a second like he was analyzing of I was lying or not.

"It's alright. But you do need a life." he told bluntly. I glared at him.

"I don't know anyone here. And I don't even go to school so I can't meet anyone." I defended. I smirked.

"Hang out with me." he offered. I laughed and he glared again.

"You're like four years older than me. And I'm not even 18 yet. You must have better things to do than hang out with me." I told him. He continued to glare.

"I think you should know I like your company. I find you quite amusing and fun to be around. And if you didn't want to hang with me, you could have just said so." he said and closed the door in my face. I stood there shocked and brung my fist up and banged on the door.

"Jack!" I called through the door.

Silence.

"Jack, come on. I didn't mean it like that." I called again.

Again silence. I sighed and kicked the door.

"Jack! Open the fucking door. I'll go hang out with you, okay? I need a life, help me get a life." I yelled. I heard footsteps and a smug looking Jack opened the door.

"Do ya mean it?" he asked pouting his lips slightly. I rolled my eyes and nodded. He smiled and grabbed my arm. He drug me downstairs and opened the door.

"Where are we going?" I asked as I walked out after him. He grinned at me and kept walking. "Jack, tell me." I whined and stopped on the sidewalk.

"Keep whining and I'll take the long way." he warned. I sighed and ran to catch back up with him. I walked along side of him and tried to take in the streets and scenery.

"I'm guessing people don't move here for the scenery, huh?" I joked. He laughed.

"No, people move from here mostly. They'd be crazy to move here." he told me. I nodded and nearly fell when he grabbed my arm and pulled me to the side.

"What..." I started but stopped when Jack put his hand over my mouth. I looked at him with wild eyes but he was staring elsewhere.

"Shush." he whispered. He kept staring and I moved forward to look at what he was seeing. I saw a girl and some guy totally going at it. I wanted to gag but the hurt look on Jack's face stopped me.

"That's my girlfriend." he laughed sadly. I felt the blood boil in my veins and glared at Jack.

"Aren't you going to do something?" I asked. He looked at me and glared.

"Like what? Confront her?" he asked. I waved my hand in the air and laughed at his stupidity.

"Uh yes! She's cheating on you in plain sight and all you can so it shush me and laugh about it? Are you demented?" I asked him. He rolled his eyes and looked back at Lydia and that guy.

"I know she's like that. I just never saw it. We..." he sighed. "We have an open relationship." he told me slowly. I gaped at him.

"An open relationship?" I repeated. He nodded his head and blushed slightly.

"Yeah it's where-" he stared but I hushed him with my hand.

"I'm might be younger than you, but I'm not stupid or naive." I told him. He nodded slowly and looked away. "Why?" I asked.

"I don't know. I don't want a serious relationship." he told me.

"Not every relationship has to be serious, Jack." I cried out. He was insane.

"I know but I don't know. It's just like that okay." he raised his voice.

"I can't believe you. First Bobby tells me he'd rather get a hooker, then he tells me Angel fucks around and now you only want 'open relationships'." I finger quoted the last two words. He glared at me.

"Don't judge me, Emilie." he growled.

"Well you make it kinda hard not to." I retorted. He huffed and turned around. I watched as he walked away. "So you're just gonna walk away?" I yelled.

He kept walking and I stared at his retreating figure. I sighed and slowly followed him. We were about half way home when I looked up and didn't see him. I started to panic and looked around. I wrapped my arms around myself and called out.

"Jack?!" I called and walked a few more steps. I felt and hand go over my mouth and one around my waist. I tried to scream and it was muffled. Then I heard that deep laugh. I pushed myself out of the captor's arm and looked at him. "JACK!" I screamed as he laughed.

"You should have seen your face." he laughed. I glared at him and walked off.

"Emilie!" he called after me. I shook my head and kept walking. He ran after me and grabbed my shoulders. He spun me around only to have my palm across his face. He let me go and stared at me.

"You're an ass." I seethed. He rubbed his cheek and nodded.

"I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to scare you." he told me softly. I swallowed and let him hug me. I placed my chin on his shoulder and my hands on his back. "Forgive me?" he asked. I pulled away and saw him pouting.

"I guess. But I'm still mad." I told him pointedly. He smiled and nodded.

It amazed me how close me and Jack had become. I started spending most of my time with him inside the house and out. We made numerous trips to the bowling alley and laser tag warehouse. A few times we even got Bobby and Angel to tag along. But today we decided to try the new billiards club a few blocks down.

"You seriously don't know how to play?" Jack asked as we walked in. I shook my head and looked around.

"Nope. You think they got enough pool tables?" I asked.

"Umm Em, it's a billiards bar. They kinda have to have a lot of pool tables." Jack laughed. I glared at him and walked after Jack to the bar. "Let me get a beer and a water for her." he ordered. The bartender smiled at me and handed me my water.

"I hated being under 21." he told me. I laughed and agreed. Jack walked over to an empty table and set the balls up. He handed my a stick and grabbed his own.

"You're gonna teach me right?" I asked. He nodded and came around to my side.

"Alright, we gonna play 8-ball. I'll break and whatever I sink in, solid or stripes, is what I play. If I sink both I get to choose. If you knock a ball in, you get another turn unless you knock the white ball in. That's called a scratch. If you scratch the other player gets a ball in hand, they get to move the white ball where ever. Got it so far?" he asked. I bit my lip and recanted.

"Whatever you knock in is yours. Scratching is bad. Ball in hand also bad. Pretty simple." I told him. He smiled and sipped his beer.

"Good. Now everyone holds their stick a different way." he said. I smirked and winked at him.

"Oh really now?" I asked. He grinned and pointed at me.

"Shut it. You know what I meant. Now whatever feels right to you is how you hold it. I hold mine on my thumb and wrap my finger over it." he sais still grinning.

"I didn't know pool was so dirty." I laughed. He dropped his head and laughed.

"Yeah, me either. But you pointed it out. Now get a feel for it." he told me. I kept my comments to myself and leaned over the table to test my hold. I fiddled a few minutes and sighed.

"I'm not gonna be good at this." I declared. He laughed and set his beer down.

"Here. Let me show you." he said. He set his pool stick to side and walked over to me. He stepped behind me and put his arms along side mine so I was between his.

"Don't fight me." he whispered as he pressed himself against my back and leaned me over. He slid his hands over mine and moved my right hand closer to the end of the stick and my left on up a littler further. He laid the stick over my thumb and wrapped my finger over the top.

"That's how I do it." he told me. I shivered feeling his warm breath on my neck and nodded. "Now, I'm going to help you break. So just go with it, ok?"

I nodded and let him lean over me just a little more. He clasped his hands over mine and started to move the stick slowly at the white ball. I felt his break on my neck as jerked the stick forward and hit the ball. We leaned up and watched it fly into the other balls knocking them all over.

"You knocked in a solid. Wanna take another shot?" he asked. I nodded and held my stick the way he showed me. I moved it slowly and tried to shoot but failed. I sighed and dropped my head on the table. I leaned up quicky and turned around but my breath caught as I stared at Jack only an inch from my face. He had moved behind me to show me again when I turned around. Thus leaving us really close and facing each other.

I stared at her in front of me. I could almost feel her breath on my lips. I swallowed and tried my hardest not to do anything stupid. And my conscience didn't help.

'Kiss her, Jack! She's right there.' one voice yelled.

'She's 17, you're 22, not a good idea.' the other yelled.

'Aww she's close enough to 18. It's not like she's innocent.' the first yelled.

'And how would you know? Have you kissed or slept with her. No!' the second yelled.

I shook the voices out and listened to the more sane of the two. I stepped back and looked away. I was about to say something when I heard my name being called. I looked up and saw Lydia walking over. I sighed and looked over at Emilie who was glaring at me.

"Jack! Baby, I didn't expect..." she started and then looked over at Emilie. "Well, who's this?" she asked snottily. Emilie raised a brow and stared at me.

"Lydia, this is Emilie. Emilie, this Lydia." I introduced them. Lydia looked her over and looked back at me.

"Where did you pick her up from?" she asked me sweetly. I held my breath and looked back at Emilie.

"Why don't you ask me?" Emilie spoke up. Lydia smirked and turned on one foot to face her.

"Because I didn't want to. But since you are right there, where did Jack pick you up?" she asked. I saw the anger rise in Emilie as she bit the inside of her cheek.

"I'm just a friend. No need to get your panties in wad, that is if you're wearing any." Em smiled. I grinned and turned around whistling.

"Ahh so she's got jokes. Jack why are you with her?" Lydia asked turning to me. I turned back around and rubbed my head.

"Huh? What, oh why is she with me? We uh, we were just hanging out. She didn't know how to play pool." I stuttered. She gave me a curious look and looked back at Emilie.

"Well, I think she knows enough. How about you ditch her and we can hang out?" she asked seductively. I swallowed hard as she slipped her hand up my shirt. I saw Emilie turn red and throw her stick down.

"Yeah, go Jack. I'm leaving anyways." she said and walked off. I wanted to go after her but Lydia's hand ventured down and I cursed myself for being a man. I looked down at her and smirked.

"Your place?" I asked. She grinned and shook her head.

"No, here." she whispered and pushed me to the bathroom. I fell against the wall as she locked the door. I smirked and pushed her against it and let my hands make their way up her dress. Emilie should have been on my mind but she wasn't. The only thing I thought about was me being buried deep inside of Lydia in the men's bathroom. And that also should have made me feel sick but it didn't. Maybe Emilie was right, I was crazy and mostly likely demented.

I stormed out of the pool hall and started walking. Part of me wanted him to come after me but the other part knew he wouldn't. I expected this from Bobby and maybe even Angel but not Jack. I was beyond pissed. I was hurt and I felt like an idiot. He just let me walk away so he could do whatever with Lydia. The same Lydia we caught making out with another guy a week ago. She was slowly demeaning the image I had of Jack and he wasn't helping either. And now because of her I was left to walk the streets of Detroit by myself.

"Emilie?" I heard a voice call. I looked behind me and saw Jerry driving up next to me. "What in the world are you doing out here?" he asked unlocking my door. I got in and shook my head.

"Your brother's an asshole." I declared. He sighed and started to drive.

"Let me guess. Lydia?" He asked. I nodded and looked out the window. "I hate that he's with her."

"Oh me too. She walks into the pool hall and he abandon's me. Funny thing is we caught her with another guy last week." I ranted. He shook his head again and looked over at me.

"Don't let this ruin how you see him. It's rare he lets anyone see him with her. Only a few friends. He's not like that, I swear." he told me.

"I know but he just let me walk out and he didn't come after me because she slipped her hand down his pants." I whined. "I thought he'd be better than that."

"He's a man. I'm not condoning what he did. But it's true. Men switch when sec is involved. It was you or sex." he told me honestly. I rolled my eyes and looked away.

"Men disgust me." I stated. He laughed and kept driving.

I looked out the window as we drove home. The more I sat and thought about it the more hurt I was. He had begged me to go out with him last week and now he ditches me for a quickie. He was really making it hard for me not to judge him.

I stared at myself in the mirror. Never had I been so disgusted in myself. I had many quickies, I many places but never had I been this disgusted by it. I couldn't believe I had let her go into Detroit by herself. I knew there would be hell to pay when I got home. Not only from Emilie but from Ma and my brothers. I had worked so hard to get her to trust me these past month and a half and now I fucked it all up. And above that, I did it for a girl who cheats on me. But now was the time and I had to face it.

"Hello, Jack." Came Ma's voice as I walked in. She was expecting me. I grimaced and shut the door. Her saying my name meant she knew it was me. Which meant one of two things. One, all my brothers were in there or two, she had already talked to them and made them leave. Luckily for me, it was the latter of the two.

"I know, Ma." I whispered as I sat in front of her.

"Apparently, you don't." she scolded. "I told you to watch out for her. You're closest to her. But instead you let her walk the streets of Detroit to spend time with Lydia. I had never seen her this mad before.

"I'm sorry. I don't know what I was thinking." I told her softly.

"Certainly, not about Emilie's safety." she seethed.

"I care about her okay?! I don't want anything to happen to her. I had a lapse in judgement okay. I'm a man so sue me." I yelled. She glared at me and stood up.

"Well you must not care enough because you did it anyways." she told me.

"I'm sorry!! What else do you want me to say?" I yelled waving my hands in the air.

"Nothing, at least not to me." she said. She walked over to the stairs and pointed up. "You hurt her. You need to do some apologizing and explaining. And you need to do it now."

"I will." I promised. I walked over to her and looked up. "You think she'll forgive me?" I asked. She sighed and looked up then back at me.

"There's only one way to find out." she said and walked off. I sighed and walked up the stairs. I walked to her door and closed my eyes. I expected the worst but hoped for the best as I knocked on her door. Never had I wanted to kick myself more when she opened the door. The look in her eyes...It said it all.

Grace by Saving Jane