The Fourteen Things that Always Happen to Faramir and Éowyn
Chapter Three: Horrible, Awful, Dreadful, Despicably Bad Poetry
Since I'm a bit stuck and my inner (and rather frustrated) writer is about to go mad from writing so many papers, here's some horrible Farawyn poetry! My own poetry is nothing like this, for the record. If I did write like this… well, I'd have to stick my head in a wood chipping machine, and you will soon see why.
Shameless plug: for those of you who want a parody set in the Houses of Healing, see my other fic You Don't Know What You Do to Me, a purposely awful Faramir/Éowyn one-shot set, you guessed it, in the Houses of Healing.
Poem One – Artsy, Meaningless Rubbish
faramir and éowyn are cute,
like two ((happy)) puppies,
like love pErSoNiFiEd;;;
like a quail that's been run over
and feasted on by detectives;
like J.o.H.n. D.o.N.n.E poking
elephants in sOiLeD kNiCkErS*
like
abelard and héloïse
except
faramir is not c/a/s/t/r/a/t/e/d
and has full reproductive function.
oh my
pity the soul
pity the mole
beneath emyn arnen
that has forgotten the
lo/ve be/tw/ee/n faramir
and éowyn
that
en
-compass
-es
middle earth and
(towel baguettes
ffantastig n00b radiatur
o wedi blino my socks)
their H* e* A* r* T* s* 0000
Poem Two – Typical Farawyn Poem with No Sense of Metre
He looked at her in the garden and fell in love
Cos she was like an angel from above
With hair so soft and eyes so bright
He knew she was not drinking Sprite.
She looked at him and fell in love
Happy as a dove
Faramir was the steward and was so kind
If he rented from Blockbuster, he'd rewind.
So anyway the world again was happy
And this poem is getting sappy
They got married and lived very long
So now I end this retarded song.