Disclaimer: Don't own Degrassi. 'Nuff said.
Author's Note: Quick update, mostly because I had most of the chapter drafted. Once again, thanks for the reviews, and I hope you enjoy.
IMPORTANT: I added a Trigger Warning to the summary. Until a few days ago, I didn't realize that some of my readers might have gone through what Bianca's going through in my fic, and I apologize if it brought about any bad memories.
X
And I Must Scream
Shatter
X
At lunch, the cafeteria was crowded with students. Listening to everyone's voices blending together, it sounded more like a beehive than a cafeteria full of hungry teenagers. Clare Edwards sighed as she glanced around in search for a place to eat. Alli was nowhere in sight, but it wasn't long before Clare spotted another familiar face across the room, right next to the open window. She made her way over.
A cool, Spring breeze caressed her skin as she got closer, and as she seated herself comfortably, Adam looked up from his PSP and gave her a wry smile. She smiled weakly in return, setting her tray down in front of her.
"Hey…" She greeted.
"Hey," he replied, reaching across the table to steal one of her fries.
"How's… how's Eli?" She asked uncertainly.
It had been about two weeks since the accident. Eli was out of the hospital and back at school again, and from what Adam had relayed to her, had counselling sessions with Ms. Sauvé every other day during lunch. He'd also been put on some kind of anxiety medication, but that's all she knew. She hadn't even spoken to him since the night of the dance.
"He's… getting better. I think," said Adam, drawing Clare's attention back to him. He stared at his half-eaten burger, before adding softly, "It'd be easier if you just talked to him yourself. I almost miss seeing you guys sucking face."
Clare sighed.
"I can't, Adam. It's too soon, and besides… I doubt he even wants to see me." She told him.
Adam rolled his eyes.
"That's what you think," he muttered. "He doesn't hate you, Clare. He loves you, and you love him… so just kiss and make up already."
Clare shot him a pointed look.
"It's not that simple…" She started, but trailed off when Bianca DeSousa caught her eye.
Normally, she wouldn't have paid any heed to the older girl. They ran in different circles, and she'd never spoken to her personally. She knew Bianca had given Adam a hard time earlier that year, and she knew that Alli had been at odds with her for a while — but they seemed to have put that behind them shortly after Alli returned to Degrassi. It wasn't even that Bianca was doing anything to draw attention to herself — she was just sitting at a nearby table, alone, picking away at her food.
She was wearing a heavy sweater, which struck Clare as a little out of the ordinary. It was finally Spring and the weather outside was beautiful. Why would Bianca of all people be wearing a sweater? Especially indoors? Wasn't she boiling? Then again, she could've been the type of person who got cold easily, Clare mused, before her thoughts drifted back to a month ago, when Mark Fitzgerald showed up on her doorstep. She'd seen the bruises on his skin, from where his step-brother had hit him, and it made her wonder… was Bianca also hiding something?
Before she could give it more thought, a hand appeared in front of her face, waving frantically. Clare blinked a few times, and then gave Adam an apologetic smile.
"Sorry," she said.
"It's fine. Didn't mean to bore you." Adam replied, his tone tripping with sarcasm.
Ouch.
"It's not that…" Clare assured him, "It's just… does Bianca seem off to you today?"
Adam peered over his shoulder to look at the girl in question, before turning back to face her.
"I dunno," he said with a shrug. "Why?"
"Don't you talk to her?" Clare asked. "I mean, she's dating your brother…"
Adam grimaced. "We don't talk much. I mean, she stopped calling me 'Tranny' and 'freak' but… we mostly just ignore each other. For Drew's sake." He spared Bianca another glance and then swivelled back around. "She does seem a bit out of it… but she's probably just hungover or something." He clasped his hands together. "Now, let's talk about something else… like Eli, and how you two need to stop being stubborn and…"
Clare sighed, resting her chin in the palm of her hand, and tuned him out.
oOo
Her head was throbbing, and the florescent lights hanging above her were doing nothing to ease it. Bianca closed her eyes, desperately trying to drown out the talking and laughter and obnoxious chewing that surrounded her. She couldn't focus; couldn't single out any one voice or conversation. It was just noise, and she just wanted it to fucking stop.
Suddenly, without warning, a pair of strong arms looped around her from behind. "Hey, sexy!"
Bianca started with a loud shriek that echoed all throughout the cafeteria as she jumped up from her seat and whipped around — only to come face-to-face with her boyfriend.
Drew quickly got over his own shock and laughed half-heartedly.
"Sorry, didn't mean to freak you out." He said, leaning in for a kiss — but Bianca stopped him, shoving him back hard.
"Don't!" Her voice cracked.
"What?" She could see the confusion in her boyfriend's eyes, and felt bad for rejecting his kiss, but when he reached for her hand, she slapped it away.
She didn't want him near her.
She didn't want anyone near her.
"Don't touch me!" Bianca's whole body shook as she backed away from him. "Just don't fucking touch me!"
Before Drew could say anything else, Bianca pushed past him and made her way out of the cafeteria as quickly as possible, determined to get as far away from him as humanly possible.
As Drew watched his girlfriend leave, he couldn't help but wonder what he'd done wrong.
"Don't worry, man." Dave said, appearing beside him and patting his shoulder. "It's probably just that 'time-of-the-month'."
"Dave!" Sadie chastised, smacking her boyfriend's arm.
"Yeah," Drew croaked, swallowing hard. "Probably."
He followed them back to their lunch table. As Dave launched into a conversation about something he'd heard from Wesley earlier that day, while Sadie listened attentively and laughed from time to time, Drew simply couldn't pay attention. His stomach churned as he thought about his girlfriend.
He had never seen Bianca look so terrified before, and that scared him.
oOo
A strangled cry rippled from the back of Bianca's throat as threw open the door to the washroom, and kicked over a nearby trash bin. She began to hyperventilate, and paced back and forth frantically, tangling her fingers in her thick curls while her mind reeled.
It was too much.
Bianca collapsed against the sink. Hanging her head, she gripped the porcelain tightly and took a deep breath, trying to calm her nerves.
Slowly, she peered up, and was disgusted with what she saw.
Dead brown eyes rimmed with dark circles and dry lips stared back at her.
She could see the bruise on the side of her head beginning to show through her makeup. She could smell him still on her skin, and feel his rough hands all over her - not at all like Drew, or any of the other guys she'd been with. It hurt. Everything fucking hurt, and she felt so disgusting and dirty and violated.
'Slut.' His voice rang in her head, and Bianca squeezed her eyes closed, desperately trying to make it go away.
But it was everywhere — written on the bathroom stalls, at the Ravine, on FaceRange, and in everyone's mind.
Slut.
Slut.
Slut.
"SHUT UP!" Bianca screeched, throwing her fist forward.
She ignored the searing pain that shot through her knuckles and up her arm as her reflection cracked and shattered. Cradling her hand, Bianca slid to the floor amidst the broken shards, trying to hold back tears.
Then she heard a small gasp, and when she looked over, she saw Clare Edwards standing in the doorway of the washroom.
"What?" She snapped, while the younger girl gaped at the sight in front of her.
"A-are you okay?" Clare stammered.
"I'm fucking dandy," sneered Bianca. "Now get lost."
But the sophomore didn't budge. Instead, she poked her head out the door to make sure that the coast was clear, before walking over. She avoided stepping on pieces of the mirror, and when she finally reached her, she knelt down. Her eyes fell on Bianca's injured hand, her brows knitting together in concern.
"That looks like it hurts." She said softly.
"No shit, Sherlock." Bianca growled.
Clare bit her lip anxiously, glancing around the bathroom. She seemed uncertain about something, but Bianca didn't care. Couldn't Saint Clare see that she just wanted to be left alone?
"I… I saw you run out of the cafeteria…" Clare murmured after a few minutes. "I came to check on you… to see if you were alright…"
Bianca narrowed her eyes dangerously.
"Well, I'm fine!" She barked.
Clare flinched, but stood her ground and continued. "If… if you want to talk… I can be a pretty good listener…"
A frustrated noise erupted from Bianca's mouth, and she clenched her fists angrily, her nails digging into the palms of her hands.
"Listen, Edwards," she hissed, "even if there was something wrong with me, why would I ever tell you?" She straightened her posture, trying to make herself look more intimidating as she leaned forward and locked eyes with the younger girl. Instinctively, Clare leaned back, and Bianca's lips curled into a sinister smile — but then it fell when Clare mustered what little courage she had and met Bianca's eyes challengingly. Bianca ground her teeth together, and then let out a bitter laugh, turning away from the sophomore. "Even if I did tell you… you wouldn't believe me."
"You don't know that." Clare stated with a frown. "Just try me."
Bianca sighed, tilting her head back and staring up at the ceiling. There was a part of her that wanted to tell someone — anyone. But who would believe her? Who would, for even a second, believe that the school slut had been… besides, even if she came clean about it, it's not like anyone would show her any sympathy. She imagined they would all tell her that she asked for it or deserved it.
… and maybe she did.
Her vision began to blur.
But she'd fought back.
She'd said no.
She hadn't wanted it.
Reaching up, she wiped her eyes with the sleeve of her sweater. Then, swallowing the growing lump in her throat, she peered over at Clare who was watching her intently, waiting for an answer.
It was now or never.
And so she confessed, her voice barely above a whisper:
"I was raped."
X
… I'm not sure what to think about this chapter. It didn't exactly turn out as I had hoped, but I hope you guys liked it nonetheless.
Please REVIEW and tell me what you think!