A/N: I don't own iCarly.

Chapter 3

Carly's Plan and a Bag of Meat

There was exactly a month left of school when the prom posters appeared. They were plastered everywhere around Ridgeway. They were in the hallways, the bathrooms, the lunchroom, even on the ceiling. Carly had caught the prom bug more severely than anyone. She talked about it constantly. She forcefully told Sam and Freddie that they would be attending, and that if they refused that she would quit iCarly. Sam had fondly renamed prom 'The Apocalypse.' It was the first thing she and Freddie had agreed on in a long time. Carly talked about prom during lunch, during iCarly rehearsals, even during the actual webcast. They had a prom themed show, and Carly made Sam put on one of her old dresses, and they talked about prom, and had a prom play, you get the picture. Sam stood next to Carly that whole webcast with her hands balled into fists, rolling her eyes the entire time. Freddie couldn't help but laugh at her behavior, but he regretted it as soon as he had turned the camera off, and Sam rushed at him, muttering under her breath about an atomic wedgie. He had run out of the studio, down the stairs, and Sam had slammed the door behind him, and given Carly a look that suggested she wanted to give someone else besides Freddie an atomic wedgie.

"Sam, I don't see why you get so mad about this prom thing. I'm sorry that I gave you an ultimatum about going, but I just feel like it's something you're going to regret if you don't go." Carly sounded sincere, but Sam knew her best friend better than that.

"Carly, you've known me since we were ten. In what alternate universe can you see me being upset about not getting to wear a poofy dress. Besides, the boys at our school aren't exactly lining up to ask me to prom."

The truth was, that Sam was dissapointed that boys didn't like her the way they liked Carly. She wasn't jealous of Carly, but she always envied how many boys had liked her, and how many boys Carly had dated over the years. No one had ever liked her like that, especially not the way Freddie liked Carly. Her most serious relationship had been with Jonah, who had gotten a nice ride on the wedgie bounce after he tried to kiss Carly. Of course it was Carly. It was always Carly. Just once Sam wanted a boy to want to spend time with her. To get all tongue tied when he tried to talk to her. The least one of the stupid nubs could do was ask her to prom. It made Sam wish she was a little less violent.

"You know that Germy was going to ask you! You made him so nervous that he sneezed himself unconscious. Maybe if you were a little less um...threatening?"

"It's not my fault the kid's nubbier than Fredward. If he can't even handle talking to Mama, how's he gonna spend the whole night with me? Besides, that whole sneezing thing just makes me mad."

"Well you're still going to prom. I know you want a date, even if you won't admit it out loud. I can see it in your eyes. Maybe I'll just have to work some of my magic." Sam immediately began protesting about how she didn't want to be set up. She babbled about the wreck of a date Carly had ended up with for the girls choice dance. She had started to turn red because she was so worked up that she forgot to breathe, and Carly finally grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her out of her daze. Sam took a deep breath in and fell back onto her bean bag chair. Carly flopped onto the one next to Sam, and had an idea.

"If I can get a guy you know, who's not a nub, to ask you to prom, will you say yes?"

"Well, when you put it that way, Carls," Sam was hurt by Carly's 'suggestion,' because she knew that Carly thought she couldn't get a date, but she also knew that it was probably the only way she was going to get one, so she nodded her head once, and managed a small smirk when Carly's face lit up.

That night, after Sam had fallen asleep on Carly's couch, Carly sat in her bed with her yearbook in front of her, on a serious mission to find a boy that would ask Sam to prom. The boy she was looking for had to be brave enough to deal with Sam. She knew she had promised Sam that the boy wouldn't be a nub, but Sam's definition of a nub was different than most peoples because she thought that basically everyone was a nub. Carly had been looking for a few minutes, when a familiar face popped out at her from the black and white page. Benson, Fredward. She hoped that getting Freddie to ask Sam would be easy enough, because she was banking on the fact that he would still do whatever she asked him. He didn't have a date yet, she knew that much at least. She pushed a few buttons on her PearPhone, and sat back, waiting for Freddie's response.

Freddie was in his room making changes to the iCarly website when his phone had vibrated, indicating a text message. When he opened it, he was a little surprised to find that it was Carly. She rarely stopped texting or talking to Chris long enough to text anyone else.

'come over a little earlier than usual for iCarly tomorrow? i wanna talk to you about something...' He figured it was something for the webshow, so he texted her back a quick okay, and got back to his website adjustments. When Carly got his text, she smiled to herself, and fell asleep hoping that her plan was going to go as well as it had in her mind.

The next day...

"Are you crazy? Honestly, Carly, have you lost your mind?!!?? In what universe would I ever ask Sam Puckett to prom? In what universe would Sam say yes to me? I think all this prom talk has gotten to you." Freddie slumped into a his striped bean bag, and just sat there shaking his head. "She punches me if I even look at her weird, and you want me to ask her to get all dressed up, and go as my...my date?" Freddie shuddered at the thought.

"Freddie! She's not a monster! She's a girl. She just wants a guy to ask her. She cares more than you think. She agreed that if I could find a not nubbish boy to ask her, she'd say yes." Carly tried her best to give Freddie the puppy eyes that usually wore him down in seconds.

"So you pick me? How many times has Sam called me 'King of the Nubs?' I can count about 100. And that's just this week. It would never work. Even if I was willing to make a fool out of myself and ask her, I'm not willing to risk the physical pain that's going to occur when, no if, I ask her."

"Look, Freddie. I wouldn't be asking you if I didn't think it was important to Sam. She really does want to go, she just doesn't want to go alone, and there aren't many guys brave enough to even say hi to her. You know what happened to Germy yesterday..." Freddie had heard from Gibby about Germy's sneezing incident yesterday.

"I do feel bad, Carls. I just don't see why I have to be the one. She's never going to want to go with me. She probably wants a guy who's good looking, and plays a sport, or gives nerds wedgies. She doesn't want to go with the nerd she's usually giving a wedgie. Even if I agree to ask her, she's never going to say yes to me."

"You won't know unless you try. Please? For me?" Carly knew she was grasping at straws, but she wanted this to work. She wanted her best friends to be at prom, and a part of her wanted them to be there together. She had always thought that Freddie and Sam would make a cute couple, but had never dared say anything to either of them, because she knew that Sam would threaten her, and Freddie would probably be terrified. She knew that the fiesty blonde and the nerdy tech could be more than friends, if they just stopped fighting long enough to realize it. This was her one chance to get them together without them knowing. She just had to get Freddie to stop being stubborn and ask.

"You know what Carls, fine. I'll do it. But if she harrasses me, and/or harms me physically in any way, you owe me. Big time." Carly couldn't help but smile.

"I knew I could count on you Freddie. So...do you have any ideas on how you're going to ask her?"

After the webcast, Freddie left the iCarly studio and walked out onto the fire escape, where he did most of his heavy thinking. He had to think of a way to get Sam to agree to go with him, because he wasn't sure he could ever show himself if she rejected him. He thought for a long time, about what she liked, and what he could possibly say without her making fun of him. And then, it came to him.

The next day at school, Sam spun the dial to her lock, and was surprised to open it and find a large blue bag. It looked like a present, and Sam loved presents. She eagerly grabbed it. It was a lot heavier than she expected, and she bent down to open it. She couldn't hide the surprise in her eyes when she realized what the bag contained. Meat! And not just any kind of meat. There was ham, so much ham. There was bacon, pork chops, and ribs! Sam's mouth began to water as she stared at the meat, and she was so wrapped up in the contents of the present that she almost didn't see the card on the front. She cautiously opened it, and began to read.

Princess Puckett,

I know that I'm probably not the one you want to go to prom with,

being 'The King of the Nubs' and all, but I figured I'd take a chance.

I also know that you don't want to go to this as much as I do.

I figured if we're going to be miserable, we might as well be able to complain about it together?

I totally understand if you already have another date, I mean, why wouldn't you?

On the off chance you don't, you still need one, and I'm not too much of an embarrassment, I'm available.

Let me know I guess, and don't forget to cook the meat before you eat it.

You know what happened last time.

-Freddie

Sam had known who the letter was from the second she had read 'Princess Puckett.' A part of her wanted to pretend like she never saw the card and just enjoy her free meat, courtesy of Fredweird, but then her curiosity got the best of her. It was actually pretty decent of him to assume she'd already have a date. Most people just assumed that she wouldn't. And most people would be right...Sam's mind began to race. She wondered if Carly had anything to do with it, or if it had been Freddie all alone. All she knew for certain was that she needed time to think, and the ham that Freddie had given her wasn't raw. She reached into the bag, savagely ripped open the ham wrapper, and began to munch on it contentedly. She had class with Mrs. Briggs that period, and Mrs. Briggs liked it better when Sam wasn't there, so she decided to do Francine a solid, and skip. She walked outside to the tree where she, Carly and Freddie often waited for Spencer to pick them up, and began to think. Should she say yes to the Nub King, or wait for a better offer?