Kingdom Hearts – 101 Ways to Cure Boredom

By whitewingedsoldier

Rated: T

Wow, this fic's a great success! I've got so many reviews hugs all Thanks to the new reviewers:

shadows and sonic's girl: Funny it sure was. Glad you liked it!

timberfox: Sora's always a moron. If you look at any of the KH fanfics, Sora's always the nut. He's also kind of, err, randomly stupid in the real Kingdom Hearts, but definetely not as much as the fanfiction authors make him. Hehe.

Tangora: WOW, you actually went and solved the problem! You deserve a medal for that! AND you put Tidus's coconut cannon in your fic! Dangit, I love you!

(Spotlight on Riku as he looks around cautiously, stick in hand)

Riku, eyes darting left and right: Let's see...left side is clear...right side is...clear...am I safe?

Sora, dashing onstage and pouncing on Riku: Heeeeyyy Riku! You've got some visitors. They sure look happy to see you.

Riku, shaking Sora off: What kind of visitors?

Sora, grinning broadly: Well, there are a lot o' them! They're all outside, see... (pulls out remote and a flat panel TV drops down, turns on)

Fangirls waiting outside with signs and gifts: WE LOVE YOU RIKU! LET US IN!

Riku, eyes huge: Sora, GET THEM OUT OF HERE.

Sora, nodding: Done! Gimme your stick. grabs it and runs off

Riku, sighing: White doesn't own Kingdom Hearts, Square-Enix, or any of the characters. And I hope I don't get ripped to shreds...

Chapter 3 – Now That We're Men...

It was a quiet morning on Destiny Islands. The sun had risen over the treetops, and it was bathing the entire beach in its glow. All was silent, except for the sound of the ocean lapping against the shore, and the wind blowing the leaves of the palm trees. No one had bothered to come outside yet, and so all was peaceful, undisturbed, calm. A bird perched on a tree near the shack, calling out to the morning—

And that was when a scream pierced the calm, shattering it into thousands of pieces along with the bathroom mirror.

Riku and Kairi, who had been silently eating breakfast inside the shack, bolted upright when they heard the shriek. Kairi dropped her toast and Riku spilled his orange juice all over the floor and his pants. Jumping from their chairs, they ran outside to see what had happened.

No one was outside. Kairi blinked and looked around. "No one's here." "But who screamed?" Riku asked, confused. "I definetely heard a scream." Kairi shrugged. "I heard it too...do you think someone's in trouble?" "If Sora got murdered, I don't care," Riku said stubbornly, turning away in a huff. "The world's better off that way." "Aww, Riku—" Kairi was cut off again by a similar-sounding scream.

"RIKU! KAIRI! YOU WON'T BELIEVE THIS!" Sora was racing towards his friends at top speed, holding his chin with one hand as though afraid it might fall off. Riku raised an eyebrow at him and Kairi just blinked again. "What happened? Did you grow tentacles?" Riku asked sarcastically. "No, even better! LOOK!" Sora gingerly removed his hand, and Riku squinted to see what he could...well, see.

"Sora, there's nothing there." Riku withdrew in exasperation. "There is too!" Sora pouted, running a hand over his chin as though determined to find whatever it was. "See, here, look again." Sora pinched something between two fingers and Riku leaned in to see again. He could still see nothing. "Sora, is this some kind of joke?" he asked. "No! I'm being honest! Kairi, you try." Riku moved aside so that Kairi could try and look, too. "Ummm...I can't see any—no wait—oh, never mind. Nope. I can't see anything." Kairi backed away and Sora's face fell. "You really can't see it?"

"Alright Sora, we can't see it. Now what is it?" Riku asked, folding his arms. "Can't you tell? It's a beard!" Sora exclaimed proudly, puffing out his chest. Both Kairi and Riku made faces that looked something like this: oo

"Uhh, news flash, Sora...you don't have a beard," Riku said, still recovering from his momentary shock. "Yeah, don't you need to have at least one hair to count?" Kairi asked skeptically. "But I do!" Sora protested, looking annoyed. "That's what I've been trying to tell you!" Kairi squinted in confusion and Riku whipped out his magnifying glass. After much tedious searching, he finally discovered a nearly microscopic, short brown hair.

"So I guess you do have one," Riku admitted, putting away his magnifying glass as Sora basked in the glow of being right. "But no one can see it with their eyes alone. That's why it doesn't count." Sora's face fell. "What?" "That's right," Riku said, nodding. "It doesn't even hold a candle to this." Riku reached off screen for a moment and pulled Cid onto the beach from seemingly nowhere. Sora eyed the unshaven man with disappointment. "Awwww..."

"On a different note, though, it means you've reached puberty!" Kairi said, and party horns blew as confetti fell from the sky. "Ugh, but then his voice will start changing and it'll get all...scratchy." Riku made a face. Sora stuck his tongue out at him, getting a mouthful of confetti as he did so. "TURN THAT THING OFF!" Sora shrieked at the guys who were operating the confetti machine, and they did what they were told. Because Sora is not very nice when he's mad.

"By the way, Riku," Sora noted, spitting confetti out of his mouth, "why do you have orange juice all over your pants?"

Later that day...

After Riku had changed clothes and the gang had finished eating breakfast, Sora led the way across the beach, determined to find someone else to brag around. No one else (a.k.a. Wakka, Tidus, and Selphie) seemed to care, though, and so poor Sora was left to run around trying to find a soul who cared. Cloud had left after realizing that the moogle from Chapter 2 had stolen his economy-sized bottle of hair gel and he was determined to get it back.

There was a crab slowly crawling across the beach, and as soon as Sora had laid eyes on it, he dashed over, skidding to a stop in front of it and spraying it with sand. "Hey Mister Crab! I got a beard! See?" Sora bent down to show the crab, and, with a look of annoyance, it reached up and clamped down on Sora's nose with its claw of doom.

"OHMIGOD RIKU THERE'S A CRAB ON MY NOSE!" Sora swung his head around in an attempt to get the crab off and only succeeded in tripping over his shoes again and falling flat on his face, and the crab, which caused the poor creature to clamp Sora's nose even tighter. "SOMEONE GET IT OFF!" Sora struggled with the crab for several minutes afterward as Riku and Kairi fell off their chairs laughing.

"THERE!" Sora flung the crab at Riku as he whirled around triumphantly, and the crab attatched itself to Riku's...chest. This caused Riku to jump off his chair with tears in his eyes and run off screaming while attempting to wrench the crab off with his hands and a pair of pliers that he had apparantly conjured from nowhere. Kairi was at the fainting point from lack of oxygen, and Sora was left standing there clueless as Riku spun in circles trying to get the crab off his...chest.

"DAMN YOU, CRAB! DAMN YOU TO HELL!" Riku screeched as he finally pulled the crab off and flung it into the ocean with all the force he could muster. Kairi was two steps away from hyperventilating and Sora was standing there blinking while taking pictures with an instant camera every once in a while. As Riku walked back to the two of them, he scowled, snatched the camera away, and instructed Tidus to smash it to pieces with his coconut cannon™.

About ten minutes later...

"WHO ELSE WANTS TO ENJOY THE GLORY OF MY BEARD!" Sora yelled across the beach; Riku and Kairi plugged their ears and winced. "You shouldn't do that, Sora...your voice hurts," Kairi said, still shying away from him. "Relax...let me handle this," Riku whispered to Kairi. She blinked at him. "SAY WHAT!" Sora yelled again, facing in Kairi's direction. "STOP YELLING!" Riku shouted, and Sora glared at him. "I WAS ASKING WHETHER OR NOT ANYONE WANTED TO ENJOY THE GLORY OF MY BEARD!" "NOBODY CARES ABOUT YOUR SO-CALLED 'BEARD'!" Riku shot back. Sora gasped and promptly started to cry.

"You...you...you BIG MEANIE!" Sora shrieked, taking off across the sand, retreating into the shack and slamming the door behind him with such force that a seagull fell off the palm tree beside it, three coconuts fell to the ground, and the door itself fell off its hinges. Yay, Sora.

Kairi glared at Riku. "Way to go, Mr. 'Let Me Handle This'." Riku's face fell, and then he looked positively dumbstruck as Kairi stalked off across the beach and out of sight. "What'd I DO!" Riku shouted at her retreating back as she disappeared from view. Only the sound of silence answered him. Yay, Riku.

Meanwhile, in the shack...

"Stupid Riku...grumble, mutter...insult ME..." Sora was shoveling large amounts of chocolate chip ice cream into his mouth while muttering insults and curses under his breath, trying to figure out how to get Riku back for making fun of him. Tuning the station on his radio, a song came on that Sora immediately liked. He brightened and began to sing along...

Back outside...

Riku walked along, hands in his pockets, heading towards the shack to apologize. But before he went inside, he heard something that warned him to stay away. FAR, FAR away. Sora was singing a song.

Now that we're men,

We have facial hair,

Now that we're men,

I changed my underwear!

Now that we're men,

We've got a manly flair...

Yep. If Sora was singing, he was in his happy place. And if he was in his happy place...well, enough said. Riku turned his back on the small wooden house and decided to just go play tic-tac-toe or something with Tidus.

The End – Day Three

(A/N: w00t, the reviews just keep coming! Luv to this round of reviewers! Hope you enjoyed, and now might be a good time to mention requests! I'll put something you request in 101 Ways, but it must be NOTHING above PG-13. Pairings are fine, but keep it slight. No coarse language, etc. Got it? I will accept original characters, but there is a limit of two. Be the lucky one who makes it in! When requesting, be specific! Alright, that's it! And—flames will be used to roast hot dogs for the next night's weenie roast! YAY!)