Line of Fire
Ok, without my wonderful (new) Beta sss979, this chapter wouldn't be half as good. And, let's face it, the last two chapters could've done with a beat, too. Right, a quick thanks to all those who've favourite, alerted and reviewed this fic so far- and pease, keep doing so. Right, on with the chapter:
BA
Never was too good with words. Face, man, I'm sorry. I'm just so sorry about this - all of it! I keep telling myself, if I'd been quicker, stronger… better, then I could've saved you. It's stupid. I know that. I couldn't have done anything. But I should've. For all that things you done - all those things I didn't like, things I told you you was wrong for - you gave everything to protect everyone and everything you care about. Man, you shoulda had a hero's death. You didn't deserve to be killed by some scumbag. Just like I don't deserve to still be here, alive and standing on your grave.
I know I failed. What I don't know is what I'm supposed to do about it. I've failed you, and Hannibal, and Murdock. I promised myself - I promised! - that I'd keep you three safe. You remember that, don't you, Face? You remember the POW camp? I promised I'd keep you guys safe. Especially after...
Fists tight. Don't cry. Don't even think about that. Ain't right to think about that. We swore we'd never think about that, never talk about it. None of us would be able to look each other in the eye if we did. You know all the stuff we aint gonna say. We was all there for it. There already unspoken communication between us. We don't need no words- there ain't no words to describe that place anyway. We vowed , remember? It weren't no promise, we vowed never to speak of it again. Ever. That got Hannibal on the jazz, remember? We broke outta there then. An' it was all thanks to the jazz. GO ON A LITTLE BIT HERE ABOUT HOW THEY ALL KNOW THINGS THEY WON'T SAY - THAT UNSPOKEN COMMUNICATION. WRAP IT UP WITH SOMETHING ABOUT HANNIBAL ON THE JAZZ.
Hannibal ain't on the jazz anymore, though. And Murdock is crazier than ever. He says you talk to him. That you're better than Billy, because the pills make Billy go away. Sometimes I wonder how come the pills don't make you go away, too. They should. I know you ain't really there. Crazyman always see things that ain't really there. Sometimes I think he might actually be the luckiest one out of all of us. You still talk to him...
He keeps talking about some promise you made. Some promise about never leaving him. You did promise Murdock that, didn't you? Of course, I promised you the same thing. And if I'd been there...If I'd been faster… I coulda driven faster, man! I shoulda….I shoulda been there…..
We all made promises in that camp. Man, you were so strong in there. You were stronger than me, that's for sure. Man, you the only guy I ever met - or heard of - that pissed Charlie off in the hope of getting tortured. But why, man? You told us once that it had something to do with escaping, an the more they tortured you, the less they tortured us- an Murdock
And they did torture you. They took you away even more than Murdock. Just like you wanted. And when you came back you was always bleeding. Bleeding, but not broken. Never broken. And when Murdock lost it, you was the only one in the whole world who he trusted. Not even Hannibal could touch him. And I remember you saying it. I remember you saying you wouldn't leave him. And I remember what I said right after - that I would protect you three. We're a family, and that's what families do. We protect each other.
Hannibal keeps telling me that it's not my fault, that there was nothing I - we - could've done. Makes me mad to hear him say that. How dare he? How dare Hannibal say that! Sounds like he given up! He don't ever say that, man! There was somethin we coulda done! I'm sure of it! I coulda..We coulda….. I can't think right now, ok? I'm stressed, ok? So I'll think of somethin later! Aw, man, now it sound like I'm blamin Hannibal! No, I aint mad at him-maybe he is right, man, I mean, if it weren't for that psycho, you still be alive! An Murdock wouldn't be off his rocker! Maybe there weren't anythin' we coulda done then, but there is something we can do now. We can make him suffer, man! We can make him suffer like he made you suffer, man! That psycho wasn't even after you! He wanted Murdock! That stupid, sick son of a bitch had no business being there. All you did was go pick Murdock up! Like you do. And it weren't even for a mission! It was for some R&R! Then he go and kidnap you an Murdock! Why you taunt him, man? Why you make him so angry? You knew he would torture you! Why you such a fool sometimes! You knew he gonna kill you! Why Face? Why you leave us? It aint fair, you just bein stupid, inconsiderate! An-
I can't be angry at you, man. I can't be angry because you made good on your promise to me, when you promised me you was gonna help me make sure no one would ever harm Murdock again. If it hadn't been for you, I'd probably be looking at his headstone right now, not yours. Don't make it any easier, but at least I know you're here 'cause you made a choice. You made a choice to protect Murdock. Can't say I would've made the choice any different than you did.
Man, why were you so self-degrading? We need Murdock, yeah, but that don't mean go get killed protectin him! You just as important, fool. An without you-without anyone we just aint a team no more. Hannibal ain't smoking his damned cigars, and he ain't touched the jazz since it happened. Murdock's outta his head and I'm missin' my baby brothers. You, not here physically and Murdock? He just aint here, he vacant- lights on but there aint nobody home. But that aint the whole of it; I'm missin part of myself, too.
Murdock keeps asking where my gold went to. Like he wants me to wear it. Like if we just pretend nothing changed, we can start to believe it. Man's crazy. Everything's changed. My gold was a part of me, and so were you. Now, it's buried right here with you. It ain't got no place with me.
I'm missin' you, Faceman. We all are.