Chapter 3: Honest Darkness
Nathan walked Haley home after their 'talk'. She walked up the porch steps, and turned around. "Thanks for listening."
"Anytime." Nathan's mouth curved into a smile. "Haley you're gonna be okay."
Haley smiled at him. "Good night."
"Good night." Nathan watched her walk into her house and then he realized his car was back at the cafe.
Haley walked inside her house and all the lights were off. She walked into the kitchen, and just like the night before, there were dirty dishes in the sink. She sighed. She put her bag down and washed the dishes. Once she was finished, she walked to her living room. Her dad was sitting on his chair in the dark. She assumed he was asleep, but then she saw the white of his eyes. She turned on the light. "Dad, what are you still doing up? It's almost 12am." Haley told him.
"I was waiting for you." His voice was emotionless.
Haley didn't believe him. "Right," her tone was more bitter than she intended it to be.
"Haley, maybe you should take tomorrow off." Her dad suggested.
"Someone has to make money, dad. And considering it's not you..." Her voice trailed off. She was angry at her dad, and she wasn't going to hide it.
Her father heard the angry tone in her voice. "You know I'm still sick." He's been using that excuse for awhile now. That he's been sick so he didn't have to go back to work.
"You've been sick for the past 3 months, dad!" Haley cried out. "Actually, you've been claiming you're sick since the night she died! It's been 8 years, dad!"
"You don't know what it's like, Haley. Losing someone you love."
She was taken back by what he said. "I don't know what it's like?! I lost my mother!"
He realized he said something wrong. "Hales, I'm sorry. I didn't mean -"
"No. Dad, you don't what it's been like for me. Going to school and pretending that everything's okay, seeing people around me just having the best time of their life, while I'm there praying that the day could just be over." Tears were streaming down her face. "You don't get that everytime I come home, I see you on your ass, just sitting there doing nothing! I get it, okay. I get it. You lost your wife, but you don't understand what it's like losing a mother, dad. I see everyone out there holding their mom's hands, or being able to go home and just have an endless conversation with her, but I can't have that. But you think that I can have it with my dad, but no. Because when I want to talk to my dad, he's at home getting drunk. It's because of you that I'm this way. It's because of you that I cry every night." Her heart was hammering in her chest, and tears were stinging her eyes. She sobbed, trying to catch her breath.
Her dad was holding back the tears. "I'm sorry."
"That's all you can say? Because if it is, than you're pathetic, dad. She's gone, dad. Mom's gone, and we can't change that. But some of us are still alive." Haley grabbed her bag, and slammed her front door once she left.
She didn't know where she was going. She was just walking down the road. In the far distance, she heard the town clock chime, it was midnight. She was alone, cold, and upset. The worst possible combination. She was also tired. As she walked, her eyes became heavier, and she just wanted to go into her bed, and fall asleep. But she couldn't go back to her room, she couldn't go back home. She walked to the cafe, and then Lucas came across her mind. She could always go to him. It started to rain, and she started running to Lucas' house. The was pouring down, and it felt like little piches on her skin. By the time she knocked on his door, she was drenched with water. She wiped her face and knocked again.
It was Nathan who opened the door. "Haley?"
She panting, "Is Lucas home?"
"No, he's at Brooke's." Nathan saw her eyes and they were red and puffy, like someone who just finished crying. "Come inside, you're all wet."
Haley was dripping with water as she entered the familiar house. "Thanks."
"Let me get you a towel." Nathan turned and went into a linen closet. He handed her the towel. "Are you okay?"
Haley nodded, but then she remembered the conversation with her dad, and out of nowhere she started crying again. Nathan could see how vulnerable she was, how sad she was. He walked to her, and pulled her to his body.
His body was warm against her cold skin. She rested her head on his chest, and he put his arms around her. It felt good to be held like that, so gently. She felt like she was safe with him; that if she was there alone with him, nothing could hurt her. "Sorry," she said, pulling away from him. "I didn't mean to drown you with my problems." She wiped her eyes dry.
"It's okay. Here, take a shower. You don't want to get a cold." He led her to the washroom, and she realized there wasn't a point. She had nothing to change into.
"Uh...It's fine. I don't have any warm clothes to change into." Haley said.
"I'll lend you a shirt." Nathan offered, smiling. His smile was warm and welcoming.
Haley never felt this way before about a boy before. She's always closed off her heart in fear of getting hurt, like her dad was hurt when he lost the love of his life. But Nathan made her trust him. It wasn't the kind of trust you had in a friend, and she liked this new feeling inside of her.
After her shower, she found Nathan's shirt hanging off the door. The hot shower made her feel so much better, she was no longer shaking. The shirt was like a dress on her, and it reminded her of how short she was. Her hair was wet and straight, and she combed through it, letting out all the tangles. When she walked back into the living room, there was a mug of hot coffee waiting on the coffee table. She went to sit on the couch.
"The coffee's fresh." Nathan said, walking towards her holding a mug of his own. He stared at her bare legs as she sat down. Was she wearing anything underneath? He wondered. But then he shook that thought off. "Feel better?"
"Warm." She answered in a chuckle. She went to grab the coffee, and it felt good on her skin. The coffee smelled so good, she took a sip. "Thanks." She said.
Nathan nodded. "You can crash in Lucas' room since he won't be using it."
"Yup." Haley sighed. Her mind was caught with her father. Did he even wonder where she went? Was he worried on where she was? If she was alone on the street as the storm got worse? He didn't even try to call her cell phone. She realized Nathan was asking her something, and it snapped her out of her reverie. "What?"
"Do you wanna call someone? Your dad maybe? Tell him you're okay."
Haley shook her head. "I can't speak to him right now. I can't even look at him. The way I left, I was so angry. He didn't even try to stop me from leaving. I mean what kind of father is like that? They just let their child walk out on them, and don't even bother calling to check if they're okay."
"Maybe he knows you need space...to cool off. Give you time to think. I think he knows you well enough to know that you can be trusted. And I'm sure he knows you're smart to not go somewhere stupid." Nathan rationalized.
She took another drink from her coffee. "How would he know that? He hasn't even spent quality time with me since beofre my mom..." She found it difficult to complete the sentence.
"Hey, that's probably better than having your father know everything about you. Him knowing all you weaknesses and using them against you. Saying that it's just gonna make you stronger, and you hurting in the end of it all." His eyes weren't on her, they were on a picture of Karen and Lucas. You could tell that he was wishing he was the little boy in that picture, happy.
"Is it that bad at your home?" Haley realized that this whole time it's been about her and her problems. She was willing to be a listening ear to Nathan as he was with her.
Nathan didn't answer, and that probably meant a yes. "He said this was like a lesson of all the wrongs that I've done. Most parents ground you, my parents said you away." He scoffed.
"You want to go back? I mean to your parents?"
He shook his head. "I don't know. I mean yeah, I miss my room, and my bed...but Karen treats me more like a son than my dad ever did."
"And your mom? What's she like?"
"She's never home. She's always off on business trips leaving me with my dad. I think she knows how hard it is to be around him, so she finds any reason to go ahead and leave." He paused for a minute. "She tried leaving him once...and it didn't work."
Haley felt sorry for him. "What happened?"
"I was thirteen. I heard my mom and dad fighting downstairs in my living room. I went down to check, and hid on the staircase. I saw my dad hit my mom, and she was crying. I ran back to my room, and then I pretended to be asleep. The next thing I knew, my mom came in my room, and she told me to be quiet. She said we were going somewhere. We made to the car and we made it all the way to the bus stop, but then her cell phone rang. She told me to wait, and she walked off to talk to whoever it was on the phone. I knew it was him. Once she finished, she said we had to reschedule the trip, and we drove back home. Since then..." Nathan's voice trailed off.
"She's been going on the business trips?" She finished his sentence.
"Yeah."
Haley placed her cup down back on the table. "Do you wish you actually left?"
"Sometimes. I know my dad loves me, or at least I'd like to think he does. He just has a difficult time of showing it." Nathan said it as if he was trying to convince himself of it. "And your dad loves you too."
"I remember the night my mom passed." She started. "My dad was on the other side of the room crying. He was listening to me as I begged her to stay with me. When she finally did pass, I was crying hysterically, and my dad didn't even come to me. He just walked out of the room. He never wants to talk about my mom, always dodging the subject. After the funeral he left me home alone and went to the bar, and when he got home he was drunk." Tears were in her eyes as the memory came to her. "I asked why he left me, and where he was. I asked him is this because of mom. He glared at me, and told me to not talk to him about her. He told me it was my fault she was gone. Ever since, I told myself he didn't mean it, he was drunk. So maybe that's why he doesn't talk to me, because he finds me responsible."
"How did she die?"
Haley took a deep breath. "She was sick for a long time, and the doctors said that it was a terminal illness. When she found out, I was 7. I only found out a couple months before it happened."
"You weren't responsible, Hales. There's nothing you could've done."
Haley turned her head to him. No one called her that except for Lucas, Brooke and her mom. The people she loved more than anything. And now he called her that. She smiled. "Thank you."
He checked the time, and it was quarter passed one. "Uh...you should go to sleep. You must be tired."
"Um... you can go. I think I'm gonna wait here for awhile." Haley said.
"You sure?" Nathan asked.
Haley nodded. "Good night."
"Night." He stood up, and walked to the hallway. But then he paused, and turned to her. "Haley, I'm sure that if your mom was here, she'd be really proud of the woman you became."
"Thanks."
Nathan smiled, and continued to his room.
After a couple of hours, Nathan woke up, and went to check on Haley. Lucas' room was empty, and he saw a figure on the couch in the living room. The figure was still, only the movement of her chest. He walked to her, and Haley was asleep. He knelt down beside her, and he brushed away the hairs on her face, putting it behind her ear. Her skin was so soft, he thought. She was beautiful. She looked so innocent, like an angel. He realized he's shared more of his life to her than to anyone else, and he hoped the same was for her. They both shared the same type of trust they had in each other, and he realized that what he was feeling for her was more than just friendship. Even though he just met her, he felt like they've known each other their whole lives. He watched her chest move up and down. He then saw her shiver a little. He took a blanket on the couch, and spread it over her body. He then sat on the chair across the couch, and watched for a little while. He too fell sleep there.
Next: the friendship begins.