Summary: An Avengers AU where our beloved characters are tortured in a rom-com. Inspired by a fake "Love-Vengers...Actually"-movie poster on tumblr.
Pairings:oh so many. To be exact: In "Love...actually" there are nine pairings of which there will be six in this story because I only used AVengers-characters (and Darcy) from the movie (and that still leads to at least two crack pairings...). I wouldn't want to write them down here because I think (hope...) that part of the fun will be to find the counterparts. Though if you want to know them, just ask.
Warnings: Spoilers for "The Avengers", "Thor" and "Love...actually". Non-beta'd and written by a non-native speaker/writer. Gratuitous attempt at writing in general.
Disclaimer: Neither affiliated with "The Avengers" nor with "Love...actually".
Author's Note: Hi! So...my very first attempt at publishing fanfiction. At first I intended to start five weeks before Christmas (like in "Love...actually") but of course I didn't finish until then thus I will just update at random and hope that it'll end before Christmas. Each chapter is told from another character's POV...I didn't even try to distribute it evenly...hope it will be readable anyway. As I only read a few comics and never a full arc the characters are modelled after the movie. Though it still needs quite some suspension of disbelief (apparently Hill was barely ever on a mission before...yeah, I know). You are warned. Have fun.
Chapter 2:
"This is outrageous! This insolence will have consequences! You can't just go around destroying stadiums! Do you know how many Superbowls were held in that stadium? Do you know how much it costs to rebuild it? And people could have died!"
They both waited for the mayor to continue, backs straight, faces empty. They hadn't accepted the chairs in front of the mayor's desk and so all three of them were standing around. He had rambled for several minutes now and there were some specks of spit on the waxed tabletop but as far as she could see, not one of them had reached her. Good.
The mayor frowned, the silence made him uncomfortable. It was time to do the job. She put the little case on the table, avoiding the spit specks, and took a file out.
"You will see in this file that the cause of the unfortunate destruction of the Miami Dolphins' stadium was a leaking gas pipe" Phil explained.
The mayor was taken by surprise. "Gas? There are no gas pipes...It was Iron Man! He destroyed the stadium!" They ignored him.
"The city of Miami, the Miami Dolphins as well as countless mourning fans were shocked" Maria continued. "But even now there was hope for a group of wealthy Dolphins admirers, who would like to remain anonymous, decided to rebuild the stadium, bigger and better. Rumours that said that Tony Stark was the culprit were all wrong, especially since Mister Stark had left Miami two hours before the unfortunate accident to prepare for his upcoming wedding in New York" she closed and slid the file over the table. "An examination about the person to blame for the explosion ended without result."
The mayor was at a painfully obvious loss for words and stared at the two of them. "This...But, are you...is this...are you threatening me?" His eyes widened with almost fear as he stared at Phil. She did not need to turn her head to see that he was using his Shield-smile now.
"We are not threatening you" he said, "We are telling you how it was."
She closed the case again. "You have a chance to build your own legacy here" she continued Phil's speech. "How many mayors can say that they built a whole stadium without using one tax penny?"
The mayor opened and closed his mouth without a single tone coming out. It was petty and stupid but she always liked the moments when their targets struggled between their convictions, their problems and their self-hate, it was amusing to see all those emotions wave over their faces. It went better than expected and finally he broke. He straightened his shoulders and sat down at his table. "My secretary will show you the door" he growled and opened the file. She looked to Phil who was still smiling creepily down at the mayor.
"We will be watching you" she then said and turned around. "Thank you for your cooperation" Phil added and they left the city hall.
It was noon when they climbed in their car that drove them back to the airport. For a while they wallowed in awkward silence. They both watched the world outside drive by, darkened by the glass, they saw the destroyed stadium that looked like the Coliseum now and, in the distance, excavators digging something on the beach.
These were the arduous parts of their missions. At first she had loved to leave the bridge in HQ or helicarrier more often for missions concerning the Avengers, and she still did, no question. Fury once let it drop that it was a tiny bit fucking uncanny how good she was at intimidating. It was probably his way of warning her that she should not get lost in that attitude. She wouldn't, thanks. But then there always were those moments on every mission that she had not been trained for and she had not found a way to cope with them yet.
Especially moments like these.
Especially moments with him.
He interrupted her train of thoughts. "I'm sorry" she said and turned to him.
He cleared his throat. "I was asking whether you will need a car to bring you to your apartment. We are short on time and I thought that...maybe we should better..." She shook her head violently. "No, I'm fine. I have everything in my bag and I will change in the plane." He nodded."Me too." "We can drive directly to the hall" she added needlessly. "Very good."
She had to suppress a relieved exhale when they finally turned to the airport but of course the awkwardness was not gone for long.
The plane was ready for takeoff and they had to sit opposite each other in their seats. She did not know what to say. The motor made the seat vibrate softly under her bottom.
"How's the lung?" She had asked that last week already. Maybe it had changed, who knew.
Phil turned away from the tiny window. "Fine, thank you. And in two weeks I can hand in the corset for my back."
"Awesome."
"Yes. It will be nice to pick up training again. I feel like I'm all rusty and..." He trailed off and stared at his fingers. She smiled. Why did she smile? At least he smiled too.
"And I hate the feeling that I could be taken out by any pencil pusher coming along." "Oh, no..."
She had to say something. "I read that you moved recently." That came out so wrong. "I mean...I saw your file...I mean, I didn't..." She hung her head in shame and when he started to chuckle she couldn't suppress the blush any longer.
"Yeah, matter of fact. I guess...well, I won't need a bigger apartment anymore and so I thought...why not..." With every passing second it got worse. She was the worst. "I'm sorry."
"No need. That comes with the job and all..."
Her brain was wiped and she clung to the case in her lap.
Suddenly he laughed. "When I first met Thor, back in New Mexico, he thought my father's name was Coul...because Coulson...Son of Coul." They laughed.
"And then a few months ago, after Tony found out about that, he hacked my file and changed my name to Phillip Coul Coulson. I think he persuaded some of the new agents that it is my real second name."
She smiled. "But you have changed it back?"
"Of course."
"Right. Well, my file was always correct, I've always been just Maria."
He smiled again. "That's good to know, just Maria."
She contemplated whether she should flee now to the bathroom and wrinkle her nice dress for the rest of the flight or whether she should wait and simmer in her stupidity in order to look nice at the wedding.
"I think I'm going to change now...dress...paint my face, everything."
"Of course."