A/N~ sup. It's me, Penguin. And I'm here with chapter three.

Nothing that I really want to say. Except I have some shout-outs to random people who have commented on this story:

The Fujoshi- keep laughing your ass off.

Blackbleedingroses539- I love your idea, yet I don't have enough willpower to create an entire new story. Plus, then I'd have to tell everyone here about it, and…no, too much work. I'll just explain it later on when the mood hits me.

Beyond-the-Winter- thank you. These chapters are actually pretty long for me. I like making them short for various reasons, and this is actually pretty long for my writing habits.

Bluebird99- I know I told you about this, but I know. My computer is a bitch right now. I will probably fix those by the time you read this sentence.

Soggypotatoes- why, yes, yes he is.

Near-kun28- HI AMERIKA! (We're best buds in real life.) You still haven't gotten me a present for my birthday that was 3 years, 4 months, 21 days, and 1 hour ago. And now you can't deny it, 'cause the world knows it.

and in case you haven't figured it out by now, my strength is dialogue. I am perfecting my action-writing abilities so they will be mediocre at the least by the time well, action actually happens. So for now, more talking, less doing. Which is okay since really they're not doing anything yet.

Oh and, for those of you who noticed, I changed the genre of this story. It is now horror/humor (what an odd combination), mainly because I just realized I made Voice much more likable than I first thought he should be. WAAAAAAY more likable.

So, one last thing- I don't own Russia, America, Hetalia, Those people who wrote that song, or anything else that the world can sue me against. Oh, before I forget to mention it later at the end of this chapter, a settee is a type of chair. Just saying.

So, here I was, standing at the airport waiting for a plane to Moscow. Why? Chapter 2 explains it much more. The short is, my Voice somehow got me to make an alliance with Russia, aka the commie bastard.

I did nothing of the sort.

Shut up.

You shut up. If you just listened to me for once and stopped talking, maybe the world would finally be under your control and you can avenge the heartbreak that J-

"DUDE, IM THE ONE WHO'S SUPPOSED TO BE TALKING! YOU'RE JUST AN UNINVITED GUEST!" I watched as an entire crowd of people started walking away from me. Make that running away from me. Whatevs.

Right about then my phone rang. Guess who? England.

"America, you do know the meeting is in half an hour. You should be in the London airport by now."
Uh...how should I tell him that I'm meeting with his enemy?

That's easy. Ask him to come over to your house, explain the situation, then let me come out and kill him.

"Why the hell would I do that? Not you England, there's this annoying guy who's been trying to strike up a conversation with me.

You don't mean me, right?

I wish you could flip off a figment of your imagination.

"Anyway, something more important has come up. Can't make it."
I heard him sigh. "Of course."
I turned on my IPod and started looking for some tunes to kill time.

"It's the end of the world as we know it..."

Hey, Alfred, don't change it, I like this song.

"No, it's my iPod, my rules. Go...do whatever you do when you don't try to be a pain in the ass." I switched it to the Rolling Stones.

But Alfred...

"No."

Hey, about Russia...

"NO."

Suit yourself.

And that was pretty much how the entire flight went. Within the next thirty minutes (in which I was bitching to my voice on how he's a bastard for getting me into this) every seat within six rows of me was empty.

Approximately 3 hours later...

Let's see, was everything prepared for Amerika's arrival? Belarus gone... (Thank God) all things he could use to murder me were hidden...Turkey was locked in a closet...

At that moment there was a loud knock on the door.

"Ah, Amerika! How nice to see you!" That sounded nice enough, da? We haven't been on good terms ever since the Cold War, but since we're in an alliance...
"Why is Russia so fucking cold?" He sounded bitter.
"Anyways, how about you come inside?" He pushed past me, but it was probably just because he was cold. I sat on one of the velvet settees, while Alfred just stood. He looked like someone had been nagging to him the entire way to Moscow.
"Was the flight well?"
He groaned. "Anything from it."
"Want some vodka?"
"Not after last night."
Oh, well. "So, let's get down to business. First, I was thinking of invading Mongolia, then seeing if China wanted to help, and if not-"
"Russia." America's voice was tense. "We're not in an alliance."
"Huh? But, Amerika, you said that-"
Alfred closed his eyes and mumbled something along the lines of 'shut up or I will kick you out of my mind.'
"It was all a misunderstanding." he explained. "I was drunk. Things happen when you're drunk. And-"
"BIG BROTHER! OPEN THE DOOR!" came a shrieking voice that was followed by many orders for me to become one, clawing at my door, and continuous pulls at the-thankfully locked- doorknob.
Oh, shit. I thought Ukraine-san was looking after her! The one time I begged my sister to do something and...
"Amerika. Run. Now."
He stared at me. "Why?" he asked.
"Just do it before she lunges at you with a knife."
He ran. Just before the hinges gave way. Out popped the scariest sister a country could ask for.

"Now, Belarus, that's the third time in two weeks you broke my door." I tried to keep myself from looking terrified. She leaned in closer.
"But, big brother, we are meant to become one!" her arms wrapped around my waist. "Big brother, I love you so much..."

Meanwhile while Russia is being scared shitless...

Dammit, who has a house this large?
It is a nice house though. Except it needs to be dusted. I have allergies, you know.
"That's not possible, idiot. Now, where the hell should I go?"
I say we try to find where he placed all of his weapons that he probably hid for your arrival.
"No." I turned into a small conference room. Inside there was just a small table and a really big map of the world. The America on the map was covered in tiny holes from pins and other stabby things. Must have been used during the cold war.
Almost subconsciously, I grabbed a push pin lying on the table and stabbed it into the heart of England (on the map- Arthur was nowhere in sight). Then, I took it out and stabbed it back in. Stab. Stab. Stab. Drop dead, England. One day you will die. Stab. Stab-
" I see you are having fun chucking pins at England, da?"
I turned around and saw a frazzled Russia. His hair was unkempt, and it seemed as if he was shaking in his boots. "When the hell did you get here?"
He must be like a ninja. A Russian ninja.
"Actually," he quivered "I just ran away from Belarus. I am very sorry she interrupted our conversation."
"What, did she rape you or anything?"
He stared downwards. "Da."
I stifled a laugh.
Schadenfreude.
"Whatever. It doesn't matter when the misfortune is for a communist bastard."
"Amerika, you know very well that I am no longer communist."
OH SHIT, I SAID THAT OUT LOUD!
Yup.
I hate you.
Used to it.

"So, anyways, Russia, who else is on your side in this battle for world domination?"
"Oh, just the Baltics- although I practically forced them into it- and Belarus. And if you count Turkey since I conquered him, then him too."
I immediately began weighing the pros and cons of siding with him.

PRO: I can kill England.
CON: have the commie to deal with
PRO: he can't sick Belarus on me
CON: me and her will probably be in close contact.
PRO: well, nuclear war between me and Russia won't happen
CON: yet.
PRO: you could kill everyone and rule the world.

Voice, I'm not sure that should be counted as a pro.

I have a name you know. It's-

Don't care. "Okay, Russia, we're still in an alliance, but only because I hate England and don't want to get killed by Belarus."
He flashed one of his creepy commie smiles. "Then that makes two of us, da."

The scene where America is continuously jabbing pins at the England on the map was going to be this really long scene with him sticking pins in practically every country, and Voice trying to explain to him that America really does want to help Russia, but then I got bored with it. Now my one problem will be figuring out how he's gonna break the news to England and co. I don't think it'll be as easy as "Hey, England, guess what- I still hate your guts and decided to help Russia take over the planet! So, are we still going to see that movie?" No, America, that's not gonna work.
Before someone comments asking what Voice's name is, I don't know. I want it to be something like America or Alfred or the likes backwards (Acirema? No. Derfla? No. Asu [USA] ? No.) But nothing is really working out. Next I'm going to resort to anagrams.

Anyways, hasta la pasta!