...
They were never eachother's first anything, but somehow they kept ending up together in this way, always with the secret promise of a next time. Maybe.
Never had Tegan asked for a date, never had Sara pushed for more.
I'm acting so silly, Sara thought to herself before falling asleep. It might be nice right now, but wait until it all blows up in my face when we have to get back to the real world. And then there was Stacy. Guilt slid around the inside of her body like a trembling snake. I'm sorry Stacy.
Tegan had fallen asleep much earlier than her, and Sara found herself staring at her sister's sleeping face. When she was sleeping she almost looked like a child again. Sara looked pass the middle-aged woman and saw Tegan as a teen with long thick hair and her timid grin. She leaned over to kiss Tegan on the nose, just a quick kiss. Maybe she wanted to prove to herself that her love for Tegan was innocent despite how much it hurt everybody. I'm sorry Tegan.
Sara had woke up very early. The sky was dark but it glowed with the morning to come. The witching hour.
Sara thought about how the accursed hour struck at different points all over the world, cursing people throughout the different time zones. If she were to fly, country to country, could she avoid it?
She waited patiently for the ghosts and ghouls to pass, minute by minute, she waited. Nothing but the still outside and soft breathing of Tegan could be heard. She waiting for howling but it never came.
Sara's nerves were too much and she lay wide awake, staring up at the ceiling in thought until Tegan moved, waking up with the sun.
No matter how much she wanted to simply lie under the covers and seek out Tegan's body, she knew that she would regret missing a date with her.
She leaned over, watching Tegan's twitching face. She looked without worry, and what reason did she have to worry? Sara felt like they were driving smoothly through a dark path, unaware of anything beyond the road in front of them. She shook her sister awake.
"Hey," She whispered.
Tegan woke up with the gentle aiding of Sara softly pushing at her shoulder and calling her name.
When her eyes opened, she was met with Sara's face hovering over her, a soft warm glow framing her hair like a halo. The softest of smiles spread over Sara when Tegan, still waking up, caressed her cheek. Her palm and the rough tips of her fingers smoothed over her, and it felt the way a lover should touch a lover.
"Hey angel," Tegan whispered, making Sara snort in disbelief.
"Angel?" She questioned the new nickname, but not cruelly. It may have been cheesy, but Tegan had never called her anything like that in sincerity before and it made her heart flutter.
"Yes," Tegan said, not phased by Sara's doubt. Because you look like an angel right now. Tegan wouldn't say it though. She simply touched the sunlight reflecting off Sara's hair and kissed her briefly. They both fell into a lazy morning kiss before parting. Tegan almost wanted to question if this was just a dream.
"So," Sara said, her face still close to Tegan's, their bodies still holding onto each other. "Where are you taking me for our date?"
"Where do you want to go?"
"No," Sara cooed, shaking her head. "If you're gonna invite me on a date, you better have some idea of where you're taking me."
"Ooh, bossy," Tegan sassed. "I knew you were demanding."
"It won't be morning forever," Sara reminded them both of the passing time.
"Okay, okay," Tegan relented. She looked up to the ceiling in contemplation. "Give me a minute to think."
She cushioned her head under crossed arms. "What to do, what to do?" She asked herself. Sara took this time to study Tegan. Her face was stuck in thought and she looked so cute, and on the other hand, she was all bare skin under the blanket. Her breasts were covered but the top of them could still be made out. They were pale compared to her pointed collarbones and arms which had been continuously kissed by the Greek sun. Sara's finger trailed over Tegan's skinny yet defined arms, feeling the subtle muscle of her bicep, following a line of skin and muscle to her shoulder down the curve of her right breast, trailing down to her smooth armpit. Tegan twitched at the ticklish touch but remained mostly unfazed besides a sly smile.
"Figured it out yet?" Sara asked as her finger continued it's descent down the side of Tegan's torso, dragging it over her ribs.
"Not yet," Tegan murmured.
"No?" Now she playfully circled the point of her hip.
She heard Tegan's breath hitch, saw how her thoughtful look slipped into something more shy. She shook her head, keeping her gaze up, avoiding Sara's sultry stare.
"That's okay," Sara said, almost like she was saying it to herself. "Keep thinking."
With that, she slipped under the covers, crawling down Tegan's body so that she was facing Tegan between her legs. The blanket was light enough so that she could make out her lower body, covered in sharp shadows.
"Hey, what are you doing?" Tegan yelped, surprised.
Sara pinched her thigh, making Tegan jump. "Just keep thinking," She said.
Tegan didn't say anything more, and her legs stopped being so tense. Sara took a moment to appreciate how Tegan's sex looked. She had mostly seen it when Tegan was aroused, when her flowery lips were open and slick. When her clit was reaching for warmth. Now it just sat comfortably, everything so small, her clit hidden from view. Sara rubbed the closed-off lips, letting her fingers drag over the delicate skin, and reached inside, where she gently prodded inside her sister. She was getting wet, and Sara felt the arousal that had just started to build within her.
She couldn't see Tegan, but she could hear her flustered breathing, and her body language was jumpy. Sara ran her palm up her thigh and down so she could hold onto Tegan's knee, and back up to hold her thigh again. Her fingers slipped from Tegan's tight entrance so she could rub the gathered arousal onto her now sleek petals. She loved how when she spread her open she could see her twitching hole asking to be filled. So Sara filled it. With her tongue, slowly entering in and out, feeling as Tegan twitched around her, and soaked all around her lips and cheeks as she dug deeper.
All Tegan could do was lie back and feel all the sensations. She wanted to see Sara's brown eyes as she ate her out, but she was hidden under the blanket. She reached under to ruffle at Sara's hair, combing her fingers where it was longer in the front and roughing it up in the back where it was shorter.
Sara had told her to think, but that seemed impossible. No thoughts would come through the haze that massaged her brain. Anytime a coherent thought slipped by, it was always just Sara. Trying to imagine Sara with her mouth full of Tegan's cunt. Memories of Sara looking lovely with the sunshine in her hair.
"Fuck," Tegan hissed, her hips helpless and trying to jump into Sara's mouth.
Sara would switch from fucking her with her tongue to lapping at her opened up petals, tender and seeping with arousal, licking up her outer lips to her clit which her tongue stroked in little circles.
Tegan moaned, feeling helpless against Sara's sloppy tongue. She accidentally pulled at Sara's hair when she felt the harsh waves of an orgasm crash down on her. Her whole body tensed, all her limbs losing the feeling of being present besides her stimulated clit and lips.
Feeling started to creep back to her body and without saying anything, Sara seemed to understand when she was beginning to be overstimulated and parted from the tender flesh with a kiss to Tegan's soaked slit. Tegan could feel cum drip down onto the sheets.
Sara crawled back up her body and laid down in her old position where she could hold Tegan and press her sister's head against her chest. She felt strained breathing hit her collarbone in hot puffs. Her lips were still wet with Tegan.
"Did you think of something?" Sara asked softly, rubbing the fuzz of hair at the back of Tegan's neck.
Tegan breathed out a laugh. "My brain didn't have a lot of room for thinking," she said.
She felt around Sara's hips, palmed her ass so she could feel their tummies and thighs kiss. She tried to sneak her hand down Sara's mound to feel her, but Sara grabbed it before she could do anything.
"Later," Sara said. "We have to get ready for our date."
"What, no. I want to do you too," Tegan whined, pressing aroused kisses onto Sara's shoulders before being lightly pushed away.
"You can make it up to me later," Sara promised, slipping out of bed, and giving Tegan a view of her naked body.
She watched Sara's soft features and delicate curves for a moment, feeling a sharp spike shoot through between her legs, intensified by the recent orgasm. She rolled out of bed, following her sister out of the room until she spotted something on the wooden floor.
"Tegan?" Sara called from the bathroom.
"Uh, yeah why don't you go first? I'll wait."
She saw Sara shrug before shutting the door, leaving a small crack so that Tegan could see her slip into the shower. Tegan bent down to pick the shirt off the floor. It was Sara's, the one she had been wearing all day yesterday. The white button-up that she had tried to see through into Sara's skin. Yesterday it was pure white, but now the fabric looked dull almost. She brought it up to her face, the once crisp fabric all wrinkled, and breathed in its scent. It was musty and definitely needed a wash. She played with the shirt, inspecting different parts of it, smelling Sara's scent. One part of the fabric seemed stained, an off white color dried up over the lower part of the shirt. Smelling the stain, it was apparent what it was, and Tegan made sure to breathe it in deeply.
She wanted to wear it and keep it on for their date but she knew Sara would disprove. She put it on carefully, like the shirt would shatter if she mistreated it. She buttoned every button right up to the collar, walking into the living room where she sat down on the couch. She spent a few minutes just sitting. Besides the shower running, everything felt so quiet and still.
Tomorrow they were going home, and Tegan didn't know what would become of them. This wouldn't be the first time they would awkwardly part ways from time spent indulging themselves, yet Tegan was more afraid about the future more than she had ever been. Something was looming in the distance and it felt dark. So dark that she couldn't even imagine what life was going to be like after this trip. A part of her secretly believed that maybe Sara would just disappear. This Sara. The one who doesn't hide behind anything. Tegan thought her sister always looked so clear to her, so uncomplicated when she was with Tegan like this. She had to wonder if Sara felt that same dark looming distance. Was that why she was touching Tegan so much?
Lost in thought, she hadn't realized the shower was no longer running and the sudden presence of Sara startled her.
"It's just me," Sara teased. She had put on some fresh clothes, slacks and a similar shirt to the one Tegan was wearing.
"Why'd you put that on?" Sara asked, coming closer to inspect the shirt. "It's filthy," She said in mild embarrassment.
"It's really comfortable," Tegan said, shrugging.
"Go take a shower so we can go, please," Sara said, ruffling Tegans fluffy head of hair.
"Eager?" She asked, getting up.
Sara didn't say anything. They both knew their time like this was limited.
In the bathroom Tegan stripped off the shirt, letting it fall on the cold tiles of the floor to be forgotten for a while. Wearing Sara's clothes was like putting on her skin, and she felt a chill over her body when she had to discard it. Even under the hot spray of the shower, her body was missing some warmth.
She changed into some cotton pants, covered in a design she thought was cute, and threw on a black shirt that she tucked into the pants while rolling the sleeves up so the breeze would be able to cool her down in the summer heat. Both she and Sara threw on the hats she had bought in Fira, and Tegan's heart swelled at how beautiful Sara looked.
The morning was still early. The wind was brisk, wafting from the ocean. The open streets were mostly quiet, just a few people strangling, enjoying the fresh air. Not much was open besides a few cafes and some wandering fruit vendors. They could see Oia off into the distance, held up by the steep cliffs that emerged from the ocean.
The path to Oia was surrounded by green and various fauna. Tegan told Sara she wanted them to walk to the little town. She had heard that you could see the sunset more clearly from there, and she envisioned Sara and herself watching it together, though she hadn't told that to Sara, she had just told her she wanted to visit Oia.
They walked along the rim of the caldera into Imerovigli, a town covered in white, all it's buildings on the slope of the hills, pouring down into the sea. A town filled with hotels and wide awake tourists.
Past the town was a gravel path, trees and wild plants were apart of the last leg of the journey. A quiet walk with only a few little snack shacks and one hotel hidden from view. An island floated to their left, watching as their hike turned from steep then back down into the dry looking plains that held Oia.
They had stopped in the middle of their hike to sit and rest by some ruins. An old fortress that sat on a rocky cliff. It was so worn and old that it barely resembled what it once was, looking like a large bulky rock. They sat on the graveled ground, sharp blades of grass peeking out from the pebbles. Both took turns drinking from the water bottle Sara had brought as they silently ate their packed lunches of sandwiches and fresh red apples. People would pass them on the path, and sometimes people would come over to make small talk as they admired the view of the old ruins, but for the most part, they felt alone in the world with themselves.
The sun was high in the sky when they entered the town. They were tired and sweating, but the bright blue and white of the town was energizing. Chapels, hotels, and restaurants all huddled together in a much more cozy way than the buildings in rowdy Fira or sleepy Firo. People lined the small streets and the chatter of voices was much softer, they carried on like the wind around them.
All the shops had a local feel with hand-painted signs and small crowds of customers, mostly tourists. In Oia, they were closer to the stretch of sea and the smell of the beach was stronger than ever. They walked from store to store, admiring the handmade artwork, pottery, and jewelry that were all so unique. They stopped plenty of times to take pictures of the views.
There were so many times when Tegan just wanted to grab hold of Sara's hand and walk through the streets like that, but she didn't know how far Sara was willing to take this date. She could only look back when Sara had held her hand through the static night in Fira. That was a nice feeling.
They found a bookstore hidden amongst the buildings, stairs lead down to its entrance. The place was warm in color, books covering the walls with their colorful spines. Old tables and worn shelves were everywhere, trying to hold as many books as they could. There were even some stacks sitting on the floor, pushed to the side so people wouldn't trip over them. Not much people were in the store, just a small handful, everyone hidden in their own special corner. Little handwritten signs were pinned all over the place, separating all the books by genre. Surprisingly everything was written in English and most of the books were too.
It felt like Sara's own slice of paradise. Books lined the walls and were stacked in piles almost as high as the ceiling. Almost every spine was worn with use. Sara didn't know why she was so drawn to these old books that were beyond her grasp but she felt like she could have gone over every title.
Tegan followed Sara around as her sister regarded all the books, eyes shining in appreciation. She hardly glanced at any of the covers, just watched Sara as she explored the little store. She would pull all sorts of titles out and show them to Tegan. Things she had read before, Have you read this one? It's interesting because… And ones she had never seen, Oh, I like the cover of this one. Tegan nodded and smiled. She felt good.
Sara knew Tegan was looking at her with unhidden affection. Tegan looked at her like that often, though Sara could tell she tried to hide it. The idea that their time together today was a date seemed to lift some veil away from them. They were hiding, yet vulnerable. Sara tried to imagine Tegan as her girlfriend. She didn't like to go down this road of thoughts, but sometimes it couldn't be helped.
She saw a couple on one side of the store, standing close together and looking at the books as they whispered to each other in loving voices, just as herself and Tegan were. No music played in the store, and everybody was quiet like they were in a library, so the sweet murmuring couple could be heard almost completely. They sounded like they loved each other a lot, and Sara kept peaking at them over the top of the books she would flip through. The woman played with the stubble on the man's cheek and offered him a quick peck on the lips before they decided to depart from the store. Sara wished she could do that. Just go over and give Tegan a kiss, a small quick one that nobody would even question, but there was still a barrier preventing her from doing so. Instead, she let her love flow through her words, through subtle touches, trying to communicate to Tegan how much she adored her. She was glad Tegan seemed to understand.
They found themselves in the section where philosophy, mythology, and all sorts of books like that were placed. Sara scanned over the spines that were all pressed together, spotting familiar names and not so familiar names. Her pointer finger traveled across the spines, feeling how some felt brand new and some were worn and rough to the touch. Her finger stopped at one book. Something that was familiar yet distant hit her, like deja vu. The Hero's Journey. She pulled it out and was surprised to find the whole book was translated into Greek.
She recognized the title and author from the time in her life when she had been attending some college classes. It was recommended reading for her lit class, and while she had borrowed it from the library, she barely skimmed through it, thinking it was dull and maybe too simple. Why should stories have to be contained into these neat structures? Life was unpredictable and out of order. But then again, she was younger during that time. Revisiting something when you were wiser might allow you to understand it better. Maybe Sara would learn Greek. She sort of wanted to all of a sudden.
"Is that Luke Skywalker?" Tegan asked over her shoulder.
Sara laughed, "Yes. It's about the many stages a character goes through in their story, I guess. This guy noticed there was a pattern that all heroes went through in Greek mythology and wrote them all down. I was supposed to read it in one of my classes, but didn't get far."
"Sounds neat. So it's a book for learning how to write?"
"I don't know if it's for learning how to write. Maybe it's just to better understand the perspective of the hero and the changes they go through? I have no idea, I would need to revisit it."
"So were you a bad student in college?" Tegan asked jokingly.
"I was never in college," Sara griped.
"You know what I mean."
"I wasn't a bad student, I just thought it could be boring sometimes. Some people were so pretentious, especially in my literature class."
"Are you going to get that?" Tegan asked, pointing to the book.
Sara played with the cover, it looked to be a newer print, but it was still worn and some of the pages were torn at the corners. She didn't know why this book had called out of her, it was just something from her past that hardly mattered, but it did feel like it called out.
She ended up buying it. Holding it in her hands, she was reminded of those days in Montreal where it felt like she was all by herself despite all the people she was meeting, despite all the crowds she passed on the streets. Where, even when she had wanted to distance herself from Tegan, become her own person, her sister was still heavy on her mind. Tegan had admitted to being very lonely during that time.
She shoved the book into her backpack, not knowing if she would ever actually read it, but it seemed like an important purchase. They found themselves doing some more window shopping before finding a little art gallery. Out of curiosity, they wandered in.
It was dead. Empty except for an elderly woman sitting on a stool, fanning herself with some pamphlet. She greeted them, but let them explore the place in silence. It looked to be all local art, many large paintings of all sorts of styles covered the walls and different types of sculptures were placed on long tables or the floor. The building was small but all the clutter of art made it feel like navigating a maze. They had walked into one part of the building, and the old lady could no longer be seen sitting on her stool, hidden behind sculptures. Though they couldn't find it, the sound of a fan buzzed throughout.
"These are pretty," Tegan whispered softly.
They looked at the hyper-realistic paintings of Santorini buildings and structures. Houses of rocky formations painted with a glossiness that they lacked in real life.
Sara liked the large painting of flowers. Pink and red flowers that she had seen throughout their trip, blooming in gardens and in people's yards.
"This place feels really quiet," Tegan said in her small voice, trying to keep the peace.
Sara agreed. She couldn't remember a time where it felt so quiet, especially recently in her life where it was just so busy all the time, where there was always people. It seemed she was only living her life so she could experience these moments. Like everything else was just a long dream and this was her finally waking up. She came to realize something terrifying. I live for this. I live for you Tegan. No way she would be able to say such a thing though.
Sara took these revelations, hid them under her skin, kept them close to her organs, bones, muscles. That's where she keeps Tegan.
Sara peaked around the little gallery, making sure they were really alone, and stealthily, without alerting Tegan, she took her hand in her own. Tegan whipped around to look at her, startled, before relaxing into the touch. She squeezed Sara's hand in return, giving her a smile before they went back to wandering around the place, stopping here and there to admire the art. Behind all that paint and clay, hidden behind the rustic jars and bowls made by locals, they held hands. Sara's thumb smoothed over Tegan's knuckles and all the places between her fingers where the skin was sensitive.
What warmed Tegan's heart even more, was that even passing by that old woman to exit the shop back into the Oia streets, Sara went on holding her hand.
"Thanks," Tegan had waved to the lady, the biggest grin on her face.
Tegan did not say anything when Sara's palm was still pressed against her own, with their fingers clasping together in a loving hold. It began to really feel like a date as they walked the streets passing stores and people.
Sara was fascinated with a little shop that sold these miniature shiny acrylic structures that resembled the houses and buildings she saw in Santorini, all made by the same artist. Sara found a little blue and white chapel and picked it up to admire it.
"Oh my god, it's so cute," she said.
"Are you going to buy it?" Tegan asked.
"Maybe I shouldn't, I feel like I've already spent a lot of money here."
"Just buy it. You need a souvenir for yourself, ya know?"
Tegan convinced her, and she left the shop, her little chapel wrapped up neatly and sitting next to her book in her bag.
"I think we should take a little break," Tegan said. The heat and walking around had started to get to them, sweat sticking to the back of their shirts as their walking becoming lagged with fatigue.
They stopped at a spot that overlooked a good portion of the town. All the houses laid against the green Oia hills with the ocean in the background, holding the strong blue sky and puffy white clouds. The houses and shops looked small, almost as small as Sara's little chapel. It really was a breathtaking view.
Tegan breathed in the fresh air and both leaned their fronts against the white clay rail as they watched the rest of the town. Sara had let go of Tegan's hand when it became too hot, but now as they cooled off and got their steam back, she let the back of their hands press together, knuckles and wrists dragging against each other. Tegan looked content, looking down at pretty Oia. Sara searched for something to say, but Tegan beat her to it.
"I'm really glad we're doing this," she said.
Sara was almost stunned by the words, and there was something on the tip of her tongue, but before it could slip away from her, a random voice startled her.
"Uh, excuse me?"
The small hopeful voice broke them out of their daze. It was clearly meant for them because it broke the chatter all around them, piercing their bubble. They both turned to the source of the voice, a young woman, shy looking but eager. Sara internally sighed. She saw right away that this was somebody who knew who they were. It felt like her whole world was crumbling around her. Her hand, which had been laying against Tegan's stealthily returned to her own side. The skin that had been touching Tegan's felt burned.
"You guys… Tegan and Sara right?"
Seeing how the twins were at a loss for words, she quickly waved her hands, almost like she was waving away the tense atmosphere.
"Oh my god, sorry I don't want to bother you, I just thought-"
"No, no," Tegan quickly turned to face their fan. She was smiling widely, but Sara could see that even she was disappointed by this breach. "It's totally fine, we were just resting for a bit. Lot of walking around."
"I totally get it. I'm just so surprised to have run into you, I'm flipping out."
She seemed like a nice girl, but Sara wanted her to go away. She would have been glad to refuse a picture, to refuse to talk, tell her this was their time, but Tegan wasn't as callous. She even suggested the picture. The girl handed her camera to her mother who seemed confused about who they were but was caught up in the act of finding famous people. Tegan took the fan, putting her hand behind her back and pulling her in with a gummy smile. Sara reluctantly scootched in for the photo. She plastered on a polite but fake smile of her own. She felt naked and tried as hard as she could to seem invisible, trying to hide her body behind her arms and backpack, trying to slouch and disappear.
She had never felt so uncomfortable taking a picture with a fan before. She didn't know why she didn't expect people to recognize them here. That was unrealistic and stupid. It felt like the fantasy world that they had been slowly building the past few days was suddenly shattered. The scenic view they had been admiring together was now trapped in a picture, with Sara's unsatisfied close-lipped smile.
Tegan shared a few more words with the excited girl before she and her mother went on their way. Sara just watched as she leaned on the ledge. As soon as the girl was out of sight Tegan deflated slowly and joined her.
"Well that was unexpected," She said, her pleasant airs still on but a weariness leaking through her efforts.
Sara only nodded. She had become hyper-aware that they would be leaving tomorrow, that all this was going to end. It was like the magic had been lifted. Somebody found their secret world. No, that wasn't fair to put the blame on anybody but herself. They shouldn't have been treating this place like a secret, pretending it wasn't just part of the world they were hiding from.
"I'm going to miss you a lot."
Sara's soul had not settled yet, and Tegan's admission shook her even more. She felt like she couldn't get one moment of rest.
Tegan continued. "I'm going to miss how normal it feels, ya know."
Sara shook her head. "It's not normal."
"But we were pretending it was."
"What do you want me to say," Sara sighed.
"I love you."
Sara felt Tegan move around in her chest. I live for you. It was everywhere but her lips. She shook her head, gripped the rail.
"I love you too," She gritted out.
"You know what I mean Sara."
"Why now Tegan? Why does it have to be right now?"
"Compared to when?"
"I don't know." Sara felt helpless. She wasn't looking at Tegan, she didn't want to, but Tegan ducked in her field of vision.
"Do you just want me to shut up?"
Yes. "We can't be like that."
"We already are. No matter what you say you can't deny actions. You can't take that back, pretend it doesn't happen no matter how much you like to."
"Can we please not talk about this, here of all places."
"I'm not asking for anything to happen. I just want, for once in your life, to acknowledge it like I have. Don't pretend it's not there."
"I know it's there," Sara defended, "Of course I know."
She added, when Tegan wouldn't say anything, just looked at her with those sad eyes, "Sometimes it feels like I'm trying to fill my empty with your empty. It's just this endless cycle."
Tegan was quiet. She walked away from Sara, putting some distance between them as she looked at the town below them. She watched the clumps of people with a look of dissatisfaction.
"I'm sorry," Tegan suddenly said. "Let's just go back to how things were."
She began walking away, heading down the steps. Sara followed her with an uneasy feeling. What did Tegan mean by that exactly?
They were mostly quiet as they walked along the town. They had stopped for ice cream. The cold and sweet substance felt nice under the sun which had been roaring all day long and just now was starting to cool. They ate at a wooden table near the ice cream parlor, a large umbrella hovering over them. Both were quiet like they were recalibrating, trying to get back to normal.
"Maybe we should talk a little more. Maybe It's wrong to just assume how things are going to be," Sara said as casually as she could manage. If Tegan meant she didn't want to spend any more intimate time with her, didn't want to touch her, kiss her. Then she was going to put up some fight. Anxiety sat by her, pestering her with the idea that Tegan was done with all of this.
"I don't feel like talking," Tegan said just as casually. "You're just going to say the same thing you always do."
Sara stares at her ice cream. It had begun to melt but she wasn't interested in it anymore. The refreshing taste had turned too sweet, and her lips were sticky and uncomfortable.
It hit Sara. How they were going to politely separate. How she was going back to Stacy and Tegan would go back to that woman. They would ignore each other for a while until they could feel the distance pull at each other. It would be awkward at first but it seemed to always work out.
The world around her began to twist and warp. Sara didn't know what was different this time but normal looked so far away. She always knew Tegan would someday grow impatient with her.
Spirals of emotion twisted around through her throat and up into her head. She thought she was going to cry, but with little warning, Tegan beat her to it, tears leaking through her eyes, dripping down her face onto the wood of the table. She tried to quickly wipe them away but Sara had already noticed.
Sara was amazed at how Tegan could easily transform. From sensual to goofy to a competent businesswoman to passionate to a scared little kid. Did anyone else see all these different sides of Tegan like she saw them? She doubted it.
Tegan felt ridiculous. A grown woman crying with an ice cream cone in her hand. Sara was being polite enough not to say anything, but she still felt shitty about it all. She wasn't a reckless young woman anymore, she didn't hide away and cry anymore but there was something about being with Sara that took her back to those times.
She felt sorry that no one who would ever come close to Sara. She was always distracting herself, falling in love, chasing girls. In a way Sara was right. She was empty, and Sara was what she needed to fulfill her.
"Are you done with this?" Sara asked, gently prying the cone from her hand. Tegan just nodded.
Sara left the table, throwing their leftover cones in the trash before urging Tegan up and leading her over to an area with hardly any people. She took their water bottle from her backpack, taking Tegans glasses off to reveal her watery eyes.
"Stick your hands out," Sara instructed.
Tegan obeyed, and water was poured over her sticky hands before she was given a napkin to dry off with. Sara did the same for herself, one hand at a time before she added some fresh water to her fingers. She dabbed at Tegan's pink face. It was all tan and pink around her nose and eyes. The Greek sun had made her skin darker, and Sara had made her cry.
"Please don't be upset, I'm right here."
"That's the problem," Tegan croaked out. "You're here. You're here and then you won't be."
Once Tegan had her glasses on and seemed more put together, Sara held on to the small of her back, leading her through the street. "Come on," Sara urges. "Let's go."
Tegan didn't know where they were going but she let herself be pushed through the crowds with her sister's calming hand on her back. Despite how upset she felt, she still squeezed Sara's hand when she calmly reached for it, leading Tegan from the busy part of Oia.
They stopped by a bench that overlooked the sea, and Sara sat them down gently but did not remove her hand from Tegan, instead, dropping Tegan's hand so she could hold onto her shoulder, rubbing soothing circles into the muscle and holding her close.
It was getting later and the sky was blossoming into a late evening pink. Street lights and hanging lights that were thrown over the sides of restaurants and stores lit up in preparation for the night.
"The sun's about to set," Sara said.
Tegan took off her glasses and hat and wiped her eyes which were still red. Sara observed her as she lifelessly looked to the sky. People were gathering at all sorts of different spots, all ready to watch the beautiful event take place. There were a few people around the sisters, all mostly leaning against the clay ledge or standing back with a camera in hand. Sara didn't want to be hyper-aware of them, but she couldn't help it, and her nerves were shot from the fan having spotted them. Anyone of these people could know who they were, and she was frightened.
The hand that was not holding Tegan took Tegan's hair through its fingers, patting her on the head, and scratching at the nape of her neck, and still, Tegan would not look her way. Sara had seen their mother hold Tegan like this when she was upset, rocking the young girl in her arms, cooing softly and petting her moppy head.
"It's going to be alright," Sara whispered.
Tegan shook her head slightly. "It never feels like it will be," She replied, her voice still scratched with despair.
The sun began to set, stretching into the sea in a slow and lazy drop as the sky around it quivered in light, becoming darker and darker. Everyone watched in awe, and when people began to cheer as the sun disappeared, only then did Tegan look Sara's way, facing her.
When everybody went their separate ways, all leaving to get on with the rest of the evening, both went on sitting on the bench. When they were alone and the sky was a dark purple, Sara asked, "Are you still glad we did this?"
"Of course I am."
Tegan scooted away from Sara, making her lose the hold she had on Tegan. It hurt to have her touch rejected.
"It's just," Tegan started, her voice worked up and on the verge of getting upset again, "Just once I want you to make me feel like a priority and not some hidden guilty pleasure."
"Of course you're a priority."
"Then tell me that you love me the same way I love you," Tegan pleaded, "Stop acting like it hurts to be with me. I don't know if I can keep doing this, you have no clue how torn apart I feel when you show me love and affection and then just take it all away from me."
"Tegan, you can't just demand stuff like that and you know it. How can you love me? What about that woman you're with? I thought you loved her."
"I do," Tegan said. "I love her."
Tegan said it so straightforward that the words stung. She knew it was capable to have feelings for more than one person, considering she loved Stacy with all her heart, but it really did hurt to know that some woman got to experience Tegan's love, that maybe Sara wasn't very special.
"I love her," Tegan continued, forcing Sara to meet her eyes. "I love that random woman at the club, I love Francesca from the vineyard, I love every woman that makes me forget how I love you more than any of them."
Sara was stunned and watched wordlessly as Tegan's eyes began to swell with tears once again.
"It's not true," She suddenly said.
"What?" Sara stuttered out.
"I'm not empty. When I'm with you, I'm not empty."
"Tegan, I don't know what to tell you," she said. She felt awful, she wished she could treat Tegan the way she deserved. "What do you want me to do? Leave Stacy and be with you? What good does any of this do?"
"I don't want all that, I just want you." All of Tegan's words felt like desperate pleading and it all tore away at Sara to ignore it.
"It wasn't supposed to be like this," Sara said in a small voice. "We're not supposed to be like this." Then seeing Tegan looking at her expectantly she added, "I can't tell you anything you want to hear. I'm sorry."
Tegan frowned and nodded before leaning back against the bench. She broke into a sad smile, a snarl almost, and shook her head as she looked down at her feet. The seconds dragged on. Sara felt her body swell with shame, and wasn't quite sure why.
"I'm sorry," Sara repeated, wanting her sister to know she meant it.
Tegan laughed bitterly. "Yeah, I know." She wiped her eyes, sighing loudly. "It's not going to happen again, I'm not going to let it happen again."
"What's not going to happen?" Sara asked, a slight panic creeping up on her.
"This," Tegan said, pointing between them. "What we've been doing. It doesn't do anybody any good. It's toxic, not only for us but for our partners. And you know it."
Sara kept her mouth shut, but she couldn't control how her eyes rounded in fear. She had no right to fight with Tegan about that, so she didn't say anything.
"It's the only way I know how to defend myself," Tegan said, almost to herself.
Sara didn't know how she was keeping it together. She sat quietly, willing the tears to stay away. She waited for the rock lodged in her throat to melt before she could speak. It felt like she was waiting forever.
"Can you please wait?" Sara asked, her voice feeling so tiny and fragile, "Can we wait until we go back home? I don't want to stop being with you."
She knew that staggered look in Tegan's eyes, a look that said, You don't have to and you know that.
Tegan sighed again. Her eyes still dead on her shoes which had begun to play with the gravel under the soles. Sara tapped at her hand, urging her to look at her. Tegan did, and she frowned at Sara's glossy eyes.
"Please," Sara practically begged.
So many different emotions passed through Tegan's eyes as she held Sara's stare. With the look of utter concentration, she gingerly took Sara's chin into her hand, pulling her close to her own face. Sara did not see any tenderness in Tegan as she had seen throughout the day, and it made her heart drop to her stomach in dread. When Tegan leaned in slowly, making it clear she was going to kiss her, she shamefully turned her head away, feeling Tegan's nose touch her cheek.
"You can't," Sara said.
"Nobody's around. If anybody sees we'll just say I was giving you cpr." She joked.
"Tegan."
"What?" She asked, inching closer to Sara, giving her space but still close enough to tease. Her behavior felt like it was lacking something, like she was testing Sara somehow.
Sara would give anything to be able to lean up and kiss Tegan without the nagging fear that it was dangerous, but she couldn't. She pushed her sister away, making her fall lifelessly against the bench.
Tegan looked off into the dark sea with a sad smile.
"You know we've never kissed outside," She mused.
It didn't sound like an accusation, just a realization.
Sara watched Tegan, who's attention was now up at the stars where her mind also seemed to be.
"It's pretty obvious why though, right?"
"I guess."
Tegan thought about how lovely it would be to be normal sisters who didn't need to hide from each other's affections. Sometimes she just wanted to kiss or hug Sara without feeling like she was crossing a line. Tell her she loved her without worrying if Sara hated it.
Sometimes it was just too hard to be around Sara and pretend she wasn't everything Tegan longed for. How could she sit so still and look so unbothered in Tegan's presence, when they had already merged into one, been inside each other, tasted one another. Tegan had tried many times to copy Sara. To forget about their other lives and be content with the one they were living. Sara had constantly reminded her that the life where they were merely sisters and nothing else was the real one, this was merely the passing daydream.
She didn't want it to be a dream anymore. She had this dream too many times to count, it was time to wake up.
How strange for Sara to beg Tegan for attention and affection and embrace her only for the night to end and act as if it hadn't happened. Selfishly, sometimes Tegan wished that she could erase all the memories of Sara that hurt her most. The ones where Sara was the most kind and loving were the most hurtful. The ones where they were together in these fantasy lands. If only she could bury Sara like she could bury any other relationship.
When these thoughts came to Tegan, she instantly regretted them. No, she thought. I would never erase Sara. And she secretly apologized to Sara for even daring to think about such things. She promised to make it up to her.
"Let's go," Tegan said. Which meant, Fine. If not here than somewhere else.
They took the bus back to Firostefani. There were not many people riding with them, and the whole vehicle trekked through the dusty roads like a ghost. The inside of the bus was lit up, almost too brightly and Sara had to strain her eyes to get used to it. The windows displayed the dark roads they passed. It was completely night now, and the fields of Santorini were covered in deep darkness. It felt like they were traveling somewhere far away. They didn't say a word to each other the whole ride, but Tegan did hold her hand. That strong grip was the small reassurance Sara needed when Tegan felt so aloof and distant.
They began walking through sleepy Firo, Tegan seemed tense and walked with her hands in her pockets. Sara touched her shoulder. "You're walking too fast," she said.
Tegan's shoulders dropped a bit, and she untucked her hands from her pockets.
"Okay," She said. "Let's walk slowly."
And they did, they walked leisurely, taking in the sea breeze and soft voices of the people around them. They were surrounded by people but it was difficult to imagine anybody existing besides just the two of them. Sometimes their hands would bump into each other and Sara was reminded of that night after the club, after Sara had pushed Tegan against the alleyway.
They got to their villa, everybody seemed to be winding down for the day and the scene wasn't as rowdy as it usually was around the hot tub and bar. Sara felt her heart flutter when they were at their suite door. She willed herself to breathe in deep breathes and calm the static in her body down.
Tegan turned the key and opened the door with calm patience, then ushered Sara in. They did their own personal rituals of coming home from a long day. Setting their bags aside, slipping their shoes off, emptying their pockets and taking off their twin straw hats. Sara set hers on the little table in the hall. Tegan bought her that hat, and she promised to take care of it for as long as possible.
She turned to Tegan who was standing in the living room. She looked worn out and tired. Sara had no idea if they would be able to do anything tonight. She desperately wanted to. Wanted to whisper farewell on every part of her body. She knew Tegan was serious when she said she would never allow anything like this to happen again.
Tegan untucked her black shirt from her pants. "So we're packing tomorrow morning?" She asked.
Sara nodded.
"I'll set my alarm clock," Tegan said, distracted as she played with the fabric of her shirt. "We have to get an earlyish ferry if we're gonna make it to the airport on time."
And just when Sara thought This is it. It's over and done with. Tegan eliminated all the space between them, taking Sara by her upper arms and bringing her into Tegan's body.
Tegan stared at Sara for a good long minute, her eyes intense with something Sara wished she could understand. Her head fell onto Sara's shoulder and she deeply breathed in the scent of her neck, digging her nose past her white shirt collar into the sturdy tendon. The grip on her arms tightened before Tegan relaxed her touch, smoothly feeling Sara over the sleeves of her shirt, her fingers searching and rubbing until they traveled up to her shoulders where she squeezed, massaging all the tension away. Her touch fell to the top of Sara's chest, where palms rested on each breast, but not for long as Tegan moved all the way down to the bottom of Sara's shirt, and began to unbutton each button. Slowly and with great concentration.
Sara didn't know what to say so she just watched Tegan's experienced hands get closer and closer to unbuttoning her all the way. Soon her shirt slipped away from her shoulders, leaving her in her bra and pants, Tegan played with the lace a bit, her pointer finger experimentally feeling the bra strap until she decided to undo it, twisting the clasp open. Tegan's face hardly changed it's serious tone as Sara's breasts were revealed to her, but her hands became more friendly, feeling all around the soft skin, and teasing the nipples until Sara sighed in bliss.
She unbuttoned her pants, undid the zipper, and pushed Sara's pants down until they slipped to the floor to which she stepped out of, kicking them away. Tegan took a moment to observe Sara's body, her hands searching, trailing everywhere she could reach. It felt like she was making a mental map of every inch of Sara's skin, and she let Tegan explore her. She gasped when Tegan's fingers slid down the front of her underwear, feeling her through the fabric. Sara was pulsing, her hard clit throbbed in want. Tegan circled it, taking hold of Sara's hip when her body began to stutter.
Sara let herself be worked on, tentatively standing as still as she could while being stroked and petted through her underwear. She grabbed hold of Tegan's shoulders when her touch slipped past the band, her hand holding Sara's mound, her palm nestling against her soft pubic hair, her fingers spreading her folds open.
"I love how wet you get," Tegan said. "You really love being touched by me, don't you?"
"Yes," Sara hissed. Her fingers twitched at the cotton fabric of Tegan's shirt. She was reminded that Tegan hadn't shed a single piece of clothing. She wanted to strip Tegan down and press their bodies together, have their beating hearts lay with each other. She settled for teasing all the skin she could, her neck, her collarbones, the peak of her shoulders under the shirt.
Tegan dragged her underwear down in a slow and lazy manner, pulling them down inch by inch until the band was just below her butt and exposing her groin. The underwear was wrapped around her upper thighs and held onto her like handcuffs. Tegan watched with serious yet thoughtful eyes as she absorbed Sara's naked body. Even in the future where they might never be intimate with each other again, it was overwhelming to know this memory of lovely vulnerable Sara would be with her.
A sudden wave of tenderness washed over her, and she hugged Sara close, burrowing herself into her sister's neck.
"I love you," Tegan whispered into her skin. "I love you, I love you, I love you."
She spoke these declarations as if they were prayers and Sara couldn't do anything but feel the words tinge her skin. She was going to feel this for a long time, feel Tegan as she buried herself in Sara's skin, scarring her with love decorations.
"Tegan," Sara whimpered, overcome with her sister's presence.
Without warning fingers sunk into Sara's messy wet slit with the ease of a stone sinking to the bottom of a pond. At the unexpected feelings of being filled, Sara slumped into Tegan, moaning into her ear, and with each sturdy thrust of Tegan's fingers, Sara kissed and tongued at it, nibbling at the lobe and pressing her lips on around it, leaving wet trails around her cheek.
It was in this position that Tegan fucked her, Sara practically hanging from her shoulders, barely standing upright as she tried to spread her legs enough to make room for the pounding fingers. All she could do was squirm and moan and hang on tight and feel.
"I'm filling your empty," Tegan smugly quoted, her fingers lazily thrusting in and out of Sara.
"God," Sara moaned.
When she came, it was fast and her cunt squeezed onto Tegan, tightly enough that she became all too aware of the shape of her dexterous fingers to the point where it started to hurt. But even the hurt felt good.
"Oh, Tegan," She groaned when it all crashed down on her, and her senses were crawling back to her.
She noticed the wetness dripping onto her shoulder so she pulled away to face Tegan, who was silently crying.
"Tegan?" Sara asked, taking her face in her hand. Tegan leaned into the touch.
Tegan sniffled, breathing out a gasp that sounds like a shadow of a cry. Sara's heart broke. "I'm sorry," Sara said because she knew it was probably her fault Tegan was crying.
"I know you are." Tegan's voice was rough with sadness. It all felt very helpless.
"Let's go to the bed," Sara urged, and lead Tegan to their shared room.
Both sat down on Sara's bed. The moonlight leaked into the room from the window as Tegan slumped down, her elbows resting on her thighs as she looked down at the floor. She slowly sat up, turning to face the window for a moment before her head fell into her hands. She shook a few times, but Sara did not hear any crying. Sara rubbed her back, trying to soothe the worry away even though she knew it wasn't that simple.
"Tegan," She called softly.
When Tegan didn't respond, Sara cradled the back of Tegan's neck, feeling the soft hair at the base of her head. Her thumb smoothed over the defined cheekbone and jaw, so similar to her own face yet so different.
"Tee tee?" She asked.
Silent tears streamed down Tegan's face, as if Sara saying her name with such tenderness completely broke her. She kept her mouth firmly shut, not letting any sadness slip through, even as her face became wet with her tears. She turned to face her, leaning into Sara's touch. She looked at her sister with concern, her mouth and eyebrows turned down.
"I love you," Sara said. She wished that could be enough for Tegan to take her back. But then again, she never really allowed herself to be Tegan's in the first place.
Tegan nodded into Sara's hand. I know. She grabbed Sara by the wrist that was cradling her, pulling her hand more to her face. Tegan held Sara's palm with both hands, like holding a very delicate bird. She kissed the palm and the imprint of Tegan's lips on her skin sent a shock through her body. Tegan kissed her again, on a different part of her hand, the area between her pointer finger and thumb. It felt deeper than a lover's kiss, a passionate kiss Tegan would give to her soul-mate. Sara sighed when Tegan's lips left her body, but she could still feel the press of soft lips on her skin. It was a kiss she could carry with her anywhere. I love you too.
Tegan did not let go of her, instead, she opened up her hand so all her fingers were spread out so she could rest her face against Sara's open hand. She closed her eyes and just felt the tender yet soft skin, pink and calluses.
Her hand molded to Tegan's face, the tears slipping through the crack of her fingers. She watched between Tegan's eyelashes and the blue shadows of the window. She was absolutely beautiful. Sara was always aware of that, but right now it felt as if Tegan was cutting open her chest, opening it up, and Sara was struck by the beauty of it.
It was as if Tegan was trying to mash them together, get them to mold and become one. Sara felt cracks break in her throat and her eyes become sore. When Tegan released her hand, Sara didn't move it away, rather move so she was massaging her fingers into Tegan's hair, scratching at her scalp and running her fingers through the short length. Tegan let herself be petted and preened, the worry from her face slipping as she fell completely into the sensation of her sister's touch.
Seemingly comfortable and her eyes still closed, resting from the crying, she said, "We're not filling the empty in each other. We're missing parts of each other. I don't think we'll ever be whole, but I think we're the only people who can give each other what we need. You have what I'm missing Sara. I'm not empty when I'm with you. I think you understand that."
When Tegan opened her eyes, they were much more fierce than they had been. She seemed more centered somehow. Sara's hand dropped to her side. They looked at each other head-on.
"Lift your arms up," Sara urged.
Tegan did so, allowing Sara to take her shirt off. She reached behind her, her fingers crawling over her spine to her bra strap before unhooking it. Once her bra fell onto her lap, Sara touched the flat part of her chest that lay between her breasts, then bent down to kiss all around her nipples, leaving each breast with one quick swipe of her tongue around the pink flesh.
Next were her pants and underwear which smoothly were dragged down her legs. Tegan was pushed down to lay on the mattress, Sara crawling over her body, her eyes watching her like a cat watching a mouse. She took advantage of Tegan's new stillness and spent a few good moments just feeling all over her, kneading into her skin and teasing sensitive body parts.
Tegan watched in wonder, the way Sara handled her body under the moonlight. She gasped when Sara took hold of one of her breasts and crouched down to suck at her nipple, swirling around it and tonguing until it stood at attention, doing the same to the other.
"Just be good and let me fuck you," Sara said, her voice clearer than it had been all day. "Just lay back and feel me."
So Tegan did. She closed her eyes, paying special attention to the way Sara's tongue scorched all over her body, how her touch felt, how full she made her feel when she began to thoroughly fuck her into the mattress.
Sara leaned down into Tegan, letting as much of each other touch as possible, every stroke of her wrist bumping into her own sex. She moaned when Tegan moaned and gasped when she dragged her own nipples across Tegan's.
She entered into Tegan until both were rocking their hips together. Tegan's body was sinfully soft and slick with sweat. Both shuddered when their peaks were getting near. The pits of their stomachs were filling up with liquid heat as Sara worked her fingers into a throbbing core. Tegan could do no more than whimper as she held onto Sara. When she felt herself becoming close, and the world around her starting to blur, she buried her face into the spot of Sara's neck that started to curve into shoulder.
"When did you fall in love with me?" She asked in a broken voice, before her body arched, her legs and hips shaking, a loud groan filling the room.
Sara was caught off guard by the question, but willed her fingers to keep going, not letting up until Tegan's body began to calm down.
She was stunned by the question, but Tegan didn't ask her again, rather she took time to catch her breath.
"Are you alright?" Sara asked, smoothing over some of the sweat that hid on her forehead.
"Of course," Tegan said. She kissed Sara, their lips messily meshing together. It was a lie. She felt as if some big part of her was crumbling. She wanted to be able to consume Sara so much she would grow sick of it, but it was impossible.
"What are we supposed to do now?" Sara asked. She could tell both were tired, but the idea of sleep felt so alien to her.
Tegan took her close so that they could cuddle. "There's nothing else to do," she said. She never wanted to feel this sadness of saying goodbye to Sara again.
They just held each other, listening to the sounds of their own breathing and the distant sound of the ocean. Sara felt each wave crash into her heart. She had wanted to go to the beach again, this time swimming with Tegan. It was too late, and even if it wasn't so, she didn't know if she had the courage to ask Tegan to go with her.
She burrowed deeper into her sister while tugging the blanket over them.
...
They didn't get much rest before Tegan's alarm clock went off, screeching and shaking her from her sleep. It felt as if she had just shut her eyes before she was violently pulled from a dreamless sleep. Sara had been awake, almost like she could sense she was about to be woken up. She watched as Tegan's eyes twitched in irritation before opening. She stared at the ceiling for a moment, letting the alarm ring throughout the room. Once she reached over and turned it off she let out a long dissatisfied sigh.
"I guess it's time to get up," Tegan said.
She turned to look at Sara, getting caught off guard when Sara greeted her with a sweet kiss. Just a simple kiss that didn't ask for more, lingering just the right amount of time.
"Good morning," Sara said.
Tegan smiled in that crooked way of hers. Her eyes far away yet dreamy.
"Morning."
The suite felt dead. All the blinds were shut tight, and curtains drawn, making the once warm and friendly rooms seem cold.
They packed, both sitting on their respective beds as they diligently folded and filled their suitcases. They walked around the suite, cleaning here and there, doing the dishes they neglected and making sure they didn't miss anything of theirs. The place had served its purpose well, and hopefully, the memory of its walls covered in the sunshine would be the image that stuck, rather than the dull darkness they awoke to.
Sara had washed her bedding. There was only enough time to wash her own bed, but that was okay since they had only really used Sara's bed. She smelled the sheets before throwing them in the washer. They were covered in the stench of love-making.
They left the suite, their suitcases trailing behind. After they returned their keys to the little main office, they were free to leave, so they did, though they weren't eager to do so and their behavior reflected that fact. It was odd to see the same crowds wash through the streets. Tegan almost expected that it was just the day of reckoning and that everybody had to return to their respective homes.
The walk to Fira was long and tiring. Tegan had to keep checking the time to make sure they were going to make it to the Ferry on time, but when they got to the docks they were told the ferry wouldn't be arriving for an hour or so.
"I guess we can get some breakfast huh?" Sara asked, already heading to the main part of the city, Tegan reluctantly trailing behind.
All the restaurants were stuffed with tourists who were planning on getting an early start to their day. It was hard to find a place that didn't feel suffocating, but they finally decided to settle on a little cafe hidden in a strip of street that was full of the kind of shops that saw everywhere on the island, vendors that sold their own art and clothes and the like.
The cafe played music through busted speakers and the sound felt far away and distorted, but the sisters sat at their table listening intently. It was easier to listen to the broken music than speak.
After they ate, it was almost time for the ferry to dock, so they set off again.
Sara tried to sneakily watch Tegan. She was wearing shorts that ended over her knees, showing off some of her tender thigh. Sara had also opted for shorts, knowing it would be more comfortable in the hot weather. Memories of last night came to her in sharp stabs. Watching the muscle twitch in Tegan's tanned legs as she walked only brought out images of those same legs as they squirmed in pleasure, how they spread out on the sheets. It felt so long ago.
"Hey," Sara said, grabbing the short sleeve of Tegan's t-shirt. "Let's go this way real quick."
Tegan gave her a confused look but still followed along. Following Sara through the intricate twists and turns of the city. They passed shops and empty alleyways of old brick apartments until Sara stopped them. It was a path surrounded by brick walls with windows looking down from the way high up. It lead to another part of Fira, that overlooked the ocean. There was not much traffic, only a small scattering of people who were resting by benches or looking off to the blue horizon.
Tegan stopped in the middle of the alleyway when Sara did. Her heart thumped in excitement and anxiety as Sara came close to her, setting both their suitcases to the side before gently guiding Tegan to lay against the wall. She felt the brick rest against her back, the stones were cold in the shaded alley and she felt a chill.
"Sara?" Tegan asked, panic hiding in her voice when Sara kneeled in front of her, her bare knees digging into the gravel of the ground.
"Hey what are you doing?" Tegan asked, frantically looking around to see if anybody was looking, but the everyone was far away and not paying attention. "Get up," She hissed, concerned about the questionable position, but also at the sight of her sister's smooth legs scraping against the rough ground.
"Shh. Just be still for a bit."
Sara took hold of Tegan's legs, feeling up her calves, and quickly letting her fingers trail above the strip of thigh before feeling the smooth bump of her knees. Tegan's skin jumped under her touch, and she could feel she was nervous. That's okay because Sara was nervous too.
She kissed each knee. Then kissed them again, leaving the soft press of her lips all over the skin. It only took a moment to let her lips trail over both body parts, but Tegan felt time slow as she looked down in bewilderment. Before she could try to think of how to react, Sara stood up, immediately falling into Tegan's body to hug her. She squeezed her hard until Tegan nervously wrapped her own arms around her, bringing her even closer by the waist. Sara hid her face by Tegan's, her breathing very present in her ear.
"I just wanted to remember what it's like to kiss you, I'm sorry," Sara whispered.
"It's okay," Tegan choked out, rubbing her sister's back with both hands.
When they finally parted and began walking back to the docks, Tegan guiltily eyed Sara knees which were scraped up. Not badly, but the skin used to be unmarked, and now they bore little white scratches. She wondered if it hurt.
By the time they settled into the ferry, the lack of sleep and heavy mental exhaustion they both faced dropped down on them. They fell into a deep sleep, blind to their surroundings and the chattering crowd around them, all leaving the island, all tired.
…
When Tegan woke up she half expected to wake up in her own bed back at her house in la, but she was still on the ferry. Sara by her side and a strong sea breeze wafting through the air as the city of Athens slowly came to view. Tall cement buildings crowded together in the distance, surrounded by green grass and mountains towering over them from behind. The land was much lusher and green here than on Santorini where the grass was dry and light in color.
She had just woke up before they arrived at the Piraeus ferry port. It was almost jarring. She shook Sara awake to alert her they arrived.
"We really slept through that entire ride?" She asked, her voice still scratched with sleep.
"I guess," Tegan yawned. She felt well rested, and honestly, the sight of Athens was refreshing after being on Santorini for a week.
They left the port with the rest of the crowd, before hailing a taxi to the city. Their plane tickets were already purchased and they had some time to kill before they had to be at the airport. They ended up near the Roman market where the more modern buildings were scarce and replaced with old fashioned buildings in a light wash with red Spanish tile making up the roofs. All the shops and restaurants had a similar feel to the ones on Santorini, but they were filled with more locals than tourists. People looked like the belonged here and were dressed fashionably. Cars and Vespas whirred past the streets and there were multiple metro stations hidden throughout the city. It really felt as though they were seeping back in society.
After their long rest, both were hungry and stopped for some food. The dead quiet that plagued them earlier in the day was no longer present and both talked to each other, getting lost in conversation and throwing away all their past caution.
Tegan felt some relief fill her body and though Sara felt calmer, there was still something squirming at the back of her brain. Something didn't feel right, but she couldn't explain what. All that mattered was that Tegan seemed to be happier so she let it go.
They weren't quite done with being tourists and decided to take a stroll through the streets. They weren't going to stay in Athens for the night, but they still rented a night in a hotel so they could leave their bags behind and walk around without the extra weight and effort.
They came to a point where the Acropolis was looming in the distance, ancient ruins of a citadel that sat on a rocky outlook. Tegan and Sara had visited the tourist attraction before once on tour, but without anything better to do, they made their way up to the area, walking the steep steps and sticking close as the place was crowded with people.
Sara felt tired walking through the ruble. It was too loud and had far too many people. More people than in rowdy Fira, and she was just ready to be done with it all. She felt herself watching Tegan more than looking at the actual architecture, and while it was beautiful, the large white greek pillars standing tall and grand, Sara would rather look at Tegan.
She felt mixed emotions as they walked through what remained of the crumbling buildings. She could visibly see weight being lifted from Tegan's shoulders and it hurt. Don't get over me too quickly she mentally demanded. She wanted Tegan to keep longing for her, she kept replaying that moment in Oia over and over again, where Tegan said that it was never happening again. Time was running out and Sara could feel it.
"I think we should head back," Sara said.
"You're probably right."
But, Tegan lingered, walking slowly and idly watching her surroundings. Truthfully, she didn't want this trip to end. She didn't want to return to her normal life, but she already made some important decisions, and she couldn't go back on them. After all, the dream has to end eventually, and she could already tell it was ending. Dragging it out would cause too much unnecessary grief.
So they walked away, heading back to their hotel to pick up their luggage.
"Would you ever live in a place like this?" Sara asked, looking around the city. It was a game they played often, questioning themselves and the band members about the different places they traveled.
"With you, I would," Tegan answered.
Sara didn't talk much after that, instead she went on looking ahead, a blush heating her cheeks.
The airport's air felt stale and sterilized, the lights were bright yet the place still seemed dark. Airport security was stingy and felt more authoritative than they were used to. They checked in and made their way to their terminal. It was all reminders that this was the last leg of their journey.
Before entering the plane, they shared a lighthearted smile, almost like saying well, here we go. Sara wanted to grab Tegan before she could enter the plane, beg her to stay one more day or let them wait for the next flight, but she didn't and they took their seats.
Sara sat in silent contemplation for most of the flight. Tegan kept herself busy, listening to music or reading. The afternoon was ending and the sky above the clouds began to shift. Sara watched as Tegan's head leaned back into her seat, her eyes growing heavy as she watched outside the window.
Sara took this as an opportunity to take her journal from her backpack. She waited until Tegan's eyes were resting until she began to write. She was stubborn, more stubborn than Tegan believed.
After she finished writing, she folded the paper up and took out the souvenir that she bought for herself, the little chapel. Shiny acrylic clay that fit in her palm. It was pure white except for the bright blue dome and some small details painted over it. It was still wrapped up, hidden in the shop's bag. Sara slipped her folded paper into the bag, hiding it as best she could, and as sneakily as she could, shoved it in Tegan's satchel which laid by her feet. She hid the bag between Tegan's own things, trying to make it as unnoticeable as possible.
She didn't know when Tegan would discover it, whether it was going to be in the next twenty-four hours or weeks from now, Sara didn't care. She was just going to wait, because deep down she knew someday, they would have another Greece.
It was going to be alright, Sara thought. Tegan was her soulmate.
…
Tegan,
Our last night in Greece you asked me when I fell in love with you. I couldn't answer you because I was just so caught off guard, and I knew you didn't want an answer anyway. I'm sorry that I could never tell you I loved you in a way that mattered, but now I realize I owe you that much, even if it's not to your face. So to answer your question...
Just name a time and place, Tegan. Think of anywhere you've been and where I've been, think of any time in your life, how you were changing or growing or thinking about me or forgetting about me… Think back further to when we were teenagers or kids where the idea of you and I wasn't even in your head yet. Think to any of those moments and know that I was always falling in love with you.
I know I shouldn't ask you to keep waiting, but I hope you will. Someday I won't be a coward.
Yours,
Sara