3. Bad Books and Vampires

This chapter comes from my dear darling Inspirationally Red, who also came up with our collab name "Red and Roses" :3

Enjoy :D It's sort of a follow on from the War of Bad Music :D

"While we're on the subject of bad music, why don't we talk about bad books?" Hannah piped up.
Obviously still offended by the slur on One Direction, England was on his feet in an instant. "Are you implying Shakespeare is bad?!"
"But Angleterre, Shakespeare was years ago." France put in smoothly. Nobody had seen him enter; Germany and Japan exchanged the exasperated look of two people both thinking the same thing: "Dear God, he's here."
"Here we go," Iceland muttered. Norway stood on his foot.

Seemingly unaware of the other nation's consternation, England bristled. "Shakespeare's timeless, I tell you! Timeless!" He punctuated each word with a pound of his knee.
"Only to people who like complicated English," France smirked and, somewhere behind him, Norway buried his face in his hands. "Remember..." He whispered something in French to England.
Canada froze. Hannah squealed and slapped the Frenchman on the arm. "That's disgusting!"
France still managed to wink saucily at her despite the obvious pain of his arm. "I didn't know you're into BDSM, Ha-Aii!" He let out an involuntary squawk as England shoved him in the chest, sending him toppling back onto the grey carpet.
"Anyway," Charlotte said hastily as France picked himself up, firing a blistering torrent of insults in French to England. She looked askance at the bickering couple, then continued. "I think we all know who holds the record for the worst book."

Everybody's heads whipped around to face America. England clapped a hand over France's mouth and glared at him. "Don't. Say. A. Word."
America swallowed a bite of his Big Mac, and looked vaguely unsettled. "What?" He glanced at Charlotte and Hannah. "Super sidekicks? I'm feeling a little out of the loop here."
"TWILIGHT!" Nearly everybody in the room roared and America, shocked, fell out of his chair.
"What's wrong with it?" He pleaded, glasses askew, looking around at the faces of each nation, including Romania, who had slipped in unnoticed when England had pushed France down.
"Vampires," he said now, leaning down to adjust America's glasses, "don't sparkle." His red eyes flared dangerously at him as he straightened, black cloak rustling around him like bat wings.
America, predictably, lost it.
"OH MY GOD, IT'S DRACULA!" He screamed, bolting upwards and away from the vampiric Romanian. "Super sidekicks! Help meeeee!"
Hannah stepped backwards, raising her hands, and Charlotte responded in kind. "I draw the line at vampires! Besides, Uncle Romania's pretty cool."
"Get a stake, get a stake!" America screamed. He was now hopping from foot to foot as if dancing on hot coals, and Romania was raising an eyebrow at him with an expression that suggested he thought the US had gone out of his mind.
Canada ran to comfort him, accepting the nation into a hug. "It's okay, Alfred, Romania isn't a vampire, he just..." He faltered at Romania's glare, but continued, "looks like one, isn't that right?" And he glared at Romania over Alfred's shoulder, proving once again that the extreme hardcore-ness of Canadians was supremely underrated. Anyone who has the balls to play ice-hockey is seriously badass.
"I like vampires," Russia piped up from his customary corner. He smiled creepily at Romania. "Your eyes remind me of home."
Romania blinked; menacing composure rattled for the first time, and confusedly touched his contact lenses.

"Ahem!" Germany cleared his throat, seeing Hannah's wordless attempts at steering the conversation back to bad books. "Is there any other bad books people would like to recommend? Ones that won't start a hysterical fit?" He added, glancing pointedly at America as he heaved himself back into his chair, a good distance away from Romania.
France dodged out from under England's hand. "I know one I'd like to offer," he grinned in England's direction, a grin everybody knew could not possibly bode well from the object of said grin.
Once again, Iceland groaned.
Catching on, Hannah groaned as well, and turned away. "Oh no."
Giggling soundlessly, Charlotte put an arm around her shoulders.

"I would like to offer," France announced to the room, "Fifty Shades Of Grey."
"I love that book!" The words burst from Japan's throat before he could stop them. Every eye in the room turned to him in shock.
France beamed at him. "I knew you'd realise it sooner or later, Japon." Passing over Japan's choked splutter, he added, still grinning maliciously at England. "But Fifty Shades of Grey is English, isn't it, Angleterre?"
England had procured a pair of knitting needles and a ball of yarn seemingly from nowhere, and was now in the process of knitting what looked like a scarf. "So what?"
France smirked at him. "You have plenty of books like that, haven't you? I've seen your library..."
"Those books," England said delicately, although the dagger hard edge of his jaw said otherwise, "are for research purposes only."
"Corseted Victorian women, strapping young men in tuxedos..."
A needle snapped. "RESEARCH!"

Italy tugged on Germany's sleeve. Despite his whisper, his petulant voice had a way of carrying to the ears of every person in the room. "Ve... Germany, what's-a Fifty Shades Of Grey?"
France went white and rounded on Italy. "You cannot be serious!"
Italy didn't really understand, so he smiled, and wondered why England was looking at him so gratefully.

Red and Roses out :D Please read and review :D